Bambiiluscious *handing a tissue* Sorry (not sorry)? Maybe you need another one for this chapter. Thanks for reviewing my dear.

gymnast1150 Thank you for taking the time to read and review my first chapter. It's nice to know what people think about it. I guess you are right because this chapter will be intense as well, maybe even more ^^"

SUMMARY: Still in the flashback 2007. Bellamy's POV and his talk with his mother….

I'll never be your mother's favorite

June 2007

His heart jumped in his chest wildly. He glanced over at his mother who walked calmly to the car, after saying goodbye to the Griffins. She didn't say a word and Bellamy didn't ask, despite the fact that he was desperate to know what she was thinking. He tried to ignore the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach because he knew his mother inside out. Something was wrong. She hadn't shown it to the hosts but he could see right through it, although he hoped that he was wrong. That he read to much into his mother's silence, her body language. The nice smile she gave the Griffins during the end of their visit, which told him that something was bothering her.

But he didn't ask, didn't dare to start an eventual fight – not while driving in rain like this– and because he was too scared of knowing already. So Bellamy just let out a little sigh and got into the car, rubbing his palms over his legs the whole way back, gazing at his mother from time to time, whose eyes were glued on the street. He even started chewing on his bottom lip, asking himself if Clarke's parents would like him and mulled over the last few hours.

Nothing bad happened. Apart from him knocking the glass of soda down, all over the table. Or him starting to stutter when Jake asked him a usual father question; why he was with Clarke. He felt like an idiot now. Clarke had told him that her father would ask those question and if only to mess with Bellamy. Still, he hadn't been prepared. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He knew exactly why he was with Clarke. She was generous, kind, sweet, beautiful, clever, funny, honest, passionate. Of course Clarke had her flaws but Bellamy didn't care. They were still in their beginnings, where everything was great and amazing. The reality would get them soon enough. A small smile formed itself on his lips, heart racing out of happiness when the car came into hold, the engine dead.

Bellamy opened his eyes. They got home. Again his eyes crossed over at his mother but she just unbuckled her belt, got out of the car and went inside the house. Bellamy on her tracks, no longer able of holding back the words that were bothering him the last twenty minutes. The moment the door fell in its lock he asked his mother, his whole body hyped up,

"So, what is it?" He couldn't hide his voice from sounding a little pissed already. He was sure now that something displeased his mother. She still hadn't said a word about meeting his girlfriend and her parents. His mom seemed to avoid the subject, pretending like the last few hours hadn't happened, which why she asked, feigned ignorance,

"What is what?"

Bellamy huffed, the uneasy feeling in his stomach growing bigger.

"What is what? Please mom, you know what I am talking about. We just spent the evening with my girlfriend and her parents, both you saw for the very first time and you haven't said a word since we got into the car. I know you, something is wrong. So tell me what it is and don't pretend like this never happened because you damn know how important this was to me!"

His eyes were fixed on his mother who held his stare easily. Bellamy folded his arms, jaw clenching. Preparing of what was about to come. Aurora's eyes started to move slowly all over her son's face. Her face softened and a smile, a sad one, appeared on her lips. Bellamy swallowed, arms dropping down, his throat dry as the desert.

"You, you don't like her." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. What other reasons would his mother have for beating around the bushes? She knew how he felt for her and didn't want to hurt him or his feelings so she stayed quiet (which wasn't helping at all).

Aurora took a deep breath.

"No. No, I think Clarke is wonderful. She is very sweet -"

"But?" Bellamy cut his mother short, totally confused.

Another loud sigh came out of Aurora, her eyes lying painfully on him. Like her next words would cut him deep (and they did).

"But … I don't think she fits in here."

His jaw clenched immediately, the same happened to his hands. Bellamy swallowed thickly, eyes hard on his mother.

"How?" It was all he got out without bursting. His whole body was set tight.

Aurora took a deep breath.

"Look sweetheart, she … her world is a completely different one. You've seen how she lives. Their living area is bigger than our kitchen, bath and my room together! She's wearing expensive clothes, probably going out every weekend, buying everything she wants. Her world isn't yours Bellamy. We can't do our holidays at overseas or buying something just because we like it. Clarke and her parents seem nice, they really do, but she doesn't fit in here. Not in the long run."

With every word his mother spoke, his heart rate quickened, jaw hardening and the throat glued together a little further. Did she think he didn't know about these thing? Did she think he wasn't thinking about all these difference all the time? That he didn't have the doubts himself?

He knew in what kind of world Clarke was living in and in what kind he was. Two different worlds. He fucking knew that! So his mother didn't have to tell him this and making his doubts even bigger. Doubts that he was right for her … . Bellamy swallowed, trying to free his throat from the lump.

"I think you are cute together," pushed his mother further, which didn't make Bellamy feel better. It made him feel even worse.

"And you two are young and don't care about these things -"

"Damn right you are! She doesn't care where I'm coming from and neither do her parents," at least he hoped they didn't, "and -"

"She doesn't care right now Bellamy!" She cut him off loudly. Lines of worrying forming on her forehead.

"She doesn't care right now Bellamy. But do you really think she'll be happy with this?" She shoved her hands around; like Bellamy needed a reminder in what shitty home they were living.

And right now Bellamy didn't know what hurt more. That his mother thought so superficial of Clarke or that she thought he wasn't able of escaping this shitty life. That he would be stuck in this world forever, not being able to graduate.

He huffed, licking his lips, feeling how the anger was boiling in his chest and it wouldn't take much more to let it out.

"She'll probably get a full ride and disappear. Clarke doesn't seem like the kind of girl who stays at Arcadia forever. And you know that."

This time his jaw cracked loudly, anger running through his veins aggressively and an empty laughter escaped his lips.

"Do you really think I'm not aware of this? That I'm so naive to believe that this is something Clarke can live with forever? That this is the life I want to live forever? Fucking God, I know that this isn't good enough for her. I know that she won't stay here forever, okay? That she'll go to Yale or wherever to study and might become the fucking president of the United States! I know that I can't give her the life she probably deserves. At least not now!"

His voice got louder, huskier. He didn't notice but he started yelling at his mother. The anger boiling in his veins, taking over the control. His heart beat strongly in its chest, loud and full of rage. His eyes started to burn, everything he kept inside was rushing out now.

"Do you really believe that I don't know that she deserves better than me?"

"Bellamy," interfered Aurora, this time she was swallowing hard, sad-eyed.

"No mom!" He yelled, his fingers tickling, nerves flying high. Tears pooling in his eyes. "I have these fucking doubts myself. But -"

"I just don't want you to get hurt Bellamy!" Screamed his mother back and Bellamy's answer followed immediately,

"Which works really great, doesn't it? I mean what could hurt more than the fact that your own mother doesn't believe you're worth loving someone 'above his station'. That your own mom doesn't believe in you and your ability of making it out of this fucking life? That she thinks so little of her own son -"

"You know I don't Bellamy! I want to protect you, okay? I hope, I hope so God damn much, that you'll do better than me. That you'll make it out of here. You and Octavia! And I'm sure that Clarke likes you and I can see how much you like her, but I don't think you'll make it together. She won't be the one helping you out. She's too young. You are too young!"

"You don't know that!" Returned Bellamy loudly and tears started rolling down his cheeks.

Tears of anger, disappointment and fear. Fear that his mother was right. That Clarke wouldn't stay at his side, that she would leave him one day, when she realized that he might not make it out of here. Disappointed that his mother didn't believe in him. Angry with himself that he still thought so little of himself.

His whole body was shaking.

"You don't know it either Bellamy. I know that this isn't easy for you to hear -"

"Oh no!" Said Bellamy sarcastically, "It's the easiest thing to listen to. Getting told not being good enough for a girl I like and who doesn't care about my status but only about me. I'm totally fine getting told being I'm a fucking loser who won't be anything but this, social scum. People remind me of this all the time! But it frigging hurts getting told by your mother, mom!"

Bellamy didn't care if his words were loud and hurting. He didn't care if he was crying and shaking. He didn't care because he was so damn angry. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this furious and he knew that he never had been with his mother. But right now he couldn't care less.

"Bellamy-" Started Aurora but Bellamy didn't listen. He didn't want to. So he yelled loudly and rough,

"Screw you mom!" Before turning around and running into his room, slamming the doors so hard that it echoed through the apartment.

He locked his door, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against it, swallowing hard, trying to get his heartbeat under control again, while his mother yelled,

"Bellamy Blake!"

He didn't say anything. A long silence stretched out and the more Bellamy tried to calm himself down, the angrier he got. His heart raced like hell, the blood rushed so fast through his veins that he could hear it. He swallowed a few times. Tears were streaming down his face and then, out of nowhere, he exploded and the anger bursted out of him. His fist met the surface of the door three times in a row, hard and fast and a loud, almost painful scream escaped his lunges.

The pain ran through his hand immediately, but Bellamy didn't care. He clenched his jaw and breath shaken, before throwing himself onto his bed. He laid there silently for a while, when a soft knock was on his door. His mother.

"Bell?" She tried to open the door, without any success. Aurora sighed.

"Bellamy I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you," She waited for him to respond, but he ignored her. He didn't want to talk to her, or listen to her right now! He chewed on his bottom lip while his mom continued,

"I love you Bellamy. You know that right? Because I do. I … I have to work now. Octavia is staying with a friend tonight. I'll … let's talk tomorrow okay?"

Still no response.

"Okay," Aurora said quietly and told Bellamy how much she loved him once more before heading out. Bellamy stared at the ceiling, gaze empty, his head full with thoughts. His phone rang a few minutes after his mother left the house and his heart got heavy when he saw the caller's ID: princess.

Bellamy swallowed, his heart beat quickly and the words of his mother yelled in his head while he took a few breaths. He didn't want Clarke to notice anything. He didn't want her to worry. This was something between his mother and him. So it took him longer than usually to pick up and even though he felt shitty as hell, he couldn't resist a smile coming up his face when he heard Clarke's happy voice and the words she was saying,

"My parents like you!"

His heart jumped and broke down at the same time. It was good to hear that her parents liked him. That he didn't mess up. He knew how important it was to Clarke that her parents were okay with this relationship, despite it wasn't any of their business. But just like him, Clarke was a family type. She loved her family as much as he did. Which broke his heart because his mother didn't approve the relationship; not really.

Bellamy tried to ignore the stabbing feeling in his heart and chuckled his response,

"Well, this is good, isn't it?" His eyes were closed, while imagining that Clarke was laying right next to him. The sound of her joyful voice truly calmed him down. He loved it, he loved her for this ability. He loved her … Bellamy swallowed hard at this thought, because they have never exchanged these words and now knowing that this might not be forever, he realized that he really loved her. His throat glued together and tears started to burn in his eyes again. His chest tightened as Clarke told him she wished he would be right next to her. The beat of his heart was loud, like a drumming sound.

Before Bellamy could answer he swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice under control,

"Me too."

He knew he failed the second he spoke. He knew he gave too much away by the sound of his voice. And the fact that Clarke noticed it as well didn't make it any better for him. It made him feel sick.

"Something wrong?"

Bellamy pressed his lips together, weighing how to respond, what he should say. He didn't want to worry her. Clarke didn't need to know what his mother was thinking of them. That he wasn't good enough and Clarke too superficial to being happy in the long run. That she would leave at the first opportunity and he would stick here forever. His tongue moved over his lips, his mind troubled what to say.

So there was a silence. A loud one, in which his heart raced so loud and fast like a hurricane. In which it was hard for him to breathe, his fingers tightened around his cell, listening to Clarke's worried "Bellamy?" what broke his heart and him out of silence.

Swallowing hard he said with a rough voice what he was thinking, what he was feeling right now. That he missed her!

"I just miss you."

The tears burned in his eyes, they thickened his throat, shaking his voice and the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach got even worse when he heard Clarke swallowing on the end of the line. Again there was a long and painful silence, both of them trying to process what's happening, trying to keep their emotions under control, trying not to panic.

Clarke's next words ripped his heart out, because she knew something was wrong and he couldn't hide it any longer, which he still tried.

"Bellamy, please tell me what happened. You are scaring the hell out of me."

Her crying finished him off. He pressed his eyes closed, his hand formed into a fist.

"Don't cry on me princess," begged Bellamy. He hated it when she was crying. He didn't want her to be like this. And he especially didn't want to be the reason!

"I'm not." Lied Clarke and her voice broke at the end. She sniffled and Bellamy wished he could embrace her, pulling her into his arms. But he couldn't. She wasn't with him right now. She was so far away … it never felt like this before.

"You are." Said Bellamy softly and rubbed his forehead when Clarke was yelling at him. He couldn't blame her.

"Then tell me what your fucking problem is! Did I something wrong tonight?"

"No -"

"Was it something my parents did?"

"No, no Clarke everything was just great tonight. It -" Tried Bellamy again, but Clarke cut him off again. She was so desperate to know what was wrong, so scared that she might be the reason for his current mood, which made him feel even worse.

"But it has to be -"

"It's my mom Clarke, okay?!"

Bellamy couldn't hold it back any longer. He yelled into the phone, it just broke out of him. His voice was mad and desperate at the same time. He felt so sorry and his heart clenched at her next words because it was so typically Clarke, that she thought something happened to his mother. So typically Clarke that she never thought his mother wouldn't approve their relationship. She had such a good heart, which made it fucking harder for him to tell her the truth.

"Did, did something happen? Is she okay?"

Bellamy rubbed his forehead, sighing loudly into the speaker, "She's fine."

"O-okay … she, she doesn't like me?"

His stomach clenched a little. It wasn't the exact reason but she was very close. Aurora's words repeated in his head; Clarke and her parents seem nice, they really do, but she doesn't fit in here. Not in the long run. She doesn't care right now Bellamy! She'll probably get a full ride and disappear.

He gulped, "No, she does. She thinks you are a great girl."

"I don't get it Bellamy."

Why couldn't she leave it? Did she really have to keep digging? He sighed, long and loud. Then, his heart heavy,

"She … she doesn't think it's right."

Clarke's answer followed immediately, "What does she mean by that?"

Bellamy opened his mouth to answer but he didn't have the heart to tell her what this meant. He couldn't break her heart like his mother broke his. But of course Clarke asked again, with shaky words,

"And what does this mean?"

He closed his eyes, seconds of silence passing by and then something sank in. That his mother was right. That his doubts wouldn't go away, nor the undeniable facts about who Bellamy was and who he would always be.

"I don't know. It's just – somehow she is right."

His words were quiet, sad, broken. And Clarke's were too. Both feeling the tension between them. "Right about what?"

Again it took him a little longer to answer. Throat tightening with every word,

"She said that, look Clarke, you and your parents … you live in a complete different world than us. You have money and so many great opportunities. Me, I'll never be able to give you what you need. I'll never earn enough money to make your dreams come true. There won't be any holidays in New York or in Europe. No big house and fancy dresses or jewels. I won't go to a big university and become a doctor or judge. I'll be stuck here forever and I don't want to bring you down. I won't let you give up your dreams and chances. You deserve more than the life I can offer. Much more. You, you don't fit into my world in the long run."

His voice was low and thick, rough and shaking. His eyes burned with tears, realizing how true his words were. When Clarke responded he heard the tears, the fear of what might coming next. He felt it too.

"That's not true Bellamy. And you know that. You don't know what I want and what I need. Maybe I don't want a life like my parents have, okay? Maybe all I want is you, no matter what. May-maybe I don't give a shit about money and opportunities. This is not fair and you know that … just because your mom –"

"It's not only because of my mom Clarke. We both knew about this –"

"Exactly! This is why I don't understand why it's such a big problem right now. Which it isn't for me! You know that I don't care about money –"

"Not now!" Bellamy cut her off and somehow he couldn't believe that he was using his mother's words. Clarke huffed offended, "You don't –"

"Come on Clarke, we both know that you want to study at Yale or Harvard or abroad."

"Maybe I don't want –" Tried Clarke, but Bellamy cut her short again.

"And I don't want to be the reason for you not to go, okay? I couldn't live with that." It was the truth. He couldn't live with the fact that he was the reason Clarke didn't study because of him. That he was the one who brought her down, kept her in a place like this when she could been so much more.

"You could come with me!" Suggested Clarke and her voice was filled with tears. Bellamy laughed an empty laughter, sourly and sad.

"You know I can't afford to live in a city like Cambridge. How would I earn money? With a job as what? A janitor?" He scoffed. "Yeah, amazing future prospects."

When Clarke didn't answer Bellamy sighed lowly, listening to her silent tears.

"Clarke," his voice was gentle, worry flew with it.

"Please," he pleaded, his voice rough from holding back the tears, unsuccessfully because he felt them on his cheeks.

"Clarke, please I –"

"What do you want from me Bellamy?!" Nagged Clarke furiously into the speaker and Bellamy really couldn't blame her. He closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts.

"What am I supposed to do, huh? You are trying to break up with me and –"

"I don't want to Clarke!" Insisted Bellamy and said, "I just don't want to ruin everything for you. Can't you understand that?"

"No. No I can't understand that Bellamy! Because this is exactly what you are doing right now. Ruining everything by telling me these things. I am happy, okay? I am happy with you right now and I don't care about what people think. I don't care what I want for the future, because I frigging don't know myself, okay? I just want to be with you. Only you. I don't care if your mom thinks we're not worth it. That we won't make it! I just don't want us to break up. Not like this. Not over the phone, not after tonight … not at all! All I want is to be with you. Why don't you get that? I decide what is good for me and not you or your mom or my parents. Only me!"

His jaw clenched. He breathed heavily through his nose because on one hand he knew she was right, on the other one his mom's word repeated in his head and she was right too. What was he supposed to do? He loved Clarke and he didn't want to lose her. But he couldn't bear it, bringing her down when her future seemed so bright. And his … his wasn't. Even though he wished it was different, he knew that it was wishful thinking to be in a better place one day.

They both stayed silent for a while, when Clarke told Bellamy that she would come over. This got him out of his stiffness. His eyes flew to the window, the rain got worse. He didn't notice that it was storming already.

"I'll come over right now!"

"No. It's storming outside Clarke! I won't let you walk over. It's too dangerous."

"I don't care Bellamy! I won't let you breaking up with me over the phone!"

He knew that he couldn't hold her back, not when her voice was any indication for her determination. He panicked because there was a fucking storm outside and Clarke couldn't drive, he had no car and like hell he would let her walk all this way!

"I am not Clarke. I promise. I'll come over tomorrow, okay? Please – be reasonable. I don't want you to get out of there and –"

"Sorry."

It was the last thing he heard before the ending signal. Bellamy froze. He stared into the room, his heart pounding, palms sweaty. His heart skipped a couple of beats and Bellamy looked at his phone. Did she just hang up on him? He licked his lips and dialed her number quickly. Mailbox. He tried it a second time. Mailbox again.

He jumped out of his bed, heart rate at its highest. She wouldn't walk over, right? She wouldn't be this dumb … right?

"Oh God please," prayed Bellamy towards the ceiling and walked back and forth. If he had a car he wouldn't hesitate to go, but his mother has taken their car to work. Bellamy licked his lips and dialed the number of his girlfriend one more time - still the mailbox.

Then the thought of calling her parents hit him. He opened the numbers and tried to remember the Griffin's telephone number. He tried it four times before getting it right. His heart beat hard in its ribcage, nerves tense. He breathed heavily, while waiting for someone to answer the call.

"Jake Griffin?"

His heart jumped, "Hello Mr. Griffin, it's Bellamy Blake."

"Bellamy," greeted Jake him concerned, "Everything okay?"

His stomach dropped. Judging by the voice of Clarke's father she might have told them already what happened. Bellamy swallowed. He didn't want to deal with a father's wrath, because he hurt Clarke's feelings. Not now.

"Uhm, yeah. It's just, uhm, I tried to call Clarke but she won't answer her phone. Is, is she alright? Is she with you?"

"Yes, yeah she is here. She's with Abby right now … why?"

What did Jake know? What could Bellamy say without giving everything away? He closed his eyes, heart still pounding.

"Okay, good. It's just that she, she wanted to walk over and it's storming outside. I would pick her up but I don't have a car right now and well, I would stop by tomorrow but she didn't listen and she won't answer my calls, so could you please make sure she stays safe with you? A-and tell her that I'll come by tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'll talk to her. But everything is alright?"

"Yeah," lied Bellamy and he wasn't sure if Jake really believed him. He probably already knew, why would he asked again otherwise?

"Okay."

"Thank you." Said Bellamy relieved and said goodbye to the man on the end of the line. When he hung up Bellamy took a deep, calming breath. Everything was going to be okay.