Most Painful Memory
It was a strange group that headed off into the unknown, not quite sure where they were going to find their common enemy, but all looking forward to seeing the death of him. Strolling along Sesshoumaru's dark and scary quiet mood kept the chatter down to a minimum and the children were even on their best behavior. No one, save those close to Sesshoumaru had ever seen him in this kind of mood before and since he was downright evil sometimes bothering him when he was in a dark mood was something only an idiot would venture to do. And even Kyou and Inu yasha kept their mouths shut. Towards the end of the day though the younger generation couldn't quite keep so quiet and soon there was weary and quiet chatter which continued to get louder and more cheerful when Sesshoumaru didn't respond by biting any heads off.
"Okay, Sora, here's a question for you. The worst thing you've ever had to eat." Kyou said with a chuckle, walking with a smirk at his cousin's side. Since he was an overly curious person by nature he saw no reason not to ask questions to relieve the boredom of endless walking. One of his favorite games involved what questions.
"Anything you cooked, baka." Sora replied with a roll of her eyes, smirking back when Kyou stuck his tongue out at her. He could really be so childish sometimes.
"Hey, I resent that. Aiden is a worse cook then I am." Kyou said with a huff though good natured enough to admit that he really was a terrible cook when it came right down to it. Luckily most everyone else in his family could and did feed him out of pity and to keep him from blowing things up accidentally. "He can't even burn toast on purpose, he can just incinerate the bread."
"He's not that bad. At least he can use kitchen appliances without causing damage to everything nearby." Andrea pointed out with a small smile of her own though she was quite serious. She'd never seen such a complete lack of sense in a kitchen before. "You're clumsier then a new born when it comes to cooking."
)
"Everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses. Cooking just happens to be one of my weaker skills." Kyou said primly, nose slightly in the air. "Neither of you can draw much better then stick figures as you'll recall while Aiden and I kick ass."
"Aiden?" Kagome asked as he raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar name. Now who did this one belong to?
"That's Miroku's son, his one and only." Sora said with a small smile at the irony of it all, seeing an opening to get some of the adults smiling or at the very least smirking. "One boy and four girls...Mom always said it was the most poetic of ironies. Now he has to live with the fact that his four daughter's are out in the world with men who are just like him."
"Four...girls?" Miroku repeated slowly, losing a bit of color as the idea sunk in.
"Yup four girls more then capable of bearing children for any guy that might ask it of them." Andrea replied sweetly, enjoying the monk's reaction to the news. He really did deserve it after all. The lech.
"Yeah, when Uncle Inu yasha wanted to terrify dad and Uncle Miroku he'd always point out that dad has four boys and a girl and Uncle Miroku has four girls and a boy." Sora said with a chuckle, not surprised when Miroku sent her a horrified look while her father looked just a tad ill at the idea. "But no need to worry, Kohaku and Kiyoshi are pretty much spoken for and so is Aiden and two of his sisters."
"That still leaves two sisters and two brothers though." Inu yasha pointed out slyly, a rather cheeky smirk on his face.
"Bit your tongue, brother or I'll cut it out and feed it to you." Sesshoumaru said coldly then shock crossed his face for a moment before it iced over completely. He'd called Inu yasha his brother, casually and off handed. Like it fit, was natural. Damn it.
"Well anyway it certainly is a nice day outside." Kyou began, a cheerful grin on his face as he tried to ice things over. "Wouldn't you all agree?"
)
Late that evening, after a long and rather brutal march across the countryside, the rag tag group settled down for a much needed rest. They set up camp in a small clearing next to a stream, soon with a fire roaring and bedding set out. Everyone dividing up night watch times equally they soon settled down to eat, talk and then go to bed with Kouga taking the first watch. Sango, laying down with Rin snuggled against her, was well aware of the ever quiet and watchful Sesshoumaru behind her, stretched out but wide awake. Then again he didn't need to sleep now did he, Sango thought as she felt her eyes threaten to close, completely exhausted and warn out by now. It must be nice not to require regular sleep and food. Definitely handy anyway.
"Good night, Sango, Jaken. Sesshoumaru sama." Rin sleepily called out, Sango returning the greeting while both the demons said nothing. "Sweet dreams too to everyone."
)
Soon Sesshoumaru could hear the deep and heavy breathing of Rin and Sango, finally asleep in front of him. Laying there he closed his eyes, tired as well though more mentally then physically. He'd been trying to examine and pick apart the idea of taking the slayer as his mate all day. Of even wanting her for that matter. With his bloodlines, prestige and holdings he knew there were few demoness who wouldn't jumped at the chance to be his mate and hadn't made that quite clear. He'd had more then a few offers from fathers as well, looking to become allies through marriage to their daughters or female relatives. He didn't believe in love or choosing a mate because of an emotional connection. That was simply foolish and idiotic thinking in his mind. It was better to take a mate who you had no feelings for one way or another. They couldn't hurt you and they were easily replaced if the situation arose. And yet apparently he had taken this human, a demon slayer of all things, to be his mate. Which meant it had to be because he wanted her, emotionally and physically enough that he'd forget everything else. His beliefs, ideas and the responsibilities, of continuing his line and doing so with honor and greatness. But she isn't your mother or Inu yasha's, a sly voice inside his head pointed out. By all accounts she is everything you would want in a mate if you were to overlook her lack of demon blood. She loves your children, you could see it just by watching her. It doesn't matter to her how strong they are or what their bloodline is. She's so much stronger then your mother as well, she would never hurt you the way your mother did. She'd never say the things your mother said before she died. She'd never blame you. The voices rolling around in his head Sesshoumaru didn't even realized he'd slipped into sleep and into a familiar nightmare.
)
Standing outside his mother's door a young, twelve year old Sesshoumaru clutched the earring he'd found in his hand so tightly he could feel the metal's sharp edges cut into his hand. The earrings had been a gift from his father to his mother and she'd been so upset last night when she found out one of them was missing. He'd searched everywhere for it and had finally found it out in the gardens, hidden under a rosebush. He'd been quite dirty by then of course but he'd bathed and changed before coming, knowing she'd be angry if he appeared before her less then perfect. His hand shaking slightly he knocked on the door, waiting for her permission to enter. When he heard her call out a sharp enter Sesshoumaru slid the door open and stepped into the well lit room. He could see his mother seated in her favorite chair in front of the fire, her long black hair shining in light casted off from the flames. She looked just like him, or technically it would be correct to say he looked just like her. He had his father's coloring but her face, her bone structure and the stunning presence. She sat with shoulders back, facing straight ahead in her magnificent robes, the perfect picture of the perfect lady demoness. Walking over to stand beside her chair Sesshoumaru kept his eyes on the floor respectfully, waiting for her permission to speak.
)
"What is it, Sesshoumaru?" His mother finally said after a moment, her voice cool and distant to her son's ears.
"I found your earring, Mother san." Sesshoumaru said as he held out the earring in his palm, waiting for her to take it as he raised his head to meet her cool gaze.
"So that's where you've been all day instead of doing your lessons and training? Looking for an earring?" His mother asked slowly, a hint of bite to her words which had Sesshoumaru's heart sinking as he fought the urge to back away and get out of there.
"I knew it was important to you." Sesshoumaru said carefully and only had a second to wince before her hand shot out, back handing him across the face. Staying in place he ignored the blood sliding down his face from the grooves her rings had cut into his face, knowing that even a hint of hurt would only make her more angry. "I'm sorry you're displeased...I'll go find Miyoga and Jaken to continue with my lessons immediately."
"But not to your father. After all he isn't here, now is he? You know where he is, don't you Sesshoumaru?" His mother said as she got to her feet, turning to face him as she towered over him while Sesshoumaru fought the instinct to cower. It would only be worse if he did. "You know where your father goes every few weeks. What he does while he's there. Who he's gone to see. You know..SAY IT!"
"He is out surveying our vast lands, Mother san." Sesshoumaru said as he met her glance, lying to her and both of them knowing it. He knew where his father was. He knew why he wasn't here, with them. He'd gone to be with that human and his..his bastard. His other son. The one he preferred. The one he loved best. "I'm sure he will be back soon."
)
"Liar." Was his mother's response and even seeing the blow coming Sesshoumaru made no move to avoid the blow, her fist sending him crashing to the floor, biting back a whimper when she kicked him hard enough in the ribs to break something. "You know he's with his whore, his bitch. Do you know why he's there, Sesshoumaru? Do you know why he's always there? Because we aren't good enough." His mother raged, beating him in her frustration as she landed blow after blow. "Because you're pathetic. A weak, pathetic child who can't even compete with his half breed bastard. It's because of you that he's never here, that he doesn't want to be near me. Because I gave him you, a disgrace to his bloodline. He won't even look at me anymore and it's all your fault. It's ALL YOUR FAULT!"
Curling into himself Sesshoumaru tried to blank it all out but knew that it was useless. He remembered everything his mother called him, everything she said about him. It was his fault his father didn't care about him. It was his fault his mother was mad all the time. Everything was his fault. Always. When the blows finally stopped coming Sesshoumaru remained where he was for a couple minutes before slowly opening his eyes, sitting up to see his mother standing beside the fire, staring into the flames. Thinking he was dismissed Sesshoumaru slowly got to his feet, weaving there for a moment as he tried to ignore the waves of pain threatening to drown him. About to turn to leave he was stopped in his place when his mother suddenly whirled around, her eyes locking with his. They were wild and scary eyes now, their dark depths filled with emotions he couldn't understand but frightened him none the less. Taking a step back Sesshoumaru watched as she walked over to him slowly, her eyes pinning him to the spot so that he couldn't move. Then she was standing there, in front of him with that face, his face staring down at him with complete and total insanity. He would never forget the look in those eyes. Ever again.
)
"One of these days he won't come back." His mother said softly, reaching out a hand that stroked his bruised and battered cheek, the way she had done before, countless times a long, long time ago. "He'll simply abandon us and stay with his whore and bastard. He doesn't care what happens to us, whether we live or die. We mean nothing to him, Sesshoumaru. Absolutely nothing. All he cares about are his bastard and his whore, we aren't good enough to matter to him. Well I am the daughter of the head of the Kei Clan. I will not be thrown aside for some human. I will not live with the shame of having been caste off by him and bearing him you." Her eyes going more wild with every word as her hand left his cheek and moved to her hair as she backed up. "So I'll leave him first. Now he can be with his whore and bastard all the time..and with his pathetic weakling of a first born." She snarled and before he could even raise a hand to stop her she'd removed one of the large, decorative chopsticks she'd wound in her hair and plunged the pointed end into her heart.
"MOTHER!" Running towards her he caught her as she collapsed, her dead weight sending them both crashing to the floor with Sesshoumaru on the bottom. Struggling with her weight he pushed her off of him, his pure white robes already red in places where the blood had sprayed. Shifting so that he was clutching her against his chest he pulled the chopstick out of her chest, the sucking noise the action made him feel as sick as the blood that gushed from the wound, flowing over his hand as he pressed down on it in a futile attempt to stem the bleeding. Calling out for Jaken or one of the servants he could do nothing but hold his mother as her blood drained from her body, soaking her clothing and his.
)
"Master Sesshoumaru? Lady Shira?" Came a hesitant voice and when the door slipped open the familiar figure of his father's servant Jaken appeared.
"Get my father!" Sesshoumaru screamed at the toad, his face lacking all color as his lifeless eyes stared into Jakens. "Get him now!"
"By the Gods..." Was all Jaken could manage, knowing somehow what had happened as he moved in to see the extent of the injuries though he could smell his lady's life blood. Death blood had a scent all its own. "Let her go, Master Sesshoumaru. There is nothing anyone can do. Come with me now."
"Get away from us and get my father." Sesshoumaru ordered, lashing out at the frog with one clawed hand. "Get him now. Bring him here. I'm not moving till he gets here."
"But he is not here, you know that. He is out surveying his lands and isn't do back for another week." Jaken said as he tried to lay a hand on his young master's shoulder, only to have it swatted away. "Even if he were here there's nothing he could do. Come away young master, she is no longer here with us. She's gone. You need to be strong now and come with me."
"I'm not leaving until he comes here so go and find him." Was the only response he would give and so the toad left to find his Master while Sesshoumaru remained where he was for three days before his father was finally brought home. He'd just sat there and waited, the smell of blood everywhere, his mother's body decomposing in his arms as he sat there and waited. And thought about how this was all his fault. And then slowly he'd realized that it wasn't all his fault. It was her fault too. Her and her bastard son. They'd done this to his mother, they bore blame as well. The three of them had killed his mother and he was going to kill them.
)
"Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru, wake up." Sango said as she kneeled in front of him, shaking his shoulders while Rin watched from Sango's side, her face the picture of worry. He was sweating so much and his face, there was so much pain radiating from him even though she couldn't even see his eyes. His restless shifting beside her had woken her up and when she'd turned over to ask him to stop she'd found him like this. Rin had woken up when Sango had moved away.
"Master? Master Sesshoumaru?" Rin said hesitantly, reaching a hand out to touch his cheek when his eyes suddenly snapped open, frightening her so that she fell backwards and onto her rear.
"What?" Sesshoumaru demanded, breathing hard as he looked up to see the slayer leaning over him, concern on her face.
"You were having a bad dream..are you okay?" Sango asked as she instinctively lifted a hand to smooth his damp bangs away from his forehead, her hand sliding down to cup his cheek. "It must have been a pretty bad one."
Her hand, was all he could think as he looked into her eyes, seeing the concern and worry there that she made no attempt to hide. Concern and worry for him, while her hand lay comfortingly against his cheek. A small gesture of comfort. A long forgotten one. And there was Rin, leaning over Sango's shoulder, her eyes conveying the same emotions and worry. They were both worried about him. They both thought he was worth worrying about. Feeling something in his chest he suddenly felt just a little lighter, a little steadier somehow. As though the fact that they cared had released a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "I'm fine. Both of you go back to sleep."
)
"Okay." Rin said but this time she moved to sleep in between them instead of with just Sango. That way if he had another bad dream she would know. "Would you like me to sing one of my songs, Master?"
"No, Rin. Go to sleep." Sesshoumaru replied though there was no bite to his words. Apparently satisfied with that Sesshoumaru watched Rin snuggle back under her blanket between the slayer and himself, close to his side though as if she though her presence might help. The slayer laid down as well, facing him this time and though her eyes were closed he sensed that she wasn't sleeping as deeply as she had been.