The Aftermath
by poopaw
(Disclaimer: I do not own TVD.)
Elena finally manages to corner her after weeks of swift avoidance and incredible stealth. Her brunette best friend glares with an eyebrow raised at her in a silent showdown. She's asking her if she's going to run away again.
Caroline nibbles on her bottom lip nervously before rolling her eyes, throwing her hands in the air and nodding in defeat.
The satisfied little hair flip after she relents reminds her of a side of Elena she hadn't seen in awhile. If they hadn't just permanently killed the doppelganger, she would've thought Katherine Petrova was still in there somewhere.
"You've been avoiding me."
She notes the way her best friend is sitting in front of her. Her features are set into hard planes, stern and strict. Her arms are crossed. Lying isn't an option, it seems.
"I have," she nods hesitantly. She doesn't want to have this conversation with Elena right now. Her talk with Stefan is still ringing in her mind, making her think of possibilities she thought would always be impossibilities. She was also still healing from the wounds she received from a particularly vicious phone call with a certain someone two weeks ago.
It was a stupid move that she had done without thinking.
"You slept with Klaus."
The mere mention of his name turns her rigid and defensive. "Listen, Elena, if you're just going to continue stating the obvious then . . ."
Elena ignores her little jab and continues on. "I want to know why."
She blanches a little because even she doesn't know why.
Doing something without thinking about the consequences is something she's apparently familiar with.
Having sex with Klaus, for one.
Making him promise to leave is another.
Any time she called or sent a text message because not only did that leave her confused, but it also bruised her ego every time.
(Does ego mean heart though?)
Caroline and Elena have a staring match for almost thirty minutes before the blonde gives up first. She can feel the judgment rolling off of her friend and it feels dirty against her skin. It makes her want to scrub herself raw, or just until all the wrongdoings are erased from existence.
(Is this the risk Stefan was talking about? Was he worth the trouble of having to confront everyone in her life he had wronged?)
"I don't know why."
Elena doesn't miss a beat. Blow # 1. "But he's evil."
"He was never evil to me," she reasons.
"He manipulated Tyler into biting you," Blow # 2. "Then he bit you himself." Blow # 3.
She's being backed into a corner and the desire to survive is bubbling. She finds herself defending him blow per blow and she doesn't understand her actions. "And he saved me both times."
"He made Tyler leave town. He killed Aunt Jenna. He murdered twelve hybrids. He drowned Tyler's mom. He wanted to use me, you, and Tyler for his ritual."
Blow # 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.
This could go on for eternity and she'd have no way to refute all of his sins.
"So what, Elena? At least I just slept with him!"
Elena recoils and Caroline knows they've stepped over the line of no return.
"What is that supposed to mean?" the brunette hisses, her eyes narrowing.
Caroline laughs viciously in her face. "You know what I mean! Damon Salvatore has done several horrible things and how dare you condemn me for one little mistake?"
(A part of her cringes slightly at the word mistake because sometimes, it doesn't feel that way.)
Elena's face hardens into cold features. "How dare me? How dare you, Caroline? You have spent months telling me off on my decision to love Damon! And you – you go and sleep with the one person who is not just probably the most ruthless creature alive, but also the one person who has made it his own personal goal in life to make every one of us miserable!"
Caroline feels as if the walls are closing in on her. She can't breathe. The guilt over her verbal attacks on Elena, over her hypocrisy, and over her actions with Klaus feels like a knife is forcing its way through her chest.
"I know what he's done, Elena, and I know what I did with him!"
The knife managed to break skin, it seemed.
There was a time in her life when Elena and her were completely in-sync. It was almost a decade ago. When they were just children in primary school, they dressed the same, talked the same, and thought the same.
Their mothers used to joke about how they might actually be twins separated at birth.
However, it was never a joke to them though. For those two rambunctious little girls, their sisterhood was the real deal. Elena was her sister. It didn't matter that she had blonde hair and Elena had brown. It didn't matter that they didn't live in the same house. It didn't matter that Elena had a real sibling in the form of Jeremy. They were siblings and they'd go to the ends of the Earth for each other.
(Or at least, at that moment, she'd willingly ruin her favorite sundress to punch the mean bully in school for pushing Elena.)
Caroline knows that now, even if several years have passed, nothing has changed. Sure, both of them were technically dead. But she would still go to the ends of the Earth for the slim brunette. She even died for her. But somehow, through the years, the synchronization they once perfected had changed without their consent. She liked things to be straight and neat. Elena liked it a little crooked. She liked to make well thought of decisions and Elena liked to decide on the spot.
Now, Caroline wonders if Elena can move past this.
(Can she herself move past this?)
Both blonde and brunette are standing almost a hair away from each other now. Best friends glaring at each other, condemning each other for their sins. Caroline feels backed up against a corner with her Original balloon just about ready to burst. And she's protective of it because she doesn't want to face what happens after it pops.
(Doesn't want to come to terms with the secrets and desires she knows are hidden inside the balloon.)
"And?"
Her best friend is challenging and provoking a side of her she isn't ready to face.
"And I can't stop!"
Pop.
"Is that what you wanted to hear, Elena? That I know what he's done to you, to Tyler, to me, and probably to a thousand more and yet, I still catch myself thinking about him? That it kills me to unconsciously go against everything we've ever believed in? You think I don't know that I've destroyed all of my relationships because of that one decision I made that day?"
(She knows that by all she means her relationship with him – she doesn't bother to fool herself anymore.)
Caroline knows that somewhere in the middle of her little outburst, her vampire features had made an appearance. She feels the tell-tale sign of her contorted forehead. The tiniest prick on her tongue notifies her of the appearance of her teeth. She's horrified for her chosen defense against Elena's verbal attacks but it's too late now.
She's launched the first blow by finally admitting her feelings for one Original Hybrid. If Elena so much as raises her arm, Caroline knows what her next blow will be.
But Elena surprises her.
"I didn't mean to attack you, Care," she sighs, as if she's as tired as the blonde is. "I just wanted to you to talk to me."
She feels her features morph back to normal almost instantly. She trusts Elena with her life. However, she doesn't deem it safe to speak yet. The younger vampire notices this and nods in acceptance.
"I won't beat around the bush anymore. Care, I can't tell you I fully accept what you're feeling for Klaus. I won't tell you that someday, I will accept it because I might never. And I won't tell you that I don't feel betrayed over everything that's happened because you and I both know that I do. But," she releases another deep breath and Caroline feels like she's on the edge of her imaginary seat. What is friend trying to say? "But I can't let you go through this without hearing what I have to say, okay? I want to help you."
Caroline wants to speak but for once in her life, the need to control everything does not outweigh her common sense.
"I want you to know that on some level, I do understand. And because I understand, I don't hate you. I'm hurt but I don't hate you. You're my best friend and I never want to see you miserable. And this - this confusion you're going through, it's making you miserable. To be honest, the past few months have been your worst and I just want you to be your best again. And if it means helping you go through your feelings for Klaus, then I'll try my best."
She wants to ask if this is supposed to make her feel better. Calling her out at her worst does not seem very uplifting.
"I understand that despite all of the horrible things Klaus has done, all of the good he's shown you outweighs it all, right?"
Her lip quivers as she thinks about Elena's question.
Do all of his good deeds cancel his wrongdoings?
Seeing her, instead of Elena.
Making her feel special.
Noticing her potential, wanting to take her anywhere just to tap into that potential.
Saving her before his own blood.
Trusting her when he was vulnerable.
Putting aside his revenge for her.
Coming back to Mystic Falls to attend a stupid graduation.
Staying to save her friends.
Letting her live her life.
But still believing that they will one day be with each other.
Blow # 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.
The memories attack her vision without any warning and she staggers a little. The brunette notices. "Care?"
"How can you stand there and not hate me?" she whispers because if she just finds out why and convinces herself that it's okay then . . .
"I love Damon, Care. And he took advantage of so many people, you included. But I still come back to him every single time because I can't let the bad outweigh the good. And at some point, I know that his bad streak will be a problem – that there's a big possibility that his temper will one day become our downfall. But right now?" Elena stares straight into her eyes, as if she knows what she's saying will make or break her friend. "Right now, I'm so happy with him. And he feels the same with me. And I'm willing to risk everything right now. I don't want to give that up until I know for sure that I am done for. It's stupid, careless, and selfish, I know. But I've decided he's worth all the trouble, the tears, and the deaths even."
Caroline feels her eyes fill with tears because Elena's thoughts are almost completely parallel to her own.
"But this is Klaus," her voice chokes. She feels suffocated because there are so many what ifs. And they are all viciously attacking her. It's not fair. It's not right.
It hurts so, so much.
"A thing I learned from having to see my life through Katherine's eyes for almost a year is that in the end, we're all vampires. Predators. Killers. But if you're happy with him, Care, then go for it. Don't hate yourself for finding something worth fighting for. We might have a lifetime but that's no reason to not live immediately."
"I will walk away and I will never come back."
Never come back to Mystic Falls.
(Or to her?)
Flight # 2280 to New Orleans is now boarding. To all passengers: please proceed to the terminal immediately.
Author's Note: So...hello. What do you guys think? I hope you guys like the direction I went with. I felt like Elena should be the person who finally helps Caroline because I've noticed how Caroline has always been the condemning one in her relationship with Damon. It would only feel right that Elena will be the one to help her cope with her hypocrisy and self-loathing. And I just love their friendship together and I feel like the show has been lacking in that aspect for a few episodes now.
Second to the last chapter (I think, I haven't finished writing yet) so I really need all the support you guys. Reviews, criticisms most especially, are needed. Do me a favor and send me some love as I am having a hard time finishing. Yay!