Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock or any of the franchise.

Chapter 3

Cassidy's POV

I awaken with a start, those three words running through my head like a sadistic mantra that makes me feel the need for the beautiful white powder.

Ignoring my urges I start to consider my day and what is to come.

It is the day, Thursday. After 6 years of no contact I will finally be able to make contact with my husband.

First things first, to go to Myc's office to smooth out details and tell the good doctor.

As I ready myself for the day I can feel the anxiety threatening to suffocate me. It feels as though my lungs are full of molasses, I can barely breathe and when I do its borderline hyperventilating. I don't know if I'm ready, but no greater time than the present.

As I enter the Government building, I can feel myself shaking as I make my way to Mycroft's office. I make my way through the small lobby, I can feel all the eyes on me, watching my every move, judging, waiting for me to make a wrong move.

Sigh... This is not helping my anxiety. I want to scream at them but I compose myself and stride with false confidence to the elevator that will lead me to my doom. Mycroft looks as torn as I do. I know he's with me, but if this goes south he will take it worse, after all he got me into this shit. I remember the day this bullshit started.

It's so bright and sunny out, and I'm stuck in fucking Mycroft's black fucking car. Fucking git. This better be important, I just wanted a morning cuddle and snog with my lovely husband who is probably prowling our flat awaiting my return. I can feel the soft smile alight my face at the thought of his protective nature. I can also sense the bitch AKA Mycroft's girlfriend Alana smirking at my smile which wipes it right the fuck off my face. As soon as I see him I open my mouth to rip him a fucking new one when

"I have a proposition for you" comes out of his smug fucking mouth, because he knows how curious I am. As well as he knows how interested I would be due to his "minor" position in the British government, I just know this has something to do with the whole Queen and Country bullshit. I can feel the excitement rise within me and he utters the words "secret" "undercover" "paid" and "Afghanistan".

Mycroft tells me how I am to go undercover within a terrorist group who are trying to fuck someone over whatever blah blah blah. I can feel the first spike of adrenaline after I sign a shitload of papers and he hands me the browning, the weight in my hands raises my confidence and makes me feel like an alpha male with the giant fucking 10 inch cock.

That was the first time I lied to my husband, telling him I went to visit family in Ireland.

Being the naïve, loving man I adore he completely goes with it and tells me how much he will miss me and he hopes my trip goes well after I decline his offer to join me.

It only got worse from there, I took on dozens of missions that took me away from home, telling him I had a new marketing job that took me all around the world, and he never questioned me and just agreed and supported me through it all. God I love him. I don't deserve him.

I can feel Mycroft's eyes on me as I have a blast from the past. He looks away, Shame written all over his face regret, guilt and self-hatred. Good. He deserves it for what he did.

I can see it on his face as soon as I enter his office, I had recently had enough and decided to quit MI5 and all the bullshit they put me through after last mission where I got shot right through the thigh when one of their fucking retards who were supposed to back me up wasn't paying fucking attention. Sherlock lost it when he seen me lying in the bed, the adrenaline wasn't worth putting him through that shit anymore, so I quit.

Mycroft did not take it well, he bribed, bargained, begged then screamed until our throats were raw. But I can see it in his eyes, he did something. Something I am going to hate. I can feel the feel prick my spine at his defeated stance and sad, red ringed eyes. He's been crying, the thought strikes pure terror into my heart, but not as much as his next words do.

"I'm sorry Cass. I'm so fucking sorry."

He continues on to explain how he fucked up, he put us in danger, my name was out.

I was frozen in shock as he explained how I had to disappear, I had to leave and I couldn't come back until the man after us was caught, a man I had recently fucked over who got away. We weren't worried because we were told he was just a rat, a nobody, a pussy who wouldn't do anything.

Fucking liar.

Mycroft stood and took it as I scream every profanity I could think of. I'm sobbing by the end of it and I only start crying harder as he tells me that Sherlock is in danger, and then tells me of his ploy to faking my suicide and where I am to go, how they are hoping to abolish him within 8 months.

I spend the night wrapped around my husband, and when I awaken I do as I was told and start yelling, screaming untrue things, saying things to Sherlock I will never forgive myself for. He's crying, begging me back as I pack and leave. I don't allow the tears to fall until I am completely out of sight. The next day I watch as they tell Sherlock of my "suicide" and how he breaks. I broke him. And I will never forgive myself as I walk away from the one person in this whole world I would die for.

8 months my fucking ass. 6 fucking years later.

I'm pushed out of my memories as Lestrade walks in, it takes him a few minutes of our staring war for him to break and rush to me, hugging me tightly and I can hear him trying to contain his sniffling. I awkwardly wrap my arms around him and pat his back until he is strong enough to pull away from the embrace. The three of us stand awkwardly, slightly unsure how to respond to one another.

Lestrade shakes himself "We missed you Cass, it's amazing to have you back. I'm sure you are happy" he tries to smile at me, but you can see the nerves are eating at him.

"We will see after today how happy I am to be back" we all grimace as the truth we were all ignoring is laid out.

Mycroft clears his throat "Doctor Watson will be here within the next 5 minutes, he is arriving via Alana who has went to fetch him and Sherlock will be here within the hour." Those words instantly make me sick to my stomach, I can feel the panic rising and I try to quell it and just breathe through it.

Mycroft and Lestrade can both see it but choose to ignore it in favour of staring at their shoes and pretending the female in the room isn't about to have a panic attack.

I control myself just as we hear the car pull up outside.

John slams in with an annoyed look on his face.

"Mycroft! Please! I don't even live with him anymore I cant help you- Cassidy? What are you doing here? What's going on? Is everything alright?"

His concerned face and tone is making me want to sob.

Mycroft starts the conversation "Doctor Watson, Pleasure as always. Unfortunatly this meeting is going to be rather lengthy so you better call the missus and cancel dinner plans." John looks extremely confused but after a smile from Lestrade he pulls out his phone and calls mary explaining that he thinks there may be an emergency and that he will be late home.

When he hangs up his face shifts and hardens into his "soldier glare"

"Explain." His voice is all gravelly and there is no room for argument.

"John, I would like to formally apologize for what is about to occur." The confused look he gives me makes me nervous.

"My name is not Cassidy St. Clair. My name is Cassidy Holmes. I'm Sherlock's wife." I can hear the shake in my voice as distinctly as I can feel the tremor in my hands. He simply stares at me until he fully processes it.

"Sherlock is married?! Since when? How long have you two been-"

I interrupt him in his rambling "Widowed. He is widowed." If at all possible he becomes even more confused.

"But, But you are alive!" his eyes are wide and innocent as he looks at me incredulously.

"Not to him I'm not. I was officially dead until, oh about, 46 hours ago. Suicide. Faked, obviously" I can see his eyes darken in anger as I ramble on as I explain the danger and as I stop to breathe before I tell him I am planning on returning to him he bursts.

"Do all the fucking Holmes fake dead?! I thought it was bad enough that Sherlock did but now his fucking wife?! Let me guess, is Mummy faking dead? Do you guys have a sister hiding in Fuji?!" He is full out yelling by the end of his tirade. By the looks on Mycroft and Lestrade faces they are leaving this shit up to me. Assholes.

"Mummy is fully alive and always has been, no sister and it was just Sherlock and I, but I did it first. He just followed suit when the situation called for it." I kept my voice calm and placating. I can see him working through and processing so I continue. "I am returning to him today, coming clean, but he may not want to be around Mycroft, Lestrade or myself. We were hoping you would help him through this."

His eyes sharpen at me and I feel like a bug on a microscope "He still doesn't know?! Poor bastard. Of course I will help, why doesn't he mention you? How long were you together?"

I sigh in relief that he is no longer yelling at me "We have known one another since I was 5 and he was 6, we dated young and married at 18. I've been gone 6 years. And he will be here in approximately 20 minutes. Thinking he has a meeting with Lestrade and Mycroft about a case. And I believe he does not mention me because it hurts too much, he tries to ignore his heart."

John is nodding and I can see him thinking and processing all that I have told him.

He continues to ask questions of how we did it and such, thankfully I am able to lose myself within my own thoughts because the two lazy gits in the room finally come in handy and are answering all his questions.

In the middle of discussing how we will tell him we hear a cab screech to a halt out front.

We all stare wide eyed, tense as we hear the door slam. We hear someone enter the elevator. We all freeze.

I cannot take my eyes off the elevator door as I hear the buttons being pressed then the elevator rising. As it reaches floor 3 we are all stood still in tense agonizing silence.

The elevator hesitates, and finally the doors slide open.

Sorry for the cliff-hanger, Review ;)