Okay guys, here comes chapter 3. We are still in June 2007. The last chapter of the flashback. Have fun :-D

I'm Gonna Love You, Like I'm Gonna Lose You

June 2007

Clarke pushed the lump down her throat as she stood in front of the Blake's house. Her mother was waiting in the car but Clarke had told her to leave as soon as Bellamy let her in. She didn't want her mom to wait for her outside in the car. Not when it was storming like this. Also, this was something she had to do on her own.

If Bellamy wanted to break up with her in person she had to be on her own. She knew that she could count on her parents to pick her up any time, but despite that fact, it still was not easy standing here, waiting for the door to open.

Their talk ran through her head over and over. His words echoed in her mind, making her heart ache. Clarke took a deep breath and pushed the bell. Her heart hammered in her chest loud as a drum. It took Bellamy ten seconds to open the door. He scanned her with his eyes before looking at the car, relief rushing over his face because she hadn't been stubborn once this one time and let her parents drive her. Clarke kept her gaze on him, trying to read him but failed. He seemed just as nervous as her.

When Bellamy let her in Abby pulled back, leaving them alone.

Her teeth buried in her bottom lip as she took off her jacket and shoes. Her heart was still beating like she had just ran a marathon. Her nerves were strained to the utmost. She breathed in deeply and smiled nervously at Bellamy,

"Hey."

The corner of his mouth pulled slightly up, his eyes fixed on hers when he greeted her back.

They didn't exchange a kiss. Both too nervous and insecure of what was about to come, what they were allowed to do and what not. Without another word Bellamy led Clarke through the hallway into his room.

It was small, but Clarke loved it in here. The room didn't contain much besides a mattress, which was put on pallets, a closet and a desk with a laptop on it. Four bookshelves decorated the walls, just as some old and new pictures of things Bellamy liked, friends and his family – and them.

Clarke swallowed and pushed the upcoming tears away as her eyes captured the picture of them on their first zoo visit. It showed them in front of the panthers. The sun was shining and Bellamy laughed into the camera while Clarke gave him a peck on his cheek, a baby panther and his mother behind them.

"Octavia is staying with Harper tonight and mom is working, so ..." Explained Bellamy and pulled Clarke out of her thoughts.

"Okay," nodded the blonde and forced herself to take her eyes off of the pictures.

It felt weird. They both felt weird, trying to tiptoe around the subject. The reason Clarke came here in the first place. Their talk. His words. Their fears of losing each other.

Clarke didn't know how to start. Okay, maybe she did, but she didn't want to. She was too afraid that it would become real. A real threat when she voiced her thoughts. She didn't want to lose him. But being here, saying nothing but trivial stuff wasn't helping either of them. So Clarke closed her eyes, gathering up her courage by taking a deep breath before looking at Bellamy who talked first.

"I don't want us to break up Clarke."

His voice was as panicked as Clarke felt. His brown eyes pleading.

"Neither do I, Bellamy." Her words were sad instead this time. Hurt from the things he had said. "But you said those things for a reason and -"

"I know. I know and I am sorry Clarke. I- I don't know what to think anymore. On the one hand I know that my mom is right, that I can't give you what you want -"

Clarke opened her mouth to protest but Bellamy didn't let her.

"- but on the other hand" he pushed further "all I want is to be with you. I want my mom to be wrong."

"She is wrong." Clarke stated almost desperate because she wanted him to understand that all that matters is them. Their love for each other.

Bellamy looked at her intensely, she saw his adam's apple bobbing up and down when he swallowed hardly, his tongue running over the bottom lip. Fear and doubts mirrored in his gaze. Seconds of silence stretched out between them and Clarke held his gaze, her heart beating nervously. She sensed that Bellamy wanted to say something, though he just kept looking at her.

"Bell -" Clarke started softly but Bellamy cut her off, his voice rough and thick.

"What if I'm not good enough for you?"

Clarke blinked, speechless.

"I don't want you to give up your dreams for me. I- I don't want to pull you down. You deserve so much more then … then this."

He raised his hand, showing around before looking back at her.

The blonde swallowed, shaking her head while processing his words. Tears were shining in her eyes as her heart started to bleed. She hated what Bellamy had said. She hated that he thought so little of himself and so high of her. He put her on a pedestal, high above the ground like the princess she wasn't. Like Clarke was perfect and he was full of failures. Like she was the light and he was the dark. And maybe they were. They were different but just as the dark and the light they couldn't live without each other. The light needed the dark to shine, to exist. She needed him. Why couldn't Bellamy see this?

Why did he think he knew what was good for her? What she wanted? Why did he have to push her away?

Because he wanted to protect her. He didn't want her to regret anything. He wanted her to be happy. Living the life she always wanted. And yet he didn't see, he didn't understand that she was already doing it. She wanted to live with Bellamy. Since she was with him, so many things had changed for her, in a good, really good way. Actually Bellamy knew that. He felt the same. Except that he thought that he wasn't worth being in her future … being her future. And that hurt.

"You aren't good enough? Are you kidding?" said Clarke slowly, her voice shaking with tears and fear, "You are perfect for me Bellamy! And I am for you. I-I know that you think you bring me down, that I may regret it someday and I'm sure there will be things that I'll regret. But these things won't have anything to do with you. I- I need you Bellamy."

Bellamy swallowed, his gaze lost in her eyes. She heard him breathing and a loud drumming sound in her ears. Bellamy's jaw clenched. He still wasn't sure if he believed her words. If he was allowed to believe. And he didn't. Not when the way he said her name was any indication.

"Clarke -"

She shook her head, forcing him to stop without telling him what she thought, how she felt.

"No Bellamy. No! Stop it, okay? I don't want to hear your explanations why we can't be together. Why we shouldn't be. I don't have a doubt when it comes to us okay? I already told you, I don't care if you have money or not. I don't care what people say or if you don't go to college. I. Don't. Doubt. Us. Of, of course we don't know what will happen but, but why do we have to ruin what we have right now by thinking about what could be tomorrow?"

Her voice was determined, eyes fierce and shining with tears. She almost yelled at him.

Bellamy sighed, rubbing his forehead before running his hand desperately through his hair. He walked back and forth in the small room, shaking his head and silence became their guest once again.

Suddenly he stopped.

His eyes raked over her, a look in them which made Clarke's stomach clench hard.

"Your parents like me?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, they do and so do I."

She whispered smiling and felt a shiver running down her spine, when Bellamy nodded, his eyes getting dark and fierce.

"Actually," hesitated the blonde, her heart jumping in its rib cage, "actually, I love you."

It was their first time. They were together for four months and it was the first time Clarke had told him these three magical words. She saw him swallowing, she heard him swallowing and suddenly his eyes stood still. Brown met blue. Something shifted in Bellamy's eyes and Clarke started feeling nervous. She thought he would say it right back at her. But he didn't. He kept looking at her and … not that she doubted that Bellamy wasn't loving her just as much but still, his silence made her feel weird.

She bit her bottom lip, tipping from one foot to another, folding her arms over her chest like she wanted to shield herself from whatever was about to come.

But nothing happened. Seconds passed by and Bellamy didn't do or say anything. He just kept looking at her and her body flamed up under his gaze. The heat in her head grew, making her mind fuzzy. Everything was tingling. It was pure torture. Clarke let out the breath she didn't know she was holding when she couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"You know, if we want to make this work you have to say something too Bellamy."

He stayed silent. Swallowing, then he crashed into her. With two long strides he closed the space between them, taking her face into his hands, pressing his lips hard and desperate on hers.

With his force Bellamy pushed Clarke back a little, making her gasp into the kiss. But almost the second Bellamy touched her, her arms throw themselves around his neck, pulling herself upwards, closer into the kiss.

His lips were rough and hungry, determined and anything but insecure. His big hands framed her face perfectly, tilting it a little to deepen the kiss. Without asking his tongue entered her mouth, challenging her. A moan escaped Clarke's throat – or was it Bellamy, groaning into her mouth?

Hot and cold chills ran over Clarke's skin when she felt Bellamy pressing himself closer into her. He bit into her bottom lip, making it hard to breathe for a few seconds.

"I love you too." Bellamy mumbled against her lips, not daring to break the kiss.

Clarke smiled, her heart skipping a couple of beats. She didn't know that a love confession could sound so sweet and … real.

"God, I love you so damn much." Bellamy's hands moved along her neck, over her shoulders to her lower back, pulling her as close as possible.

"I don't want us to break up Clarke. I want to be with you." Groaned Bellamy and squeezed her ass with his hands.

His tongue was strong against hers, before Clarke broke the kiss. Heavily breathing. She felt dizzy, her heart jumped wildly inside.

"Me neither," she whispered huskily, her hands roaming over Bellamy's chest. "We'll figure something out."

Bellamy nodded. "I know we will."

Then Clarke pulled Bellamy into another kiss. She wanted it to be soft and gentle but it turned out to be a rough and hungry. It was all teeth and tongue. Desperate, clutching onto Bellamy's shoulders, low moans escaping the back of her throat when she felt Bellamy's hands gripping her hard on her waist.

"I want you. And only you." Bellamy's voice was rough and deep, filled with hunger and his hands roamed just as desperate as Clarke's over her body.

Clarke shuddered and pushed her tongue against Bellamy's while his hands disappeared underneath her shirt, taking it off of her.

With dark eyes he took her in, both heavily breathing. Bellamy licked his lips, eyes hot on her breasts before flickering up into her eyes. Clarke bit her bottom lip, her heart jumping in her chest and the throbbing feeling between her legs became unbearable.

Bellamy groaned. "You have to stop doing this."

He looked right at her lips, eyes blown wide and dark.

"Why?" Asked Clarke as innocent as possible. Judging by his looks she had a pretty good idea why she had to stop but she wanted to hear it from him.

"Because it's turning me on." Bellamy growled and freed her bottom lip from underneath her teeth with his thumb before bending down, capturing the lip with his teeth and sucked at it.

Clarke felt the heat burning through her body, her hands ran through the thick curls while Bellamy pushed her towards the bed and crawled over her, caging her between his muscled body and the soft mattress. Her eyes raked over Bellamy's face and only came into a stop when she noticed his fixed gaze on her. His brown eyes were burning a hole into her head. Heat flushed through her all at once. She didn't feel anything but the urge to have Bellamy as close as possible. They both stared at each other, heavily breathing and not saying anything. At least not with words.

His intense stare didn't even make her uncomfortable. Quite the opposite – it turned her on. She was incredibly turned on by his glance and the way his body hovered over her. Without second thought she pushed herself up, catching Bellamy's lips hungrily.

Clarke's fingernails scratched over the fabric of Bellamy's shirt before she pulled it off. It wasn't the first time they had gone this far, but they had never gotten any further. But this time it felt like the very first time she laid eyes on his naked abdomen. Like he'd never been this close before – and somehow he hadn't been.

Bellamy let his hands roam over her skin, setting her on fire and leaving her desperate for more. He broke their lips apart and started to pepper her neck with open mouthed kisses.

"Gosh Clarke," mumbled Bellamy and licked a soft spot between neck and shoulder.

"I am sorry for what I said. I want us to be together." He bit the same spot with his teeth.

"Screw everybody else. It's just you and me. We -"

Clarke gasped loudly, burying her fingernails into his shoulder blades because Bellamy suddenly stopped talking and sucked at the sensitive skin. A new wave of flaming heat pulsed through Clarke's body, reaching her lower belly, making her even wetter and hotter, more desperate for going further.

Her gasp seemed to encouraged Bellamy because he bit down a littler harder before letting go, his lips finding new skin to kiss to.

"We'll make it work. Together. We'll show my mother she is wrong. I -"

"Bellamy? Bell -"

Clarke put her hands onto his chest and pushed him away, making him stop talking. Bellamy frowned and opened his mouth to ask but Clarke spoke first. Eyes serious on him.

"Could you please shut the fuck up?"

Bellamy blinked in confusion, which made Clarke roll her eyes. Her hands wander over his chest and his shoulders, towards the back of his neck. Her gaze softened and she slowly started to smile.

"You need to stop talking and put more effort into this" Her eyes darted between them. "I don't know if you have noticed but I am super turned on right now and I'm not sure we can keep going this way if you don't stop talking. I mean, yes. We'll figure it out and we'll make it work. Together and yes I love you Bellamy. But right now I just want … I just want this to be about us and not you talking about your mom and, well … okay, I should stop talking too."

Clarke felt a blush creeping up her neck. She would probably talk their lust down if she continued. She cleared her throat and looked at Bellamy who was still looking at her. He slowly nodded. "Okay."

Then he leaned down until their lips were only a few inches apart. His eyes were still locked with hers. The rain splashed loud against the window. The wind knocked furiously against the walls. Clarke felt Bellamy's warm breath rushing over her cheek. Her chest touched his while breathing almost silently. Clarke swallowed, not able to do or say anything. It was like Bellamy's gaze paralyzed her. She was so lost in the moment that she didn't even really realized that Bellamy's hand captured her cheek, his thumb gently caressing her skin.

Bellamy smiled. And then he was kissing her. Soft and sweet. Unchaste and deep. And it was the sweetest thing she ever tasted. Hesitantly she put more into the kiss, urging Bellamy forward. Piece by piece. Her hands moved down towards his pants, letting her tongue slide into his mouth, making him moan into her. Her fingers fumbled at the belt and pushing off Bellamy's clothes while feeling his teeth sucking on her lip. Somehow she got rid of the rest of her clothes too and it was all teeth and hands. Without a second thought, without hesitating and without thinking about what they were doing, Bellamy pushed into Clarke for the very first time. Both shuddering and panting.

The warmth enclosed her like a cocoon. She nuzzled deeper into the blanket, breathing in the familiar scent, which made her heart beat happily in her chest. Silence surrounded her but unlike yesterday it felt good. Safe. Clarke tried to fight her mind, which was telling her to wake up. She just wanted to lay here a little longer. Just a little. It was nice being covered by the soft blanket, having Bellamy's warm body next to hers.

Unfortunately the peaceful moment was over when she heard a phone ringing. Clarke felt a movement next to her; Bellamy who reached for his phone, while she kept her eyes shut. Whoever was calling, it better be important. When Bellamy's rough voice reached her ears, the blonde felt a hot feeling pooling inside her belly. It reminded her of their last night. Their first time. Her first time. And a promise. A promise that they'll go through this together. That they'll show the others how wrong they were about them. They would face it - together!

The blonde didn't pay much attention to Bellamy's words but recognized the change in his voice. It was thick, heavy, shocked. Clarke turned around, a frown on her forehead when Bellamy sat up straight, swallowing hard before hanging up. He stared at the wall, his face blank.

"What happened?" Clarke asked softly and sat up as well, trying not to be terrified by her boyfriend's expression.

Bellamy swallowed, tears burning in his eyes. He didn't look at her when he answered,

"My mom … she's dead."