Catching Up
Chapter 10 – Home

Mary and Cas exchanged confused stares while Dean paled and Sam gulped. "Boys?" Mary looked between them. "What's wrong?"

By way of answering, Sam read the description of the episode, "Sam is haunted by a vision of a woman trapped in the brothers' childhood home and convinces a reluctant Dean that they need to go back there."

"Jesus…" Mary breathed. "You went back? After…"

"We had never been home before," Dean said lowly. "And we haven't gone back since either."

"Maybe we should skip this," whatever happened it obviously affected her sons and Mary wasn't about to make them go through it again.

"It's important," Sam said like it was against his will. "To the story anyway."

"It is," Dean hoarsely agreed. "Besides none of the other stuff matters now, you're here." He grasped Mary's hand and squeezed. "Press play Sammy."

"Right," Sam started the show and naturally they kicked off with the flashback sequence, now all the more difficult for the brothers to get through. It was over quickly and the show opened with a shot from the old house in Lawrence and a woman unpacking before her daughter comes in to complain about something being in the closet.

"That was your room Sam," Mary said before she could stop herself. Sam and Dean didn't say anything, noticing how their mother was transfixed by the show. It was the first time she was seeing her old home and even though the inside looked different, she knew every room by heart. The onscreen mother and daughter went through their bedtime routine. The mother returned to unpacking but was stopped by skittering sounds that she thought was rats. She goes into the basement where Mary realises are all her family's things are meanwhile something is emerging from the closet. The mom opens to a chest and Mary is torn between worrying about the little girl and crying looking at the old photos however her attention is taken by the fire entity in the girl's room. The child screamed and it immediately cut to the title card. Silently Sam and Dean held their mother as the show begins with Sam dreaming of the woman being trapped in the house then moving to TV!Sam and TV!Dean trying to decide where to go.

"See you complain about me not helping but then you ignore me," Dean made an attempt at levity.

"Like you haven't ignored me a million times before and after," Sam semi-smiled as TV!Sam explained to his brother about having those dreams and needing to go back to Kansas. It was hard for Mary to hear Dean say he never wanted to go back, even though she understood completely. That was their home, his home. They had had so many wonderful times there.

As the TV!Winchesters were driving into Lawrence, Mary softly asked, "Do you remember anything Dean?"

"Not really, it looked so different but still the same," Dean recalled. Onscreen, they met the mom, Jenny, and her family and learned about all the 'problems' with the house.

"Classic evil presence," Mary conceded. "Can't be the demon. Something else is there," Mary shuddered and Sam and Dean looked at each other before returning their attention to the show. The television brothers fought over how to handle the case and tried to take a step back to analyze the hunt. TV!Dean shared what he could remember and all they knew from John's perspective. They resolved to go digging into the past but neither of the Winchesters, either in real life or in the show, were entirely comfortable with it.

Dean watched himself call for John and beg his father to help. "I'll spare you the suspense, he didn't come," he said flatly.

"Well at least I know I wasn't the only one," Sam moved a shoulder.

"You called too?" Dean was surprised.

"Of course I did," Sam replied simply. Meanwhile, Jenny had brought in a plumber to fix her sink while a toy monkey was clearly reacting to some kind of presence. Suddenly the disposal activated with the plumber's hand still in the sink but the gruesome scene was cut short and the show shifted to TV!Sam and TV!Dean speaking with John's old partner Mike.

Listening to him talk about John, Mary smiled fondly, "Mike was a good man. We used to have him and his wife over for dinner." But her smile dimmed as he went on about John's descent into the supernatural and his dealings with a psychic.

"Enter Missouri," Sam grinned with some genuine happiness. "Now she was awesome."

"Says you," Dean grumbled but with a kind of half-smirk.

"She seems like quite a character," Mary snickered at Missouri's 'cold-banging the gardener' line.

"Mom was I really a goofy looking kid?" Dean turned to Mary with an exaggerated pout.

"No Dean, you were very handsome," Mary assured him but everyone, including Dean, laughed at the Missouri's rant at the older Winchester.

"It's strange," Cas mused. "I find this woman's tone with Dean to be oddly endearing…"

"If only I could have recorded Missouri threatening to whack Dean with a spoon, I would have used it as a ringtone," Sam joked.

"Well now you have the opportunity," Cas pointed out.

"You're right Cas, thanks," Sam shot a wicked grin at a disgruntled Dean.

"I don't like this show."

Mary patted him and they watched while Missouri and boys spoke while something was going after Jenny's son Richie. "No." Mary stopped patting Dean and nearly leapt off the couch when Richie was trapped in the fridge. She was horror-struck, clinging to the edge of her seat as Sam and Dean tried to comfort her. Luckily Jenny found Richie quickly. Mary sat back, her heart going a mile a minute. For a moment, she was seeing Sam or Dean instead of Richie. Something else was dimly registering with her, a sense of anger, like she had to do something about it. She worked to regain her focus, "I'm fine boys, I'm okay."

"You're sure?" Dean checked.

"Yes," Mary nodded. "Guess I got caught up, shame I don't have Missouri around to bring me back down."

Sam and Dean seemed uncertain about letting the subject drop so Cas stepped in. "Yes, she does seem to have that remarkable quality about her, wouldn't you say Dean?"

It really was something for their angel to be encouraging them to have tact so the brothers let it go. Dean huffed, "Yeah remarkable, that's definitely the word I'd use."

In the show, Missouri diagnosed the house. "A poltergeist?" Mary repeated. "And what's the second spirit?"

Neither brother was willing to answer her and pretended to be engrossed in the show. TV!Sam, TV!Dean, and Missouri prepared to purify the house and got Jenny and her kids out for the time being. "Here we go." Dean stated. Mary held onto her sons as they tried to take on the poltergeist and were attacked. Dean had knives sent at him and Sam was nearly choked to death by a power cord. Mary whimpered a little during the scene but otherwise fought hard to keep her composure. It was over soon but TV!Sam clearly had doubts. Everyone spared a smirk at Dean and Missouri but they knew the episode was far from over.

It didn't take long either for the next attack to begin and all hell broke loose in the house. TV!Dean rescued Jenny but in a moment painfully reminiscent of John Winchester TV!Sam sent the kids out while he was taken by the poltergeist. TV!Dean did his best to get to his brother but TV!Sam was still being ragdolled by the poltergeist. The fire spirit entered and Dean wasn't far behind but Sam stopped his brother from shooting it. The fire spirit turned out to be – "That's me," Mary said awestruck. "I was the spirit!"

"Yeah," Sam said. "You saved us. I guess you don't remember."

"No," Mary said sadly. "I feel like I should but I don't."

"Side note," Dean jumped in, more or less to move away from this conversation. "Did they light someone on fire for that effect?"

"It does appear to be that way," Cas agreed.

"I don't suppose you know what became of Jenny and house," Mary asked.

"No, all I can say is that it's been quiet in Kansas ever since," Sam answered. The TV!Winchesters drove off and they expected the credits to run but instead saw Missouri entering her home.

"Oh no," Mary bit her lip. "I hope nothing happens to Missouri."

Missouri spoke about Sam and they thought she was talking to herself but it turned ut that John was there. Jaws dropped and Dean sprung to his feet. John asked about Mary but said he wouldn't go to the boys until he knew the truth. Finally, the screen went black and the credits ran but everyone was winded from John's sudden appearance. "Son of a bitch," Dean growled drawing the room's attention. It was then that they noticed his jaw was tight and his hands were balled into shaking fists. "He was there. He. Was. There." Dean stormed out, slamming the door hard behind him.

Mary gestured for Sam and Cas to go after him, "Talk to him, I'd like a moment alone." She tilted her head towards the TV and after a second more, and Mary's silent insistence, they nodded and left. Mary picked up the remote and went back to John's scene, pausing on his face. Mary moved to kneel in front of the TV screen. "John…" she took in every detail of his face. The gray hairs, the beard, each line of his face. "This was my fault, I know it was. But why John? At least be with our sons, make sure they know their father loves them. I can't imagine what I put you and the boys through but there had to be another way. Of course, the same could be said for me." Mary sniffed and rested her head against the cool glass, "I'm sorry John, I'm so sorry."

*CU*

Cas and Sam caught with Dean at the indoor gun range, unloading clip after clip at thoroughly abused target. "Dean!" Sam shouted over the gunfire but his brother ignored him. Cas tried too but was met with the same response. Sam was prepared to go over to him but Cas held him back. With a simple hand movement, the angel held a handful of bullets and cartridges. The shooting stopped abruptly and Dean cussed, checking his gun and remaining ammo only find that they were gone. Dean braced the counter with both hands, "Cas give them back."

"Forgive me Dean but I do not think wasting your weaponry on a piece of paper will do you any good." Cas tossed the bullets aside. "You're angry at your father."

"You know what the rule was Cas," Dean chewed on the inside of his mouth. "If either of us were on a hunt, we wouldn't call unless it was an emergency. Hell, even Sam called."

"That's probably why he came but he didn't speak to us or help us," Sam fell against the doorframe dejected. The idea that their father, knowing what this meant to the brothers, would make them go it alone. It wasn't the usual John Winchester callousness, this was cold. "You think Missouri knew? Before?"

"Maybe," Dean scoffed. "I don't blame her, dad really was a stubborn bastard when he wanted to be. We searched everywhere, we thought he might have been dead."

"Whatever he was doing must've been important," Cas attempted to reason but Dean wasn't having it.

"If he could take the time to come down to Kansas, he could've taken the time see us. He clearly found somewhere to hide out that no body noticed him. You don't understand Cas, the whole reason I went to get Sam and we started hunting again was because of him. Don't you see it at the top of every single frigging show? 'Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days.'"

Sam jumped in, "Dean don't blame yourself -"

"I don't blame myself Sammy, all I'm saying is that that was one of the few times I really needed dad. I was the good son, you said so yourself, every word he said, I followed. I'm not ashamed of it, my family means everything to me. Every order, I obeyed. Every time he said 'trust me', I did and the moment I need him to be there, he just hangs back. And for what? Some truth? We know what he was talking about but that doesn't change us needing him right then."

"He always just out of reach Dean, that's nothing new. Whether he was on hunt, in front of your face, or hell, even at a psychic's house. It's just who he was." Sam said dejectedly.

"Listen to me the both of you," Cas stepped in. "I understand how hurt you must be. I spent just as long looking for my father. You scoured the continental U.S. and I the whole world. Not to mention, my Father is God. He would've, and did, know what was going on and did nothing to help us. He purposely chose to evade me and hid as an alcoholic writer cum prophet. He and John Winchester have much in common including one very important thing…" Cas waited until both brothers were looking at him before continuing. "They were there when it was absolutely necessary. John saved Dean and was there at Devil's Gate, my Father saved me and helped us fight Amara. Maybe we could've used them around more but they were there. I don't know about you two, but as far as absentee fathers go, it could be worse."

Dean grunted, "Yeah, small margin though." He took in a fortifying breath, "Look Sam I know you're worried about the Men of Letters but I need to get out of here. Let's take mom shopping, anything. Hang on mom, you left her alone?"

"I think she wanted a few minutes with dad," Sam responded. "As for going out…" Sam hesitated but a soft weight fell on his shoulder, Go Sam, "Okay let's go."