Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock or any of the franchise.

Thanks for the reviews and follows guys! Keep it up!

Chapter 5

To: John Watson

I am extraordinarily sorry for everything I put you through in the whole fiasco with my 'suicide'.

-SH

To: Sherlock Holmes

Not so nice when it happens to you is it mate? I hope things are well, and don't you worry about me. Enjoy that your wife is back. She's lovely. Congrats

-JW

To: John Watson

She is not my wife.

-SH

Cassidy's POV

Warm. Soft. Sherlock. I can feel the smile form on my face before I even open my eyes, and it is wiped away even faster when I realize I am alone in the big bed.

The sheets on the other side cold, showing signs that he has been up for a while. Sigh, I suppose it's time.

The flat is silent as I creep out of his room, maybe he left? Maybe there was a case he was called to and he left a note in the kitchen. Nope.

He's standing in front of the window, staring out blankly, we connect eyes through the window reflection, and I attempt a smile. The tightening of his facial muscles and the quick looking away is a swift kick to the fucking ribcage.

I can feel the unease settle into every nerve of my body as he turns slowly to look at me, I can see his eyes but it's like he's looking through me.

"I will allow you to stay here while your name is released once again. I've been informed you have a job at the clinic so you obviously don't need financial support, if so discuss it with Mycroft. I'm sure he will assist you, with anything apparently. I also have the legal divorce papers being written up as we speak, they should be here by this evening and I have connections so it should be done in a swift discreet manner. You're welcome"

He turns quickly and grabs his violin, tuning it.

The sheer agony of the pain rips through me and threatens to tear me apart, I can't breathe, I'm in shock.

"You can't just-"But he cuts me off.

"I can and I will, I don't know what game you are playing but I have been informed of everything. The secret fucking missions, the murders, the lying, all of it! I don't know you, and I don't want to. You are a pathetic cockroach whom I need to remove from my life." His tirade is stabbing me straight in the gut, I can't decide what's worse, the words or the hatred in his eyes.

His eyes. Something is off. This isn't right.

"Sherlock.. Are you high?" The trembling in my voice is horrendously masked.

His loud sudden cackling makes me jump.

"You watched me fucking do it! Don't pretend any more than you are! Stop! Don't give me that look! She would never be afraid of me! Stop it!" He is screaming at me, what the fuck.

I don't know what to do. Wait, she? Does he think I'm not real!? The fuck is he taking.

He's back sitting with his violin, giving me the chance to prowl the apartment. My body is trembling, Sherly has never so much as raised his voice at me. The tears are steadily streaming down my face and the agonizing pain has faded but not disappeared completely. I pray it is only the drugs that made him say that.

Ah! There it is. The syringe is empty but the powder is not. The coloring is off. I rub it between my fingers and it is 3 different textures.

My guess is speedball with LSD.

Fucking idiot. My beautiful idiot.

I slowly make my way back into the sitting room with a syringe of mild sedative.

"Do you need some more baby?" The question makes me want to hurl but he looks excited.

"Oh yes, please, if I don't you will be gone. Help me." He's on the verge of tears. Fucking idiot.

I tie the tourniquet and gently insert the needle. He is petting my hair and murmuring about the 'divorce papers'. I wonder if this is normal.

As soon as he is out I am about to clean up when a little lady hobbles up form the downstairs flat with a gun in her hand.

Its pointed at my head. The fuck. Is this some sort of fucked up mob sitcom?!

Shes glaring at me "I don't know who you are, but if you killed him I swear to fucking god-"

My mouth drops open "I did not kill him! He's high! I needed to sedate him so he couldn't hurt himself or anyone else! Who are you?"

Her eyes only get harder at my words "I'm his landlady, who the fuck are you?"

"I'm his wife." At my words she lowers the gun and she rushes over to me and hugs me.

I'm frozen in shock, I finally shake myself enough to listen to her rambling words.

"He's always raging about divorces and I never know what to do, I want to help, but I'm old Hun, as you can see, and he's such a good boy I can't help but want to make the pain go away, but it's always the same, stress, Needs high, violence, case, case, crash, high. Crazy boy but now you are back! Thank lord! I'm Mrs. Hudson dear! Your landlady!"

"How long?" I dread the answer, my stomach feels sick.

"As long as I've known him. Apparently since about a month after your death." Her eyes are sad and hesitant and she is holding my hands as though I'm going to fucking bolt.

6 fucking years. Fuck.

Breathing is hard as the tears pour out rapidly. Mrs. Hudson looks worried, like a grandmother, it's almost creepy.

I know I've done it for a while, but my beautiful brilliant boy. I can't breathe. The thought makes me want to curl up and hurl. I can't stand myself, I hate myself, what the fuck have I done. I should have stayed away. No, I can fix this. I can make it better. I can help.

Mrs. Hudson is in the kitchen, probably making tea, and she's muttering. Sigh, Women.

I sit on the couch and just look at my beautiful husband. I check the clock, only like 10 more minutes now, then hopefully we can talk.

6 Hours Later

I sigh as I shut the door behind Mrs. Hudson. Lovely woman, batty and very annoyingly chatty but she has such a kind loving heart. You can see her love for Sherlock. I'm happy to know he had someone within calling distance who can help.

Speaking of the fucking idiot, he's still passed out in his chair, the dork is just sleeping now, the sedative having been ineffective hours ago. His calm, sleeping face makes me smile.

I'm watching some boring lame sitcom when he finally starts to come to.

As soon as his eyes open, our eyes are connected, the surprised rush of breathe makes me nervous.

"I thought you weren't real, I thought it was another figment of my imagination. You shouldn't have had to see that. I'm so sorry." He looks so ashamed and heartbroken.

I don't say a word as I stand up and walk over to him, moving his arms and sitting on his lap. His hopeful eyes meet mine as he tightly wraps his arms around me.

The following kiss is all we need to say everything we can't say out loud just yet.

He tilts his head I'm sorry

I nip his lip You are fine, it's all fine, we are fine.

He presses harder and changes the angle How?

I smile and slide my tongue across his bottom lip You're a genius, Figure it out.

He smiles into the kiss and hugs me tighter while tempting my mouth open I Love you

Our tongues battle until we give into sweetness and simply press our lips against one another, completely slowing down and simply looking at one another with our lips connected I Love you too, We can do this.

"Okay." The simple word he breathes against my lips.

I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear him say that one measly word, but it fills me with hope. Hope for us, our future and our recovery, together.

Just to clarify for everyone, when you take hard-core drugs like speedball (Cocaine and Speedball) and mix it with hallucinogens it can lead to extreme paranoia and hallucinations that you think you can feel. All the overwhelming effects of such drugs can led to anger, terror and desperation. Hence why he said things like that to her. He did not mean them and they will move past from this. Thanks to everyone for reading and sticking with me, I know this wasn't my best chapter, Thank you all. Please review! I love to hear your opinions!