a/n: As you know I don't own twilight. Please read and review and once again I didn't get it betaed sorry.

a/n: so the first chapter I originally posted actually was the first draft to this one please forgive me for that error.

My fingers twitched on the wheel. Excitement was running over me. I glanced over to the letter currently sitting in my passenger seat. Harvard. I can't wait to tell Jacob. Charlie was so excited I had to practically beg him not to tell Billy. My heart was racing. I would finally be free of this town. I think back to all the conversation I had with Jake about one day running away. Making a name for myself. Hell making a name for both of us. So here I am on my way to cook them dinner and break the news. Besides I know they could both appreciate a good home cooked meal. Charlie would drive down after work and join us.

The drive to La Push always seem to go so fast. I didn't even think about it anymore. I've been down here so much over the last two years it felt like a habit. I pulled into Jacob's gravel driveway it seem like minutes since I left my house. Taking a deep breathe I studied the red paint on the house. Anxiety rushing through me. I let the air rush from my lungs. It was only Billy and Jake but it felt so much bigger. This was such a big moment. I could see Billy's face now. It would be the as Charlies', I thought with a smile.

I kept thinking life seemed to be moving just always one step before me. I had just gotten just to having a Jake as a best friend and now I had to leave him soon. Its like I'm playing an endless game of catch up. Part me couldn't wait to get out of Forks and the other part dreaded leaving. I wanted a change. But then the thought of leaving my dad Charlie, and Jacob almost seemed unbearable.

"Bella?" Billy asked with a confused expression from his where he was sitting on the pouch when he saw me approaching.

"Hey Billy," I smiled giving him a quick hug, "I've come to make you and Jake dinner."

"Well Bell you didn't have to drive all the way out here for that," he protested gently we both knew he wouldn't really turn down the chance to enjoy non burnt food.

"Its nothing," I moved the door might as well get started dinner now the way Jake ate I would have to make enough to feed ten.

"What's that in your hand?" Billy asked following me in spying the letter I was clutching on to for dear life.

"Oh you know just a letter," I said smiling.

I handed it to him in the kitchen ordering him to read it while I got started. Pulling the cupboard opening I scanned the selection of boxed pasta. I grabbed the spaghetti just in case on of Jake's friend join us for dinner. I looked over my shoulder Billy was still staring down at the letter as if he wasn't sure if he should read it or not.

I watched as he tentatively pulled it out and opened it. His face passive as he read. His long hair falling over his shoulders as he hunched over. He read the letter twice. I know because Charlie had done the same. He was making sure he had read it correctly. He let out a loud whoop looking up at me smiling.

"Harvard," Was all he said smiling down at the letter, "You got yourself into Harvard." He kept shaking his head and smiling and looking down at the letter. Mine you the same thing Charlie had done. My heart was brimming over with happiness. They had both know I was itching to leave. They knew how much I wanted to live life outside of this small town.

"I'm so proud of you," He motioned for me to come over and pulled me into a huge hug, "Now if you excuse me I seem to have gotten something in my eye."

I chuckled softly as he rolled away turning my attention back to the task at hand. I don't know how Billy paid to feed Jake with rate he ate and all. I pulled two packs of ground meat from the freezer and stuck them in the sink to thaw out.

Jake was probably off with his friends. He was almost impossible to check him at home anymore. I started cleaning up the place. I grab all Jake's discarded shorts. That he seem just to throw any where in the house. Going into his match box size room I grabbed the few that were laying around. I felt sorry for the girl he marries. Geesh he was a pig.

But I would miss him. I've made up my mind to enjoy my summer. It would be the last one we have in a while. It was like I wasn't just going off to school. No it almost felt like I was preparing myself to never come back. But I was ready for this. Ready to move on.

At least that was my last revelations. That happened some where between putting a load to wash and putting the meat to cook. I've been full of them lately. It was like I could wrap myself around one feeling. Well I never could wrap myself around one feeling. I've always been an emotional screw up. I love Jacob and he love me but for me it wasn't enough. So I pushed him to the brother zone. It seemed nothing was ever enough for me. I had this consistent need to feel an endless void inside of me.

Harvard helped and I hoped it would help some more as time went on. I put the pasta to boil. Dinner should be done in a few. I spied a few bags of trash by the door. I'm sure it was something Billy had asked Jake to take out but he never got around to it. Grabbing the bags I head out to the large dumpster up the road.

"Bella!" Jacob shouted running from out of the woods... shirtless. Ambushing me on my way back.

"What happen none of your tee shirts fit any more?" I joked. He had grown over night it felt like. He had a few more muscles since I last saw him. And I swear a few more inches in height. What the hell were they feeding this kid? Even Charlie noticed it and he barely notices anything. Unless I cook healthy that he notices.

"Ha ha," he rolled his eyes before throwing me over his shoulder carrying me toward his garage. I hated that he was big enough to do this now. I gave up fighting when I learn I couldn't win I hope it takes the fun out of it so he stops. The rabbit was sitting in the middle of the garage looking a little lonely if you asked me. I once joked that Jake should get another car to keep the rabbit company. It would have been funny if Jake didn't really look like he was contemplating the idea. Only Jacob Black would considered buy another car to make sure his car wasn't lonely. He was a great guy. But his heart was too big.

"What are you doing here," he grinned putting me down before throwing me a warm soda.

"Oh nothing much just cooking and laundry," I shrugged cracking it open, "Figured I'd forget bout all that and just slum it with you."

He rolled his eyes ignoring my jab. I watched as he popped the hood on the rabbit. I swear he was consistently fixing that car. "What's wrong today?" I asked grabbing one the books I had laying around. Snorting when I saw the title. Harry Potter was as good as any I guess.

"Just tweaking the engine," he replied never taking his eyes off the great mystery of a machine before him, "What are you reading today?"

"Harry Potter... how did you know I was reading?" I asked confused I know he didn't look over my way.

"Because," he looked up smiling, "That's what we do Bells."

"Huh?"

"You read and I fix my car..." He laughed as I rolled my eyes, "You know Jake and Bells time."

"I like that," I said smiling into my book. I got up to go check on the pasta and the clothes. After deciding the pasta could use a few more minutes I took care of the clothes.

It really was what we did. Once in a while we would converse but mostly he tinkled with his car or when he was feeling frisky mine. And I read or did homework. All the while enjoying a nice warm soda. Man we were living the life.

I hated that I wanted more. Things were so simple. So easy here with Jake. Hell with this town. But ever since I received my acceptance letter to Harvard I have been itching to get out. Harvard wouldn't have even been on my list if Jake hadn't pushed me to apply. He even threaten to do the application for me. I smiled remember how adamant he had been. Thanks to him here I was enrolled into Harvard with a full ride.

Yet still there was a pang of sorrow. This feeling of deep regret. Like I was missing something. It was almost as if I would lose it... what ever it was when I left Forks. Pushing the feeling back I focused adding the sauce to the meat.

"Do you think you will come back?" Jacob asked behind me scaring the crap out of me.

"What?" I gasped spinning around putting my hand on my chest making sure my heart was still in it. He was standing before me his brown eyes pleading into mine.

"Do you think you will come back after you go?" He asked his large frame overwhelming me.

"Of course I will for holidays" I hugged him tightly noting how warm he felt, "Jake are you coming down with something you're so warm."

"Na Billy said its from all the growing I've been doing?" He laughed uneasily, "Dinner almost done?".

I knew he was avoiding the question but let it go if he didn't want to talk about it then I wouldn't press the issue.. that was for now anyway.

"Don't you ever think of going to college?" I asked. Jake was smart he could get into any school he wanted to. And I was itching to tell him the news. I'm amazed I kept it in for so long.

"Don't you ever think about dating me?" He fired back. I rolled my eyes at his half ass attempt ignoring the question.

He smiled sadly at me. His eyes downcast I could sense sadness falling off of him. This was a side of Jake I wasn't use to seeing. He was always smiling. His eyes always full of life and it shook me. Come to think about it. He really didn't look much like he did when we first re met. His once long black hair was now cropped in a buzz cut. I had almost cried when he cut it. But he claims its easier. He was taller and much much more masculine. Hell Jacob had transformed into a man before my eyes and I've now noticed it.

"That option is long gone for me," he answered in a hollow voice. I started to protest but he cut me off. It seems we've both breached conversations neither one of us wanted to have. He moved to sit by the small table in the kitchen. I watched in amusement as his big brown eyes landed on the letter Billy left sitting on the table. His forehead wrinkled as he picked it up with a sigh. His shoulder hunched in defeat.

He picked it up and went to open it until he noticed the name on the envelope was mine. "Bella why do you have mail here?"

"Open it," My face split in a huge grin.

He eyed me suspiciously before pulling the letter out. I watched him read it over excitement bubbling up inside me. He looked up his brown eyes staring into mine. "A full ride to Harvard."

I nodded enthusiastically. He jumped and lifted me into the air. "I told you you could do it," His smile seemed endless.

Yeah this was the Jake I knew. "We should celebrate," He said wrapping his longs arm around me pulling me into another hug.

"Why do you think I'm cooking dinner?" I asked with arched eyebrows.

"You can't cook your own celebratory dinner," he rolled his eyes, "There is a bonfire tonight Billy will be telling stories and all the guys will be there... come to it."

Laughing I agree mostly because he was looking down at me with the biggest puppy dogs ever. I was endlessly trying to make him happy.

"Let's go the bonfire should be starting soon." He pulled me to my feet and lead me out the door. I pulled back stopping him. He looked back at me confused.

"You're not even going to eat the food I made?" I asked with a fake hurt face.

He snorted and grabbed a plate. I timed him. He finished eating two plates heaped high with spaghetti and meat sauce in three minutes. I think I was half way through my third bite when he declared he was done. Then it was a consistent swatting game. As in me swatting his fork away from my plate. In the end I just gave in and let him finish it.

"And people wonder why I'm wasting away," I joked as he licked the sauce off my plate. He looked up at me sheepishly.

"Bella if I didn't eat off your plate you would get fat and no one likes a fat girl," Jake joked.

"Better not let your sister hear you say that," Billy said rolling in fixing himself a plate.

I shook my head at both of them. "Come on Bella lets go," my hyper active over grown friend cried grabbing my hand.

He continued to hold my hand as we walked toward where the bonfire was suppose to be. I glanced down at our hands with raised eyebrows. He just shrugged and smiled. I didn't fight him because I knew once the summer was done I was off to Harvard and wouldn't see him for a while. And quite frankly I didn't really want to let go either. Jake was the brother I never had. He was always there for me. My best friend. I know at one point he had a crush on me. But he seem to have gotten over it... mostly and well it was just for the best.

"Who's going to be there?" I asked huffing slightly to keep in pace with him.

"You know the pack," he answered slowing his pace slightly taking pity on my struggling.

"The pack?" I asked.

"Oh right sorry the guys sorry we refer to ourselves as the pack... little La Push humor I guess," he responded quickly licking his lips, "Don't worry Kim, Emily and Leah will be there."

"That would be great if I knew who Kim and Emily were." I deadpanned.

"Oh Kim is Jared's girlfriend and Emily is Sam's," He responded half rushing out the last part.

"I thought Leah was dating Sam?" I asked confused. I know she had mentioned the last time I saw her something bout a wedding.

"A lot has changed since you've been here last," Jake said somberly.

But I swear I was here like a week ago. Right? I mean I was only ever at Jake's I haven't really seen the other guys for a few months. But that's a big life change. I wonder how Leah is taking it. I also wondered why Jacob never mentioned either. Part of me wanted to chalk it off because he's a guy but still I would have been there for Leah.

"When did they break up any way?" I asked pulling back on his hand. I mean I would like to know what I was walking into.

"It's kinda a long story," he rubbed the back of his head a nervous habit of his, "But long story short Emily is Leah's cousin. Sam met her during the wedding planning and fell in love. They've been together ever since."

I stared at him in disbelief. "What she's Leah's cousin? Sam left the woman he was engaged to for her cousin... who was helping them plan their wedding?"

"What a douche bag," I spat out in disgust shaking my head. My opinion of Emily wasn't very high either.

"Don't call him that," Jake growled at me his body trembling slightly, "You don't know how hard it was for him."

"I'm sure it was," I sneered back trying to ignore the fear creeping through me as his shaking increased I knew Jake would never hurt me, "Poor Leah she has to face them every day. I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is in."

That seem to take the wind out of Jacob's sails his trembling stopped, "Just promise me you won't be say anything rash to Emily... or Sam they've been through enough."

I snorted. "Bella promise me," Jake said looking me in the eyes.

"Fine I promise not to be anything "rash"." I said with air quotes.

I let what Jacob told me play over in my mind. There were so many levels of wrong in what he said I couldn't even begin to understand it. Just like I couldn't understand Jacob's shaking as he defended Sam. I knew they were friends but Leah was his friend also. How could he be okay with the injustice done to her. She was so excited about marrying Sam. Something didn't feel right to me. God was Jake really involved in a gang and Sam really the leader. I thought over everything I knew about Sam and the guys. They all have had massive growth sprouts. They all have serious muscle. Hey even puny Quil is packing a six pack now.

Could drugs be the reason for his sudden transformation? I know Jake had once refer to the guys that hung around Sam has a gang. I quick shook that thought from my head. Jake would never get involve in anything like that. Billy meant to much to him for that. But none of it explained the shaking. He looked like he was bout to rip out of his skin.

We stopped in front of a house. A sweet small house. I loved it instantly. It was the type of home I could see myself in one day.

"Where are we?" I asked shaking my head trying to clear it.

"Sam and Emily's house," He replied not meeting my eyes.

"WHAT?" I asked outraged, "You brought me that their house." The house was suddenly looking a lot less appealing.

"Bella you promised to be nice," he whispered his eyes darting to the door nervously.

"That was when I thought we were going to be meeting up in a public gather not when I would be in their house," I basically shouted at him.

"Could you maybe," he eyes kept darting back to the door, "Um... keep your voice down."

I paused. "What's going on Jacob?" Things were getting really strange.

"Nothing... it nothing really," He ran his hand through his short hair, "Bella please just be nice."

"I'm always nice Jake," I rolled my eyes before whispering under my breath, "I just feel incredibly disloyal to Leah."

He pushed the door opened and walked in. His hand still in mine as he lead me through the house. It was a cute house and if I wasn't so caught up on the story of the owners perhaps I would of appreciated it better. But then again I didn't really appreciate the situation I was in either. We walked into a living room of sorts and the guys were sitting there talking quietly. The room was silent the second we entered and Jacob was looking increasingly uncomfortable.

"Hey guys," he did a half wave before nudging me.

"Hi," I mumbled still processing what I learned earlier.

Jake cleared his throat," Bella you remember the guys right?"

"Sure," I said his tension was slowly making its way to me.

"Bella," Sam said from where he was sitting he stood to come greet me, "Nice of you to come."

I nodded at him not trusting myself to speak. I honestly had no idea what to say to him. A beautiful woman with scars on her face came and stood next to him. This must be Emily. She stuck her hand out to me a smile gracing her beautiful face, "Hey Bella... I'm Emily Sam's fiance its so nice to finally meet you Jake never stops talking about you."

They looked nice together as much as it pained me to admit it. It was almost like they were made to fit together. He stared down at her with eyes full of love and I couldn't help but think he never looked at Leah like that. He never stared at her with such complete devotion. It still didn't make it right. I looked away spying Leah sulking far in the corner. I was actually surprise she even bother showing up. I wouldn't have.

"Well we're all mostly here," Sam said after a second of silent awkwardness, "With the exception of Jared and Kim," he rolled his eyes at some of the sniggering, "Might was well get started."

The guys all stood at once. Suddenly I was surrounded by a bunch of oversized shirtless sculptured native men. I might have swoon a little. Who am I kidding I almost lost function of my knees. Emily gave me a knowing smile.

"Yeah it can be overwhelming at first." Her face was warm and inviting but still I couldn't get over Leah. I glance back over to her once more. Her eyes met mine once before she bolted from the room. I turned back to Emily not missing the frown on her face.

"Look Bella," She started, "I know you heard about Sam and I but I love him and that's all that matters."

She looked at Leah's retreating back sadly, "That's all that will ever matter."

Part of me wanted to tell her off for being so selfish in the midst of her cousins pain but then I remembered my promise to Jake and let it go. I nodded keeping my opinion to myself. I barely knew Emily but I did see the look in Sam's eyes when he looked at her. Leah was better off without some one like him anyway...right. But that didn't mean I was jumping into a friendship with Emily.

"Come," she motioned for me to follow her, "Help me take the food out."

It had gotten dark since I got there. I took my time coming down the stairs scared I would drop the huge bowl of pasta Emily all but threw in my hand. Didn't anyone give her the memo that I was a klutz. I slowly placed it on the table, happy I didn't drop it. That's one for Bella and zero for the bowl.

"I heard what you said," A soft hoarse voice whispered behind me making me jump almost toppling the bowl of pasta.

Warm brown hands gripped the bowl steadying it. I looked up and saw Leah. Her face was hard with a deep scroll. Her exotic features twisted in grimace of pain and anger but her eyes showed her sorrow. She was hurting. I let go of the bowl and hugged her. I could feel her tears on my shirt she shook in my arms as silent sobs ran through her.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered stroking her hair.

"I can't do this," She blurted ripping from my arms. I watched as she ran into toward woods. Escaping. For a second I wanted to follow her. But the woods scared the crap out of me. Ever since I seen a huge wolf by the edge of from my window. Not to mention all those attacks that have been happening recently.

Turning around I noticed Sam staring at her retreating form with a look a deep regret on his face. His raw pain evident. I tried to push the pity I felt for him away. Leah was the one hurting the most. But I couldn't get the haunted face of Sam from my mind.

"She'll be okay," Jacob said hugging me. I nodded keeping my face in his shirt inhaling his soothing scent.

"Come on," he grabbed my hand, "Jared and Kim just got here it about to start."

He led me around a huge fire and sat down on a log. Across the fire I saw who assumed was Jared and Kim kissing. I smiled hoping their story wasn't as messed up as Sam and Emily's. I made a mental note to ask Jacob later. I let myself fall under the trace of the story teller. Let myself believe in wolves and their soul mates... their imprints. I let the story of the vampires scare me and I cried when the third wife died. Sacrificing herself for her tribe and her husband. Bonfire were always so rich in culture. And for a few hours I forgot I was an outsider.

Jake held me close his hand never leaving mine. I love the comfort of it. That was thing about him. He always made things feel just right. I smiled at him as Billy finished the last story. My belly grumbled and he laughed.

"Come on lets get you some food before the wolves descend," His eyes twinkled in the light of the fire and I nodded. I've seen how Jake eats I could only imagine how the rest of them eat.

I stood quickly laughing as he tugged me playfully. Not looking where we were going we crashed into someone. I mumbled sorry as I looked up to see who Jake had just pulled me into. The wind was blowing leaves all around making it almost difficult to get to the person before me. My eyes landed on the most beautiful man's I've ever seen. I felt as if the earth had shifted and all there was, was me and him. It was like the air was sucked from my lungs. My body was reacting before my mind could process it. He was staring at me with the same adoration Sam had given Emily. And it felt right. It felt more then right.

"Bella?" Jake asked his voice uncertain. His voice brought me back to reality. It was then I noticed. I was no longer holding his hand. Some where in the midst of it all I had moved away from Jake and was now standing directly in front of the man I recognized as Jared.

"Bella," Jared whispered his voice deep and sensual. It teased my ears. Wrapped around my body. Claiming me. His girlfriend was staring at us with a look of confusion. Hell I was confused by the pull I felt toward him. He stuck his hand out and with out a second thought I grabbed it. A jolt raced through me. I felt a tingling butterfly sensation play deep in my belly. Heat from his touch flowing from my hand through out my whole body. And with one touch from him the void was filled. His dark eyes searched my face. He was effected as much as me. I bite my lip nervously trembling softly when he groaned. His eyes fixated on my lips. Holding his hand wasn't enough for me. I wanted me. He leaned down. I prayed it was to place those lush lips on mine.

"Bella," Jake said looking back and forth between us with a bitter stare once again breaking the trance, "Meet Jared."

a/n: hope you guys like it. This is the true first chapter. Please read and review and let me know what you think.