An: I know it's been a while I'm giving you guys a little blackwater as well. Please read and review.
I watched him out the corner of my eyes. I need to leave. I need to walk away. But my heart weighs me down, anchors me to the ground. So I stand here with lead feet in quick sand. The sun light brushes against the top of his head as he addresses the group. It highlights the light stands making his hair almost appear copper and for a moment I'm lost in the memory of how soft the tresses felt against my fingers when I used to run my hands through it. I clenched my hands into fists. I had to let go of these thoughts. He was no longer mine. I watched as he smiled brilliantly at her. I watched as his face lit up for her like it use to light up for me. I watched as the love my life opening loved the woman I once thought of as a sister. I studied the scars on her face and felt a deep resentment in me. Even if the imprint could be broken Sam would never leave her now. He was too honorable for that.
Part of me wondered if he would even notice if I was to disappear. Sometimes I wish I would just evaporate in to wind. Let the cool breeze carry me far away from this place. Away from the pain that surrounds me here. Sometimes I wish I could just escape. Part of me wants to succumb to my wolf and flee to the forest like Jacob. I was jealous of him for that. Sam entwined his hand into Emily's and my heart gave a small cry of protest. I winced and looked away. I took a deep breath and pushed off the tree I was leaning against. I'm pretty sure the meeting is done since Emily was here playing catch the tonsils with my man…. With Sam. I need to stop thinking of him as mine. I could feel Seth's eyes on me as I moved to slink off into the forest.
"You can leave when I dismiss you Leah," Sam growled his lips still inches from Emily's. I froze. My spine tensing in defense as my hackles rose. I clamped down the hurt. I pushed down the ache in my heart. I can't and won't let him see the tears in my eyes. I bite the sob back and release a snarl.
"It appears the meeting is done," I said with my back still turned back to him, "I got better things to do then watch you and Scar face make out." I started to continue my exit I didn't have to stay here and deal with this.
"Leah stop," Sam commanded. My feet froze. That mother fucker just alpha ordered me. What the fuck?
"What the fuck Sam?" Seth growled, "Its bad enough you cheated on her with Emily then you got to parade it right in front of her and now you are Alpha ordering her."
I turned and watched my baby brother defend me and the tears that I fought so hard to conceal were brimming in my eyes. I watched as the Embry and Quil moved to stand near Seth. Their support to his words surprised me.
"Emily and Sam are imprints," Paul snarled, "Leah needs to accept that they shouldn't have to hide their imprint for her."
Well I guess we found the president of Sam can do no wrong club. I was about to make a snarky comeback to chop that annoying fucker down to his balls when Jared moved to stand by Seth. Well that was interesting. Jared was the biggest Sam and Emily imprint supporter out there.
"Sam there was no need for the order the meeting was finished," He stated simply confusion clouding his voice. "And I agree with Seth how can you expect Leah to move on if you keep slapping her in the face with your imprint? You both are being insensitive."
Well that's even more unexpected I think I was definitely staring at Jared open mouthed in shock. Hell I think everyone is staring at Jared in shock. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned and met the broken brown eyes of Jacob Black. He tucked a strand of hair that had fallen in front of me face behind my hair and gave me a ghost of a smile.
"Leah I'm sorry," Sam started but stopped when Jacob glared at him.
"Lift the order," Jacob demanded.
His deep baritone sent a shiver down my body. When did Jacob Black start to have this effect on me? I noticed he was staring past me and I looked to the door of Sam and Emily's house and there stood Bella Swan. She was studying us with interest. I saw Jared subtle hand motion telling her to stay put. The one thing Jared and Bella never do is rub their love in Jacob's face. I could see she wanted to run out and comfort Jacob but respected Jared's wishes. My respect for the couple was raising more and more. I wrapped my hands around Jacob's fists. He shuddered.
"Leah you can go," Sam said after a minute. The second he released me I yanked Jacob arm and pulled him into the forest with me. We both took off running and we didn't stop for a very long time.
Jared and I fell into a kind of rhythm with each other. We rotated between spending time between my place and his. The pack seem to have accepted our relationship and I was the happiest I've been in a while. We both avoided the elephant in the room about me leaving soon to start college. I just wanted a few weeks with Jared without drama. Each day that passed with him made it harder and harder to think of leaving him for that long time. He seems to think we will be fine but I recall the one little visit I took was like torture to both of us and we hadn't even had sex yet. Now I feel empty when he isn't in me. Now a few hours without his touch was too much to bear how will I go almost four months.
"What are you thinking about?" Jared asked kissing my forehead.
I signed and shifted in his bed, "Leaving."
He stiffened next to me. I could feel his tension. He pulled me closer to him and buried his face in my hair. He inhaled my scent and signed. I didn't say anything else I was enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. He had a way of making me feeling loved and safe all in one touch.
"I love you," I whispered against his flesh. It was so soft I barely heard it myself but I knew he heard it. He kissed me tenderly his love for me evident in his every touch, his caress, his presence as he whispered the words back to me.
"Maybe I shouldn't go," I said after a while.
"We aren't going to have that argument again."
I snorted yeah I guess we shouldn't I didn't want to ruin the moment. I thought about Harvard and signed it was only a plane ride away. Knowing Jared though he might run there as a wolf. I wondered how long that would take. Maybe I could meet him halfway. I know I don't have a roommate in my dorm I requested not to have one. Maybe he could just stay the weekend. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. I haven't even started packing yet.
"Do you think Leah and Jacob will end up together?" The thought has actually been bugging me since this morning. Well not bugging me but it's just been on my mind. It's not that I don't want them together I just hope they were doing it for all the wrong reason. What the hell do I know about the right reasons I thought bitterly. They only reason Jared and I were together was because of the wolf god determined I was his soul mate.
"I don't know," Jared said, "There is no record of any other female shifters I believe she shifted for a reason."
"Do you have a theory?"
"Actually its Paul's theory," he ignored my snort of disbelief, "The alpha shouldn't imprint, when you imprint your whole life is now about your imprint. The Alpha needs to focus on what's best for the tribe an imprint would negate that."
"But Sam imprinted on Emily."
"Sam isn't the true Alpha."
"Jacob is," I paused, "You think Leah is his mate,"
"Not just mate… his Alpha female."
Alpha female. I had a feeling that the pack life was about to be shaken up. I wonder how Sam would take it seeing Leah and Jacob together. I decided at that moment to root for those two to figure it out. They would make a gorgeous couple. Just watching them together earlier I could see their chemistry. I looked over to the hot werewolf in bed with me. I bet we make a pretty good looking couple as well. I pushed off the bed before I jumped him… again. I was hungry and needed food.
"I'm hungry," I said grabbing my clothes from the floor pulling it back on. I looked back at him over my shoulder, and he was staring at me with hunger in his eyes for something entirely different then food.
"So am I," he growl before leaping off the bed on to me. I laughed as he pushed me back down food would have to wait.
Later when had finished our love making I cooked us dinner. He watched me with lust filled eyes and it almost broke my heart to think of being away from him. He knew what I was thinking about. I couldn't help it. He pulled the knife from my hand and spun me around. He kissed me so softly I began to cry. He held me through the worst of my sobs.
"Bella hush," he soothed me. Rubbing his large warm hands up and down my back, "It will be okay."
"I don't want to go," I cried unable to stop my tears, "I don't want to leave you I just can't."
"You aren't leaving me silly girl," he whispered, "We will still be together this is your dream."
"My only dream now is you," I choked out.
He jerked away as if I stabbed him. I looked up at him with tear filled eyes. He was breathing hard his body trembling as if he was fighting the phase. I moved to step toward him and he held his hand up to stop me.
"Jared?"
"This curse has robbed me of everything but the chance to love," he growled out after what felt like an eternity, "I am not you're only dream… I can't be Bella you would only resent me if you continue down this path. You wanted nothing more than to go to school I will not be the reason you do not go. Don't put that burden on me."
"Okay," I whispered, "After dinner how about you come over and help me pack?"
He took a few more deep breathes and then gave me a ghost of a smile, "That sounds like a good idea."
I didn't want to go but I didn't want to give up on my dream as well. Jared was right he couldn't be the only thing my world centered around. I wasn't Emily. I didn't love blindly. I needed more than the promise of eternal love. I needed a man who supported me and pushed me. I need Jared. I was proud to call him mine and I wanted him to be proud that he called me his.
They had a bonfire in honor of me going off to school. The whole pack was there sans Leah and Jacob. I missed them both but I understood. Jared never left my side during the whole bonfire. That night we made sweet love and I savored every bit of his flesh against mine. The next day Charlie and Jared drove me the airport and I tried my best not to cry. Jared had made sure I finished whatever assignments I had to start school. Charlie had supported me in whatever decision I made of school. He even told me he supported any decision I made since he noticed how absolutely miserable I was about leaving. But Jared was right this was my dream. He gave me a leather bracelet with a small wolf figure attached to it. I smiled as I recognized the wolf as Jacob's work. I had both of my boys represented on my wrist.
"He said to tell you to have fun and be good," Jared whispered into my ear after he had placed it on my wrist at the airport. He didn't have to say who the he was. I already knew it was Jacob. I wished I could have said good bye to him as well.
"Promise me you will visit," I said wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Nothing could stop me."
"Back off son," Charlie said after a minute, "I would like to give her a hug good bye as well."
I laughed and cried as Charlie wrapped his arms around me. This moment was so bitter sweet. I was as prepared as I would ever be to leave. I pulled away from Charlie and with one last kiss to Jared I made my way to the plane. After all Jared did promise to visit.
An: I hope to get an update out soon. I am also in need of a beta who can keep up with my hectic schedule. Let me know what you guys think.