A/N: Sam's been found and they're heading home. Thank you for all the support with this story. The chapters are getting harder to write since I want to express both brother's feelings and thoughts. It'll get rough before maybe it gets better. The reviews are great, if you have a moment please leave me one. NC
Chapter 5
Trace stopped the SUV just on the outskirts of the village and they got out gathering their gear and leaving the vehicle for whomever wanted it. Dean handed one of the duffels with money to Shadow and took the other himself, grunting in pain when his wounded arm protested.
"You okay One?" Shadow asked hearing and knowing what that grunt meant. Gunny was hurt but he wasn't letting anyone know.
"Just a little cut from some flying crap, nothing serious," Dean responded lightly.
"You better let Two look at it or she'll be pissed and you know how that is," he cautioned him knowing that what Dean might consider a little cut could be much worse. He had seen him use duct tape to hold a bleeding wound together and keep right on going not letting it slow it him down.
They made their way quickly toward the dock and the waiting boat. The village was quiet and no one was out yet on the street even though dawn was just breaking on the horizon. Curtains moved in the windows as if the people were watching, but too afraid to come out. The three Marines could feel the curious eyes on them, but didn't acknowledge it. Red saw them coming and already had the boat idling waiting for them to cast off the lines and get a board. With everyone back on board, she eased the fishing boat from the dock and headed back out into deeper waters plotting a course for the United States.
The morning light was chasing away the darkness as the fishing boat kept a steady speed, breaking through the slightly rough water heading back to Port Isabel. There was a storm brewing in the gulf and the white caps were bigger making it a rougher ride back. Red hoped to outrun the worse of the storm and be back to harbor before it hit. She looked behind her and saw two of the men hanging on to the railing as they gazed out into the open water. One was missing and she expected it was the leader and knew he must be down below.
After securing their gear, Dean headed for the hatch where he knew his brother was. He faltered in his steps dreading what he was going to see but couldn't not go. He tossed the two bags of money down first and then turned back to his team mates.
"You guys wanna get your bags and change?" he asked Shadow and Trace.
"Yeah, that'd be good," Trace said seeing the apprehension on Dean's face and knew this was going to be hard on him.
"Grab mine and we'll do it up here," Shadow advised Trace knowing they didn't need to be down below right now. If Dean needed them, he would let them know.
"Will do," Trace nodded following Dean below deck and snagging two bags before heading back up. He saw Nitro standing in the doorway that led to where the bunks were and after seeing the look on her face, moved faster to get out of there.
"One, we need to talk..." she said softly stepping to Dean who stood in the middle of the room staring at her with dread in his eyes.
"Is he..." he asked in a hoarse voice.
"No, no, he's still hanging on. I've got an IV going and administered a heavy dose of antibiotics and some pain meds," she answered. "One, I know we don't talk about our past...But I have to ask, did something tragic happen to him when he was younger? Before you joined up?" she asked stepping closer to him.
"Why? What's wrong?" Dean questioned frowning down at Two not sure where she was going with this.
"Can you tell me? Please, it's important."
Dean drew in a long breath and let it out slowly as he swiped a hand down his face and looked over her head toward the doorway. He could barely hear soft music playing from there and wondered just how bad this was going to be.
"Sammy was almost thirteen, I was sixteen..." Dean started speaking quietly as the memories of that tragic
day filled his mind. "Our Mom and him were walking back from the library when a car sped down the street. A guy was shooting wildly out the side window...My Mom threw herself in front of Sammy to protect him. She took the bullets instead of him. When help got there, he was still under her dead body covered in her blood..." Dean paused as tears filled his eyes but he blinked them away and swallowed hard. "Sammy wasn't injured, but he was catatonic for days afterwards. The docs said it was shock and PTSD. He was never the same after that. We were really close before it happened but later...He..."
"I understand now One," Nitro said laying a warm hand on his arm. "What you need to know is there are scars on his body that did not come from what they did to him here. These are old scars, years old, they were self inflicted..."
"Hold on! Wait!" Dean growled angrily his eyes flashing their disbelief. "You mean he hurt himself? Are you sure, it couldn't have been someone else doing it to him?"
"I'm sorry, but yes. I've had dealings with this before and recognized the scars. They're mostly on his arms and thighs, makes it easier to hide. I'm thinking he blamed himself for your mother's death and his only way to deal with that pain was to feel pain too," she explained watching Dean's face pale slightly as he gripped hard to her arm for support. "But there's something else...One this is hard to say...Besides the beatings and whippings, there are signs he was sexually assaulted too."
Dean's face turned a ghostly white. He could feel the bitter, burning bile in the back of his throat, fighting its way to get out and lurched for the stairs, stumbling up them and throwing himself at the railing as he emptied the contents of his stomach over the side in gut wrenching heaves.
Shadow and Trace started to move to his side but a signal from Nitro made them stop. She signaled to them to stay back and let her handle this for now and they conceded to her wishes staying back out of the way. They shuffled around nervously not sure how to react since they had never seen Gunny this vulnerable in all the years they had been together. She grabbed a bottle of water and moved to Dean laying a hand on his arm letting him know she was there. Dean was dry heaving now since there wasn't much in his stomach to throw up to begin with. He spit a few more times trying to get the vile tasting bile from his mouth.
"It's okay One," she said gently, pressing the water into his hand and holding it until she felt him take it.
Feeling the bottle, Dean brought it to his lips and gulped a large mouth full to swish around and spit out. He sipped several swallows allowing it to run down his raw throat as he tried to catch his breath. After one more sip, he tipped the bottle and poured the remainder over his head, letting it run down his face and neck. The water mixed with his tears as he fought to pull himself together. None of his team had ever seen him like this and they were concerned and worried about him.
Nitro looked at her hand and saw streaks of red on it knowing it was blood. She looked back at Dean's arm and saw rips in his shirt sleeve. Not bothering to ask, she hooked two fingers in the opening and tore the shirt finding several lacerations and blood seeping from the wounds running down his arm.
"Damn it One! You should have told me you were hurt!" she spat at him. "I need to put a couple of stitches in these to stop the bleeding. Are you good?" she asked trying to get into his line of vision and see his eyes. She could tell so much by looking into her fellow team mate's eyes, things they wouldn't say out loud even if asked. She saw the deep guilt and hurt in his eyes and knew that he was blaming himself for all that had happened to his brother since his leaving. "Stop in One, I know you're blaming yourself but it's not your fault. None of this is. Your brother's going to need you now more than ever. You're the only one who can get him through this."
"He's all I've got left," he whispered pushing himself from the railing and getting his balance with the movement of the boat and started to head back below.
Nitro followed him down the steps and watched him pause in the doorway to look in on his brother before stepping back out.
"Sit here and let me clean and stitch your arm, then go set with him," she said pointing to a chair.
Dean did as he was told and swore out loud when Nitro poured alcohol over the wounds. She was mad and wanted to be sure he knew about it as she smirked. It didn't take her long to put a couple of stitches in the deepest cuts and bandaged his arm. Once she was done, she patted him on the back and stepped out of his way.
Dean went back through the doorway and looked down at his brother. She saw the slump in his shoulders and the tremble of his hand as he pulled the folding chair closer to the bunk. Nitro watched him for a moment longer before slipping back up the steps to give them some privacy.
spn
This was the hardest thing Dean had ever done in the last eight years, except when he left and joined the Marines. Nitro's phone was still beside his head playing soothing music for Sam. Bruises of different colors dotted his sweaty face and his lips were cracked and flecked with blood. He looked into his brother's pinched, pale face that he noticed had been washed and recognized the face of a thirteen year old boy broken by his mother's senseless death.
It seemed so unreal that this young man lying on the bunk was his brother. They were strangers to each other now and he hoped his brother would come back to him. He didn't know if Sam could ever forgive him for leaving; hell, he didn't know if he could forgive himself. He didn't choose this life for Sam, but if he had been around maybe he could of stopped this from happening and maybe their father would still be alive. Guilt ate at his guts making him feel contempt for himself and self loath. He looked back at the stranger on the bed and sighed helplessly.
The skin was stretched across Sam's face from lack of adequate sustenance and dehydration. He could still smell the lack of hygiene wafting from his brother's body knowing only his face and part of his arm had been cleaned. He reached a hand out to touch his face but stopped before it came in contact with his cheek. He studied his exposed arm and saw the old scars below the IV line. They were raised and slightly puckered and a slightly different color than the surrounding skin making them stand out. Dean's stomach churned and bile threatened to rise into his throat again as he fought to hold it down. He squeezed his hand into a fist and pulled it back to his chest, afraid to touch Sam for fear of disturbing or hurting him. Dean noticed that Sam's left hand was trembling and clenching into a fist automatically and his eyes moved quickly under his eyelids like he was dreaming or having a nightmare. He wanted to comfort his brother but wasn't sure what to do. After a few moments, Dean reached and took his brother's hand and cradled it in his, gently rubbing small circles in Sam's palm hoping it would help calm him.
"Hey little brother, I know it's been a long time, but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere," Dean whispered to him. "You're safe now and I'm gonna take care of you, get you back on your fe..." he continued stopping as his voice broke at the end. Dean cleared his throat and swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat stopping him from speaking and wiped his eyes with his free hand before the tears ran down his face.
He knew losing it now would not do his brother any good so he stilled his mind and pushed all the pent up emotions back into a small corner to deal with later. He needed a plan and his mind began to work on what course of action he needed to take. First things first, getting a motel room with a large tub so he could bath his brother and Nitro could patch him up. Second, they needed a place to go so Sam could heal; a place away from people but close enough for them to get supplies. A place that was peaceful and tranquil so they could get to know each other again and hopefully maybe become brothers once again.
Dean remembered the bond they had growing up and wondered if it could ever be the same again or was that lost to them forever. He didn't move from his seat as the boat rocked with the rough seas. He heard the others in the joining room but kept quiet, not feeling like talking. Dean could feel Nitro's eyes on him as she glanced in to see if he was okay. She didn't venture any further and stepped away whispering quietly to the others. Nitro came in later to change out the IV bag and then left them alone.
spn
"One," Nitro said softly. "We're almost back to the harbor, maybe another fifteen minutes."
"Find us a good motel, one that has a decent tub," Dean instructed not looking up from his brother. Before she could turn away he spoke again, "Have Trace find me a cabin somewhere up north, maybe Colorado. I want privacy but close enough to a town to get supplies. Have him rent it for at least four months."
"Will do One, no problem," she said smiling briefly at him happy he was planning. That meant he was thinking ahead of the game and working things out. She thought this was a good sign and turned to relay the information to Trace and Shadow.
The movement of the boat had calmed now as they were getting closer to their destination. A storm was still brewing out at sea and was going to bring rain to the area later in the day. The Flame slowed as she entered the harbor and Red steered her with the current toward the docks and to her slip like she had done hundreds of times before.
She watched the two guys jump from the deck and tie off her boat before coming back aboard. She had to admit they were easy on the eyes but neither seemed to flaunt it or act like it. She saw their leader step from below deck and speak to them before handing something over to them. The two nodded and hopped back off the boat to head down the dock. Red left the wheelhouse and watched as Dean and Nitro sat their bags and gear off the boat onto the dock.
"Thanks for your help," Nitro said to her, stopping by her side as Dean went below. "You're a good sister."
"So are you, you take care," Red told her hooking her fingers into her belt loops and staring off down the dock. She saw two cars stop at the end and the guys get out heading back toward them. "You take care of these guys, I think they need it."
"Yeah, but don't let them hear you say that," Nitro chuckled. "They think they're taking care of me."
"And you let them think that I bet," Red laughed watching the two guys gather bags and head for the cars.
"Guess I better help," Nitro sighed. "And keep the peace," she commented as Trace pushed Shadow toward the cars and raised voices could be heard.
"Good luck with that."
Nitro headed down the dock to referee between her teammates. Dean stepped up on deck and zeroed in on Red. He stepped to her side and stopped.
"Thank you. We couldn't have done this without you," Dean told her holding out his hand to shake hers.
"You'd have found a way, I'm sure of it," Red replied thinking he didn't give many compliments like that.
"There's a little extra here for your silence," he said holding out two stacks of bills.
"I don't have to be paid for my silence, it is an unspoken rule," she stated holding her head a little stiffer slightly insulted with his words.
"No offense meant, I apologize," Dean replied in a humble voice.
Red took the money and looked at it frowning. She looked back up at the strong, stern face of the one they called One and studied it for a moment seeing the storm that raged in his eyes. She knew he was sincere with this offer but had to at least try to give some back.
"This is much more than I agreed to," she said shaking her head and holding out some of the money for Dean to take.
"You earned it. Use it for your cause," Dean stated looking at her with an understanding.
"You are a good man One."
"Just don't spread that around. I'm gonna get by brother and we're heading out," he said turning to walk back down the few steps to retrieve Sam. He came back up a few moments later with Sam carefully cradled in his arms, his head resting in the nap of Dean's neck. The blanket was still wrapped around him and the IV bag was lying on his chest.
"Need help?" Shadow asked as they got back to the boat.
"No, I got this," Dean told them pulling Sam closer to his body. This was his little brother and he was his responsibility. Now that he had him, he wasn't letting him go.
"Enjoyed the boat trip," Shadow told Red giving her a salute before following alone after Dean.
"Take care. Maybe I'll come back for an actual fishing trip," Trace shrugged giving her a warm smile and mischief look before he hurried to catch up.
"Good to see you again, you be careful out there," Nitro told her before stepping away.
"You to," she replied watching her trot down the dock toward the others wondering if she'd ever see her again.
spn
"Gunny, I got rooms at a motel in Raymondville, it's about forty miles from here heading north up 77." Nitro told them when she got closer. "Figured we should put a little distance between us and the port."
"Good thinking," Dean responded as he slipped Sam in the back of the Impala, making him as comfortable as he could. He had to bend his long legs to get the door to close. Damn! When did he get so tall? Smart thinking on Nitro's part knowing they needed to be away from Port Isabel in case questions were asked or unsavory characters came snooping. He wasn't sure how connected that cartel boss was with the others in Mexico and didn't want to be around to find out.
"I'll ride back there with him," she said going around to the other side to slip into the back and lift Sam's head into her lap before Dean could protest. She brushed Sam's dirty, stringy hair from his face and checked his IV seeing the second bag was almost done. Nitro checked his pulse and respiration deciding it seemed a little stronger now that he had gotten some fluids into him. She caught a scent of urine and was glad she thought of the towel knowing it would absorb most of it. Now that he was getting fluids, his output should be better. She was concerned that he hadn't come to yet, but knew he had been through a very traumatic experience and his mind was trying to protect him by keeping him unconscious.
Dean started to say something, but closed his mouth and nodded to the others to follow him in the other car. He got behind the wheel and cranked the Impala listening to her rumble to life before pulling away from the dock and heading out of town. He wanted to get to the motel and take care of his brother. After glancing in the rear view mirror several times, Dean finally spoke to Nitro.
"How's he doing?"
"Slightly better," she told him humming softly under her breath to Sam. She watched his body tense and relax and jerk sporadically in the confines of the blanket knowing the nightmare was still going on with him.
Each whimper or moan had Dean tensing and turning around to check on them making him press a little harder on the gas pedal wanting to find their motel. Sam cried out again for his father making Dean's heart crack with each pitiful word. Nitro tried to comfort him as best she could, humming and stroking his cheek.
"Do we need to scour up another bag of solution?"
"Don't think so, I hope he'll be coming to soon."
"Me too Little Wolf, me too," he sighed quietly as he rubbed a hand down his face and blinked away the tiredness. He checked to be sure the others were still following before letting his eyes go back to the road ahead of him. A sign finally caught his eyes showing Raymondville was only fifteen miles away.
"What's the name of the place I need to look for?" Dean asked Nitro making her pause in her humming.
"It's a mile or so off the interstate, a Fairfield Inn. They had the best rates and I got a handicapped room for us. They have the biggest tubs and extra room. The guys have a double beside us; they don't have connecting doors anymore."
"Sounds good, thanks for everything," he said quietly.
"Gunny, I would of been very upset if you hadn't called, you know that. No matter if we're out or in; we're still a team and we will always, always have each other's backs," she hissed sternly at him doing her best to control her temper. "You know I would have hunted you down and made you regret not calling if you hadn't," she said in a lighter tone.
"I believe that Little Wolf," Dean chuckled under his breath knowing how dangerous she could be if provoked. Shadow and Trace learned that the hard way right after joining the team when they tried to pull a prank on her and never did anything stupid like that again. Their respect for her tripled and they wouldn't have anyone else watch their back.
"I'll go in and get the keys; the rooms are in my name...Well one of my names," Nitro said as a second thought. "I reserved them for two nights with option for another day if needed. Didn't know how long we'd really need them."
"Good," Dean responded knowing nothing else needed to be said.
spn
The traffic was moving at a steady pace and picking up as he neared their exit. He saw the information signs and began to check each one as they drew closer. Dean's fingers tightened on the wheel as he saw the exit was up ahead and signaled so the car behind would know. He let the Impala slow enough to exit from the interstate and roll to a red light at the top of the ramp. Following the signs for motels, Dean found the Fairfield Inn and pulled into the parking lot and to the front of the building where the office sign was lit.
"I'll be right back," Nitro told him opening the door and carefully slipping Sam's head back onto the seat before gently closing the door and heading for the office.
Dean watched Nitro's interaction with Sam and how gentle she was with him. This was a side of her she had never let anyone see before. Nitro could be one intense, scary, dangerous s.o.b. that you didn't wanna cross if you valued your life. Sure, they had seen how fierce and protective she was for her team, but she was acting more motherly toward Sam.
He could see her through the plate glass window talking and laughing with the clerk as she got them registered. Even though she had a thing about not being touched, she did have a way of winning people over and making them feel at ease. He looked back at Sam as he shifted in the seat and back up when Nitro opened the passenger door with her arms full of towels.
"I thought we would need some extras and got the clerk to give me some," she said closing the door. "Go around back and park, I was able to get first floor rooms for us. They're on the far end actually away from the other guests. Park in the last space and Trace can use the one beside it."
"Got it. You could have got your own room Little Wolf; it would be okay."
"And who's going to help you with your brother?" she questioned like Dean was asking a dumb question.
"I'll get the door and give the guys their room key."
After Dean got out of the Impala, he went around to the trunk and opened it to take their bags in first and then he'd get Sammy.
"Why don't you two grab a hot shower and some sack time, you both deserve it," he told Shadow and Trace.
"That does sound like a good idea," Shadow yawned as he stretched his arms over his head and grunted when he stretched.
"Yeah, it does. After we catch some zzz's why don't we get us some food and bring it over?" Trace suggested as he grabbed a bag and tossed it to Shadow and then got his.
"Guys before you get too settled would you run to a store and pick up some clothes for Sam?" Nitro asked. "All you guys are too big for him to borrow any and he'd probably feel more comfortable if he had some that fit and didn't fall off him."
"I can do that..." Dean started but was interrupted by her.
"We need to get him cleaned up and doctored Gunny, it won't kill them to do it. Get a pair of sweats, T-shirt, briefs, toothbrush and paste, and socks. I really don't think he's gonna mind for a while what he wears. Oh, and maybe a couple of ginger ales and some Gatorade."
"No problem Ni we can do that," Shadow nodded setting his bag in the motel room and turning back to the car.
Nitro stepped up beside Shadow and whispered quietly to him where the others couldn't hear then stepped away toward the room.
"Yeah, we'll find a place and get the kid some clothes," Trace agreed locking their room door and stepping back to the car. "We shall return."
spn
Dean grabbed the bags of money from the trunk of the car and took them into the room storing them in the closet for now. He gave the room a once over and stuck his head in the bathroom to see Nitro was right about it being more spacey, especially the bathroom. He nodded his approval and went to the car to get his brother out. He was careful about pulling Sam out and shifting him so he could carry him inside and lay him on one of the queen size beds.
"Let me use the bathroom and change pants and we'll get started," Nitro said opening her bag and searching for a pair of cotton shorts. She headed for the bathroom and closed the door partway leaving Dean alone in the room with Sam.
After Nitro stepped into the bathroom, Dean shed his jacket and outer shirt then rummaged around in his bag for some sweats. He changed out of his black pants to the sweats figuring it would be more comfortable for the task ahead of them. Dean looked around the room for a moment making a plan when Nitro stepped from the bathroom and looked at him, a look of anticipation on her face.
"Let me take out the cannula from his arm so it'll be out of the way and we'll get started."
"I think we can use one of the chairs from the table," Dean explained moving to pick up the chair and take it into the bathroom sitting it beside the tub. "We can sit Sammy in the chair and tilt it back so you can wash his hair first. Once that's done then I'll put him in the tub to bath him."
"Sounds like a plan Gunny," Nitro answered tossing the IV bag and cannula into the trash and holding a pad firmly over the wound to control the bleeding. She checked it after a minute to be sure the bleeding had stopped before stepping back to let Dean unwrap his brother from the blanket.
"Might as well toss the blanket," she commented smelling urine on it. "And the towel."
"Yeah, I agree," he nodded wrinkling his nose from the odor. He tossed the items aside and looked down at Sam's lanky, skinny frame, noticing how his bones stuck out and his skin was stretched taut over them. Now that he was out of the blanket, Dean could just make out the darker shades of bruising covering his dirty body like a patchwork quilt. He seemed mesmerized, not able to look away at the damage done to his brother.
"You ready?" she asked breaking his trance.
"Yeah," he replied pulling himself back to the present. Being careful, Dean slipped one arm under Sam's shoulders and the other under his knees and picked him up noticing now how light he felt. He walked to the bathroom, being careful not to hit Sam's head as he stepped inside. Dean felt Nitro following behind him as he sat Sam's limp body into the chair by the tub getting him balanced so he wouldn't fall out. He took a bath towel and laid over him to keep him from getting chilled.
"It'll be easier if I'm in the tub where I can reach his head better," she decided reaching down to take off her socks before stepping in the tub. She turned on the water letting it warm up before removing the shower head holding it down before switching the water to it.
"I'll tilt the chair and hold him if you can support his head," Dean instructed her moving the chair enough so it could be tilted back easier. He used his leg to keep the chair in place and from moving any further.
Nitro cupped her free hand under Sam's neck as Dean pushed the chair back on two legs while holding Sam in place in it. She pushed Sam's hair back from his face and used the shower head to wet it watching the water turn dirty brown as it ran down the drain. Dean handed her the shampoo and she squirted a blob onto his head before handing him the shower head to hold. She used both hands to work the lather into his hair trying to carefully work the tangles out without pulling out his hair.
"Oh yeah gonna need more than one shampooing," she mumbled more to herself than Dean. After rinsing the suds out, she put more shampoo on the hair and massaged it in again working slowly and cautiously trying to break up the knots in the hair.
spn
Without any warning, Sam started to thrash around, crying out and weakly slinging his arms wildly, catching Dean in the face and leaving a thin line of blood from a scratch before he could stop him. Dean dropped the shower head dousing Nitro with the spray as he quickly straddled the chair to hold Sam in place and to keep it from sliding out from under him while a miffed and wet Nitro flipped the water off and caught Sam's flaying arms, holding them easily near his head as she glared at Dean while water ran down her face and hair clung to one cheek. Dean trapped Sam's hot face between his hands and stopped it from rolling from side to side so he could get his attention on him.
"Dad!" Sam cried out weakly. "No!...Don't!..." he pleaded as his eyes flitted around out of focus. Tears dripped from his eyes as he covered Dean's hand with his dirty ones, clinging to him in sheer desperation.
"Hey! Hey! Calm down tiger," Dean told him getting down into his line of sight. He watched Sam's eyes wildly bounce around the room looking like a frightened, cornered animal whose only thoughts were escape. "Sammy...Sam...Look at me," Dean commanded, giving his head a slight shake trying to get him to focus on him. When Sam heard his name, he stilled and looked at the blurred face that was in his line of sight. "Do you know me?" Dean asked slowly, his body tense waiting for Sam's response.