Eeee. I basically said my peace in the chapter I wrote five seconds ago, so basically I'll let you off the hoook with a niiiice short authors note here. XP

"talk" think ((MEE))

((recipe got from Je ne possède pas des coeurs de royaume. ::copied from a translation site:: XP

Oh yeah important point. From wiki: (Note that, in France, though beef "filet mignon" exists, the word doesn't usually refer to beef, but instead to a tender and expensive cut of pork). HERE I am using it as beef. And I am aware of it. Hee! Continuing on.

What If…

Axel and Roxas had to cook a fancy and complicated

recipe when neither can cook to save their lives?

((as suggested by the lovely TheMadHathor))

"Axel you idiot!" Roxas yelled as he hit Axel over the heat with a saucepan, "you just had to convince me that it was a life or death situation which inadvertently led us to dyeing the Superior's underwear magenta?!"

Axel backed away slowly in the state of the art kitchen as Roxas' rage steamed onward.

"And now, we have to cook him this amazing dinner or he'll turn us into DUSKS!"

"It can't be that hard…" Axel said calmly.

"We're doomed!" Roxas continued ranting as if Axel had never spoken, muttering about idiots and magenta undies.

"Au contraire, me cherie," Axel said in a surprisingly sexy French accent, as he held up French food for Dummies. "You just have to read me the directions, and I'll cook!" He grinned as he put on his 'Kiss the Cook' apron, which had cook crossed out and Flurry of Dancing Flames written over in red sharpie.

"You cook?" Roxas stated incredulously. "Not only would you burn the filet mignon, you'd burn down the entire kitchen!" He thought further. "And I am not a girl!"

Axel gave him the 'How-can-you-not-want-a-piece-of-this' puppy dog pout.

Roxas sighed. "Give me the book." Axel squeed happily and handed it over. "Alright. It's a three part recipe, so I guess we should start with the beef first…"

"That's right, Roxas, always loving the meat…" he winked and Roxas groaned. I cannot believe I have to endure this.

"Heat a small pan over medium heat."

Axel held a little pan over his hand and snapped his fingers, starting a medium sized flame. Roxas rolled his eyes. "Axel. Use the stove."

Axel sighed. "Fine."

"Add the oil and gently sauté the onions until translucent. Add the cooked baby artichokes, olives, tomatoes, and oregano. Sauté briefly until heated thoroughly. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Set aside."

Axel nodded and Roxas found it hard to believe that he actually digested all of that information. Surprisingly, Axel did everything exactly as he asked without setting anything on fire. Maybe this won't be too bad after all… Roxas thought. "Now for the polenta."

"Polenta? What the hell is that? Some kind of disease?"

Roxas sighed. Never mind. "It's a corn meal type thing. Ready?" Axel nodded. "Mix 1 cup of water with corn meal. Allow to stand 20 minutes." Axel laughed as he did so.

"So what are we going to sit here for twenty minutes?"

Roxas sighed. "I guess we can grill the beef…"

Axel grinned. Grilling. Yesyes. Lots of flames. "Let's do it!" Axel fired up the small George Foreman next to the stove. Looking at it, he noticed it did not spout fire as he imagined. Pouting, he turned to Roxas. Maybe…

As if reading the pyro's mind, Roxas said. "No, Axel, you will use the grill and not your hand." Axel looked scandalized and turned to get the meat, dejected.

"Brush the meat with oil and season both sides with salt and pepper. Grill the meat quickly for 2 to 3 minutes per side for rare to medium rare." Roxas watched, kind of bored as Axel expertly put a slab on the grill.

Axel looked down at the grill, sighing. Looking up, he noticed the convenient window placed in front of him for his viewing enjoyment. He watched as the Dusks ran around outside, shifting about. Spacing out, Axel vaguely registered a burning smell and Roxas shouting.

"Fuck!" Axel yelled. "What do I do?" Thinking quickly, Axel poured water all over the George Foreman grill, effectively destroying it.

Roxas looked at him blankly. "You did that on purpose."

Axel looked guilty and scratched the back of his neck. "Actually, I didn't." He brightened. "OH WELL! No I'll have to do it!"

Axel cackled as he torched multiple steaks in half the time it should have taken.

Roxas stared, a bit in shock. "…Okay then." Roxas looked over the rather complicated recipe for the Rosemary sauce. "Well…it says the sauce should have the weight of maple syrup…"

"Say no more!" Axel said and dug into the shelves until he found the barbeque sauce. "There. Sauce. Next!"

Roxas sighed, but decided not to argue. "I guess its been twenty minutes then…" Axel went over to the corn meal mush. "Combine the remainder of the water with the corn meal in a heavy bottomed pot. Stir with a wooden spoon for 20 minutes over low heat."

Axel groaned. "You've got to be kidding."

-----------((25 minutes later))---------

"Can…I…stop…stirring…now?" Axel said, about to fall over by the pot.

Roxas looked up from his romance novel and nodded. "Oh yeah yeah its fine." He looked at his watch. "Actually you could have stopped five minutes ago."

Axel glared. "Now what."

Roxas, unaffected, continued. "Add the Parmesan cheese and salt and pepper to taste. Spread evenly, 1/2 inch thick, in a baking dish. Allow to cool. The consistency should be dense and very firm with no lumps. Refrigerate. When cold cut into 3 inch squares. Set aside until final assembly."

After the food cooled, Axel looked at it. "It's kinda soupy…"

Roxas sighed. "Stick it in the freezer then."

"Kay!"

"Alright now we just have the final assembly. Just after grilling the beef, place the polenta squares on the grill and brown on both sides. Allow the beef to rest while reheating the vegetables."

Axel squealed happily as he pulled out the frozen polenta and cut it quickly, about to torch it.

"Don't set them on fire Axel!"

Axel regeretfully browned the yellow things and put them with the meat on the plates. After reheating the vegetables, he placed them on plates as well, covering them all with barbeque sauce. Together, they admired their handiwork.

"You know," Roxas commented, "it actually doesn't look that bad…"

Axel huffed. "Of course not! I am an excellent cook!"

Roxas looked over at him. "You've never cooked before, have you?"

"Never."

"Of course not, " Roxas sighed. "Wait. Why do you have that apron then?"

Axel grinned slyly. "To wear for you of course." Axel pulled Roxas to him, embracing him. "How about we experiment with the desserts in here au naturel?"

Roxas blushed as Axel moved to kiss him. The kiss quickly became heated, and Roxas pushed back against Axel, groaning. However, Axel had not expected this, and lost his balance, falling onto the table where all the dinners were placed. A resounding crash ensued as their home made filet mignon scattered about on the floor.

Roxas twitched as he stood, glaring. "Axel…"

Axel, however, was unaffected. "Bah, we'll just go to Twilight Town and order some."

Roxas facepalmed. "Why didn't you say that in the first place?"

Axel smiled. "Because I have had that 'au naturel' line planned ever since I heard we were cooking French food."

-------

OH man. That was fun. Anyone who catches the reference to Snow will get a cookie.

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freaky-hanyou