8
Ianto had no idea where they were going but Jack seemed excited so he knew it was likely to be a pissing contest. So, imagine his surprise when they entered Thames House and went into the lift, Jack checking his watch with that eagerness that was now really worrying Ianto.
"In here, now" Jack turned and looked at Ianto with something akin to the Cheshire Cat crossed with Batman "Whatever happens, let me do the talking and just look bored. OK? Pretend it's one of Gwen's meeting rants."
"Yes sir" Ianto said and Jack grinned as he pointed a finger at him.
"Yeah, see? You got it" Jack chortled and Ianto stifled a groan.
Jack was way too excited for this to be good.
The woman who rose from behind her desk was instantly recognisable and Ianto felt his blood turn ice cold as he looked at the government representative for Torchwood.
"Hello Melanie" Jack said as he skipped in and landed in a chair, "Nice place. I thought you would want to get closer to the boiler, must feel the cold out here."
"Jack" she said with open annoyance, "I didn't see you on my list."
"Nope" Jack looked over his shoulder as he slumped in the chair and hooked his finger at Ianto, "Ianto made it. What did you make it under there, poppet"
Ianto's look was fire and brimstone as he silently scolded Jack and the laugh was gay as Jack turned back to her, "Oh yeah. Brolly. It's under Brolly."
"What do you want Jack" she hissed.
"Look I would have been here sooner but I thought you were still under that house in munchkin land" Jack grimaced, "Must have been a terrible time for you."
She blinked and focused on the young man standing behind Jack's chair like a fucking sentry.
"Jack, if you are here who is guarding Hades?" she asked and Jack snorted as he looked around some more, pretending not to care.
"I got that last report on the survivors of the Warf thing" Jack said and Ianto stilled as he realised why they are here, his eyes boring into the woman, "Been a few months since the last update. Well, I say months…like almost a year. Ianto? A year?"
Ianto slowly blinked and then canted his head as if considering it.
"It's OK Ianto" Jack wriggled in the chair and grinned at her again, "He doesn't talk much. Been raised not to speak ill of the dead so he is trying not to insult you. Tell me, what did it feel like? That day when you sold your soul by signing those compensation cheques back to the coffers instead of to the families as agreed."
"Now, now Jack" she oozed smugness, "It was out of my hands. Her Majesty was overly kind in her decision to award damages like that and our lawyers simply saw the error."
"Error, loophole…yeah. I know they sound so similar" Jack huffed, how thumping his boots up on the desk, "Come on, you can't think I am going to fall for that mumbo jumbo. Not when you don't even have your glass ball here…the cauldron in the corner…your broom by the door…"
"Sticks and stones" she snorted. "Is that the best you can come up with?"
"Well, I would dance with you some more but I don't want those cloven hooves of yours to scuff my boots" Jack grimaced.
"Are you calling me the devil?" she screamed as she rose from her chair.
"No. A goat. You are just another smelly goat." Jack said gloatingly and she was around the desk and reaching for Jack when the door opened and someone entered but Ianto was also moving, his gun sliding easily from it's confined holster to his hand and up under her chin as he stepped into her space, their eyes locking as he growled softly.
"Ah Melanie" Jack sighed, "Why do you always attack me?"
"Ms Adams?" the voice of the Prime Minister was low and warning but the other voice was soft.
"We always get a good show here, hello Captain"
"Hey Lizzie love" Jack smiled at Her Majesty, "You are late. I estimated your arrival a good two minutes ago. Ianto, stand down."
Ianto took a beat or two before removing the weapon from under the panting woman's chin and stepping back.
"We were just asking Melanie why the survivors of Canary Warf never got their compensation" Jack swung in the chair to look at the queen, "Not a red cent was ever paid. Did you know that? Your royal decree was overruled by the troll here."
Her majesty blinked, then looked at Ianto, "Mr Jones? My goodness. You haven't aged a day since I last saw you."
Ianto bowed politely as Jack raised an eyebrow with surprise.
"We met Mr Jones at T1" she said as she moved to sit by Jack and he lowered back into his chair, "He always knew what time to bring the tea."
"Well, now he wants something in return" Jack said and she nodded.
"He works for you now? Good. That makes it all easier. Torchwood is our royal organisation, this office was only to provide a liaison. Clearly that is not working so we suggest the entire package be transferred to Torchwood Three to oversee and as for that money for the survivors…Mr Jones seems the perfect choice to make sure that money reaches the right accounts."
"Ma'am…" the Prime Minister spluttered but she wasn't finished.
"As this is extra work we do hope Mr Jones will see that reflected in his pay check too Jack dear" she then rose and Jack did too, taking her hand and kissing it with a familiarity not lost on anyone.
As she cruised out of the room Jack turned to Ianto with that look of triumph he knew so well.
Winner.