a/n: so Bella is a little angst... anyway just to clarify. Bella never met the Cullens there for have no idea about wolves or vampires. She is blissfully and happily human. She doesn't understand what is happening to her or why she is so attracted to Jared. Any way once again I'm a slacker and didn't let my beta/roommate look it over so you all will have to bear my grammar errors which I'm sure there are a lot. I don't own the characters etc. etc. Please read and review. Your feedback really helps and honestly its just nice to know the story is like or not.

The cold numbness of reality has set in. I've let my mind wander to long. That dinner at Sam and Emily's cemented the deal. I would ignore this pull I had for this man. Ignore the burning desire he set deep within my soul. From this moment on Jared would be a distant memory and nothing more. Releasing the breathe I held deep in my chest. I embraced the numbness because it meant being calm. I grabbed the book listed off my desk. It was time to get back to reality I wasn't about to let my slip in common sense ruin my chances to get out of this god forsaken town.

A knock on the door broke me from my train of thought. "Bella?" Charlie asked before sticking his head in. He shuffled his feet nervously. He rarely comes into my room. After a few minutes of awkward silence and him repeatedly clearing his throat I finally just asked him what he wanted.

"One of the boys from La Push is coming up to work on the shed out back," he said shoving his hands in the pockets of his work pants.

"Okay?" I asked wondering why he was acting as if it was a bigger deal. It's probably just Jake and he didn't want to tell me since he's been avoiding my calls.

"It's not Jake," he said as if reading my thoughts.

So it was probably Sam. I'm still confuse on why he is standing before me acting as if the president was coming to work on our shed.

"Who is it then dad?" I was quickly getting tired of the run around.

"Jared."

Damn. Definitely not Sam. Nope just the man you've just spent all morning trying unsuccessfully to push from your mind, I thought bitterly. Charlie was staring at me as if he was waiting on me to explode. He couldn't possible know. Could he? There was no way. Charlie wasn't that observant.

"Are you okay with that Bella?" He asked.

"Yes." No.

"It's fine dad…go to work Jared is a cool guy," I tried to put on my most reassuring smile. Which judging by the expression on Charlie's face wasn't very successful.

I finally got him out the door before heading to the shower. I may have pushed him out of the number one spot on my list of priorities but he still was up there. My body still trembled at the thought of him touching me. The need to feel his lush lips against mine pulsed through me. Stop, I commanded myself. He has a girl. One he had no problem having in front your face at the dinner. Even though he may not have been thrilled with her there he still has one.

So once again I'm back on the forget him train. My own emotions were starting to give me whiplash. One minute I want him the next I'm pushing him away. And the worst part is I'm probably just some chick to him. Grinding my teeth I yanked my jeans on. That's it I commanded myself. I am going to not think about him.

A knock on the front door jerked me awake. I must of passed out on the couch waiting on…. Jared. He's at the door. My heart speed up. Dear Lord he is at the door. Get up Bella, I thought. Yanking the door open with more force than required I came face to face with his back. His shirtless back. The muscled flexed and moved under his dark skin. I may have swooned a little. He turned slowly. Moving with it almost seemed forced motions.

"Bella," he greeted me with a stiff nod.

Tension surrounding us. "Jared," I managed, "How are you?"

"Fine."

And talkative I see. "Um well come in," I jerked my hand behind me. He walked in stiffly. This was so awkward compared to the dinner. So strained. I let a sigh pass my lips pushing the hair from my face.

"Look Jared about the other night…."

"It should have never happened," he growled cutting me off.

He stalked toward me. His face inches from mine. I tried to catch my breath. Tried to comprehend what was going on. His body was trembling or was it mine. I was fighting the need to kiss him. He was standing here. Anger pouring from every single one of his cells and the only thing I could think about was how sexy he was. What the hell is wrong with me?

"I should have never touched you," he spat out disgust heavy on his voice.

I wrapped my arms around myself. Holding myself together. He wasn't about to see me fall apart. He wouldn't see my tears I vowed.

"I'm sorry I disgust you so much," I gasped my chest felt so tight I couldn't quite catch my breath.

"I can't leave Kim," His hands balled into fist, "She was everything. My world. I don't understand this pull I have to you. I don't understand why I feel this constant urge to touch you."

He shook his head, "I just can't leave her."

I just stood there. Stood there choking on my uncertainty. His presence was overwhelming. My senses were in overload. He was too close to me. I need air. I need to get out of here. I eyed the door behind him. Could I make it? He was studying me. I wonder if he sensed my need to escape.

"Bella?" He asked his voice full of concern. I just shook my head. I wasn't able to do this. God I wanted him so bad. Even now after he told me he could leave Kim. She was his everything. The rejection stung. It burned through me creating a hole through my heart. I wanted to scream at him. Why did he touch me? Why did he surround my every thought? Why couldn't I stop wishing with every bone in my body that he wanted to be with me instead?

He took a small step toward me and I bolted. I raced for the back door. I couldn't stay here. His arms wrapped around me. "Let me go," I cried tears running down my face. But he held on pressing his hard scorching body against mine. A body that I had no right wanting because he didn't want me.

"You're wrong," he gritted his body trembling just as much as mine.

"What?"

He whipped around to face him. Our faces inches apart. "I want you so bad." He pulled me closer against him letting his erection press into the soft flesh of my belly. "I shouldn't want you, everything ingrained in me should only want Kim, but damn me I'm smoldered by my desire for you."

"Don't do this to me," My body heaving with each ragged breathe I took, "Don't tell me you want me only to push me away."

I jerked from his arms. Standing with my back to him. "I think you should go." I didn't see him leave but I heard the door slam behind him. I needed to get out of here. His presence was still here. I did the only thing I could think about. I went to see Jake.

I rested my head on Jake's shoulder. We sat our legs dangling over the edge of the cliff. I slowly ran my hand down his arm, letting my fingers caress the tight muscles in his arms before grabbing his hand. He tensed slightly glancing down at our entwined fingers. It was the first time I have ever initiated the hand holding. before resting his head on mine. I could feel his anxiety. It poured off of him.

"Jake?" I asked playing with his fingers, "Is everything alright?"

He sighed. A deep sigh. "Bella..." he trailed off. I looked up at him. His eyes staring off into the distance. The muscle in his jaw ticked as the wind played softly with his short hair.

"Jake what is it?" I asked rubbing my thumb across the muscle in his jaw. He leaned into my touch his eyes closed it seemed as if he was having a war within himself.

"Bella all I ever wanted was for you to be happy," He cupped my face his eyes staring deep within mine. "All I've ever wished for you was a good life." A soft smile played at his lips. I nodded my head in confusion.

"There has been some many times that I wished you would just see me," his voice caught in his throat before he looked away. "I wished you would just give me a chance."

"Jake I..."

"No you haven't," he interrupted me already knowing what I was going to say, "I love you so much."

"You don't realize how truly beautiful you are," he tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear, "how unique and interesting you are."

His words caressed my soul. The warmed me to the brim. But I knew my love for Jake would never amount to the love he truly needed. I couldn't give him what he wanted. And I knew it. I loved Jake I truly do. But not the way he wants me to love him.

"Jake you know it would never work out," I whispered, "You know we would one day hate each other for it."

"Do you know Bella?" his eyes intense as they searched mine for the answer. Did I truly know? No. But I did know I wasn't good enough for him.

"I'm not good enough for you."

He snorted. He shook his head and mumbled under his breath for a second. "I think I would be the judge of that."

"Jake I can't give you what you want." I closed my eyes. Fighting back the tears of regret. I knew I was crushing him. I knew I was hurting him. And I would do anything to take his pain away. But if I gave in. If I let myself be what he wanted I knew we would both eventually hate each other. I've seen it happen before. I watched my mother walk away from my father for the very same reason.

"I know," He whispered before placing a chaste kiss on my lips. The warmth of it filled me. He stood pulling me to my feet, "Come on lets get down to the beach before it gets to crowded,"

I followed him down the path. I thought of his plea. Thought of any possibility that I could make it work with Jake. But then I saw him. Jared. He was walking into the woods. Completely shirtless. I licked my lips in excitement. And I got my answer. The warmth Jake had created in me was quickly replaced by the burning Jared ignited within my soul.

Jake may be the sensible choice. He would be the choice most girls would of gone for. But I knew I could ignore this connection I have with Jared. And I was about to lose my best friend over this either. Tomorrow, I decided. Tomorrow I would tell Jake how I feel. But today. Today I plan on spending it with my best friend.

It was the first nice day of the summer and we were going to enjoy it. Ever now and then I would catch him staring at me out the corner of his eyes. Studying me. I could tell our conversation from earlier was still playing at his head. No matter how much he tried not to show it.

The sun was up high. The rays danced playfully across Jake's face and russet skin. He was absolutely beautiful. His lips pulled in an easy smile. And for a second I forgot about the other man who played at my mind consistently. All there was Jake and me and I let myself sink into it. And I let myself picture for a second choosing Jake.

A sigh escaped my lips. Jake was staring at me with concern deep in his black eyes. I smiled at him. Trying with my expression to reassure him that I was okay. But it was a lie. A hugh lie. Even when I considered choosing Jake, Jared still played at my mind. All I could think about was Jared's touch. I wanted to run across the beach and jump in his arms. I wanted him to touch me again and feel his lips pressed against mine. He was so beautiful. I watched with jealousy in my heart as he carried on a heat conversation with his girl.

I wanted to be that close to him. Jake was looking at me with concern again. And I know I have to stop staring at Jared. I know I should just turn my head away and he was nothing to me. But I couldn't each touch he laid on her arm or face made my heart clench. I flexed my fist trying to realize some of the tension slowly building within me.

Jake was the one I should be giving my attention to. He was always there for me. No one every got me as well as he has. Why should I keep dreaming of a man who clearly doesn't want me. I turned my heated stare from Jared to Jake. I studied him. His strong jaw. Passionate eyes. And full lips. They were what I should be dreaming about. He was everything I've ever desired in a man. So why was I caught up on Jared again? Oh that right I like being irrational.

Jake twitched nervously under my intense stare. He clear his throat the muscle in his throat moving in unease. "Bella are you sure you're okay?"

I didn't think. I just moved. I grabbed his head and pulled his lips down on mine. He froze for a second. I could feel the pounding of his heart under my fingers. I let the feel of him wash over me. I let his scent sink deep into my sense. He kissed me back fiercely. I wrapped my arms around his neck bringing him closer to me. He licked my bottom lip and him take control of the kiss. I let my body just feel. And damn it felt good. At least I thought so until he pulled away with a jerk.

"We shouldn't have done that," He whispered his eyes looking past me. I turned to look over my shoulder to see who he was staring at so intensely. His eyes pierced mine. My breathe caught deep in my throat as he stalked over to us. No matter how good I thought Jake may have felt nothing compared to the passion Jared woke with in me. He move slowly like a predator who's stalking out its prey. I watched with hungry eyes the way his muscled moved under his skin. My mouth was dry and my body trembled slightly. I stood.

I stood and moved toward him. I made my way across the shifting sand toward him. Jake a distant memory. I walked until we stood face to face. His eyes boring deep into mine. I could feel him in the depths of my soul. Grabbing a fist full of my hair he slanted his lips onto mine. Stealing the very breathe from my lungs. Desire pooled deep in the pit of my belly. I wanted him in the most primal way.

"Mine," he growled between kisses and I could hardly disagree. This was so outside anything I've every experienced. So beyond my basic comprehension. I was drowning in the ocean called Jared and I wasn't even asking for a life jacket.

"Stop," I gasped pushing him away. His eyes still black with lust. "You have a girl."

There I said it. The one statement that has been hanging between us. I cursed the cruel fates who decided that this man was the one for me. He sucked in deep breathe and nodded his head taking a step back. I waited. Waited to hear him deny her... or me. Waited to hear that I was all he wanted. Hell I was just waiting.

"Bella," he started looking around as if trying to find the words in the ocean and sand, "It's complicated." I gaped at him. Its complicated. I'm not really into complications. Why had I walked away from Jake? Jared didn't want me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The need to escape growing by the second.

"You can't kiss me like that," I gasped fighting the tears that were threatening to fall, "And then claim its complicated."

"I know God damn-it," He growled grabbing me by the forearms. "Do you think I want this? I had it good... fuck I had it good."

His word stabbed me. I was bleeding in front of him. He had me falling apart and he didn't even realize it. I wasn't good enough for him. I tried to pull away from his grip. I had to get out of here.

"Let me go," I cried slowly sinking to my knees, "Please let me go." My sobs shook my whole body. All I could think was how I threw away a great guy for this. The sting of rejection burned through me. His gripped on me never let up. And I felt broken.

"Bella," he choked on his voice, "Please don't cry Bella."

I shook my head. Trying fruitlessly to push away from him. He didn't want me. Not surprising considering I was eighteen and have yet to have a boyfriend. No one wanted me. Except Jake and now he probably wouldn't want me either.

"Bella please," he whispered pleading with me for what I wasn't sure.

"You don't want me," I murmured though my tears.

"Don't want you?" his grip on me tighten as he pulled me closer to him, "Are you crazy woman all I want is you... I can't get you from my mind." He wrapped his arms around me burying his face in my hair. "You are all I can think about. All I dream about. I knew the minute I saw you I had to have you and damnit Bella I gave up to much to lose you also. I tried to tell you earlier but I was so angry."

He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. His embrace warmed as much as his words did.

"So where do we go from here?" I asked trying to pull myself together. I tried to stand on shaking legs leaning on him for support.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" He asked steadying me.

"Nothing."

"Be ready by five I'll pick you up," He pushed a strand of stray hair behind my ear, "There's a bonfire I would like for you to come with me."

I assured him I would be ready on time.

a/n: so let me know what you all think by reviewing thank you.