The Goldsteins went home before school started so that Ari could go back to London in order to get back to Scotland without Bubby or Zaidy knowing. Ari complained bitterly about having to spend an entire day on the train again, but Tatti insisted it's a tradition and everyone goes on the train, even kids who live in Hogsmeade.
Tatti apparated Ari directly to the platform. Ari found an empty compartment, said good-bye to his father, and practiced his laining. He was surprised when he heard familiar voices standing right over here.
"Well, look who's here," Michael said. "What's that you're reading?"
"I'm practicing for my bar mitzvah," Ari said, kissing his chumash and putting it away.
"And you didn't even invite us!" Terry exclaimed. "How could you not invite us?"
"You wouldn't fit in," Ari tried to explain. "My friends are all Jewish muggles."
"What are we, chopped liver?" Michael asked.
"Most of my friends are Jewish muggles," Ari tried again. "As you are not Jewish and are not muggle, you would not fit in with the crowd at my bar mitzvah."
Terry stuck his head out the door and looked around.
"Hey," he called. "Stephen, Kevin, over here! Anthony is planning a bar mitzvah without us!"
Stephen and Kevin came to their compartment, followed by Justin, Ernie, Dean, and Seamus.
"So, why aren't we invited?" Justin asked.
"All the guests will be Jewish muggles," Ari said, "And as you're not Jewish and not a muggle, you wouldn't fit in."
"My parents have been to many bar mitzvahs before," Justin said. "It's not that hard to fit in."
"Really?" Ari asked. "So what would you wear to a bar mitzvah?"
"A suit and tie," Justin said.
"What else?" Ari asked.
Justin thought for a minute and said, "I guess your crowd isn't the type that hands out yarmulkes at the door."
"Definitely not," Ari said. "It's expected that everyone wears a yarmulke all the time, so there's no reason to give them out."
"It's not that hard to buy a yarmulke," Justin said.
"For you it might not be," Ari told him, "but some people here never went into a muggle store in their life. They know nothing about muggle currency and probably never saw a yarmulke or a Jew before they met me."
"True enough," Terry agreed, "but we can all borrow yarmulkes from you and come."
"What would you do there?" Ari challenged.
"What does everyone else do?" Michael asked.
"Eat, listen to boring speeches, dance, eat, and listen to more boring speeches, and eat again," Ari answered.
"Do we need to bring someone to dance with?" Michael asked.
"Huh?" Ari didn't know what he was talking about.
"For dancing," Seamus clarified. "Do we need a date?"
"Definitely not!" Ari said, horrified at the idea. "There is a partition in the middle of the room separating men from women. Men dance on one side and women dance on the other."
"What kind of dancing?" asked Dean.
"Jewish dancing," Ari said vaguely. "Dancing in a circle."
"It sounds different," Stephen said, trying to be polite.
"It is different!" Ari told him. "That's why I said none of you would fit in."
"If I wear a suit, tie, and yarmulke, why won't I fit in?" Justin asked.
"What color suit?" Ari asked him.
"I have a gray one," Justin said.
"You won't fit in because nobody else will be wearing gray," Ari said. "Most boys get black suits for bar mitzvahs."
"Fine," Justin said, "I'll wear a black suit."
"What's my name?" Ari asked him.
"Anthony," Justin said.
"Wrong," Ari said, "And nobody who calls me Anthony could come to my bar mitzvah."
"But that's your legal name," Ernie protested.
"Exactly," Ari said. "It's only my legal name. Jews are called by their Hebrew names, and since Dean is the only one here who calls me Ari, the rest of you wouldn't fit in."
"So if we start calling you Ari, we can come?" Michael asked.
"Do you have a black suit and yarmulke?" Ari asked him.
"I'm sure I could get one," Michael said. "I have muggle grandparents who could take me shopping, and my father grew up in the muggle world."
"Same with me," Seamus said. "I get the best of both worlds being half and half. In fact, I'm even better. Me dad's a muggle."
"I also have muggle grandparents," Terry said. "And Kevin, Justin, and Dean know their way around the muggle world just fine, so it's only Stephen and Ernie who have a problem."
"I don't have a problem," Stephen huffed. "I never said I want to go to your crummy bar mitzvah anyway."
"That's good," Ari said, "Because I never intended to invite anyone here."
"If we get suits and yarmulkes and call you Ari, why can't we come?" Michael asked.
"What would you tell someone if they ask you your name?" Ari challenged.
"Of course we don't have Jewish names," Michael said. "We're not Jewish."
"And where would I know not Jewish people from?" Ari continued.
"School?" Terry stated the obvious.
"And why am I in a not Jewish school?" asked Ari.
"Because you're a wizard," Kevin said, connecting the pieces. "Your friends all think you're in a Jewish school, and can't know you have not Jewish friends."
"Exactly," Ari said. "I would love to have all of you, but it won't work."
"When is your bar mitzvah?" Michael asked.
"The end of December," Ari told him. "During the holidays."
"We'll have to make you a party before you leave," Michael said.
"I keep kosher," Ari reminded him.
"You don't have to eat," Terry told him. "You'll get to eat at your kosher bar mitzvah. This is so we can eat."
"So then you could have one without me," Ari said. "Why do you need me there to have a bar mitzvah?"
"Because you're the bar mitzvah boy," Terry stated the obvious. "Why else would we have a bar mitzvah party?"
Luckily, the trolley witch came around, breaking up the conversation. The bar mitzvah wasn't mentioned again and Ari hoped all his friends would forget this conversation.