The days and nights grew colder over the next few days. By the Friday, it rained over a full twenty four hours, so the run scheduled for that day was postponed until the Sunday. After the fight, all had been calm, Daryl avoided the areas he knew Rick would be, taking his meals to his cell and he suspected the others arranged it so that the two men's paths failed to cross. He did hear from Glenn that Rick had come out of their fight the worse. That pleased him.
Carol had been going out into the woods regularly since that Tuesday night. She said she liked to go out there to the quiet to reflect, but Daryl had concerns. She didn't seem to go far, she said she was placing snares around as he had taught her. He didn't follow her, but he checked on her with his binoculars regularly.
To him, it felt like there were less moments of awkwardness between them since their bonding over his war wounds. His feelings no longer choked him. He couldn't articulate them yet, but he embraced them after that night in the infirmary. Soon he would breathe them into life and she would perhaps accept them. The odd moments of doubt still niggled at him. He had discussed this with Glenn and decided to allow his relationship with Carol to progress at a natural pace, without over internalising every detail. They were best friends, two halves of a whole and Glenn said it was common knowledge that the best and deepest love affairs were borne from friendship first.
Now, he sat at a table in the main atrium of the prison, taking apart a part for his bike with a toolkit he'd stumbled across weeks ago. He heard someone enter the room and he looked up. Rick. The other man froze for a second before continuing over to his friend's table. Daryl sighed. The others must have decided it was time for them to play nice to allow the Rick out of their sight.
Rick eased himself down opposite Daryl and they sat in silence, Daryl still fiddling with the object before him, both men sporting the evidence of their fight on their faces.
Daryl threw down his screwdriver and got straight to the point, narrowing his eyes after noticing Rick's red rimmed eyes, "You drunk?" He crossed his arms over his chest.
"No," came the sullen reply. Rick's face was a hue of differing coloured bruises, interspersed with dark red cuts as well as a beauty of a black eye.
Merle would have been proud of Daryl's handiwork.
Rick seemed to wince slightly in pain, whether from his physical injuries or shame, Daryl couldn't say, "Look, I said some awful things to you," Rick began, contrite, "About you. It's unforgivable but, for what it's worth, I'm really sorry."
Daryl frowned, not sure he should give his supposed friend an easy ride, "Why be such a fuckin' asshole? I was so mad, I wanted to kill ya. Still ain't too happy bout it now."
"I don't know, man," shrugged Rick, fatigue in his voice. "I just didn't care. I was drinkin' cos of these feelin's and the guilt. I was tired and just wanted to stop feeling anything. Turn it off somehow. Or to be hurt physically so it'd stop the damn hurtin' in my head."
Daryl said nothing but continued to observe his friend.
Rick leaned forward and grimaced, muttering about bruised ribs. "Listen, Daryl," he started, looking serious, "I didn't mean any of those things I said about Carol, or you. You know that, right? It was the drink talkin' and I knew how to push your buttons enough to rile you up and make you lash out."
His friend remained impassive, arms still folded, his handsome face set in stone.
"I know I've lost my shit and my mind and I'm not in a good place. And I don't expect your forgiveness. But I ain't even thinkin' about anyone that way. I couldn't. I want you to know that."
Daryl made a non committal noise and shuffled in his seat.
Rick looked up to the windows, and was quiet, the only sound was the rain hammering on the window. "I don't know how to get it across to you," he started, "But, before all this, did you ever go out to get drunk when you were feeling shitty or in a bad place? Maybe tried to use affection or sex as a way to make yourself feel better or feel anythin' at all? Or to forget things completely?"
"Maybe," Daryl confirmed, still unmoved.
"Well, I'm sorry. You see my drunken self decided to try to do that with any of the women around here, especially Carol. She was there and she cared." Rick leaned forward, his eyes earnest,"I knew even as it was happenin', she'd as good as tell me to go to hell. I'm lucky she didn't punch me herself."
"Can we not talk about that part too much?" Daryl asked, feeling uncomfortable.
Rick raised his hands in defence, "I know. I'm just trying to get it across to you that I should never have tried to go there, and that I absolutely have no designs on your woman at all. And even if I did, she ain't interested."
"She ain't my woman," Daryl countered.
Rick snorted, "Come on man, she's as good as. The rest of us are just waitin' for it to happen. You're both just scared." He stopped a moment to look his friend in the eye, "Just, don't wait too long. I can tell you, it hurts more regretting the things you didn't say in the long run."
"You don't ever pull a stunt like that, or I'll beat your ass again." Daryl looked deadly serious, "Especially don't try it with her ever again."
"I know, I know." Rick raised his hands in defeat, "Not that you could beat my ass even if you tried."
Daryl snorted and laughed, "Whatever you say. Make sure you apologise to Carol though."
"I will," Rick replied, "Tried to at the time. Bet you enjoyed her tending to your wounds."
Daryl smirked, he couldn't help himself, thinking of his hands around her waist as she cleaned his face, "Thought she'd be mad at me flyin' off the handle, but she seemed fine. It sorta brought us closer, I suppose."
Rick sighed, "Well, maybe something good came out me bein' a drunken ass." He rubbed and hand over his battered face, "Ah fuck. What am I going to do now Daryl?"
The hunter unfolded his arms and placed them on the table. "You get up every day, you get dressed, you do your daily jobs, you look after those kids of yours and you switch into autopilot for a while." He tapped his shirt pockets as though looking for his cigarettes. "And you stay the hell away from tequila, turns you into more of an ass than you already are."
Laughing, Rick nodded, "We ok, brother?"
"We're ok." Daryl agreed, surprised at how easily his initial grudge had disappeared. He couldn't quite tag the word 'brother' to the end of his agreement. Not yet, not until Rick proved to be a steady captain for their ship.
Later that night, the rain was still drumming on the windows. Rick was concerned that too much of it could drown his crops. If such a thing was possible, he'd have to check with Hershel and his farming knowledge. He walked slowly down the hall of the block which housed the cells of the main council members. His room was the first cell, then came Carl's, with Carol's after that, Sasha's, Beth's and Hershel at the end. Upstairs was Michonne, Glenn and Maggie's, then Daryl (who often grumbled about the noise the couple made) and lastly, Tyreese.
He found Carol in her cell, at her desk, scribbling on a large sheet of paper by candlelight.
"Knock knock" he said from the doorway anxiously. He had purposely stayed out of her way since trying to drunkenly kiss her. The incident was mostly a blur in his mind now. He felt it was like one of those dreams he might have where he'd be romantic with someone he'd never thought of in that way and then felt awkward around in the cold light of day.
"Hey," she put down her pencil. "Sit down, you don't have to hover like a naughty school boy, you know." She raised an eyebrow at him.
He seated himself on her bed and sat forward with his elbows on his knees.
Carol studied his face, "Daryl will be along in a while, he has more sewing for me to do. Darning the holes in his shirts. I don't know where he gets them all from, honestly."
"Taking a knife to them on purpose, probably," Rick joked and glanced at her cautiously. "Gives him the perfect excuse to come hang out in here."
"Stop," she scolded gently, and he thought the colour rose on her cheeks, but it was hard to tell with the subtle light in the room.
Rick cleared his throat. "I promised him I'd apologise to you. Daryl, I mean. I saw him earlier and we cleared the air, but it's only right I say how sorry I am to you. I should never have tried anythin' with you when you were just bein' a friend. I should never have put you in a position where you'd feel uncomfortable or awkward around me. And I should never have risked your friendship or Daryl's. Could even have risked ruining this thing you two have. I'm sorry. I was selfish and stupid in many ways."
She let him talk and her face remained perfectly still. "Rick," she said, "Please let's forget it and move on. We're all adults here. I lived in the world before all this and I know people get drunk and shit happens. You were hurting and hit the bottle. You're not the first and you won't be the last. It's just a shame you ended up black and blue as a result of it."
"But, those things I said to Daryl," he replied, shame covering him like a sheet, "I didn't mean any of it. I just wanted to hurt someone else and you are his weak spot. I wanted him to lose it and hurt me and I knew what to say to make him angry enough to do it."
"Well, that worked out for ya." She ran her eyes over his face, amused.
"I know, but I could have messed everything up and created a situation. We've been in this from the start, with Daryl and Glenn. We have a family here, but you and those two are like blood to me. I couldn't ask for better people to be around and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you guys and the kids." Rick tried his best to make her see that he was going to bring himself back from the darkness he felt.
Carol smiled. "I feel the same and I understand. You don't have to worry, me and Daryl are just fine and we'll all get back to how things were."
Rick's body flooded with relief, "Daryl said he thought you'd be angry at him for lashing out."
"Fighting with your best friend isn't good, but I know why he did it. He thought I was upset and needed defending. He was being a friend. I'd do the same for him."
Rick nodded, "You've always had each other's back, its deeper than a friendship, you must know that. You're both so in sync with each other, it's damned scary. It's special. I don't think I even had that with Lori, ever."
Carol looked serious, "There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. I owe him a lot. I honestly don't know what I'd do without him." It suddenly hit her that all these months, apart from the Merle incident, he'd always been a constant presence in her life, as reliable and sure as the sun rising and setting each day.
Rick wasn't sure it was entirely his place, but he said, "Honestly, Carol, I think you've changed him. And we all know he'd do anything for you too. What you have is precious, don't waste it or let it slip away. You'll regret it if you do. That's what is torturing me after losing Lori."
"Oh, I won't," she answered, unaware that Daryl was loitering in the hallway at her cell door, his hole ridden shirts in hand. He had heard every word. He silently turned and headed out to look for Glenn until she would be alone, her words echoing around his head and a smile on his lips.