A/N: Thank you so much for the marvellous reaction to the last chapter. I know it was a tough one to read, and it was tough to write too, but the reviews made it worthwhile. The plot of the film has come to an end now, but there are still a few things that need to be resolved with Anna and John...

Probably a good time to reiterate that I don't own DA or Anna and Bates - though I wish I did.

Anna stayed staring out of the window, her gaze fixed to the droplets of rain that were racing their way down the pane and the wind-whipped leaves that had come loose and were now sticking to the glass. She was aware of Doctor Clarkson's presence in the room, standing at the foot of the bed appraising her carefully, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the world outside, so close to her but apparently completely removed. Laying in the bed like she had been for what seemed like an age, she was solid and fixed, and yet strangely disconnected from the moment in time. Worlds away.

It had been just over two weeks now, she had been reassured. The first few days were something of a blur, fragments of lucidness dispersed between much sleep. She had been aware of various doctors and nurses hovering around her, checking every single movement and breath that she had made. They had been concerned that she may have suffered some kind of amnesia; it wasn't unheard of, may have even been triggered some hours or days after returning to consciousness by delayed trauma. But after many questions asked and answers given, there was no sign of that. Anna had been the most relieved of all to know she still had herself and everything that she knew. Nurse Crawley had been very good to her, and had become indispensible in many ways as each day of her recovery had passed. She had been amused to discover she was Matthew's mother, and couldn't help but think it was more than a coincidence. Isobel seemed to delight in telling her over and again what a marvel she was; everyone had been astounded by the rapid progress Anna had made. Indeed, in all Isobel's 45 years of nursing she had never been witness to anything like it, and neither had anybody else in the hospital.

"You're incredibly fortunate, Miss Smith."

Doctor Clarkson's measured voice pulled her out of her daydream, and she turned her head slowly to meet his steely but kind gaze.

"You had a very lucky escape. Really, it's nothing short of miraculous. Aside from the broken ankle, there is no permanent damage caused. And we have checked many times." Flipping over the notes once more, he shook his head in an amazed disbelief. "If I didn't know better, then I would say that you had someone watching over you."

At that, Anna managed a smile. Ever since she had come round and no doubt before she had been aware, there had been someone very close keeping a faithful watch over her. Turning a little in the bed, she locked her eyes with his, catching sight of his wide smile as he sat by her bedside.

Though she hadn't recalled all that much of her first days back, she did know that John was the first thing she saw through her eyes as they fluttered hesitantly. She had been aware of him even before she had regained that particular sense, feeling his hand upon hers, hearing words he had spoken to her somewhere off in the distance of her mind. He had always been there it seemed, his proud smiles getting bigger the stronger she got.

Every visiting hour, every second that he was able, he was at her side or otherwise doing whatever he could for her, though she had no requests at all. She told him that he should be doing other things rather than just staying with her, as much as she loved having him there; he must have been dreadfully behind at work, he could have gone out with Robert for a bit, to get the hospital smell off his clothes if nothing else. He only ever replied with a grin and a look at her with eyes that positively sparkled, affirming that everything was absolutely fine, because she was absolutely fine, and that was all that mattered to him. She knew that the joyful crinkles at the corners of his eyes had replaced the furrows of concern that he had bore for all the time that she had been lost, and underneath it all there still remained traces of anxiety, sorrow and desperate fear not to lose her again. Before he had to go, he pressed a light but meaningful kiss to her lips and promised that he'd come back with yet more grapes, and a bunch of tulips next time to brighten the room.

"Hopefully you won't need them for much longer."

He gave her hand a little squeeze where it lay on the covers between them, and she relaxed for a moment.

"We'll give you another check over to be absolutely sure, but I see no reason why we should keep you here much further. I'm more than satisfied with your progress to let you get back into the real world." Lifting his eyes from the board in front of him, Doctor Clarkson looked at Anna, then John, and back to Anna again. "I'll want to see you every fortnight for a couple of months to monitor how everything is healing. But otherwise, you're free to go. I'll arrange all your discharge papers with Nurse Crawley straight away, and you can be out of here by midday."

"That's terrific news, Doctor."

John stood up as if on command, shaking Doctor Clarkson's hand firmly before he left the room. It took a few seconds, but the doctor returned the handshake with gusto, meeting John's gaze before both men brought their focus elsewhere, smiling at Anna.

"I can see that I'm leaving you in capable hands," Doctor Clarkson exclaimed with a cheery rise in his tone, taking his leave and closing the door of the room behind him.

A soft sigh escaped Anna as she shifted her legs beneath the covers, looking out of the window once more, hardly believing that after what had seemed like so long to her but apparently mere seconds to everyone else that she would be able to get out of here and back to her old life. Unscathed, for the most part. She closed her eyes as she took in a breath; the sharp pain hit her suddenly and she was reminded of how tender she still was in that place, although it had to have been largely psychological, she was sure. Yet it made the sensation no less real.

Without thinking she saw that her hand had drifted down over the sheets and was lingering, somewhat hesitant and helpless, held inches away just above her stomach. She stumbled in a drawn out pause before she could bring the tips of her fingers down upon there, and then they were still in the air but no longer isolated as John caught her hand. She gasped as he laced his fingers in the spaces between her own, and her eyes were brimming with tears as she found his own looking reverently at her, his lips kissing the back of her hand softly as he placed her hand still held in his down onto the solidness of the bed.

She could still see the look in Isobel's eyes in the seconds before she relayed the news to her, when she had been fully lucid for a few days. She didn't think she'd ever be able to forget it. It had been unbelievably kind; the level of kindness was what had made her worry. When the words hit her, after moments when they had ricocheted from her body like the impact in the immediate aftermath of the accident, she didn't know what to feel. It was like the doctors had removed the ability from her, along with all else. Straight away the dull ache registered in the depths and she felt it, almost like nothing she had experienced before; the yearning loss.

She found that she wasn't thinking of herself, but only John. The guilt and the shame she felt and the sorrow he had surely been consumed with covered her. She hadn't confirmed it to herself beforehand, but deep down she had known. She had already been aware of her body changing, only little by little. She had known all along, but he hadn't. The chance to tell him had been there every single moment they had been back together, and yet she had never taken it, waiting for some perfect moment that had never arrived. She had been so selfish, guarding it all to herself. It had been his too, but gone before he could even know. She had robbed him of the chance. She couldn't escape from her fault, and she had no right to ever again. How he had been able to be around her and remain quiet, without letting her know of her failing, she had no idea. She had no idea how she had been able to look him in the eyes afterwards.

His fingers moved over hers, and she jerked to look at him again, seeing nothing but devotion in his gaze. For now.

"We'd better get you ready, then," John said as he got up again, beginning to gather her belongings that he'd brought into her, not before pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I know the Savoy has got nothing on this place, but it's time you got going."

It was colder than she had imagined it to be; she shivered in her light mac as her feet got used to standing on firm ground again. Even the rustle of leaves and the wind sounded amplified, and the sound of the car exhaust spluttering from the other side of the car park made her jump near clean out of her skin.

John's hands were on her shoulders immediately, sensing her fear. She turned her head to the side without meeting his eyes and nodded, feeling embarrassed when she realised there was nothing to be afraid of.

She let his fingers rub over the arms of her coat a couple more times before she shrugged away, perhaps a little sooner than he had expected her to. Though he retracted his touch hastily when she moved, he was still waiting behind her back, following her considerately as she began to make her way forward, a little unsteadily.

"If you need to lean on me…"

"I can manage," she cut him short, clutching onto her crutches to demonstrate how capable she was. Seeing him now in front of her and the way he looked at her, she softened immediately. "It's just, I'd better get used to these things, hadn't I?"

John wore a tight smile, not intervening any further but never taking his eyes off her as she ambled across the car park, stopping every now and then to adjust and get her balance back. He seemed proud that she was doing it all by herself.

He had explained before they'd got outside how Robert had lent him his car, that he didn't want her to have to struggle down who knows how many roads as they tried to get a cab. She would only have the very best to go home in, no need to say anymore. It seemed he really had thought of everything, and there was no need for her to.

Having adjusted herself into the front passenger seat, Anna stared ahead of her, at the tarmaced ground and the bumpers of the many other cars in front. She really had no recollection of the moment it had happened, which was a blessing, she supposed. Yet there was a strange sensation that stretched over the length of her body, something she couldn't even explain. It was not so much a mark or a scar, but almost the sense that she was waiting for it to happen again. To experience it properly now, feel the full force of impact. Everything seemed so still; any second now, she envisaged one of the many vehicles dotted around her to move into action, spiral towards her…

"I wanted…" John broke the beginning of his sentence with a little cough. "There was something I wanted…no, needed to tell you."

It took her a little while to respond. "Yes?"

He began once more, hesitantly, his fingers fumbling upon the steering wheel while the car remained unmoving.

"While you were…you know…before you came round, something came through in the post. I didn't want to say anything until you were back on your feet, because you know the main thing is to get you better, but there's no point in keeping it from you. It's the last thing I want to do."

John paused for a moment, slightly surprised she hadn't interrupted him. Anna could feel his eyes burning into her, and then the remaining words came from him in a rush.

"My divorce is final. Signed, sealed; that's it. I'm a free man at last, Anna."

Her eyes were still aimed straight ahead; her stare was blank as she gave her reply almost robotically, as if she had been told something completely mundane.

"That's good," she said simply, without even thinking.

After a few more moments she finally turned to see him looking at her, his expression awkward and sheepish, and she noticed that he was trying to disguise his shock at her reaction, a little unsuccessfully. Looking into his honest eyes was enough to bring her back, mostly, and she reached her hand out to touch his which had fallen from the wheel into his lap.

"I'm sorry," she said immediately and sincerely, having to hold back lest all of her many apologies come teeming out. "I was just miles away."

He swallowed something away, starting to shake his head. "I shouldn't have…"

"You should," she corrected him, a small smile on her lips. "That's wonderful. It really is." She made her smile consciously a little wider, her hand smoothing over his knee. "We'll have to celebrate, properly."

John smiled back, some of the tension fading from his eyes.

"When you're better," he said, giving her hand a little caress before placing it back into her own lap, planting both of his firmly onto the steering wheel. "There's no rush. I've told you, you're my only concern."

She couldn't help but smile at that, the action feeling more real as a result of his reassurance. Perhaps she was being selfish once again, and somewhere it registered with her, but she had to let the guilty feeling go just then.

"No more delays," John announced, starting up the engine and giving her a wink. "Let's get you back home, Miss Smith."

She had been back home less than a day, John having stayed over to make sure she was settled back in and could make her way around with a few furniture adjustments, when her mother called, crying her relief over the phone and insisting that she come down for a visit, just to see for herself that her little girl was okay. Anna was expecting John to flat out refuse when she told him about it, wanting her to get more rest, but instead he offered no objection. Her mother was bound to be worried; he had known she had been frantic during the time that Anna had been unconscious. It'd do them both good to see each other, to get the comfort and reassurance for a little while. He even volunteered to drive to Yorkshire and back to collect her to save the train fare, ringing up Gwen to make sure she could come around and sit with Anna while he was away.

Once he returned with Susan in tow, from the moment she set foot in the apartment and threw her arms around her daughter, both of their days and nights were fully occupied. When he wasn't at work, John came back to the apartment. It gave him another chance to get to know Susan better in a mutual bond of concern over Anna, and Anna couldn't refuse him knowing that he wanted to be there, feeling an obligation to fulfil his wishes. However, she was relieved that her mother being there meant that there was little chance for them to be on their own. Truth be told, she had felt a bit strange for the little time they had spent alone together before her mother had arrived, knowing that there was a dark cloud hanging over them that neither had dared to break apart for fear that it would greatly upset the other.

John was the first to try and say something. He settled down the glass of water on the cabinet beside the sofa, watching Anna bring the blanket further up over her as she got comfy for the night.

"I feel guilty that you're the one sleeping on the sofa," he said, not for the first time. "I should be there instead."

"Don't be silly," she shrugged. "I've told you it makes sense. It'd take me all night to get up the stairs with the crutches."

He gave her a half smile, plumping up her pillows and adjusting the fleecy throw over her legs, before pulling back. Anna could tell he was contemplating, his thoughts written all over his face, and she attempted to snuggle down onto her side before he spoke.

"Anna," he said her name with a tiny falter, "we should talk about…"

"Not now," she answered abruptly, laying her head onto the pillow, doing her best to avoid his gaze even though doing so made her guilt double. She just couldn't bear to discover what was lurking there, although he had appeared nothing but concerned just seconds ago. "I need to get some sleep." It wasn't a complete lie.

His sigh was barely audible. "Maybe tomorrow, then."

She had turned onto her side now, so she didn't have the temptation of looking at him.

"Maybe," she said in nothing but a whisper.

Needless to say, tomorrow never came.

A few days later, Susan made her departure, not before smothering her daughter in hugs and kisses and making her keep promises to call every other night, or at least when she had the time. Anna stood by the door to wave her mother off, with no need for her crutches while John propped her up, an arm wrapped securely around her waist.

She sighed as the door was shut, trying to push down the feeling that was overwhelming her as John brushed his lips against her cheek and then headed towards the kitchen. She realised it was a Saturday and that there wasn't much need for him to be at the office, and she felt her heart sink strangely.

"I'll head out to the supermarket in a bit, get some stuff in for something nice tonight. I can pick up anything else you need too while I'm there."

His voice got closer, and she shut her eyes, willing the buzz against her head to stop.

"Is there anything you want or can think of? Give me just a minute, and I can make a list…"

"If you leave me on my own for five minutes, then maybe I'll be able to think."

She had said the words without thinking, though she couldn't ignore that there had been some intention in them. She realised too late how harsh she had sounded, and regretted her tone when she saw how his face had fallen, almost to the floor.

Anna blinked fiercely, shaking her head. "It's just…don't you think we've been living in each other's pockets this last week? I must be driving you up the wall." She did her best to soften her tone, though she wasn't sure how much longer she could go on covering it up. But she had to, if she didn't want to lose him completely. "I won't come to any harm in here. And if I need to get out, then…I can give Mary a call."

He tried his utmost not to show it, but she could tell that he was hurt. She hated being the cause.

"Well," he said, only a little shakily, "if you're sure."

She nodded, not sure if she could confirm herself.

John shrugged on his coat, asking if it would be okay if he left what he had brought of his there for now. It wasn't much, and he seemed to be radiating that he didn't want to be bothering her for a second longer, if that's what she wanted. Anna nodded again, the sensation within her intensifying instead of subsiding.

He brushed another kiss against her cheek, lighter than the last, said his goodbyes and then was gone. She was left alone, just as she had wished. Peace, at last.

The morning had been anything but peaceful. Anna had just about made it back down the stairs after having had to turn back around on her first trip to get something else from the bedroom, and narrowly escaping one of her crutches making a getaway. The washing machine was bleeping incessantly from the kitchen to announce that it had finished its load, and the tea must have brewed three times over with the time she had taken. She huffed as she hobbled along the hallway and had just got to the doorway of the kitchen when the doorbell rang. It took her longer than she wanted to manoeuvre her way back around, getting easily flustered by the multiple demands on her attention. Something had to give; the pesky right crutch slipped free from her grasp, clattering loudly to the floor and making her stumble forward, just missing banging her head against the door.

"Oh, bugger it!"

She winched the latch open while still balancing precariously on her good foot, looking less than graceful as she bent down to retrieve the fallen crutch.

"Well, that's a charming way to be greeted."

Mary smiled, looking down at Anna and adjusting her bag on her shoulder to try and help with the sorry sight.

"I've got it," Anna announced, putting the crutch back under her arm and moving to let Mary come through. "You can do me a massive favour and turn the kettle off, though. The washing will just have to wait," she sighed dejectedly; she was hoping to have everything sorted by the time Mary had got there.

"It looks like rain anyway," Mary trilled as she bounced towards the kitchen, holding up her bag by the strap and giving it a little shake. "And don't worry, I have the biscuits."

Anna relaxed as she settled on the sofa, feeling like she'd been on her feet all morning. Mary placed the tray of tea and plate of biscuits down in front of them and Anna had to let out a laugh at the unusual sight, Mary stopping to tut before giggling absurdly herself. They chatted easily; before she could even ask, Mary filled her in on everything that was happening at the office. In her absence, Mary had took on one of the early applicants to the assistant role for a trial run, and Madeleine was proving to be very good indeed. She sighed a bit more when she relayed the news that Cora had persuaded her to give her younger cousin Rose some work experience. The girl sounded rather flighty and lured to the prospect of PR for all the apparently glamorous parties, but it didn't surprise Anna too much – she was young, and it sounded as though she could have some promise given a bit of direction.

Mary poured out the remainder of the tea when there was a lull in conversation, looking at Anna carefully as she sat back and bit around the edge of a chocolate covered biscuit, her gaze far off past her in thought. Mary pursed her lips, putting a strand of her new bobbed haircut behind her ear and placing the teapot back down at just the right angle before she said anything.

"Tony Gillingham called yesterday. He's been keeping me informed, and they've got him. The driver." She added the clarification on, seeing that Anna hadn't really seemed to be listening. A few seconds later, blue eyes met brown ones and Mary gave a little supportive nod of her head. "He has a track record as long as his arm, so there'll be no problem getting a conviction. And of course, you needn't do anything, so there's no cause to worry."

Anna moved her gaze back into the distance for a few moments, looping her hands around her arms in a gesture of self-comfort. She exhaled a short breath and bobbed her head rapidly as she turned to look back at Mary. "That's a relief."

In truth, she wasn't giving the matter a second thought in the seconds that followed Mary telling her, and Mary suspected as much.

"Anna, is everything okay?"

Her friend was looking at her with great empathy and openness, and she knew the opportunity was there if she wanted to take it, but Anna couldn't have confessed all to Mary. It would be a further betrayal and probably the last bit of pressure she could have handled.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit fed up of being stuck indoors, I suppose."

She could tell by her expression that Mary wasn't utterly convinced that was the truth, but she didn't question it any further.

"Well," Mary started as she leaned from the sofa to take a biscuit from the plate, "you'll have to get Bates to take you somewhere special."

Anna shook her head softly. "I think that would give him more to worry about. He wants to keep me wrapped in cotton wool, away from everything."

She smiled a little about John's capacity to be overprotective, now that they had spent a great deal more than a few minutes apart. The contact hadn't been cut off; they called each other each morning and evening, and he would pop round after work, though he kept an eye on his watch and made sure he didn't stay longer than 45 minutes at most, still wary that he may have been suffocating her with his presence. She frowned thinking of that; she didn't want to make him feel uneasy and she did want him around. It was just hard to know that she had hurt him so much, and was not even able to say anything about it. Although of course she would have to eventually. They couldn't live the rest of their lives with something like that inbetween them, but the thought of doing anything and not doing anything simultaneously made her feel so sad and small, and more than a little scared.

Underneath Mary's smile she shrugged the creeping sorrow away.

"I could do with spending some money. This haircut didn't cost a quarter what I thought it would, and that just won't do." Anna laughed bemusedly at Mary as she sprang to her feet suddenly. "I've got the car with me, John won't mind that for a few hours. We need to get you some new shoes to take your mind off that ghastly plaster cast."

She supposed she couldn't argue, and not with Mary of all people once a plan of action was in her mind. As Mary took the teapot and its accompaniments out into the kitchen, Anna composed a text message.

- Going out with Mary for a bit. Don't worry – she has the car. Have a good afternoon, I'll see you soon.

Her fingers stilled on the keypad for a moment, feeling a wave of emotion rush up over her as she typed up her signing off.

- I do love you, you know. xx

She was sure he still knew, but she felt the small reassurance was the very least she could do.

Her sleep had been fitful in the nights where she had been alone, again, and once she had been dragged awake she found that it was impossible to return. The simple fact was the visions she had been plagued with made her too frightened to want to seek sleep again, because they would only get worse, she knew, and she was shaking hard enough already.

At first she had dreamed about being back in the middle of the road, running away from the fate that she couldn't escape. In some of the dreams she could see John on the other side, and she ran as fast as she was able towards him but she could never quite make it, her legs giving way at the last moment, the fear etched on her face as she felt herself slipping, arms stretched out to grasp onto him. She never felt the moment the car hit her, but still she jerked to waking with a start, her heart beating fiercely enough to jump from her chest.

The last couple of nights had been different though; the nightmares had been much worse. In them she had still been pregnant, further along than she had been in reality. She had felt John's arms around her, saw him smiling as they both cradled her swollen stomach. She had been able to hold their child in her arms, see its sleepy eyes open up towards her and her heart melt as she observed that they were the same exact shade as John's. But then out of nowhere, in as much as a split second, something horrific would happen, and she was left with a limp little body in her hands, warmth and life seeping like water through her fingers. Tears stained her face as she heard John's wails of agony, muffled cries and accusations towards her. And everything he said was right. She couldn't even look after their baby, couldn't keep it alive. It was all her fault, she was broken, and she'd never be able to repair anything again…

She leapt out of the bed as if it had been set alight, trembling wildly as she began to pace over the floor and out onto the landing. The air was being snatched from every room and she felt dangerously close to hyperventilating. She was half in a trance as she dialled, her hands couldn't stop shaking.

"Anna?" His voice wasn't as gruff as she had expected it to be when he picked up; it sounded as if he had been awake for hours, despite the time. "Are you alright?"

"I can't…I…," she hiccoughed sharply, shocking herself anew. "Can you…can you come over, John? Please, I wouldn't ask if I…"

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

The phone remained pressed to her ear as she stood by the door, frozen to the spot. A little sooner than twenty minutes later, a soft knock fell upon it and she scrambled forth, fiddling with the lock in desperation.

Her tears couldn't be held back for a moment longer when she saw him in the doorway; it had been a feat to keep them restrained. She fell into his open arms at once, her head burying against his chest which was always so comforting. As she sobbed louder, her arms clung onto his shirt and his hands drifted slowly up and down her back in instantly soothing motions, his face pressing into her hair and placing one or two gentle kisses there.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she wept breathlessly, trying to wipe her streaming eyes with the sleeves of the jumper she was wearing and that hung loose over her – one of his that he had left behind from his stay. Before she could complete the action, John held her to him once more, resuming his tender caresses on her back.

"Shhh, my love," he whispered over again, bringing her closer into his enveloping embrace still, the tips of his fingers curling her hair softly in his hands. "I'm here now, no need for that."

She calmed a little in his arms, shaking a bit less already, holding her head against his chest. They stayed there for as long as she needed, and she thought she might have slipped back into sleep until she felt a rumble against her.

"Let's go inside," he said softly and slowly, hands stroking her waist. "Get you off your feet."

She sniffed and nodded at the same time, clinging onto him unsteadily as he guided her along the way, like she could always rely on him to do.

Curled on the sofa, her legs laid across his lap, Anna felt better now. Most of the unsettling sensations had subsided; there was still an undercurrent there, but it ebbed away the more she talked and the longer she stayed there, the side of her body brushing his. His steady breathing soothed and reassured her, as did the little circles he was drawing against the wool covering her shoulder and the simple fact that he was there, ready to listen to her.

"They started when I left secondary school, the panic attacks," she confided, resting her head against his arm as she spoke, only the little finger on her left hand quivering involuntarily now. "I didn't know such a thing existed and I thought I was going crazy until my mum made me go to the doctors. And of course, beforehand that terrified me even more. I remember sitting there, my hands shaking, my legs like jelly, and I just wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I'd never felt so scared in all of my life, and I had absolutely nothing to be scared of."

She stopped for a moment as she recalled being young and out of her wits with fear, and she couldn't help but thinking that she was much braver then than she was now.

John's hand came up, his fingers brushing tenderly over her cheek before they tangled in her hair, and she found a bit more resolve from the calm look in his eyes and the steady gentleness of his touch, keeping her anchored.

"It was," she paused again for a second as she realised, " 'a delayed traumatic reaction', apparently. I must have been hanging onto everything from when Dad died, and it only came out then." She thought of how she had struggled for a while at university, when she thought everything had fallen apart just months ago. When she had believed that things had been over for them before. "I can cope and I can adapt, but I'll never be cured of them." She gazed up at him with wide eyes, finding nothing but understanding as he looked down at her with a smile. "Look at the mess you've ended up with."

"You are not a mess," John replied resolutely, holding his palm to her cheek, his fingertips barely caressing her skin. "You are the most beautiful, most wonderful person I've ever known, and you're so brave for opening up like this. I'm so proud of you. I never want you to suffer alone, not when I'm here. Any time you feel like this, you know that I'll be there for you." He stopped for a moment to look deep into her eyes, taking a breath as he did so. "Or, if you don't want that, then that's fine as well. Whatever you need." He swept some of her hair back from her face with the gentlest of touches. "I know I can go a bit overboard, and I'm going to learn to take some steps back…"

She closed her eyes for the briefest moment, shaking her head against his hand.

"No, no," the pleas tumbled from her; she sounded almost desperate as one of her hands pressed to his chest. He continued to hush and soothe her, waiting for her to act in whatever way she wanted. Anna looked at him again, entranced by the tenderness of his gaze. "I've never wanted you to go away, these past days. I felt worse when you weren't here."

She couldn't believe how different she felt now from not even an hour ago; how completely safe she felt with him there. She didn't want to have to rely on him to feel better but right now there was no other way, and she believed it would probably true for all the other bad days she would have from now on in her life. He just made her feel like home and whole again. Seeing the love in his eyes, she felt strong enough to go on and also devastated that she would have to change what she saw looking back at her.

"It was me," she tried to make her voice sound louder and stronger than it was coming out. "It was because I never said anything."

John stayed looking at her, the faintest hint of confusion creeping into his features. He was now holding one of her hands in both of his, circling it completely.

"What was you, my love?"

His voice was so soft, softer than she deserved it to be with the hardness she had shown. She loved to be called that by him, but right now the term of endearment made her want to cry out in despair. His thumb was sweeping tiny, regular strokes over hers.

"What happened," she began again, seeing and dreading the look of realisation in his eyes. "The baby."

His gaze fell from hers for a moment and she felt her heart was going to be torn from her chest. She watched him carefully as he brought her hand that he was still holding up to his mouth and kissed it softly, then squeezed it lovingly in his own. The whimpers in her throat emerged with little crackles as he locked eyes with her again.

"Anna," he uttered her name with ease and reverence, lacing their fingers tighter together. "It was nothing to do with you, my darling. Nothing at all." He took in a breath, shifting closer to her, so close that she felt the same breath leaving him. "It was something that for whatever reason, just happened. If I could take it back…" he faltered then; she could tell that he had placed the weight of the burden unfairly upon himself. "But my love, never think for a second that it was down to you."

She managed a weak trace of a smile as he caressed his fingers over her, his touch so loving that it couldn't have been a lie.

"So you don't think I was to blame?" she questioned with a quiver.

The smile tugged gently at the corner of his lips as he shook his head, cupping her cheeks once more.

"For as long as I am living, you could never be to blame for anything. You are incapable of it."

The tears began to trickle down her cheeks again, and he caught each one, wiping them away with his thumbs. She looked at him looking at her with such care, being everything she needed and so much more, and in that moment, like many others she had spent before then, she wondered about everything that could have been. Everything that should have still been, if it hadn't been for cruel fate.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't know for myself, not for certain…"

"Don't say sorry," he whispered, guiding his hands over her face, down onto her shoulders, caressing her tenderly.

She followed his eyes, all of his considerate movements. The love he was lavishing upon her combined with the torture still circling her mind was too much too bear.

"It wasn't long at all, it must have been so small." They were the thoughts she had tried to console herself with, to make the overwhelming loss seem easier to handle, somehow. "I suppose it wasn't even a baby yet, not really."

John looked at her then, tipping her chin slightly to fix her gaze to him as he spoke.

"It was our baby, Anna."

The simplicity of his words made her stop, the ache spreading across her chest. There had been nothing harsh about the way he had said it; quite the opposite. As her eyes began to fill again, she could see that he was fighting back the tears too.

"It was part of both of us, and I will love and cherish its memory forever. Just like I will always love you." The smile came back into his voice and onto his face as he didn't stop gazing at her through clouded eyes. "I honestly don't think I've loved you more than I love you now, at this very moment."

She smiled, flooding with relief and pure love for him as she took his words in. The sorrow was still deep within her, but it was beginning to lift ever so slowly with his unwavering devotion, and she knew that she didn't have to question him or herself any longer.

"We'll get through this, and anything else that gets in our way together." He gripped onto her more with his affirmation, his eyes tracing the growing curve of her smile. "Whatever we face it'll only make us stronger. From now on."

She was able to nod her agreement before the pull was too strong, and she collapsed into his arms again, wracking sobs escaping from her once more that she was unable to stop, her throat burning with them. John sunk back into the sofa, taking her with him, holding her close and not daring to let go for one second.

"I'm so glad I have you," she said, the words slightly muffled as she snuggled against his chest.

"Always," he replied without missing a beat, stroking her back, his lips ghosting over her hair. "And you'll never know how glad I am to have you."

They stayed in their comfortable embrace for some time as her tears eventually ebbed away; whole hours could have slipped by, and Anna didn't notice. All that she wanted and needed was John's arms around her, to feel him pressed against her, protecting and supporting her. Keeping her safe, and keeping her loved.

She felt him shift suddenly; a draught hit her as he withdrew from her side.

"Don't leave me," she said weakly, reaching her hand up from where she was still curled.

He offered her a smile that warmed her heart. "Not for a second." She felt a tingle charge through her as she sat up a little on the sofa; she had to admire him as he stood there before her, the finest figure of a man. "We'll both be done in if we stay sleeping there all night."

She gave a little laugh, pointing down at her bandaged ankle and the crutches that rested against the sofa's arm. "I think you're forgetting about something."

"That's no problem," he said confidently, puffing out his chest. "I can manage fine getting you up the stairs."

Before she could think to argue John had swept her up, his strong arms holding her securely in place. He climbed up the stairs with ease, and Anna couldn't help but stare up at him unobserved, her arms looped around his neck, while he guided them through the open door of the bedroom.

"I could get used to that," she remarked as he settled her down onto the bed, curling into the duvet as he climbed in behind her.

"I bet you could." He planted a kiss on the back of her shoulder before laying his head down on the pillow next to hers. She brought her legs up, her back fitting snugly against his chest. His arm curled around her waist and when his hand brushed against her stomach, she held it there firmly.

Neither of them had any further trouble drifting off to sleep.

Anna finished her cup of tea with a smile pulling at her lips. She remembered that it was Saturday today, and she was very glad of that fact as it meant John could spend the whole day there. Since that night not too long passed she had been relieved of her burden, feeling easier and much more content now. John had stayed round every day for a while following, the length of his stay increasing little by little as each day went by, and it was nothing but entirely natural to her.

Thoughts drifted to and fro in her mind while she lazily washed up, balancing slightly against the sink with her bandaged foot held back. The little frown of concentration faded when she felt arms hug around her waist, wet hair brushing her cheek slightly before John trailed his lips there. The few dishes were quickly forgotten about as she turned to face him, her hands going to his shoulders as she stretched to kiss him quickly.

"No football today?" she asked hopefully, seeing that it was a bit later than he'd usually leave.

"Not playing, anyway," John replied, his brows lifting as he squeezed her hips softly in a gesture of apology. "Rob did mention going down to the pub to watch the match this afternoon."

Anna let out a little groan. "I was hoping we could do something together, go the park or something. It wouldn't take me quite so long to get around now."

He smirked as she pouted out her bottom lip, making the most of those big blue eyes.

"There'd still be time later, it's an early kick-off."

Seeing she wasn't as persuasive as she hoped, she changed her tack. "I could always tag along? It'd be nice to go back there." She thought back to that Saturday that seemed so long ago now, their first proper date, and her eyes sparkled at the memory.

John smirked, a loose wet strand of hair hanging distractedly over his forehead. "If you don't think you'd be bored senseless," he teased.

"I'm learning things. You'd be surprised," she shot back, her hands wandering over his back. "Just give me a bit more time on the offside rule."

"Well, I'm not going to say no to the prospect of spending more time with you."

She smiled at that, before he captured her mouth with a kiss that left her craving more.

"I'm sorry I've been a bit changeable recently," Anna shifted as she leant against the sideboard, cringing inwardly as she considered her moodswings in detail, going from aloof to desperately clingy it seemed in the blink of an eye. "You mustn't know whether you're coming or going."

John only shrugged off her statement, his smile widening as he turned to look at her again. "You've been through a lot of trauma. Not just physical," he stopped for a moment, exhaling a breath when she aimed a small acknowledging smile back at him. "I'd say you're perfectly entitled to be at the mercy of your emotions." He glanced down, another wonderfully cheeky smile lighting up his face in the next second. "Besides, I know by now that it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind every five minutes, if she so wishes."

Anna rolled her eyes good-naturedly at his remark. "I'm not that bad."

"I know you're not, my love." He wandered the short distance back towards her, a finger tapping her nose playfully. "It's like I've said before, I like being with you, whatever."

She let him steal another kiss from her lips, the thought in her head only growing more the longer his mouth was melded to hers and his arms were around her. They both enjoyed the after-effects of their kiss, and then perhaps spurred on by that, the question fell from her tongue.

"How would you feel about being with me all the time, then? I mean, mostly, when we're not at work, or watching football."

He didn't say anything, only letting a grin slowly spread across his face. It certainly wasn't an unfavourable sign, but her stomach was still in knots.

"What I'm asking is, do you want to live together?" she countered, making her meaning explicit, just in case.

"I gathered that," John said, drawing each syllable out deliberately, biting back his smile.

Anna couldn't take much more of the suspense, but she burst out in a laugh. "Are you doing this purposely?"

He bent forward, brushing his lips lightly against hers before kissing her soundly. From that she suspected she had her answer, but still thrilled when he said "Yes" in her ear.

Both wore giddy smiles across their faces as he pulled back, arms circled around each other. Anna was delighted by the prospect; she only wondered why she hadn't ventured sooner, but some things made you realise that opportunities weren't there to be wasted.

"I wonder if there's anything I'll find out about you," John wondered aloud while she was still in a daze from his acceptance. "Aside from the fact that you steal all of the covers. I thought I was going to freeze this morning."

She swatted at his chest lightly, shaking her head but unable to take the grin from her face.

"And I also left you the last two pieces of toast."

John smiled, stretching an arm past her to pick one said piece of toast up by its edge.

"I look forward to learning everything," he exclaimed, letting her brush the crumbs away from the corner of his mouth with her little finger. "Because I know I'll love all of it, and all of you."

And she knew the feeling was likewise.