Chapter 3: Worst Negotiations Ever

"Okay, so everyone knows how this will go down?" asked Wash as he watched his teammates board the Pelican. Grif looked back and answered. "Relax dude, how hard can this be?"

"Considering how long it took us to actually work with one another," Simmons interjected. "I would imagine pretty damn hard."

"Agreed," Wash was the last to step aboard. He motioned for the pilot to begin the launch procedure. "That's why we will go with what's familiar to them. Red team goes to Red base. The Blue team goes to Blue base."

Donut, Doc and Lopez waved the Pelican away from aboard the ship and decided to indulge in their own pleasures for the time being. The Pelican detached from the clamps holding it in place and flew downwards from the exit hatch. The pilot increased forward momentum and began atmospheric entry. "Everyone hold on tight, things will get a little bumpy."

The hull shook violently as the shields struggled to hold up. What is this piece of junk made of? Tucker pondered while gripping the restraint bars firmly. As they broke through the atmosphere, they all felt an intense pull towards the floor of the ship. Sarge nearly slumped downwards in his seat from the effects. "Um, what is going on? Men, status report!"

"It must be the planet's gravity," theorized Simmons having Eta pull up the planet report on his HUD. Washington further explained. "It is at least five times that of Earth and three times that of Blood Gulch. So we are bound to feel some effects."

"At least we will get our workout squeezed in on this mission," joked Tucker as Caboose excitedly agreed. "This is going to be the best field trip, EVER!"

The pilot displayed the data for the base positions and began to fly around in the direction of the closest one. Even she could feel the planet's gravity having an intense effect on the ship as she struggled to keep the bird up horizontal. The joy stick vibrated violently from the feedback that grew even more as they neared the surface. She activated the Pelican's landing gears. As the Pelican circled the spot she eyed, it slowly descended constantly fighting against the ensnaring pull. With the loud shake of the hull, and a bump to the bottom of the Pelican, they finally landed. The pilot looked back and motioned for the blue team to get out. "Alright, we are here guys."

Washington led blue team out onto the surface. Even he felt his legs nearly give out on him. Oh god, I'm getting old. He tightened his muscles and stood back up. Now there is a thought I never contemplated saying for many years to come. He looked back to see Tucker leading himself with one leg at a time. He gripped the leg by the back of his thigh and flipped it forward, and so on and so forth. Well, at least he isn't complaining, thought Wash and turned to study Caboose who for some strange reason was perfectly fine. Caboose, I will never understand where you get this monstrous strength of yours from.

The Pelican began its liftoff. Wash waved back wishing the other team the best of luck. "So, let's go see about raising that army, shall we gentlemen?"

"Ugh, right behind you O' wise leader," Tucker replied snarkily. Sigma made an appearance beside his owner with a suggestion in hand. "May I suggest using your jets to help make travel easier Captain Tucker?"

"Good point," Tucker said as he activated a blue hue of jet exhaust on his back armor and jumped up into the air. "Okay, fuck walking. I'm going all the way to the destination like a hopping toad."

"Cute," Wash noted and activated his jets. He commanded Caboose to do the same. But in fear of an unfortunate event taking place, Wash made sure to command Delta to stand in control of Caboose's jets. The three jumped through the terrain still unable to believe that life could even exist on this barren rock of a planet. For miles they saw no greenery, only more rock formations that left them overwhelmed by this lifeless feeling planet. There were certainly no pipelines either to help transfer resources like water to the bases. They must get the supplies via air drops, thought Washington as he stopped to see what looked like a mirage, but thankfully it was real. He looked back and pointed towards their nearing destination. "Just a little further, let's go!"

"Oh, I can't wait to get there," Caboose exclaimed jumping up behind Tucker. The aqua soldier looked back and smirked under his helmet. "You know people from this base?"

"Sort of," Caboose answered happy to once again soon see more familiar faces. They neared the base now at the edge of its border. The blue soldiers on watch raised their weapons. Washington quickly dispelled the situation. "At ease soldiers, we are with the blue team of Blood Gulch. We are here to speak with the man in charge here."

The two soldiers looked at one another and back to the ex-Freelancer. "Well your armors are blue, but how do we know you really are with the blue team?"

"Here are our IDs," Wash transferred them through an open channel to the two soldiers who verified their data by cross referencing it with their limited database access. The two stepped to the side. "You guys check out. Sorry for the trouble, but you can never trust strangers now days, especially with what those dastardly reds may try. If you want to speak to the commander, just go straight ahead into the building in the center. You can't miss it. He will be in there."

"Thanks for your help," said the trio as they proceeded inside. The two soldiers looked at the dark blue armored soldier and then back to one another in astonishment. "Is that…?"

"No, it couldn't be," said the second soldier praying to god that it was not what they thought it was. The trio walked through the rather well organized base. Washington breathed a sigh. "See Tucker, this is what a well run blue base looks like."

"Sure it looks well run," the aqua soldier said averting his eyes to the side in a very sarcastic manner. The trio entered the main building of the base and noticed their man sitting behind a desk and reluctantly doing paperwork. Caboose was happy to see him again as he rushed up to the desk. "Hello Principal Miller, did you miss me? I missed you!"

The CO looked up with horror in his eyes. "Oh no…"

"You wouldn't believe the adventures I went on after I left Rat's Nest."

"God no…"

Tucker rested a hand on Caboose's shoulder and kept him from talking any further. Washington recognised the CO as well and immediately took steps to intervene. But before he could get a word in, Miller stood by the base wide communication radio and said. "Boys, enact the 'Caboose is here, I lose my shit!' protocol, now!"

Everyone on the base save for a select few reached into their belts. They all opened up a side pocket and took out a pill. Throwing their helmets down to the ground they took one bite of the tablet and fell to the ground. The trio looked at one another in confusion and heard the sound of falling bodies. They exited the building to see the now massive graveyard. Tucker let out a rather surprised whistle. "Wow, wait a go Caboose. That must be a new record, even for you."

"Okay now see that was not my fault," Caboose answered in a meek voice. "Probably…hopefully."

Washington looked at the few remaining soldiers and looked back at the dead CO. "This has got to be the worst negotiations ever, of all time. New plan, next time we go to red base."

"Yeah, good call," Tucker chuckled as the remaining blue soldiers approached the trio. Washington was curious as to why they didn't take the pill to which their answer was. "Well we are new here. Miller had an annoying message always playing on loop in our sleep that I think was meant to brainwash us into taking the tablets on his command. But since we weren't subjected to it as much, we escaped the sad and tragic fate."

"Yeah, but funny as shit," Tucker added earning the silence of all those around him. "What?"

"Too soon!" One of the blue soldiers replied. "So what happens to us now?"

"The reason we were originally here was to recruit your base for a mission on Earth," Wash explained. But before having to say any more, the blue soldiers jumped on board. "This place was stale anyways. We are up for the adventure."

"Oh, good," Wash was left both surprised and satisfied by the corpse filled outcome. The blue team was ready to depart and radioed into their comrades. But it seems that they had yet to reach their target destination.

Adrian adjusted the monitors on his desk as he heard the sound of the automatic doors opening behind him. He saw the familiar figure of their leader enter. She looked around the room with intrigue. It had been a long time since she visited his office. "What was it you called me for?"

He moved out of the way to grant a clear line of sight to his work monitors. "This."

Aria approached closer and looked at the pictures beside basic bio information. She nearly felt her heart skip a beat. "This is…"

"This is one of the news you have been waiting for," Adrian remarked with a smirk. "They are ready to be woken up. All the preparations are complete."

"Not all of them," Aria replied resting the weight of her body on one hand and leaned on his desk. She looked at the familiar faces and recalled the memories from her training. She felt a strange sense of sentimentality at recalling how they all behaved during the training with Creed. How brash, resourceful, passive, and power hungry some of them were. I'm sure they haven't changed much since our last meeting. Aria pointed to one named 'Dallas' and said. "I will go to some of them personally. I will also be able to get some of the troops their rallied together."

"There is no need for you to put yourself in such danger."

"There is," she argued. "If they can't see their own leader sticking their neck out, how can I expect them to do the same for me or this organization?"

Adrian remained quiet. He for the first time in a long while had no retort against her putting herself in danger for what he considered a menial task. She took his silence as the go ahead. "We will amass the troops and awaken the four Generals. We will have ourselves an army to take the streets of America with-"

"Part of an army," Adrian corrected. Aria seemed irritated at the interruption. "As I was saying, the grand plan is coming along smoothly. I will need you to book a flight seat for me."

"I can always have one of our ships fly you out there."

"It will look too suspicious if our bird was spotted in the air," Aria argued. "People will whisper and the law as well as the army will be sure to react. Blending in with the rest is the key."

Adrian again wanted to stop her, but could not argue against the logic. Even he knew the disaster that would be. He nodded his head conceding to her orders. "I imagine the general populace would shake in their boots if they knew we were among them, walking out in broad daylight."

Aria gave him a strange look and argued back. "What makes us so different from them? 'Them', 'us', and 'we' are all humans. The only thing different about us in this context are the beliefs we choose to support and the goals we chase."

She stood up and stared back at the monitor. "What about news regarding him?"

"Nothing as of yet I'm afraid. Your brother hasn't left much of a trail to follow."

"It means he has been thorough," she said with a most serious tone. "Then that means that the investigation team needs to try harder."

"They are trying their best."

"Their best in this case is not good enough. I will not compromise when it comes to my only family!"

"Then perhaps you would like to lead that investigation as well?" Adrian asked in a snarky voice. Aria clearly did not appreciate his tone, but understood the frustration. "Just let me know when something pops up."

She left her advisor feeling angrier by the second. He praised her abilities, but damned her weaknesses and her attachments. Adrian slowly stood up and walked towards the communication radio. He ordered for the teams to begin preparations for Aria's flight to Texas. It was going to be a long journey.

"Sarge, hold up," Simmons looked behind him to see the orange simulation trooper flat down on his belly and grumbling at the inconveniences of the gravity. Simmons approached his friend and kicked him in the left side. "Hey fatty, you still alive?"

Grif held up a middle finger towards Simmons. The maroon trooper looked towards Sarge and gave a head nod. Sarge shook his fist at Grif. "Dang it! Why must you survive Grif, why?!"

"May I suggest picking him up?" proposed Gamma looking at the pathetic form of his owner. Simmons tried to, but quickly gave up as every ounce of his breath left him dry trying. He waved Sarge over and together, they somehow managed to lift him up. Simmons noticed Grif dragging his feet on the ground as they carried him. "Come on. Start walking on your own already."

"You know Simmons, we can always just leave him here," Sarge looked at Grif with growing irritation. "No one will even question us if we just say that he got lost in a sand storm or fell down a ravine."

"Oh you two try it and I swear that I will come back to haunt both your asses," Grif finally stood up on his own in fear of the prospect becoming a reality. The three trekked onwards until finally coming across the red base. Simmons pulled out a pair of binoculars and studied the base activity. Several red soldiers were placed at various locations around the compound. Simmons voiced some concern as soon as he saw a long thin stick with a blue helmet pierced through it, and standing as a display piece. He then voiced concern as he saw various surgical tools strewn about on the buildings with what he could only guess was blood staining the walls. "Okay, they are a weird bunch…great."

"Like that's saying any different from us," Grif laughed. Simmons shot a glare towards his orange friend. "No you idiot, different as in way different."

"Here, let me see that," Sarge snatched the binoculars and came to his own conclusions. "Yup, they are all loonies."

"All of them?" asked Grif.

"Okay, maybe not all. But I saw a soldier with a white coat over his armor whipping another who seemed to be enjoying it. So they are a weird bunch."

"Hmm," Simmons stood up and began to descend down the mountain terrain. "Let's just go and get this over with. Remember guys, friendly faces."

"Like they could see it behind our visors," Grif responded sarcastically. Simmons waved his arms around like a big revelation. "Thanks for the useful contribution there Mr. Obvious."

"Anytime, now if you will excuse me," Grif pushed past the maroon trooper. "I'm gonna go make them my bitc- I mean my underlings. I can always use a few more dunder heads mindlessly following my orders."

"Your ego problem from Chorus is coming back isn't it?" Simmons stated worriedly. Sarge in response cocked back his shotgun. "Heh eh, there is an easy solution to that problem."

"Halt strangely red travelers!" One of the guards at the base held up their hand as the trio stopped in their tracks. "Identify yourselves before I smite thee with my iron fist of awesome justice."

"Um, I'm Grif."

"The name is Simmons."

"And I'm the best leader there ever will be in the history of mankind, I'm the legend that no man dares to speak of in fear of being crushed by how magnificent my presence is. I'm the one and the only, Sarge."

"Oh bullshit, leading isn't that hard Sarge," Grif protested recalling his experiences as a leader. "I can do it to."

"You mean you can lead others straight into the ground."

"Hey, I learned by watching you!"

"Quiet I say!" the guard held up a higher hand. "For if you do not obey then this mighty hand of mine that glows with this awesome power will come down on thee!"

"Okay seriously dude, what is up with the way you are talking?" Grif inquired shuffling in his spot. The rest looked at the guard for a response. He simply stood still frozen like an ice statue contemplating his response for a moment. "I'm the reincarnation of the brilliant and powerful being that no man can comprehend. I'm the almighty that will be given the respect he deserves!"

"Hey Private Idiot, who are those three you are talking to?" another red from behind the guard shouted. The guard immediately glared behind him to his compatriot. "God damn it Dave, I had this thing going here and you had to come and ruin it!"

"Oh well I'm sorry your all mighty cuckooness. Forgive me for my insolence," Dave held up his hands in a pathetic and half-hearted apology. The guard shook a fist towards Dave grumbling. "One of these days you to will become a believer, one of these days…"

"Can we talk to someone sane around here?" Simmons interjected fed up with the hold up. Dave approached the trio. "Sure, what do you need?"

"Finally," Simmons felt relieved to be able to complete their task and go back to the comforting recesses of his room. Sarge stepped forward and asked. "Where is your base leader son?"

"Follow me," Dave led the way to the building that stood out the most. From the rather unique decoration, they could tell that their leader was quite different himself. "Sir, we have visitors wishing to speak with you. I think they are with the red army. Either that or they are blues disguised as red soldiers in which case more live stock for your laboratory I suppose. Oh, look at those scissors…my, my."

Live stock? The trio pondered with chills going up their skin. They all saw the man in white coat who wore armor underneath turn around with a joyous grunt. "Gentlemen, BEHOLD! More people volunteering for my dissections. How thrilling, let's get you all to sign a waiver form first then I shall have you all wait together on the table."

"Wow I think you have the wrong idea there Dr. Scissors," Grif noted hiding behind Simmons. "I like my fat to stay where it is thank you."

"Then why are you here?" asked Dr. Scissors. "Could it be to observe and patent my latest invention that makes people invisible?"

"Invisible, can't we already do that with technology?" Sarge inquired. Simmons clarified. "Well sir, technically we are bending light so that the naked eye can't see us anymore."

"Follow me gentlemen!"

The trio walked up to an unmarked grave where a single finger stuck out from. Dr. Scissors turned around and held out his chest. "Behold for I have succeeded in making Private Dick invisible!"

"But isn't he just buried?" Grif pointed to the ground. "We can clearly see his finger sticking out."

"Why whatever do you mean?" Dr. Scissors looked everywhere but the ground. "Do you mean to call me a liar orange gentleman?"

"Okay, we are getting nowhere like this," Simmons in frustration finally broke and said. "Listen, we are here to recruit your base, although I say that with some caution now, for a large scale mission taking place on Earth."

"Ooohhmmm, to experience the harsh coldness of space exercising its right upon my body," Dave shook with ecstasy. "Such cruel pleasure…uuummmph."

"Wait, what?"Grif turned and looked at Dave with wide eyes and nearly lost it. "Damn it Dave, I thought that at least you were normal! Turns out you are a pervert."

"Oh please talk more to me in this manner," he replied squeezing his legs together and holding his hands over his crotch. "For your words pierce me like the bitter sweet thrusts of love."

"I think the correct term here is masochist," Simmons whispered to his friend as the trio backed off a little in fear of catching the disease. Sarge kept his shotgun close in case they needed to enact the 'GTFO' protocol. "So are you guys going to help us or not?"

"Gentlemen, one does not simply ask the 'Rock' for help!" Dr. Scissors replied holding his arms up in superiority. "One must first defeat him with a Piledriver!"

"Oh I bet you would like to drive something into me," Dave answered with pleasure stemming from his butt. "Such exquisite experiences that would grant this humble soldier, and ease his loneliness...umph!"

"Hm, this isn't working," Sarge looked to his two companions. "Any ideas?"

"Let me try something," Grif got Dr. Scissors' attention. "Hey doc, there are loads of people on Earth ready to sign up for your experiments. But the problem is, they can't come over here so you will have to go there yourself. I mean just imagine the hundreds of people willingly ready to sign the waiver forms."

"Well why didn't you say so earlier?" Dr. Scissors motioned for his men to gather. "Gentlemen, pack your shit for we are going on a trip of joy!"

"Like with taking ecstasy?" one soldier inquired. Dr. Scissors shook his head. "No, even better. A trip into outer space, and then to get me an early Christmas present!"

The trio could hear sad moans from the crowd. Grif shouted. "Oh for crying out loud, you will get your ecstasy someday, now stop grunting and move those legs like you mean it people!"

"Wow," Sarge and Simmons spoke in unison. Simmons crossed his arms and with a titled head studying his friend he said. "That was kind of out of character for you."

"Simmons, there is only so much I can take before my cravings start to control me," Grif checked the time. "Speaking of which, it is time for my afternoon snack."

"Of course, classic Grif," Simmons nodded his head departing back to the meet up point with their teams. To take additional precautions, it was agreed that the red and the blue teams will be delivered to the ship separately for now. Wash exited the Pelican back on the UNSC ship and approached Muffins. "So where are those extra ships we asked for?"

"On their way, they should be here soon. Until then we play the waiting game."

"Oh I love that game!" Donut shouted from behind. "Maybe we can play some hide and seek to kill the time with as well."

"Oh, you are all so going down!" Caboose answered in an innocent yet very competitive voice.

Inside an apartment complex, two women worked and chatted together to wash their dishes after dinner. His eyes studied them both with sweet nostalgia echoing itself from his brain. The older woman listened happily to her daughter who discussed the school day. Siris sat on the rooftop of the building opposite from the apartment. He looked down at his marriage ring and gripped it tightly into his hand.

"Honey," the mother called out and Siris jerked his head upwards. But that was not meant for him, it was the daughter she called out to and instructed her to get the large cardboard box on their balcony. Siris leaned over the edge just as she stepped out as if with one more step he could reach her. But that one step was in fact many, a distance of gravity that kept them apart.

She picked up the large box now obstructing his view and walked back inside. Siris sat back slamming the rooftop. I can go there, I know I can. But that promise to her is keeping me away, why?! He looked at his ex-wife and remembered the glimmer of spark the two first felt upon their initial meeting. She wore a silky red one piece dress on that day if I remember correctly. The flashes of their youth bring about clarity. Yes, it was a one piece red dress. It was in a local park that we first met when I was going home from turning in a bounty, and you were stuck having troubles with a broken shoe. Siris smiled at seeing those pairs of shoes still kept so carefully by her as display pieces. I suppose our time means something to you as well.

Siris rested his body's weight against his palms pressing against the ground and breathed the cold air in deeply. At that time, I repairing your shoes was nothing more than an act of kindness. But to think that you would be the one to approach me again, and flick down the domino that began to intertwine our lives together. Siris saw the fog that escaped his mouth leaving him dry for air. But I guess life cannot always go up. Like a roller coaster it has to go down as well. He stretched his neck and stood up. Siris stared intensely at his wife and daughter and gritted his teeth. If only life didn't have to go down.

"I have stayed away and watched from afar for so many years," Siris whispered watching his young daughter. He held out a small birthday card. "I can't even give this to you face to face."

He eyed the apartment above his ex-wife's and saw that the lights were out. Siris took a huge leap and with the help of the jets attached to his armor, he landed firmly and quietly on the balcony above. He attached a rope to the balcony's rails and slowly descended to the level below. He took out the card in a protective casing and stuck it to the glass door. "Happy birthday, baby girl…"

He immediately left as soon as he gazed his ex-wife slowly turning to look out the balcony. Siris was quick to make his escape and saw his daughter reaching out towards his card. But before he could see her reaction, she turned to go back inside. His face felt heavier than usual. The anxiety weighed heavily on his mind. I hope you continue to grow up happily. Siris left without delay back to their base.

Carolina dragged up the bags from the base as Ken readied their location data. Chloe came around from the garage with their vehicle and helped the two load the bags into the back. Church stared at the gear and asked. "Wow guys, I don't think we have enough guns. Are you going to take on an army or something?"

"Never hurts to be prepared," Answered Ken as he stashed the last of the bags in the back. Siris came to a halt upon noticing the ATSG vehicle ready to depart. He exited his car and nodded to the trio. "I see you are all ready to go."

"Yes," Chloe answered. Siris held up a firm handshake for all three of them. The two women took it with respect and pride, and thanked him for his wishes. Ken looked into Siris' eyes without moving, only when Siris retreated his hand in failure, he was stopped. "Listen Siris, when we get back, I think there is a long overdue talk we need to have."

Siris looked back in surprise. Perhaps it is time we have that talk. He smiled and nodded his head. "I will be looking forward to it."

Chloe smiled proudly to Ken happy to see him take the first step towards repairing the damage between the two of them. Ken boarded the car last and Chloe started up the engine. "Everyone got what they need?"

She was given the thumbs up. She switched gears and began driving away after waving back one last time to Siris. He looked down at his hand and nodded in absolution. Maybe right now I can't do anything about my daughter, but I can try doing something about Ken.

A/N: Bet some of you didn't see Miller coming back from Rat's nest did you? Although I did technically use him for a laugh, but I hope it was still worth it as the appearance of those from Rat's Nest was requested.

Also, not every recruitment will be comical in nature barring maybe the next one as well. It will definitely eventually go into the serious territory, but hey, why not have fun with it while we can right? :)

This is one of those chapters where I actually thought about the type of setup for the jokes, so feedback on that will be good to, just to see what type of responses it got out of the readers.

Constructive feedback is always appreciated :).

Thank you for taking the time to read and support this story!

~ Monty