Zoro was a step behind Sanji in terms of comprehending the situation at hand. As far as he knew, he was stuck, alone, with a crazy old man who was now about to make him clean up and pay for a very big mess that he hadn't even made. Not to mention a mess he couldn't afford...
So he'd elbowed Sanji into the shelf. The cook was the one who'd fallen and knocked shit over! And the cook was the one who'd up and disappeared on him after that weird-ass smoke act.
Thank fuck the creepy love potion hadn't broken. Just the thought of Sanji making goo-goo eyes at him like he did to anything female was enough to make him feel sick. Or at least...how he'd imagine being sick felt. He still had a twenty-one-year good health streak going for him, near-death experiences aside, and he wasn't looking to change that.
But none of that was important because he was still standing there foolishly with a pile of broken glass in front of him and no idiot-cook in sight. Not the fault of his blind eye either. The asshole had clearly split.
"Oi. Look," he finally started to say in response to the old guy, far from the best at getting himself out of deep shit, but he had to try. "I wasn't the one who…broke…...the…..what the fuck?"
He trailed off slowly as his vision suddenly focused on a large chunk of the broken bottle that lifted from the ground and began floating.
Zoro blinked, shook his head vigorously, rose a hand and rubbed at his eyes, fucking - everything he could do short of slapping himself in the face to make sure he was really seeing what he was seeing.
But no, he was definitely seeing it, and the piece was floating its way over to the old man, who didn't seem to think there was anything strange about it.
In fact, he pulled a pair of ancient-looking spectacles off his baggy shirt collar and slipped them on the end of his nose, leaning in to examine the label on the piece, rather calmly, considering an inanimate object was in the air for no reason.
"Hmm...oh my, an invisible potion indeed," he mused, bringing knobby fingers to his chin for a perplexed scratch, even though Zoro hadn't said a word.
He then looked up, eyes focusing on the empty space above the shard.
"Well, I don't know. I only sell them!" the geezer said, as if talking to someone. A pause and then he gestured to Zoro. "He's standin' right here! With a rather peculiar look on his face."
Indeed, Zoro's mouth was agape, brows scrunched as he stared at the guy like he was insane, especially when he kept right on blabbering to no one.
"But come on, there's glass to clean and - young man, are you listenin' t'me?"
He said it right before the floating bottle rotated in the air, surged towards Zoro, paused, rotated back towards the old man just before the geezer made an exasperated sound and gestured more insistently at Zoro.
"Right there, where he's always been!" he said. "I swear, of all the troublesome, meddlesome…"
It seemed the man had given up on talking to himself because he shuffled forward and set to sweeping up broken glass without further word despite Zoro not having moved an inch.
The swordsman was too busy watching that creepy hunk of bottle flitting about in front of him like it was lost or something, and if glass could be sentient, he could've sworn it looked frustrated as hell until it finally settled for hovering in open space a few feet from him.
It was at least close enough to afford Zoro the chance to read the ancient label on said piece.
'Invisible potion for your enemies. No known cure.'
Wait….what? Had he read that right?
The swordsman reached out to grab the piece of glass, feeling a bit of a resistant tug when he yanked it from the air.
As soon as he did, the old man nearly jumped a foot.
"Would you quit that screechin'?!" he yelped, certainly not in response to Zoro, because, once again, the mosshead hadn't said a word. "What were you expectin' holdin' it out to him like that? Gonna give me a heart attack!"
Zoro decided to ignore him for a moment and stared at the label hard, rereading it a few times. Was this….it wasn't a code? Some secret message?
No, it couldn't be. It appeared to be a normal label, albeit a fucking old one that looked like it had been scrawled by a wizard and recovered from the depths of some undersea cave that-
Suddenly, it hit him, much later than it should have, but, unbeknownst to the swordsman, his ability to decipher messages was never one of his strong points.
"Oi, hold on a damn second!" Zoro squawked. "You tellin' me the cook's invisible?!"
The old man gave a withering sigh, having managed to sweep most of the broken glass into a pile in the middle of the aisle.
"Yer both standin' here clear as day to me, so unless yer playin' some game, ignorin' and talkin' over each other like that, then I can't tell y'nothin'. 'Less you two've been hittin' the pubs," he grumbled, stooping down with some creaking difficulty to start brushing the glass into the dustpan.
Sanji, meanwhile, was busy pacing the aisle, a hand at his forehead and a million things running through his mind, all of them circling around the swordsman and whether or not Luffy would be furious with him for letting this happen.
But no, why would Luffy be mad? If this old geezer could still see the mosshead, then that must mean the problem only persisted between the two of them.
And really, it wasn't so much of a problem at all, was it.
Time for one last experiment before he grabbed his groceries and split with his newfound peace and quiet.
The cook reached in his jacket pocket for the coin purse, pulling it out and opening it to take out a one-beri coin, which he held out in front of him, tentatively stepping forward towards where the bottle label still hovered.
He held it out at arm's length, a little hesitantly, like he was offering it to a giant fucking spider and not an invisible ball of moss. But then again, it had freaking creeped him out when he felt that bottle shard tugged from his hand by an unseen force.
Nothing happened though. He waited….and waited….and the longer he did so, the more he began to panic because what if the bottle shard moving was some fluke and Zoro really had poofed out of existen-
"He's saying you're supposed to give him five beris," the old man muttered absently, still sweeping, and, a beat later, Sanji blinked, then dropped his head back to let out a loud groan towards the ceiling.
"That stubborn bastard," the cook growled, and shook the coin for good measure. "Not happening, shit swordsman! You pushed me first! You got us into this! Tough luck!"
So the marimo couldn't hear him. Whatever. He just hoped his irritation was palpable in the air at least.
He tossed the coin back into the purse and tucked it back into his pocket, which he hoped concealed it from the idiot, before he stepped around the glass to start gathering up the shopping bags for himself. If he couldn't see or hear Zoro, he didn't want to risk losing any of his precious purchases by chasing after his invisible pack mule all day, who would no doubt wander without a visible guiding force.
He'd carry everything himself, thank you very much, and he did just that, pausing for just a brief moment while he was crouched down, eyes falling once again on the heart-shaped bottle which had rolled over to the bags.
But he could only stare a few seconds before, suddenly, the bottle lifted off the ground a few inches and went darting off down the aisle, much to the old man's frustration.
"Oh, now why would you kick that?! You tryin' to break everything I have?!" he rasped, throwing up arms and abandoning his sweeping in favor of chasing after the bottle.
The cook found himself glaring at open space, which was annoying as hell with no target.
And it was annoying enough that he eventually got to his feet with the bags and strode right on through the aisle to the door.
"Hey, where do y'think yer - oh, for the love of - both o' ya?" the old man was busy griping after him before he finally let out an exasperated, "Oh, forget it - good riddance!" just before Sanji opened the door and headed back out onto the street.
He made sure to slam it behind him, hoping it caught Zoro in the face somehow.
It nearly did, but Zoro was ready for it, watching that bundle of shopping bags float their way out of the store. He managed to catch the door, speeding up as he tried to keep the bags in sight, which was much fucking harder than he thought considering there was no body to watch for in the crowds of passersby outside.
"Hey, Cook! Wait the fuck up!" he called, out of habit, before quickly remembering he was probably inaudible to the blond and letting out a string of curses because of it.
Dammit, that was almost more annoying than dealing with the guy in person. He did not like being fucking ignored by someone as stupid as the love-cook.
Except Sanji literally couldn't hear him, so Zoro had no choice but to stomp after him, hoping that the vibrations from his feet could somehow reach the blond, maybe knock him over if he was lucky.
Back through the streets they weaved, Sanji having no idea the marimo was actually managing to keep pace with him, grumbling all the while.
It was nice, to be able to walk at his own speed now, slowing to look at whatever he wanted, wave and (attempt to) flirt without snarky commentary over his shoulder. This was how a shopping excursion should go, and he was glad he could at least finish his on a good note.
By the time Sanji was back at the ship, he'd nearly forgotten about what had gone down at the strange little shop. He found Sunny docked between two much larger ships (rather impressive considering how massive Sunny was), and he climbed the white staircase to the deck, amid the sounds of hammering, Franky and Usopp's voices coming down from the upper deck.
"Oi, Franky! Usopp! I'm back!" he called, making his way towards the galley with his shopping bags, just before scurried footsteps, Usopp popping up over the railing a few seconds later.
"Oh, hey, Sanji! Just doin' some repairs up here with Franky," the sniper called down, then smiled and waved to someone behind him. "Hey, Zoro! Let us know if you need us!"
"Wha - Zoro?!" Sanji screeched, whipping around quickly, but, unsurprisingly, seeing no one.
And Usopp was heading back out of sight like nothing was wrong.
That was when, out of thin air, it seemed, that piece of the potion bottle materialized and came flying right towards him like a fucking shuriken, enough that he gave an indignant squawk and ducked out of the way.
It sailed right past him and ended up embedding itself in the wall near the galley door.
"You asshole!" he called to the empty space, and received no response, naturally.
A frustrated growl. No use arguing with thin air.
So he stormed towards the galley door, stopped to yank the glass out of the wall so Zoro couldn't continue to use it as a weapon, and shoved his way through, carrying a full load.
The door nearly slammed shut behind him, but it didn't make a sound, and Sanji realized, with a roll of eyes, that someone else must have entered after him, especially when the door shut normally instead.
He ignored it and quickly set the bags down on the bar counter, shoving the bottle piece in his jacket pocket and wondering how the fuck Zoro had followed him all the way here if he was invisible to him.
He could see the bottle piece...did that mean Zoro could see the groceries? Fuck. And he couldn't exactly ditch them because he needed to unpack them, get them in the refrigerator.
Best do it quick, then not touch anything for a good long while, so he could lose the guy entirely.
First, the meats, setting them out on the counter and grouping them by type of meat and cut, making sure they were packed together neatly before he took them into the freezer room.
He'd been able to buy a damn lot for cheap. Nami-san would be pleased. And so would Luffy. But Nami's opinion mattered more, obviously, and-
Suddenly, a clattering behind him, and he turned around to see a cupboard mysteriously open, objects shifting around on their own for a moment until a whisk lifted up and began levitating its way across the room to him.
"Oh, for fuck's sake…" the cook muttered, and stopped his arranging to give that whisk his full, irritated attention.
Until, that is, the whisk picked up speed, and all of a sudden, the thing was soaring deliberately in a wide arc right towards his head.
Sanji instinctively leaned back against the counter, bracing himself with hands and raising a leg to knock the thing away.
But the whisk never stopped or slowed down. It merely continued flying….right….through….his leg, finally stopping lower to the ground and hovering there, almost confused.
And in fact, Zoro was fucking confused, because his experiment had certainly gone awry. Here he was, thinking he could locate where the cook was just by whacking random objects around to find his outline.
But nope. He'd only managed to swing through thin air, even though he knew the cook was there because he'd seen all those slabs of meat moving around with what had to be his hands. Unless he was moving that shit with his feet or his-
Okay. Fuck. New plan.
The swordsman lifted the whisk, waved it around all over the place, whirling about in circles like a fool, waiting to hit something fucking solid, but with no such luck. Thank fuck no one was in the room to see him flailing about.
He waved and waved and waved like he was catching a damn fly and not a gangly asshole until, unexpectedly, something caught the whisk, pushing back against his grasp as if someone had stopped it in mid-air with their grasp and-
Was that the cook?
He gave an experimental push too, only to have it stay in place with an unseen pressure.
He might have caught himself a bastard.
With a triumphant grin on his face, he kept the hand holding the whisk where it was and reached out with his other hand, just beyond it, ready to grab hold of a wrist, feel the stiff fabric of Sanji's stupid suit as he-
Zoro nearly stumbled and fell flat on his face when his hand sailed through thin air, much as the whisk had.
Nothing. He felt nothing. There was nothing there, and yet he could feel that pressure pushing back. The cook was right fucking there, he had to be.
But when another swipe of his hand yielded no fucking cook, Zoro made a frustrated sound and let go of the whisk, which fumbled as if Sanji wasn't expecting the sudden absence of pressure on Zoro's end before he caught it and it stabilized.
The cook stood there with the whisk, hand still outstretched from where he'd tried to grab hold of the swordsman's dumb bathrobe now that he knew where he was, but he couldn't touch him, dammit, and it was like their only point of contact was through their hands, much to Sanji's displeasure.
Because only his hands could touch whatever the ghost marimo had lifted, and fuck that. How the hell was he supposed to kick the guy's ass now?
Maybe things were quieter, more peaceful, but he had a feeling the swordsman would still find ways to drive him fucking insane.
Sanji waited though, waited for Zoro to take hold of the whisk again, but nothing happened, save for the open cupboard slamming shut suddenly, making him jump like some poltergeist was in the room. Moments later, the galley door opened on its own, in keeping with this image, eventually meeting the same fate as the cupboard door.
Sanji huffed out a breath, mirroring the invisible swordsman's frustration, and marched to the sink, turning it on and giving the whisk a good rinse before drying it and returning it to its home in the cupboard.
When the galley door swung open yet again, he didn't look over, really hoping the marimo wasn't back with a bigger weapon, but it was Usopp who stepped in, looking a little spooked as he entered the room.
"What's Zoro's problem…?" Usopp asked, hitching a thumb over his shoulder. "You guys fight or somethin'?"
"Nope," the cook replied as he headed back to the counter to continue unpacking the groceries, determined to get himself back into a pleasant mood now that he wasn't being haunted by a pesky ball of moss.
Usopp quirked a brow at him for a second, but then shrugged, in favor of continuing through the kitchen towards the men's quarters.
Nothing was wrong, as far as Sanji was concerned.
Things were great.
Things were fucking not great, Zoro thought once he'd retreated up to the crow's nest, grumpily grabbing his barbell, piling on all the weight he could and starting to swing it around like a maniac.
This was frustrating as fuck, mostly because the damn cook was probably smug as hell about all this. He was probably all glad Zoro couldn't touch him, all happy to not have anyone bothering him.
Well, that wasn't cool, because who the hell would put the idiot in his place? No one! Zoro was the only one policing the weirdo's antics, and now there'd just be nonstop love tornados and high-pitched cooing!
Except….well, wait, he wouldn't be able to see or hear any of that shit….okay. Fine.
But still! There was something about all this that irritated the swordsman to hell and back.
They'd just gotten off a two-year hiatus. No contact with their crewmates whatsoever. And now the love-cook was right back in the dark again. Like he'd fucking died or something and Zoro couldn't even kick his ass about it.
Hell, Sanji would probably forget to feed him now that he was invisible! Fuck that!
He swung those weights like he was sending them right into the cook's face, as he'd wanted to do with the whisk.
But the feeling was the same. No resistance. Just emptiness.
Ugh.
Thankfully, the Log didn't take long to set at the island, so by the time the others met back at the ship, they were clear to go. And in fact, they needed to be after Luffy pulled an eat-and-run, barely tumbling his way back onto the deck in his fattened state, an angry restaurant owner not far behind.
Nami and Franky had peeled Sunny out of there, and they were on their way with time to spare before dinner.
Zoro hadn't made another non-appearance in the kitchen. Luffy was yet incapacitated by his self-induced food coma, and it made for an entirely, blissfully uneventful afternoon as Sanji set about preparing for their evening meal.
It had certainly been the first time this had happened since they'd all gotten back together, and with several weeks of nonstop action, it was nice to really relax and appreciate this calm afforded to him.
He never skimped on quality normally, but he felt his creativity flowing that day as he flitted about the kitchen happily, putting together enough fried chicken to feed one hundred people, of course translating to eight normal crewmembers and a Luffy.
Apparently, his wonderful, infectious mood had caused lovely Robin-chan to take notice, because when she entered the kitchen close to dinner time to help set the table as she always did, she fixed him with a curious look and smiled.
"Is there something I should be happy about, Sanji~?" she asked, approaching the opposite side of the counter, a thin brow quirking when he practically pranced over to her with a silly laugh.
"I always want you to be happy, Robin-chan~" he replied, hands, holding a tray of cut vegetables, the only part of him that stayed absolutely stationary and level as the rest of him wiggled about in her presence.
"That hardly answers my question," she noted, chuckling as she pulled some of the silverware and napkins towards her that he'd already brought out of the cabinets.
"I can't help it," he practically sang in response, shrugging out of his suit jacket to make himself more comfortable, not noticing the shard of glass that tumbled from the pocket as he leapt across to drape it over the back of his rarely-used chair at the table before twirling back to the stove. "It's just so peaceful today, don't you think~?"
"I suppose it is," Robin mused, immediately noticing what he'd dropped, and with a small flurry of petals and a few extra hands, she'd passed the object to herself easily.
She turned the glass over, reading the label while Sanji hummed to himself and removed finished pieces of chicken from the pan. Her head tilted, fingers brushing over the archaic writing before she eventually lifted her head to the cook again.
"Sanji?" she called, and hearts practically burst forth from the cigarette he'd lit up as he replied a sugar-sweet, "Hmm~?" over his shoulder.
"May I ask why you had this strange object in your pocket?"
She held up the bottle shard, and, almost immediately, the smoke hearts retracted into the stick hanging from his mouth, his flushed face paling considerably.
"O-Oh! Just - something I found in town! It's nothing!" he replied hastily, with a giddy laugh that illustrated just how much of a something it was.
"Why keep it then?" Robin asked, setting her chin in her hand and watching him casually as he piled food onto serving trays with far more vigor.
"W-Well, I - it's - look at the color! It's nice, right?" he tried when he whisked around to set down the finished tray on the counter, frantically gesturing towards the bottle piece when he did.
"Ah, yes," she mused. "The brown grime does have a magnificent soil-like gleam~"
He laughed as naturally as a hyena, then assumed his best butler pose, one hand behind his back.
"Mademoiselle, allow me to take that from you," he said smoothly, bowing a little, the nervous flick of his eyes from her face down to the bottle shard giving away his fluster. "We can't allow such grime to touch your beautiful ski-"
"Have you used this on Zoro?" Robin asked knowingly, blue eyes twinkling with mischief and intrigue. It was clear she was enjoying this.
And he didn't even need to reply. The drop of his jaw, the way his face practically burst into flames? That was all the reply she needed.
"Oh my~" was her response, and she couldn't help but lean forward conspiratorially. "Do elaborate~"
"I-" he stammered, struggling to speak for a moment before it all came flowing out at once, complete with frazzled gestures and expressions.
"It was an accident! The marimo and I were at this weird shop, with all these potions and things - I thought they'd have spices! A-And he was a complete oaf and shoved me into one of the shelves and this bottle fell and broke in between us, and next thing I know, he poofed away and-"
He brought hands down desperately on top of hers.
"Please don't spoil this, Robin-chwan - it's been so nice!" he moaned pitifully, sinking and practically flopping himself over the counter, squeezing her hands.
She sighed, smirking slightly, and gently extracted hands from his before he forgot to let go and stayed clamped there like a barnacle for the rest of his life.
"I'm afraid that depends, Sanji," she said, giving his fingers a comforting pat before retracting her hands entirely, clasping them in her lap. "Will this be harming the crew in any way?"
The cook moaned again, straightening some and staring glumly at the artful way the vegetables swirled around their tray, a vibrant array of colors that he'd taken such glee in mere minutes ago.
"I don't think so…." he mumbled, somewhat sulkily. "I mean...everyone else can see him. I just can't see him. Or hear him. Or touch him. And I think I'm the same for him. As far as I can tell, he's nothing but a floating whisk."
"A floating whisk?" Robin repeated, raising a brow, but he just shook his head.
"Never mind," he replied, then let out a heavy sigh, looking miserable enough that she chuckled.
She watched him for a minute, seeming to mull over everything he'd blurted out to her.
"Well, I suppose if no one has disappeared entirely…." she murmured, almost to herself. "Though I'm not so sure this won't have long-term drawbacks for the two of you, Sanji…it's really quite a shame."
"With all due respect, I seriously doubt it, Robin-chan," Sanji replied. "This will be good! He won't get in my hair anymore, so…."
He trailed off with another nervous chuckle, starting to fidget a bit as if, deep down, he subconsciously believed the exact opposite, despite what he'd convinced himself.
Robin's eyes drifted to his fingers, which had begun rearranging vegetables on the plate.
"Who would you like me to keep this a secret from~?" she asked, watching him pick up a carrot and set it back down in the same exact spot as before.
"I guess it doesn't matter who knows," Sanji mumbled, moving his little vegetable-lifting game to the celery. "It's not like there's any cure, like the bottle says. What's done is done."
"No known cure," Robin corrected, eventually getting to her feet and picking up the silverware anew to start placing it at the table. "I hope the two of you won't mind if you have some experiments run on you during dinner~"
"Experiments? Like what…?" he asked warily, frowning as he followed her to the table with the vegetables.
"Nothing that will kill you~" she assured, comforting as ever.
It was only another half hour until it was officially dinnertime. Robin had only left the room once for a total of one minute to wash her hands in the girls' restroom, and yet, by the time the crew had gathered for the meal, everyone knew of Zoro and Sanji's situation somehow.
Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp had come bounding in first, and though they headed straight for the table like always, the fact that they all started flailing arms around and making spooky wailing noises when Sanji looked their way was enough to give away their knowledge.
"Saaaannnjiiiiii," Luffy and Usopp moaned, sounding like stupid ghosts straight out of Thriller Bark. "Caannn youuu seee ussss? Woooooo…."
"Usopp, that face is scary!" Chopper yelped, though he was giggling up a storm as he climbed up onto his usual chair between Robin and the liar.
"He's invisible, not a ghost!" Nami complained, rolling her eyes and taking her seat on Robin's other side at the far end of the table.
"Ow! To Sanji-bro only!" Franky cut in as he lumbered into the room as well. "Just called Zoro-bro down from the work-out room anyway. Told him he should towel off 'fore he comes in here. Don't think there's any way that sweat's gonna be invisible."
"Yohohoho~" Brook chuckled, entering the kitchen behind him. "Sanji-san, have you made him an invisible meal as well~?"
The cook, looking disgruntled in his pink apron that he wore because Zoro couldn't see him and make fun of him, had merely stared at his crewmates from behind the counter with annoyance as they paraded in with their ridiculous commentary.
"All of you except Nami-san and Robin-chan, shut up!" he hissed, shaking his initial shock in favor of storming over to the table, where he hovered close to the girls' seats in case he needed to beat away any wandering hands. "Look, I dunno how you found out, but the more you make a big deal of it, the harder it is to forget he exists, got it? So let's not-"
That was when the galley door opened, Zoro stepping in, shirtless and indeed sweaty, a towel draped around his neck, wet-looking hair that certainly wasn't from a shower sticking up every which way.
The room went quiet for a moment, the entire crew turning to look at him at once, including the cook, who just kind of glared at the open doorway for no reason other than to show his irritation.
"What…?" Zoro mumbled.
Then, the kitchen erupted.
"Wait, Zoro, you're not a zombie?!"
"How did you get from 'invisible' to 'zombie', Luffy? Of course he's not!" Nami huffed, dropping her forehead into her hand.
"Hey, man, Cook-bro's not gonna be happy you've got that thing on," Franky scolded, eyeing his gross towel, to which Zoro merely shrugged before heading over to the table.
"He can't see me anymore. Doesn't matter," he justified.
"Guess that's true," Franky replied, then ejected his smaller robotic hands from his large ones to start digging into his fried chicken.
"What did he say?!" Sanji screeched in alarm, having only seen Franky talk to fucking nothing. "What is he wearing?!"
He watched as, suddenly, Zoro's chair pulled out on its own, and, knowing the marimo had to be there, he darted around the table to loom over what looked like an empty seat.
"The hell're you trying to pull here, marimo?" he growled, and, once again, the room quieted as the crew's eyes all looked to the two, Luffy's rubber neck practically corkscrewing to look at Zoro beside him.
Naturally, Zoro didn't react, just started chowing into his food without a care, not knowing a blond demon was currently right beside him, waiting for an answer.
Usopp was the first to give a little start, exclaiming, "Oh! Right! Guess we gotta translate now, huh. Uh, Zoro? Sanji says, a-and I quote-" A hasty attempt to push dark curls over one eye, fingers raising to imitate holding an imaginary cigarette before he managed to pull off a rather spot-on impression of the cook's pissed-at-Zoro voice. "'The hell're you trying to pull here, marimo?'"
He broke character a split second later though to ask, "How was that?" And he grinned proudly as soon as Chopper and Luffy began cracking up uncontrollably and complimenting the act.
"I'll kill you, shitty long-nose!" Sanji hissed, abandoning Zoro's empty chair in favor of practically teleporting to Usopp's, so fast that Chopper screamed, "Aaaah! Now Sanji's invisible!"
Zoro meanwhile, oblivious to the action involving the cook, just rolled his eyes, practically mowing chicken off the bone like a jackhammer, eventually garbling with a mouthful of food, "M'notreplyin'. You'lljustimitateme."
Thankfully, it seemed the excitement surrounding this newfound knowledge of Zoro and Sanji's predicament was dying down, the more mature members of the crew already eating as well. After all, with Zoro and Sanji still perfectly visible to them, there was nothing much out of the ordinary, save for the fact that neither seemed to hear the other talking.
And of course, there was also the fact that Zoro was indeed receiving dinner service, despite having no shirt, but Sanji couldn't have known that, the only evidence that the marimo was even there the pulled-out chair at his place and the fact that his friends would occasionally speak and react to the empty space.
Not to mention the fried chicken hovering over his plate, devouring itself, so grotesquely that, on one occasion, Sanji walked up behind where Zoro presumably was and gave his chair a hard rattle, pleased when the chicken jolted and dropped to his plate.
Robin rose a hand to cover her mouth across the table and chuckled, Nami only glancing up briefly from her own meal on Robin's other side to tell Sanji bluntly, "He says, 'Fuck you.'"
"Well, fuck him!" Sanji growled at Zoro's chair, temporarily forgetting the presence of the ladies as he shook the swordsman's chair again for good measure.
And he was about to storm off to attend to the other end of the table before Robin stopped him, setting down her fork and knife and tilting lips up at him.
"Sanji, Zoro," she said, the swordsman still grumbling to himself from the sudden earthquake that had hit only his chair. "Would you mind demonstrating what occurs when either of you try to make contact?"
"What, like try an' stab him or something?" Zoro mumbled.
But Robin held up a hand, replying, "Please, one at a time," and he realized the dumb love-cook must've replied too. He was glad he couldn't hear it because it probably involved some love-poetry...
"Sanji, you said something earlier about a whisk?" she offered.
Zoro sat there, feeling entirely weird as he essentially watched Robin nod and respond to something he hadn't even heard in the empty air beside him before her eyes were on him again.
"Yes, Zoro, you may attempt to stab~ Sanji is standing just to your right," she said, Nami snorting in reaction to what was surely a screech of protest from the blond.
Well, too fucking bad, because the swordsman already had a devilish glint in his eye and a fork in his hand, which he lifted and wasted no time punching forcefully into the space Robin indicated.
It earned him a rather shocked reaction, however, from both girls, and eventually attracted the others as well, all of them watching as the fork stabbed right through Sanji's torso as if it didn't exist at all, not harming him in the slightest.
"Whoa! That's awesome!" Luffy screeched. "Zoro, try one of your swords next!"
"Sure thing," Zoro replied, chuckling darkly and slipping Wado from its sheath a few inches.
He noticed everyone's attention shift away from him though, all of them watching a spot somewhere above his right shoulder, and he frowned, somehow growing annoyed with the cook's interruptions, even though he couldn't see or hear them.
"Okay, try it with a knife," Nami was saying, and shortly after, Zoro's knife, still beside his plate, lifted from the table on its own and twirled around happily in the air, no doubt an extension of the idiot dartbrow's arm.
It stilled though, after a stern look from Nami, hovering just beside Zoro's face.
"Zoro, take the end of it. Gently," Nami directed, and though Zoro glared at her for bossing him around, he did as such, tentatively reaching up and pinching fingers on the sides of the blade, feeling that same pressure on the other end as he had with the whisk and the bottle shard, Sanji pushing back.
Robin and Nami exchanged an intrigued glance before Nami turned back and said, "Alright, Zoro, let go." He did. "And Sanji-kun, stab him through the good eye. Just straight ahead, yeah."
"What?!" Zoro shrieked, but not quickly enough before the knife came hurtling straight for his face…..only to pass right through with no damage whatsoever, to much ooh'ing and aah'ing from the other boys, as if it was some circus act.
Eventually, however, through Zoro's string of irritated curses, the knife set itself back on the table as if nothing strange or murderous had occurred.
"Well, it appears to be quite the legitimate potion," Robin concluded, though that should've been fucking obvious from the start, Zoro thought. "It's as you say, Sanji. You are incapable of seeing, hearing, or touching each other, though if both of your hands make contact with an object, it seems you can manipulate it together. Why Zoro's swords are invisible to you, however, I'm not sure-"
"Probably 'cause they're part of his body!" Luffy supplied, in all his random profundity, taking the distraction to steal food off Usopp's plate without looking.
Robin seemed to briefly consider this before she chuckled and replied, "I suppose you're right, captain~"
Brook, quite enjoying the spectacle of it all as well, leaned forward in his seat to turn an eyeless gaze to Chopper.
"Chopper-san, perhaps you could search for a cure?" he asked.
"I don't want a cure!" the swordsman screeched immediately, surprise coming over both Franky and Usopp's faces as soon as he did, the two bursting into applause a second later.
"Ooh! Same timing!" they said, looking between Zoro and invisible-Sanji.
Zoro hunched shoulders and scowled. He was starting to wish whoever had spilled the beans about the potion (probably the stupid cook) never had.
It certainly wasn't an original thought, because Sanji had the same one. And now Chopper had begun to seriously mull over different medical possibilities, and dammit, no.
He wanted everyone to just drop it. Because it wasn't a problem, so they shouldn't concern themselves. Simple as that.
Dinner ended as it always did, with Sanji's own meal still sitting on the counter untouched, the cook always preferring to eat after everyone else, to let him better monitor the crew's antics.
Chopper had promised to scour his books for potential fixes, Robin offering to help as the two made their way from the kitchen to the library.
Franky suggested he make the two of them outer body skin or armor that might make them visible to the other, at which point Brook insisted they'd be nothing but walking skeletons if that should be the case. He and Franky had left the room cackling and yohoho'ing about it.
Usopp's idea involved dumping paint over them, or attaching large neon signs to their backs. Luffy had no ideas himself, but was all for Usopp's.
Zoro and Sanji had apparently replied an emphatic, "No!" in unison again, much to the boys' amusement, before Sanji kicked them out of the kitchen.
That left Nami, who'd recently been staying behind to help Sanji with the dishes. It had started as a way to catch up after the crew had reunited, but it seemed to have become a habit.
However, tonight was a disappointing one all-around for Sanji, because the navigator simply made for the door instead of the sink.
"Zoro, help Sanji-kun with the dishes," she ordered on her way out. "I'm going to see if I can make some little thunderclouds to hover over you two~"
And when she too left the room, the pair of them might as well have been alone, judging by the absence of anyone visible.
Dinner had been a frustrating affair, but the reality of it all seemed to come crashing down with stark clarity without their crewmates around.
And dammit, Sanji couldn't even tell Zoro he didn't need his help, thank you very much, and Zoro couldn't grumble his unhappiness about the situation. At least Sanji couldn't hear him call Nami a 'bitch' as soon as she left the room.
Zoro sat in his chair for a long moment, wondering if anything was going to happen.
Until, dishes began rising up off the table and stacking onto an invisible arm, the lot of them floating off to the sink.
A few seconds later, more cleared themselves from the table, and, as the clearing got closer and closer to his own plate, he hastily stood and pushed in his chair, backing up from the table so Sanji couldn't try and knock him over again.
As soon as he did, however, he noticed the plate-clearing slow, hesitating slightly.
Zoro didn't move though, just waited until finally the plates started moving again, those movements a little more jerky, almost irritated.
He could stay and help, but seriously. Sanji hadn't done either of them any favors by blabbing about their situation, so Zoro decided he wouldn't.
After all, what consequences would he face now? None from the blond, that was for sure.
So he stalked his way through the kitchen towards the men's quarters to finally take a much-needed shower, his brow furrowed the whole time, the door swinging shut behind him.
As soon as it did, Sanji rolled his eyes, setting his second load of plates on the counter before heading back to the table for the last trip.
Honestly, whatever.
No Zoro? He could deal. His world wasn't ending any time soon, and it sure as hell didn't revolve around the shit swordsman.
Definitely not.
He blamed the tense way he scrubbed at the dishes that night on nothing more than fatigue…