A/N: Next chapter. Thank you for reading, reviews appreciated.
The airport was almost deserted at this time of day. There were no rushing businessmen or eager young students ready to set off on an adventure; no families with over-excited or otherwise bored children that had to be kept under control, and no lovers being reunited with never-ending embraces at the arrivals gate. The announcer's voice sounded ten times louder over the tannoy, echoing in a wonder at the strange silence that was received back.
They were standing in little clusters by the departures, the only ones who seemed to be going anywhere. At least that was true for half of the party, the other half doing the dutiful waving off and staying behind, for the most part. Anna could already feel her heart moving further away, leaving her body with almost no regard.
To one side, Tom and Sybil were side by side with their arms looped around one another, Tom laughing as he spoke to Matthew. The careful eye would notice one of Matthew's hands behind his back, held delicately with one of Mary's as they stood a little more reservedly. In another corner, Edith was holding onto Anthony as he rocked her very slightly, Robert and Cora watching and sharing smiles and the occasional kiss every few moments.
Away from the others, Anna took in a long breath, gazing back up at John in front of her as she released it. They had already said their farewells several times over, privately just for themselves and publicly, and now it seemed there were no words left, only touches that said so much more and tears that said most of all. She felt her lip begin to tremble and bit down on it before the action became uncontrollable. If she started here and now, she was quite certain she wouldn't be able to stop. Her eyes drifted away to the side for the briefest moment in an attempt to save herself, but as ever, he pulled her back in. His hand fell softly on her cheek seconds before she returned to look at him completely and there was no hope left for her as the tears started to flow.
He was smiling at her while the pad of his thumb stroked her cheek in little circles. Her breathing stuttered and she sniffed rather ungracefully. By all rights she should have been infuriated by the way he smiled unwaveringly, but it was the only thing that was sustaining her and keeping her from dissolving.
She fumbled against him and his hand slid down to her side, taking hers. Anna closed her eyes briefly on the contact, inhaling with a small smile settled on her lips.
"Why is this so hard?" she wondered aloud, her palms slipping beneath his jacket and bracing his torso. "You'll be back before I know, but still…," she looked up into his eyes again, their strength keeping her even and just about composed enough. "I don't want to let you go."
A tear rolled fast down her cheek, soon followed by more. John swept them all away, one after the other, bending his head to catch another with a brush of his lips.
"You're not making it easier," she sobbed, and he let out the smallest of laughs while his large palm cupped her face tenderly again.
"It's agony for me too," he confided, the tips of his fingers soothing against her skin. "Every time I leave your door, I'm counting the seconds until I can be with you again." His voice reduced to a hush against her ear. "I didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much, and I'm not even gone yet."
Anna cried openly and without abandon; as sweet and touching as his words were, they made her ache to her soul. It was going to be impossible to be without him; she might as well lay down right here and not leave until he returned, spending every hour pining hopelessly.
John's gaze softened. He saw that what he was doing wasn't enough, and so he pulled her into his arms, embracing her with everything he had and more if he possessed it.
"Shhh," he repeated, stroking a hand down her back and swaying her a little. "Let's not be like this. You make me not want to leave you."
"Then I won't stop, and you'll have no choice but to stay," she said into his chest, her voice muffled. Realising she was being unreasonable and yet not being able to stop herself, she wrenched herself away, her eyes still on him as his hands remained lightly on her back.
The final call sounded out again, yet time stood still for a moment. John stooped a little, his arms circled round her, his forehead pressed to hers. Anna managed a smile with him held so close to her and she raised herself, finding her way home to his lips. Her hands pressed themselves to his face as the kiss prolonged, knowing this would be the last one for a few days, a time that seemed like an eternity for her to go without. In that moment she wanted to keep him to herself, take as much of him as she was able to carry back.
"It won't be long," he whispered in the last second. "And I'll be thinking of you every moment, I promise."
Anna smiled through the tears that were welling up again, nodding as he moved further away, her hand held with his until she had no choice but to relinquish.
As the boys filed through the gate one by one, looking back for a moment before they went to their loved ones, the girls gathered in a huddle, sending waves and kisses back. Edith choked back a loud sob as Anthony was the last one to go, and Anna put a sympathetic arm around her, stifling her own sadness in company.
"Well, now it's just us," Mary broke the silence that had descended, a note of playfulness in her voice. "And while the cats are away…"
She didn't say anything but somehow Anna believed she wouldn't have the heart to do any playing, not now that it had taken off and left her behind.
After she cried herself free of tears, Anna was susceptible enough to Mary's pleading throughout that day at the office and once nearly everything that needed to be done was taken care of, she had been persuaded to go into town for the evening. There was still a little bit of her that wanted nothing more than to sit and wallow, but after a little while out she found that it quietened against the chatter and hum of noise. It was nice to see Mary away from the obligations of work, and let herself go, having a giggle about many different things. The next night she caught up with Gwen, properly for the first time in a while, and she revelled in the time spent with her friends, the hours that were passed talking and laughing and putting the world to rights. On top of everything else, she was having fun, there was a natural smile on her face and the sorrow faded from her.
She sighed when she arrived back home, kicking off her heels and sinking onto the sofa in the darkness. With the TV as a bit of company in the background, she brought one of her feet into her palms; they seemed to be hurting her tonight. The pain gradually faded and she shrugged, reclining further back as the light from the screen illuminated the room. It wasn't too long past midnight and she found herself wondering what the boys were up to at that moment; surely they were still out on the town, the night still being young. She smiled thinking of John, being the one to keep an eye out and keep them all in line – or perhaps he had got too much into it, and was the ringleader of the fun instead.
She laughed to herself in the shadows considering it, and then was struck with a blow of sadness and longing that affected her all the more for how it appeared out of nowhere. Her eye noticed from its corner the sleeve of the purple jumper poking out from beneath one of the cushions of the sofa. Scrambling forward, she pulled it swiftly out and into her grasp, her fingertips stroking over the soft fabric. It still smelt of his aftershave, and simply of his scent, and she buried her nose against it, clasping it tight against her face, imagining that he was right there with his arms wrapped around her.
That night she didn't make it to bed, but instead slept curled on the sofa, dressed in that purple jumper.
For over half an hour she had been sitting there, promising herself that she would move in the next minute but never quite managing to do anything about it. From beneath the floorboards she could hear muffled music and Gwen shuffling about, and no doubt she had long since been ready.
She knew that she would have to be there, at least for a couple of hours or so to show her face, but Anna had little inclination to go out for Sybil's hen night. It was a shame as she had been looking forward to it, and Sybil had been so excited that she didn't want to be the one to have to spoil the party. Rubbing her temples, she let out a yawn. She had been feeling lethargic all day and queasy again; the thought of heading to the Thai restaurant first turned her stomach. The mattress beneath her moulded to her and her bed had never been so inviting. She wondered if she would be able to crawl underneath the covers and go unnoticed by the others without offering any excuses that she hated having to make.
The black dress hanging at the front of the wardrobe stared her out, and instead of flopping down onto the bed she found herself being called to her feet despite her own will. Anna let out a whine as she slid it off the hanger and started to disrobe herself, shivering a little as the cool air hitting her skin brought her out in goosebumps. Feeling more than a little self-conscious tonight, she decided to put on a pair of tights before stepping into the dress. She groaned again as she struggled to fasten the zip at the side completely closed.
Finally wrenching it up, she stood composed for all of a few seconds before sighing at the sight of herself in the mirror. Today was one of those days that she questioned the decision of ever having bought a wardrobe that featured a full-length mirror. She frowned seeing how pasty she looked, despite having already put on make-up. The dress, although it was black and was supposed to hide a multitude of sins, only served to enhance them to her eyes. Examining herself closely, she smoothed a hand over it, pretending to rid it of creases but instead pondering something else entirely. It hovered for longer than she had intended over her stomach, and more than ever, it seemed impossible to ignore. Anna turned to the side slightly, regarding herself from another angle, her palm held in place. A million emotions rushed through her within the space of a few seconds; she was overwhelmed with ideas and thoughts crowding her mind. Taking her eyes away from where her hand stayed resting, she brought them up to face herself in the mirror.
Instinctively, she knew, and she thought of him immediately, wondering whatever he would make of it. Surely he would be happy, but there had to be no doubt that it would change things. She hoped for the better.
As if hearing her thoughts from miles away – or perhaps not her exact thoughts – her phone sounded on the dressing table. She opened the picture message, biting a finger between her teeth as she read.
- The view from our hotel. Have fun tonight, my darling, because you deserve it. J x
Without hesitation, she dialled his number, pacing back over to the mirror while she waited for him to pick up.
"This is a nice surprise," he answered, obviously having seen her name appear on the screen. "I thought you'd all be out by now. Or at least still getting dolled up. That can take a while, I know."
"I don't look that bad," Anna joked, albeit a bit half-heartedly given the way she was feeling.
John could hear the note that was missing in her voice, and sighed down the line.
"You don't have to ask what I think. I'm sure you look absolutely gorgeous. I know you do."
She smiled at his smooth-talking, still enjoying hearing the sound of his voice and feeling instantly relieved to have a part of him there with her at that moment.
"Maybe I'm the one more surprised; I didn't expect you to be in either."
"Come on, we've got to have some time to have a breather. It's hard work fitting in with all these party animals, you know."
Anna laughed; there were many phrases that could describe John, but she was fairly certain that 'party animal' wasn't one of them. "As long as you're all managing to stay out of trouble."
"Well, we've got a couple of nights to go yet…" he teased, that cheeky lilt to his tone that had the habit of making her feel very peculiar. He let out a chuckle himself, unable to keep up the pretence for that long, exhaling a dismissing breath. "I'm well past all that now, a couple of drinks and I'm ready for bed. All me and Rob have been doing is sitting having a few pints while the young lads go wild. You can assure Sybil that I'm keeping an eye on Tom for her."
"She'll be pleased to know that," Anna smiled, knowing he'd be taking his role very seriously. John had become very fond of Tom, seeing him as something of a surrogate younger brother. He was close enough to the Crawley girls to also be a kind of second father to them and Anna felt struck with emotion suddenly, pursing her lips to stop herself from bursting into tears.
"Anna?" John echoed her name back to her, fracturing the silence that had fallen amongst them. "Are you still there?"
She took in a breath, a little smile creeping up onto her face.
"Sorry, I was just somewhere else for a moment." Her expression turned a little sad as she thought of how much she wished he was back home; of how she needed him to be back sooner rather than later. When she spoke again, her voice seemed so small and even a little needy to her ears. "I wish I was there with you."
He sighed, relieved to hear that was all that was the matter. "I wish that too, my darling."
The way he said that made her so unbelievably happy, and yet she was still on the verge of crying. She loved him so much, and needed him like never before.
"It looks like a lovely place," she tried desperately to sound somewhere near normal. "Maybe it's one for the list of our possible holiday destinations." Though she wasn't sure she'd be in a state to go travelling come the New Year.
"Quite possibly," he purred, and she could hear that he was turning over a mischievous thought in his mind. "I haven't managed to see all that much, but I doubt that would be a problem. With you here, I wouldn't want to see anything else."
Anna tutted, little giggles escaping her as she did so. "Behave yourself, Mr Bates."
"Only if you tell me to," he responded, his cheeky tone lingering for a bit, keeping her smiling. "Anyway, we can't have you wishing your life away. You'll have fun with the girls tonight, and you'll forget all about me."
He said the second half of his sentence jokingly, but she knew it could never be a possibility for her.
"I don't know, I'm not really in the mood." Anna ran a hand across the dress again, tugging at the zip a little. "I practically had to squeeze myself into this dress, and I've only had it a month or so. I think I've put on weight."
John was chuckling down the phone; he sounded so adorable she couldn't chastise him.
"I bet you're exaggerating. And even if you aren't, then I don't care. You can have as much meat on your bones as you want, you would still be the most beautiful woman on this earth."
She started to sparkle with the smile his words had given her, resting her hand by her waist.
"Let me see."
"What?" That response made her feel rather silly, and also unreasonably excited, as though he was going to suddenly knock on her door and let her into the secret that he hadn't been gone all along.
His reply brought her back to reality. "Send me a picture," he reiterated. "It's the least you can do while I'm sitting here, pining for you. Besides, I don't know whether I've had the pleasure of seeing this dress you're talking about. You've got that many I can't keep track."
Anna laughed as he teased her, pulling down the hem slightly. "Hang on a minute."
She put him on hold as she got into position, using the mirror to her benefit for the first time this evening to take the picture of herself. Not being satisfied with the first she took another, and while it wasn't much better she didn't like to think of him waiting. She reluctantly sent the picture, twirling a strand of her hair nervously while she awaited his response.
"I knew as much," he said after a while, sounding a little self-satisfied but reassuring her most of all. "Stunning. You'll knock the whole town dead. It's a good job I'm not a jealous man…"
She was blushing at the compliments he laid upon her, letting her hair fall from where she had curled it around a finger. "They can look all they want but I'll let them down gently."
He let out another chortle. "It's only fair." The line went quiet for a moment, and she wondered whether his signal had gone, until he finally spoke again. "Now I really do wish I was there."
She sucked in a breath. If only…
"Soon," she replied, smiling at the thought that it was closer now. "I'd better go, I think Gwen's getting itchy feet."
"As long as that's all. Have fun."
"I'll try," she sighed. "Maybe I'll speak to you later."
"I won't wait up, I expect you to be all partied out," he chuckled. "Speak to you soon, my love."
"I promise you will. I love you."
Pushing the button reluctantly, Anna took one last look at herself in the mirror, feeling dejected for having to say goodbye but uplifted by his appreciation. She scooped up the shoes she had picked out – ones that had a slightly lower heel – and made her way out of the room, bumping into Gwen on the landing.
"God, look at the state of my hair," Gwen's face was crumpled in disapproval at the tight curls that adorned her head. "I look like a bloody porcelain doll. I should have got you to do it for me, you're so much better than me at that kind of thing."
Anna shook her head, trying to disguise the smirk that was attempting to break through onto her face. "Just comb it out a bit. It'll look fine."
"Well, I've got no choice now," she huffed. "Mary called and said they'll be picking us up in fifteen minutes or so."
"Alright," Anna held a hand against the wall as she put her heels on. "I just need to touch up my eyes, and then I'm good to go."
She shut the bathroom door behind her, making those final little adjustments. Standing at the sink, she tidied up her eyeshadow and applied a little more mascara, flicking her hair this way and that until she was as happy as she could be with how she looked. She gave herself a small smile in the mirror, and as she did so saw that Gwen had left the cabinet that it covered open a little.
Anna glanced over her shoulder to check that the bathroom door was firmly closed before her eyes and hands returned to the cabinet that was so tantalising in front of her. Reaching out swiftly, she prised it open a bit more; the box was still in the white paper pharmacy bag, peeking out slightly, calling for her to satisfy her curiosity for once and all. She took it into her hands, slipping the packet from its covering and turning it over and over in her grasp. Her breathing was unsteady as she stared at it, contemplating whether she would have enough time, or whether she would even want to while he wasn't here. She looked at her reflection again, watching the colour slowly drain from her face as she gripped onto the box.
"Have you fallen down the loo in there?" Gwen's shouting was stifled by the door. "Get a move on."
"I'll be ten seconds," Anna shouted back, throwing the item hastily down onto the side of the bath. She moistened her lips and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, closing her eyes for a split second before she steeled herself.
Gwen was standing there, scrunching her hair hurriedly as Anna closed the door.
"Okay then," Anna smiled shakily. "Let's go."
Anna didn't regret going out as much as she expected she would; the evening had proved to be a good distraction, at least to a certain extent – she found that she couldn't forget about everything quite so easily, but then that would have been rather too much to ask. The meal had been low-key and relaxed, which had rather taken her by surprise, but Sybil was certainly making up for it now, dragging the girls around town on a trail of her favourite haunts. And if anything, it was proving to be a rather eclectic night.
At the moment they were in something of a run-down student bar, 90s music booming above their heads. In the basement, Sybil had taken charge of the pool table and was currently taking great delight in thoroughly beating a group of lads single-handedly. Having been distinctly unimpressed with the surroundings, Mary had taken her rather garish-looking cocktail upstairs to see if she could find a corner that was slightly more refined, Edith following not far behind.
Anna glanced around in the low orange light, not quite believing that she'd ever find herself in this kind of bar again, not weeks after her thirtieth birthday. Gwen was bopping her head around enthusiastically to the music next to her, sending ringlets of curls shaking wildly, and she had to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
"I think they might be checking out your moves," Anna subtly pointed out a couple of guys who were staring at Gwen, a little horrified to notice that they couldn't have been much older than nineteen.
"Jesus, they look as if they could be in a One Direction tribute band," Gwen grimaced. "I've got knickers older than them."
Anna giggled, shaking her head as she swilled the remnants of her orange and lemonade in her glass. "Well, at least Sybil's having fun. Even if I do feel ridiculously old being here."
Gwen smirked as she made to head from the table to the bar. "Well, I know a way to solve that. Lots and lots of alcohol, and fast. What are you having?"
Anna's eyes flashed with a hint of panic that she couldn't disguise. "Oh no, not for me. I'm alright with this."
"It's not going to make you feel any better about being around a bunch of students. Honestly, it's on me…"
"No, Gwen."
Gwen pulled back swiftly when Anna grabbed onto her arm, puzzled and a bit alarmed at the abruptness of her friend's voice. She took one look at Anna's face, her gaze having fell into her lap, and abandoned her mission, taking her seat back again.
Anna relaxed her grasp on Gwen's arm, her hand drifting down to rest against her stomach, at something Gwen was none the wiser about as yet. Though with the look in her eyes that she now couldn't move from, it wouldn't be that way for much longer.
Sure enough, she was quick to query the sudden change in mood. "What is it? You can tell me anything, you know that."
Anna smiled, it feeling a little ill-fitting on her lips. She didn't really know why; she wasn't unhappy, not even that troubled. It was probably just the guilt that she knew Gwen shouldn't have been the first person she would be telling this to.
She found herself stumbling, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. "There's a chance I might be…well, I think I am…pregnant."
Gwen clasped her hands to her mouth, stifling a little screech. Anna was having trouble accurately reading her reaction when half her face was hidden from view, but she didn't seem to take the news negatively, although she didn't speak for what seemed like a very long time.
Finally taking her hands away, Gwen started to flap them around her face wildly. "Anna! Oh my god! This is…wow."
A wide smile broke across her face as she grabbed onto both of Anna's hands, and eased by the expression, Anna felt she couldn't help but reciprocate.
"This is just…" Gwen continued to ramble as Anna tried to formulate it all in her head for the first time out loud. "When? Where? How? Okay, well you don't have to answer the last two."
Gwen let out a raucous laugh on impulse, which was punctuated by a whimper of one from Anna.
"You said you think you are…do you not know for certain?"
She winced at Gwen's questioning, feeling as though it was coming as further judgement.
"Well, all the signs are there," Anna began, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I have bought a test but I don't know…it just feels wrong to do anything at the moment." She sighed as Gwen continued to look at her as though she didn't quite understand where she was coming from. "I don't want to know for sure when John isn't here." She thought about what he could have been doing at this very moment, miles away, and though he probably was thinking of her, completely unaware of this. "I don't want to have to tell him over the phone." She wanted to see his face in front of her, every bit of it changing as he took the news in, though in truth she wasn't sure whether she longed for or dreaded that moment arriving.
"You're much more patient than I am," Gwen exclaimed hurriedly. "I would have exploded by now."
She gave a little laugh and squeezed Anna's hand, which reassured her somewhat.
"He'll be back soon though, won't he? You won't have to wait much longer."
"They're back from Prague the day after tomorrow, but then he has to go to a conference as soon as he gets back." Anna sighed, rolling her eyes lightly as she looked back up at Gwen. "Perfect timing."
Gwen sensed that there might have been more to those words that Anna was letting on.
"You're not worried about what he's going to think, are you?" she ventured, seeing that a cloud had settled behind Anna's irises. "Anna, I know now that he's going to be over the moon. Anyone could say that."
"I hope so," she smiled slowly. The doubts that were in her mind were lessened now, especially having heard Gwen repeat what she believed the most to be true. Above everything she cursed herself for not being more mindful, for allowing herself to coast along on the crest of a wave as if nothing else mattered. She supposed anything could happen in life, and she had to deal with the consequences, no matter where they were up to.
Gwen's eyes were still fixed firm on her, and Anna widened her smile further.
"But the main thing is that you're happy," Gwen started, with only a bit of hesitation. "I mean, you are happy, aren't you? How do you feel about it?"
She took Anna's hand again in case she might need comfort, and Anna was glad for the gesture.
"Well, I can't say that I expected it, not now anyway." She shook her head suddenly; she could only think of how she would lecture anyone else on how silly they were being to think otherwise in the same position. "But I know that I want to be with John, I couldn't even imagine anyone else. And the thought of that makes me so happy that I could burst." Now the grin plastered across her face couldn't be ignored, neither could the brightness deep in her eyes. "So it's only what's inevitable, really, just happening a bit sooner than I thought. You know that I always thought I could plan everything to the last detail. I spent all my time with Jeremy doing that and it got me absolutely nowhere. If anything, I only ended up going backwards. Maybe this is telling me something."
She gazed down, her eyes drawn to her tummy that was hidden by her dress, that still showed no sign and wouldn't do for weeks yet. A fluttering of excitement gathered in the place where she held her hand loosely, not even being able to imagine him or her as yet. All she knew was that she couldn't wait to get to know all about them.
"But yes, I am," she said decisively, with a little laugh escaping her. "I'm very happy."
Gwen let out another squeal, engulfing Anna in a hug.
"Oh, I can't believe it, but I know I'm so excited," she shrieked against Anna's ear. "You're going to be the best mum. The best."
It was a little strange for her to hear it, the idea still not quite sinking in.
"Let's keep it between us for now, hey?" Anna asked, conscious that Gwen could often find it hard to hold anything in.
"Of course, of course. You don't need to worry there," Gwen reassured with a smile, before giving Anna another squeeze and wiping a trickle of a tear from her eye. "Well, I know what this calls for. Even if you can't, I'm going to drink double in your honour."
Anna laughed as Gwen headed exuberantly to the bar, feeling relieved that some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was still half in a daze after her message alert had gone off, and she took the phone out of her bag slowly. When she opened the message to see the picture looking up at her, she couldn't stop smiling.
There was John, doing his best model pose in the mirror – the same slightly ridiculous but still somehow completely sexy expression that always cracked her up.
- I thought I'd return the favour. Will I do? Not that I care what anyone else thinks but you. Miss you and love you. J x
And this is the man I've chosen above everyone else, she thought. She had to commend herself for her good taste.
John climbed out of the taxi, breathing out a long sigh of relief when he saw home in front of him, at last. Given all the delays he had encountered, getting into London again had seemed almost like an expedition to the other side of the world and at points during the arduous trip he thought he might never make it back. It was lucky enough that he was here just before midnight. Dropping his bag on the doorstep and turning the key in the door, he thought he would call Anna once more to let her know that he had arrived back safely and then head straight to bed. Spending a good few hours sleeping would while away the time until he could get to see her again.
He didn't pay that much attention to the small light on at the end of the hallway, but heard the small footsteps a few seconds after he had closed the door behind him. She emerged from the kitchen, creeping towards him slowly and with a surprising amount of restraint. However she couldn't hide the delighted smile that lit up all of her features upon seeing him, and it took him all he had not to gather her up, holding her to him from now until forever.
"Hello," she said softly through her smile, wrapping her arms about him. John sighed as she did so, feeling that he was truly home now that he felt her touch.
"Hello," he echoed huskily, bringing her a little closer. "I didn't expect this."
"Well, Mr Bates, you should know that I'm full of surprises," she giggled, looking immensely pleased with herself. It was always hard to define one perfect instance but he decided there and then that she had never appeared more adorable. Her beaming smile lessened just a touch as she gazed up into his eyes unwaveringly. "I didn't want to go the night without seeing you."
John arched his back while her palms moved slowly across his chest, the tips of her fingers sending shivers pulsing through to his skin where she was guiding them over his clothes.
"I had no idea I was that irresistible," he smiled down at her, catching one of her hands as it travelled. He noticed her inhaling in a sharp little breath and his own caught for a second or so as she faltered. His fingers began to stroke over hers with such tenderness, and he was overjoyed to find her smiling again, even more than before. "God, I missed you…"
"…like you wouldn't believe," she finished his sentence for him, them both laughing as they recalled how often he had said that over the phone during their time apart. "And you know I felt exactly the same. At least I hope you did."
He couldn't believe the love he felt for her, and he wanted to be sure that she never doubted it.
"Come on," she tugged upon his hand, her smile wide upon her face as she made to turn away. "I've got something to show you."
John pulled her back to him swiftly, delighting in the look she gave him as her hands quickly landed upon him again.
"It can wait for just a moment, until I've done this."
He took the time to gaze at her in the honeyed light, noticing the way she took in a whisper of a breath in anticipation and how her eyelashes fluttered against the crest of her cheek. The way she looked before they kissed would always amaze him; she never failed to take his breath away. He brought her close to him while their mouths met, getting closer himself to her too, enough so that they might have become one body. His fingers caressed her cheek as his lips ran over hers, almost unbelieving that he had her once again with each stroke he issued.
He would have been content to stop time right then and there, resting his forehead against hers just as days before, feeling the warmth of her pressed upon him.
"Come on," she whispered again, and this time he let himself be led by the hand down the hall and through the kitchen. He would have been led anywhere by her, she had him completely under her control.
Anna turned to smile for a moment before she pushed open the door to the garden. A blast of a rather cold wind met them unexpectedly and John rubbed his hands against the tops of her arms, letting one drift down instinctively to just below her waist after a few moments. He thought he felt her startle just slightly when his fingertips brushed against her stomach, but whatever it was lasted barely long enough to be noticeable and she sunk against him contentedly before wriggling to step down and out, him following her.
They had been all but plunged into darkness once more, a single candle glowing upon the table in front of the little seating area to the side of them. He could still catch sight of her smile well enough and followed her gaze as she arched her head upwards, her arms tightening their grasp around him.
John was rather stunned when he beheld the sight; he wondered why it had completely escaped him when he had stood in front of the house. The night sky was studded with silver stars, new ones seeming to appear and twinkle with so much brightness each second. Everything lit up with the way they shone relentlessly and it seemed to signal something to him, a warm and enchanting sensation spreading throughout his body despite the coolness of the late air.
Tearing his eyes away from the skies eventually, the feeling within him charged up again on seeing her eyes looking into his. He drew her a little closer, sensing that she needed the increased contact and craving it madly himself, and heard her make a little sigh as she settled her arms against his chest.
"It's funny that so many of them should have come out tonight," she pondered, shifting further still into his touch. "It's like they knew they would have to."
"The planets aligning," he uttered, tracing his fingers down her back.
She let out a little hint of a laugh before gazing up once more. "There was always one really bright star above our house when I was younger, right at the top of the roof, just sitting there. It was as though it was looking after us all, guiding us somehow. I used to have to find it every night before I went to sleep, and I always had to make a wish on it."
He hung upon every word she said, listening intently to her memories as he stroked his hand up into her hair.
"And on the nights I couldn't see it, I used to get so upset. I was convinced that something bad would happen if I didn't find it, and it really stressed me out. My dad would always know and he'd come to try and calm me down, every time. He'd tell me that I had no need to worry, that even though I might not be able to see it that it would always be there, looking out for me."
They both looked up at that moment, finding an exceptionally bright star shining above their heads. Anna was smiling when her eyes cast down to the ground, one of her hands held between them. He reached out to grasp it and she found his gaze again, the light from above transported into her eyes as she smiled, nodding an answer to a silent question.
"Do you want to make another wish, for old times' sake?" he asked after a little while, his own eyes drawn to the star that near illuminated them where they stayed standing.
Anna shrugged, relaxing against him. "There'll be other nights. Besides, I don't know if I need to wish for anything ever again."
Holding her as close as he could, he was having trouble arguing with that fact.
The aroma of the warm toast mingled with that of the freshly-brewed pot of coffee that was sitting on the counter. John poured himself a cup leisurely, taking up a piece of toast and spreading butter across it, the soft crackle echoing around the kitchen.
He found himself looking up at precisely the right moment, a smile lifting his lips as Anna drifted in, holding her handbag open as she threw things into it. He took a long bite, licking his lips as he watched her go about her morning routine that he knew so well now, her little quirks fascinating him every time. Regretfully she had changed out of his pyjama top and was now apparently completely ready to leave, immaculate in her skirt suit and blouse. She was lingering on the other side of the counter, a finger held to her lips as she pondered, a vaguely quizzical expression covering her face. He couldn't resist rising from where he sat and walking the short distance, his arms scooping around her slender waist.
She came out of her daze, giggling lightly as his hands grew more insistent.
"I'm sure I've forgotten something. Sometimes I think I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on."
"I can think of a few things you've forgotten…"
His lips began to trail down the curve of her neck, each kiss he dotted there punctuated with shakes and giggles from her.
"John, stop," she said in a voice that wasn't entirely convincing. "I'm going to be late as it is."
He growled his disappointment as he pulled away, still keeping his hands held on her waist. Her blue eyes smiled an apology that she didn't need to give.
"One of these days our schedules will match up," she promised, raising a hand to cup his cheek. She hummed in slight amusement to feel his morning stubble against her fingertips, her lips pursing when he covered her hand with his own upon his face. "I'm glad I was here last night."
He couldn't help but smirk in agreement. "I'm glad you were too."
They had ended up inside not long afterwards the night before, warming themselves up with long embraces and even longer kisses. The intention of curling up in bed to sleep was soon dismissed when they got upstairs, the absence that was still lingering something that needed to be properly compensated for. He found himself taking his time, exploring her reverently, laying her down gently with kisses to cover her. She draped her arms around his shoulders and then he surrendered himself to her, at her command completely as he so often was. They made love slowly that night, minutes turning into hours, savouring one another, and he found himself falling more in love with her and the soft sighs she made in the shadows.
As she parted her lips just slightly now to let a breath escape, he felt mesmerised, completely pulled under by her.
"I can come back tonight," her voice filtered through to his senses. "Or even after work, if I can get away soon enough."
"I'll be counting down the hours," he smiled.
She returned his look with a knowing smile of her own, bashful and bold all at once beneath his stare. Reluctantly she moved out of his grasp, looping her bag over her shoulder as she made for the door with skipping steps.
Before she could go too far, he called her back with an already longing look in his eyes.
"One kiss," he begged, meeting her halfway across the kitchen, "to take with me."
Anna smiled a smile that was truly angelic, her hand snaking up the back of his neck to grasp onto his hair. He could feel her tense, a little taken by surprise at the burst of passion that was unleashed, and then she relaxed in his arms, accelerating the kiss by her own means. John held onto her, not keen to let the moment end.
"That was quite the kiss, Mr Bates," she whispered with glee, smiling against his lips and then smiling over her shoulder as he followed her steps towards the front door.
"Well, I wouldn't want to leave you disappointed."
She gave a little happy shrug of her shoulders, her feet picking up as she started to head down the street, waving a couple of times to him before he shut the door.
John was still grinning, humming some song that had come out of nowhere to himself, as he went back down the hallway. It was only from the corner of his eye that he caught it, the notepad brimming with additional pieces of paper that had fallen just by the staircase. He shook his head, bending to pick it up, stuffing the sheets that had come loose back inside. Holding it firm in his hand, he jogged to the door, thinking he might just be able to catch her yet.
His eyes found her immediately and he had to smile to see her, as yet unaware of him on the other side of the road.
"Anna!" he called out, waving the notebook over his head for her to see.
She swivelled round with a smile, her eyes remaining fixed to him as she went to step out into the road. She was oblivious to everything except him, unable to hear the tyres that were grinding, unable to see the vehicle that was hurtling fast at her back until the very last second, when it was too late.
"Anna!"
The scream was silent at the back of his throat; the world around him faded to black.
When it came back to him, he imagined it must have been a momentary nightmare; some kind of illusion he could have done nothing about because it hadn't been real.
Walking out unsteadily into the street, through blurred vision he was able to see limbs twisted in the air, blonde hair splayed out on the tarmac of the road.
"Anna…"
The barely audible whisper of her name was all he could formulate, the regret lodged immediately and firmly in his mind.
A/N: Please forgive me. I'm not Julian Fellowes (honestly, that would be horrible)!