Always There

Disclaimer: And we're done! I own none of these characters, but am grateful to JE for inventing them for us to play with. Unlike JE, I am not making any money from them

A/N: So we made it. I do not have the adequate words to express my thanks to all those who read, reviewed, sent pms or just lurked! This was my first venture into the world of JE writing and it was because of the friendliness, support and encouragement from all of you that I got this far. I promise you that chapter 1 was most definitely always meant to be only a one shot – if you don't believe me I'm sure that JazMitch and Rangersbabe10 will back me up! Oh, and apologies for the mix up with the girls – I did try to fix it but the site wouldn't accept the edit. Ce la vie! The vast majority of you wanted an epilogue so here is my take on that. I hope that you enjoy it – and maybe leave one last review?! I really hope it doesn't disappoint! THANK YOU again. Now, for the last time – Enjoy!

Epilogue

"Hey Grandma. Sorry that I haven't talked to you for a while, but well, you know how it is…. I know that you said you didn't want me to be at the graveside talking to the dirt because you definitely wouldn't be there and you know, I'm sure you're right.

Mom and Val have kept the place looking beautiful though. They go regularly, change the flowers, wash down the stone, that kind of thing. They find a real comfort in it, but me, I prefer to talk to you here.

So, what's been going on? Well, it's been just over a year since you've been gone now and I guess a lot has happened. I'll start with the not so good stuff.

Mom. She took you going kind of hard. I mean we all did but well, she's your daughter so it was bound to hit her in a different way. I don't know what you said to her, but she kept going on about a promise she made to you. Anyway, she was great about the funeral, but I told you about that. It was afterwards that she went downhill. I did kind of get it though.

You know, everyone warns you about what to expect when a terminal prognosis is given, when the person passes and how to arrange a funeral. But it's the part that follows that is so, so hard. When there's nothing more to do. In your case too Grandma, it was easy to sort stuff out, because you had arranged everything before hand. Who knew Albert could actually be so efficient! Do you know how much you improved his confidence in letting him draw up your will Grandma? That someone actually trusted him was life changing for him. Val saw it too and she's been much more supportive of him and he is actually making some money now. He's joined with another small law firm and Albert is their 'will' specialist. It also appears that he's really quite good at the more clerical side of things – let's face it, we all knew that people skills was not Albert's strong suit – but anyway, he's making a go of it.

Sorry, I was talking about mom. As I was saying, that part after everything is done is hard. Val and I helped mom sort out your stuff and it was that I think that really made it all a reality for mom. She hit the booze pretty hard. We didn't notice at first, but gradually… well, it was impossible to not notice. We spoke to daddy but he said he thought it was just a phase, you know, until she got over losing you. I told Carlos and he just looked at me. And I knew. I knew I was back in Denial Land and I'd vowed never to go there again. So I went over to the house and had it out with mom. She denied it of course and I won't lie grandma, but it got bad. Mom played a good game though and most people wouldn't have known. But then the fire happened. She was making soup and fell asleep while the pan was on the stove. Thank god the smoke alarms woke her up when they did.

RangeMan monitor the 911 frequencies and heard the call come in. I got there as quickly as I could and thankfully she wasn't so drunk that she couldn't think straight. She'd smothered it as best she could and got out, but she still needed to be checked out by the EMTs. Luckily, I knew them and they agreed to keep quiet about the alcohol they smelled on her. Although the kitchen was gutted it was the wake up call mom needed.

I'm proud of her you know. She pulled it around. She's learned to fill her time with other things now. She even volunteers at St Luke's. In fact it was June who helped mom dig herself out of the hole she was in. Now they're good friends and it's done mom good to have a friend outside of the Burg – opened her eyes a bit. As for her and me? Well, that's been a rocky road too. I mean, we're good grandma, don't worry about that, but we'll never be like you and me were. I think mom was so embarrassed about what happened that it changed our relationship forever. The up side is that she doesn't interfere with my life at all; no comments, no suggestions, nothing. I never thought I'd say this but I kind of miss the nagging in some strange way. Not the 'why me' the 'change your job' or the 'biological clock' lectures, but the other stuff, you know, the pineapple upside down cake bribes, or the summons to pick up the lunch meat – even the interest in my love life. The 'mom' stuff. Anyhow, she's better now and that's what matters.

I guess I should mention daddy. I hate to say this grandma, but he's the one I'm most disappointed in and mad at. All this time I thought that he just sat and read the newspaper and watched sports just to escape mom's nagging. But that's not true. The truth is that he kind of thinks that he's done his part in going out to work for all those years so now he just lives in his own little bubble and he doesn't really care about anything as long as his world is alright.

It all came to a head when I told Carlos about his reaction to mom's drinking. Carlos' response was to ask what had I expected? I told him that I was surprised then I asked him to tell me what he really thought. What he said floored me grandma. He said that dad had never really 'manned up' in his whole life as far as he could tell. If a boy had played 'choo choo' with our daughter, his parents would have made damned sure that he wouldn't have been near enough to even look at her again, never mind take her virginity behind a pastry case. That if our daughter had had poems written about her on bathroom walls then the boy would never write anything again – presuming he was ever found. And he didn't leave it there. He talked about managing his home, treating his wife and daughters with more respect, skipping off to the lodge when things got tough, boy it all came out. But Carlos being Carlos, he said it all calmly and rationally and it made sense. It hurt, I won't deny that, but he said that he had vowed to support me and it was time I realised these things. And the fact was that daddy wasn't going to help mom because it meant effort for HIM. At least now I know where I get – no got – my love of Denial Land from.

I don't see him much now. Carlos and I go to dinner about once a month I guess, usually with Val and her family so it all passes by without fuss. You'd be real proud of Val though grandma. She's the lynch pin to the family now. The fight has gone out of mom. She loves her volunteering and helps Val with the girls a lot, but I think her brush with alcoholism has crushed her spirit. Yes, that's what I miss, her spirit. I know it sounds strange, but by stepping back, I realised that mom did have spirit. It may have been channeled in the wrong way, but it was there. I always thought it skipped a generation and had come straight from you to me, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe if we hadn't lived in the Burg, mom's could have been redirected. But she's happy enough I think. Between her being out doing her thing and dad either being out in the cab or at the Lodge, they don't see each other much. It's sad to see but it works for them I guess.

Like I said, Val's the lynchpin to the Plum family now. She's the one organising the family dinners but also barbecues and bake sales for the PTA. She's so supportive of Albert now grandma and has stopped moaning about everything as much. I think losing you and seeing what's happened to mom and dad had a real effect on her. Again, I think it's your spirit. You know how we all thought that I was the only one who had it? We were wrong. Val is a fighter too and she's going for it grandma! And do you know what's great? She's passing it on to her girls as well! Who'd have thought? They are all doing well in school and the girls are beginning to voice the things they want to do in their lives. Okay, they're still too young to know for sure but at least they're thinking about a life other than settling down to marriage and babies and dinner on the table at six o'clock as the only option. I mean if that's what they want then that's great, there's nothing wrong with that. But it shouldn't be the ONLY option. And that's what you've given them.

So, that's all good right? I guess that leaves me. It's been tough. Like mom, I found that time just after you died to be so empty. I was so angry and frustrated at times. Do you know how many times I picked up the 'phone and got half way through dialing your number before I realised? How many times I thought 'I wonder if grandma would like…..?' and you weren't there. I'm ashamed to say it, but I resented you so badly for that. For not being there. And then I just felt guilty. I guess I got into a bit of a cycle for a while there. But it got better. I'm not saying I forgot you, but just that it became less painful to remember you. After a while, I was able to recall all the happy times. I'll never forget the times in the hospice or the day you passed, but they've become selective memories now instead of the only ones. June and Anne said that would happen. Oh I swallowed my pride and, with Carlos' encouragement, went to see the bereavement counsellor at St Luke's. It helped so much and June and Anne were – are - there for me too.

They said that the time may come when I don't think about you every day, but that it was okay because it doesn't mean that I've forgotten you or that I don't care. It means that I'm doing what you would want me to, to move on and that we can do that without disrespecting those we've lost. That we should. Thinking about it, I know it's what you would want. That's it's how it should be because how can I honour you and your spirit by being stuck in a destructive spiral of mourning? So, that's what I'm doing, moving on in the way you would want me to.

Grandma, I'm so excited! And I have big news. Carlos and I got married! Yes, I know, a shock eh? Or maybe not to you, it seems. I never thought I could marry again, but you, you knew. We had a small wedding in Hawaii. Only a few of the guys know for now. I know it sounds mean but the way things are with mom and dad I felt that they would dampen our day. And this was for me, well, me and Carlos. Both the families will freak when they find out, but it'll calm down eventually.

Since Carlos and I have been a proper couple, my life has come together in a way I could only imagine. You always told me I could fly and now I have a man, my best friend, beside me who helps me live my dreams. It's so easy to be with him grandma. I realise now what it's like to be supported and to be able to give that support. He's still doing his secret government stuff and to be honest that's one of the reasons we got married. Heaven forbid anything happens to him, I get taken care of as his wife. There's a whole bunch of RangeMan stuff that automatically kicks in in case the worst ever happens too, but we're not thinking about that – that's one place in Denial Land I'm not ready to give up just yet.

But the real reason we got married is because we realised that the piece of paper does make a difference. I can't quite explain why – maybe it's our ingrained Catholic upbringing – but I don't think so. I think we wanted to solidify our commitment to one another. Carlos' marriage to Rachel wasn't a marriage at all, and mine – well, the less said about that the better. But it left me hurt and angry and scared of making a commitment ever again. As for Carlos, although it was his choice to marry, his commitment was to do the right thing and left him with the experience of marriage as a trap. But it hit us that actually, this time, getting married was showing ourselves that we were both in this, both wanting this and would remind us that even the strongest bonds need working at. Also, I guess for me particularly, being married makes it harder to run away, which I know I've done in the past. Mostly though, we married because we saw that we loved and trusted each other so much that all those fears and feelings could be put in their rightful place, in the past, and that this marriage would be our step forward, new and fresh and together. We're so happy and I'm so happy grandma – really happy, right down in my bones happy.

I know, mushy huh? I guess that's what counselling does for you! And it all comes back to you grandma. You were the one who taught me to carry on, to pick myself up, to go after what I wanted. But you also had a huge heart for others and intuition for people - your 'spidey sense' I guess - and you never showed that more than when you gave Carlos your wedding ring to give to me when the time was right. He didn't tell me you know. I didn't know a thing about it until the minister asked for the rings. He took it out of his pocket and I recognised it immediately. That battered, thin gold band was the most beautiful wedding ring I had ever seen. I'll always treasure it.

Our other news is that we're moving Miami for a while. Carlos wants to take a step back and give some of the guys a chance to prove their worth as the company expands. We went down there for a month on a kind of working holiday and I loved it. To be honest, I could do with a break from Trenton too, so that's where we're going. In a way, that's why I'm here. I always feel closer to you here. This beach holds special memories you know? So I won't be back here for a while, but it's okay, I know you're always there with me.

Thank you grandma, for everything.

A/N 2: I hope you liked it. I kept it simple and free of any direction so that you could all 'hear' it as you wanted too. I'm thinking about another story – more action driven probably, but I'll see how that pans out. Hopefully, I can write something more for this board soon, but if I can't, thank you all for giving me a great experience.