I think that I might have to add a part three because I just read interviews from both Sandra and Kevin and they both said that they believed that in the end, Crowen will end up together because they are soul mates, I don't know let me know what you guys think, should I just end it here or add a part from the future when Cristina returns to Seattle Grace? (Or Grey-Sloan, whatever, I hate that they changed the name)
Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home.
Only know you love her when you let her go,
And you let her go.
Owen watched her figure disappear into the foyer of the lobby, his brain told him to let her be but his heart was telling him something entirely different. He needed to take care of her, make sure that she would make it home safe and sound, and as much as he wanted to deny that his intentions were nothing but merely his savior complex kicking in and that his concern was purely platonic, it was becoming harder each passing day to pretend that he was okay, that he was content in the state in which their paths had diverged.
He was doing so well, he thought, he had an amazing girlfriend, one who would do anything for him, she was everything that Cristina was not and offered him everything Cristina couldn't or refused to. Emma was domestic, she cooked and cleaned and she was loving and caring, never shying away from telling him how she felt, making him feel loved each and every day. Their relationship was so simple and so easy, there were no complications, no disagreements or fights, it was all roses and Lillie's, there was no need to work at anything or try for anything, it was all right there, in a small box where everything fit perfectly and even came wrapped with a bow. But the most significant difference between Cristina and Emma was that Emma put Owen first, above anything else, she loved her career and being a surgeon but her job as a doctor did not make up her life, it only was a small part of everything else she was made up of, whereas Cristina lived and breathed for her craft, it was all she ever wanted or needed.
Cristina was indifferent, unable to connect with people, she was cold and insensitive and the most challenging person that he had ever met, she was the antithesis of Emma, and of his previous girlfriends before her, including Beth. And initially that's what attracted him to her, the fact that she didn't need him or anyone for that matter, but she had wanted him, that she was independent and could stand on her own two feet, that everything she did was done with passion and intensity, something that he had never seen in his previous relationships.
Emma was clingy, she practically lived at the hospital even though she worked across town at another, she has a desire to please people and be Betty homemaker, she was everything he had ever wanted, his relationship with Emma encompassed all the qualities that his relationship with Cristina lacked, but even in the state of having it all, he couldn't help but question if she was everything that he actually needed. He wondered if he was really over Cristina, if he would ever be completely over her?
Nevertheless, their relationship was toxic, all they did was cause each other pain, and even though there was a point in time when their love was immeasurable, they had reached a point when they had no fight left in them, there was no compromise, neither of them were willing to budge, maybe that was a sign, maybe that was their cue, if you can't bend and make sacrifices for the one you presumably love, then maybe their love for each other was not as strong as they once thought, because if you love truly love someone then you are able to put their needs first, and neither Owen nor Cristina were willing to budge. So how and when do you decide that love just isn't enough, in a world that tells you all you need is love, why couldn't love save them? Maybe the demise of their relationship was due to the fact that the love between them wasn't strong enough to hold them together because if it were, then Cristina would of wanted to have a baby for Owen or Owen would of accepted the fact that Cristina would never be a mother.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch slowly dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
4 months later.
They were fighting and bickering, both at their wits ends, tears flowing freely and hands waving and gesturing, their voices could he heard down the hall but neither of them cared, they were so caught up in the moment, so mad at each other and themselves, they didn't care who heard or who saw, didn't care that they were falling apart at each others feet, this was the end, and it was the most painful and heartbreaking moment of their lives, neither wanted to let go, but the decision was inevitable, and they had to part in order for them to be able to move on. Neither wanted to accept the fact, to recognize the truth, how was it possible to let go of someone you knew was your soul mate? How do you say goodbye when you don't even know how to breathe without them, live without them, and to love someone else besides them?
Owen had thought he had moved on, he truly believed that he had, or at least he liked to think that he had come out their relationship unscathed and unaffected, and now in a split second, in a single sentence she was able to turn his whole world upside down and all that progress he made, all those steps he took forward were done to no avail, because if he had taken ten steps ahead to moving on, in this very moment he found himself taking twenty steps back into oblivion.
"You say that you love me so much that your willing to let me go so I can live out my dreams, but you don't love me, you don't love me at all because if you did then you would want to do anything in your power to keep us together, and I know that you said you never wanted children but if you loved me even half the amount that you actually say you do then you would of sacrificed for our relationship." He shouted at her unashamed of the tears freely flowing down his face.
"You want me to have some baby that I don't want?, you knew that I never thought about having kids, that I never wanted to have any." She scoffed in bewilderment.
"It wouldn't of been "some" baby, it would of been MY baby, and yes, yes Cristina," He shouted even louder at her. "I get that you never wanted to have kids, but you would think that you would of wanted to have OUR kids, and I can't apologize for not being able to live a life without kids, it's a physiological and biological need for me as a human, we were born with reproductive organs to reproduce, and I'm sorry that I find having a family is such a huge part of what it means to be alive, but I can't help how I feel, and I can't be the one to make the sacrifice, I can't live a life that is untrue to myself."
She laughed at the hypocrisy in between suffocating sobs that wouldn't let up, "So you expect me to make the sacrifices? Expect me to bend and be untrue to myself in order to make you happy? I don't want a baby!" She exclaimed, "I never have and I never will, I won't compromise my happiness in order to salvage a relationship, don't you understand?, if I had a baby, I would resent it, I would feel like it kept me from achieving all of MY hopes and dreams, it would literally kill me." She sighed heavy while walking in circles in the small conference room.
He felt his blood boiling, the anger was seeping through his pores, how could she ever view the miracle of life as the end all be all to her happiness?
"What you are is selfish, all you want to do is be a surgeon, that's what you live and breathe for, and I hope to God that it remains the love of your life until you die but I have a feeling that you are going to wake up one day and you will realize the all those sacrifices you made, all the people who you let go of, all those opportunities you let pass, they will all come back to haunt you, because I promise you that not anyone nor anything would of loved you the way that I could have. Your career is important to you now that you are young but what's going to happen as you get older? What will you do Cristina when you can't operate anymore?, Who will you love? Who will you live for? " He asked through gritted teeth.
"I will have my memories, my achievements and accomplishments and I will know that I gave everything to being the best damn surgeon that I could of been because that's ALL I ever wanted to do or be." She answered back in the same snide tone, the tension between them was suffocating and it was beginning to be debilitating.
"You are going to be so concerned about making a living, making a name for yourself and being a surgeon that you are going to forget to make a life," He said shaking his head and releasing a defeated and tortured sigh, "Take the job, I wish you nothing but the best but please if you walk out of my life right now, I beg you to never walk back in, if you choose to leave then have the decency to never come back, let me find my happiness, let me create my family." He said with a conviction in his voice that was instantly betrayed by the look in his weary eyes.
Time felt like it stood still, you think you are prepared for these moments, you think you've mastered the art of being able to let go and move on, but somehow when the seconds are trickling down and the time to say goodbye to a chapter in your life hits you like a ton of bricks, you begin to wonder if letting go is truly the hardest thing to do? Because in this moment saying goodbye feels like death but what's harder then letting go is actually learning to live not only for yourself, but loving someone enough to live for them and their happiness.
She couldn't take the fighting anymore, couldn't take the harsh words, couldn't stand to see him broken. "Owen, you have already moved on, you have Emma, and I have nobody, don't you see? This is so much harder for me then it is for you, you will always have someone and I won't, so please don't bring up my sad life in my face because I already know how hard and lonely its gonna be." She took a few steps forward so that she was only a few inches from him, she extended her arm and reached out for his hand. "You asked me what I will have, when I'm old and shriveled up,when you have a wife and grandkids and your life is complete and whole, when the time comes when I'm just a distant memory, a chapter in your life that has long been forgotten and moved past, I will still have you, in here." She took his hand and placed it right on her heart. "Our memories, our love, our laughs, our promises, they will all reside here inside my heart and thats what will keep me alive when I have nothing left because even though you will no longer need me, I will always need you, and I will find solace in the fact that I met you and I got the chance to love and be loved by you." Her eyes were bloodshot and her lips were quivering, she pleaded with him to se her pain and anguish and to know that he was not alone in his misery, that she would live with his ghost for the rest of her life but he didn't have to be haunted by her presence because he would cultivate a new life for himself, she would be replaced, but his impact on her life would remain there to keep her alive and the memories of him and her would be the last snapshots she would see before she died.
Owen thought that it would actually be easier to die right now then to have to live like this, to live with the pain and sorrow that was casting a huge shadow of loss and grief that he was not ready to deal with, and he wondered if he would ever be able to deal with it, because Cristina was the love of his life, and now it was going to be official, she was going to leave the hospital, leave the state and walk out of his life. How do you accept loss? How do you learn to function without your other half? How can you live with half a heart? Half a soul? How can you live a life only half full? Cristina was more then his wife, more then a girlfriend, more then his best-friend, she embodied half of who he was, so how was he suppose to let half himself go?
"I will never forget you." He stated firmly, looking deep into her eyes while taking his free hand and lifting her chin. "You are it for me Cristina, you are everything I live and breathe for, nobody will ever take your place inside my heart, you are taking a part of me that nobody will ever be able to replace, I will love you for the rest of my life be it if we are together or separated, you will always be on my mind, I will never get over you." They were drowning in their own sorrow and self pity, exhausted from the pain and torture that they were putting each other through, he tilted her head and crushed his lips onto hers. Her hands reached to ruffly grasp his face, the kiss was aggressive and filled with the undying passion that never seemed to deteriorate. They stood there holding each other for dear life and wishing that time could stand still and they could remain in this embrace for the remainder of their time on earth, neither wanted to let go, neither were ready to face the repercussions of their decisions and neither knew just how much harder it was to let go then to actually put up a fight.
Sometimes you have to test someone. Not because you don't trust them, but to see how much they'll sacrifice for you. You'll also have to let them go; Not because you suddenly stopped loving them, but to see if they love you enough to come back. And sometimes we try and move on, we decide that its easier to say goodbye then to stick it out and fight for someone else, fight for what you know is real and right, so we throw in the towel and succumb to defeat and decide to start over, we then find someone else who we think can actually carry our hopes and dreams and we convince ourselves that time will heal all the wounds, that our heartache will slowly subside, the space that was left empty will slowly fill with the help of someone else's presence in our lives. We believe that we will find love once again, but if you believe that there is only one person out in the universe meant for you, created to fit your every need and desire, then you know that once you have experienced true love, it can never be replicated or duplicated because it was only meant to be shared once, by the two of you, so even though in time you find that you were able to let go, you truly never move on, because love cannot be found where it doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly lies.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause the Love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go