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From then on, with Luke's approval, Rey and Kylo spent some time exploring their bond: they learnt how to communicate without speaking, how to probe each other's emotions, how to enhance their projections, and how to make them more solid and stable. Because of their ability to share thoughts they practiced how to put their movements in sync – Luke deemed it a very important ability, and they became so skilled at reading each other's minds that they soon reached a level of synchronisation that was both impressive and eerie.
Rey found herself more attuned to Kylo Ren. Now she knew there was a different side of him – although she witnessed it rarely and very briefly –, a side that was almost soft, almost boyish, almost innocent. Whenever Rey was able to glimpse those moments, she didn't call him Kylo in her head: she called him Ben, because now she knew that, given a chance, Ben Solo would have grown up to be a remarkable person. The young man who always turned towards the sea right before disappearing, letting his eyes fill with blue; the one who threw glances at Luke, when he thought no one would notice, looking for something on his face; the one who had the habit of running his hand through his hair every five minutes… that wasn't Kylo Ren. It was Ben Solo as a teenager, a mere shadow of Ben Solo; but it was definitely there, and Rey found herself hoping that Kylo would eventually embrace his given name and become his own person.
Rey could even feel the constant, nagging pull to the Light that reigned in Kylo's mind. He tended to shy away from it, probably because acknowledging it fully would be very painful: the regret and the image of his parents were very clear and visible, at least to her, underneath the insistent Light.
Kylo was still there though. He was still cold, still quick to lose his temper, still prone to lose control of his emotions if pushed too hard. Rey didn't know how to reconcile Kylo with Ben. Thinking about it made her antsy and unfocused, so she did her best to ignore the issue, shoving it away, deep inside her heart.
"I really don't–" CRACK! Hux's brass knuckles collided with Kylo's ribcage.
"…understand why–" CRACK! A second blow in the same spot definitely fractured his bones.
"…the Supreme Leader wants me to–" CRACK!
"…beat you bloody." Hux paused, panting. "Keeping you prisoner is a really big inconvenience. What the hell did you do?"
Kylo didn't answer. He was thinking about the island, about the blue water, ignoring the pain and ignoring the General.
"Is it because you let that scavenger girl defeat you so easily? How was that possible, by the way?" Hux insisted. "I saw that desert rat, she was so… unremarkable."
Kylo could not ignore this. He didn't like where this little speech was going, and Hux must have seen it on his face, because he continued.
"Not so unremarkable then? Was she special to you? Did she defeat you because for once in your life you shut your brain up and listened to your c–" Hux fell silent. A wheeze escaped his lips, and his face turned purple. His hands flew to his throat, trying uselessly to fight the invisible grip that was squeezing the air out of him.
"S–supreme… Leader… h–help" he choked out.
He crumpled to the ground, making horrible noises, his lips turning blue…
That's enough.
Snoke's voice echoed in Kylo's mind and sounded almost pleased. Kylo instantly released his hold on Hux, who gasped and heaved and coughed, trying to regain his breathing.
He stilled, waiting to see if Snoke would talk to him again, if he would enter his mind as punishment for attacking the General. When it was clear that the Supreme Leader had lost interest in him for the time being, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his crazy heartbeat down, using a Jedi meditation technique for the first time after years.
He vaguely felt Hux slithering out of the room, but by now he was deep into his mind.
He knew he would have killed Hux if Snoke hadn't stopped him. He had obeyed, not because he had wanted to, but because he had realised, with the greatest surprise, that the Dark Side had completely overtaken him – which hadn't happened in a very long time. And now he was discovering that the aftermath no longer left him satisfied; it didn't even leave him indifferent. He found that, since killing his father, the Dark Side had lost most of its original appeal: it was no longer something he could lose himself in. The darkness that still was in him had simply become a tool, a resource to exploit and bend at will, something to help him use the Force.
Kylo's epiphany left him quite unsettled. How has it come to this?
The girl's face suddenly popped in his mind. Was… was she the answer to his question? Was she the cause of his change? Had she gotten to mean something to him, had he started caring again?
He had cared about very few people in his life. He knew their echo called to him, trying to nurture and grow the Light he still had inside. But now it seemed that he had Rey too, and he found that she was the only one whose memory wasn't unbearable or painful. He sighed, and made his decision.
That night, after the guards had brought him back to his cell, Kylo Ren closed his eyes and began meditating. Quietly, a bit warily, he started to rekindle the little spark of Light into his heart.
He appeared on the island far from his usual spot, finding himself directly in front of the waves crashing noisily on the shoreline. He turned towards the sea, whishing he could actually feel the sprays of salty water on his face. He wondered why Rey was here. The wind and the water didn't provide a safe spot to practice combat, and as far a meditation went, he knew by now that Rey preferred the calm and stillness of a rocky wall.
He wandered along the shore for a while until he glimpsed her, submerged to her thighs in the water, her arms outstretched towards a group of rocks covered in shellfish and seaweeds. Her face was strained with the effort, her teeth grinding together.
Kylo sat quietly on the damp sand, watching in silence. He had a clear view of her face, and he was mildly surprised to see extreme anger and frustration painted all over her features. He knew Rey had a measure of darkness in her – he had seen it in her mind. However, he had no idea it was so close to the surface.
Rey lifted her arms in the direction of a massive rock in front of her, and after a few seconds it trembled and moved an inch to the left. She let out an angry yell and hit the water repeatedly with a fist. Then she immediately tried again. Kylo had an absurd vision of himself hacking with his lightsaber at the control panels on Starkiller. Rey punching the water felt equally irrational.
He focused on her and he guessed the problem at once: Rey was able to gather the Force effortlessly, to channel it around herself, concentrating it in her hands, but when she had to point it at the rock and release it, something blocked the flow, and the Force dispersed. He shook his head. He knew what she had to do to solve this issue, but he also knew she wouldn't like it.
"Instead of sitting there shaking your head you could come here and tell me what you're thinking," Rey spat at him, without turning. Kylo smirked, standing up and joining her in the water.
"I'll tell you if you promise not to bite my head off."
Rey rolled her eyes. "It's not like I can actually touch you. Now talk."
"You're doing it wrong. The Force disperses when you point it towards the rock."
"There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing! It's the same damn thing I do when I move smaller objects!" she replied heatedly. "There must be something wrong with me."
Kylo shook his head again. "It's different with small objects. Big ones require a lot more focus and strength, and you happen to possess an unlimited source of strength inside you, but you refuse to acknowledge it and therefore you're failing. There's nothing wrong with you, you have everything you need."
Rey looked at him as if he had spoken Shyriiwook. "What are you talking about?"
Kylo sighed at her stubbornness. "I just watched you lose control and punch the water because you failed to move that rock. There's darkness brewing inside you. You just need to harness it and use it. It will make you so much stronger."
Rey's face paled. She looked like she had seen a ghost. "You– you can't be serious. What are y–?"
"Listen to me–" he began, but she interrupted him.
"You are not trying to get me to the Dark Side!"
"Of course not! Dammit Rey!" He froze for a few seconds, realising he had called her by her name for the first time. It felt oddly…intimate. She had stilled too, her lips parted in surprise.
He recovered quickly though. "Listen to me, you just have to accept that darkness inside you and use it to control the Force! You don't let it control you!" Kylo's tone was more than exasperated.
She shook her head, stubbornly in denial. "I don't have darkness inside me. I wouldn't be Luke's padawan if I had darkness in me."
If Rey had looked at Kylo right then, she would have seen a small smile grace his features. "Do you think Luke doesn't know about it? He probably sensed it the moment you stepped on this island, but he accepted you anyway. He knows he has to treat you differently than a regular padawan, because you are more than that. He won't repeat the same mistakes he made with me. You're just like me, you can't control your anger, and when you try to, the effort drains you. Can't you see? You'll never be a Jedi, Rey. Not like my uncle. You are not made to follow the Jedi code, there can't be a 'There is no emotion, there is peace' for y–"
"STOP! STOP TALKING, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" Rey yelled at him, covering her ears with her hands and shaking with fury.
Kylo didn't react, but he saw her eyes blazing in anger, her hands curling in fists, so tightly her knuckles whitened. He felt a dark energy rise from under their feet, and as the waves around them started growing and becoming more and more violent, he paled and ordered with a tense voice "Rey. Out of the water. Now."
She must have sensed his urgency, because she obeyed without a word. On the shore, the vibrations of the ground were even more noticeable.
"Wh–what's happening?" Rey asked, uncertain.
"You need to calm down. Take a breath, clear your mind," he answered.
She looked at him, her eyes huge. "Am I doing this?"
"Yes. Deep breaths. Focus."
But by now Rey was terrified. Her hands hadn't stopped shaking, and she fell on her knees hugging herself, her breath ragged and laboured.
Kylo knelt beside her. "Hey. Look at me. Look at me. Breathe. Good, just like that. Again. Take deep breaths. Think of the stillness of the sea just before dawn. There's no wind, no waves, no movement. Breathe."
Little by little, Rey managed to calm down. She focused on Kylo's voice and brought her heartbeat back to normal. The vibrations disappeared.
Kylo sighed. "Rey, you do have darkness in you. Just as I have Light in me. We just need to accept it, because that's who we are. You'll never be a Jedi like Luke, but that doesn't mean you can't learn the ways of the Force. I won't– I won't ever be a Sith and– I think I'm fine with that. I get it now, we're in between, you and I."
Rey's lips thinned. She was grateful to Kylo for helping her calm down, but she couldn't accept his words.
"I can't do what you ask," she told him, her voice faint. "I don't want anything to do with the Dark Side."
Kylo didn't reply. He knew insisting now wouldn't help. He turned towards the sea and contemplated the horizon, waiting for the training session with his uncle.
Luke arrived a few minutes later, and he was tactful enough that he didn't mention the small earthquake that had shaken the island, nor the thunderous expression on his padawan's face. He went about his teachings as usual, and when he declared they were done for the day, Rey stomped away in a hurry, barely nodding Kylo goodbye.
Before his nephew could disappear, Luke called him. "Ben, I need a word with you, please."
Kylo nodded. He still didn't know how to feel about being called by his old name.
"Everything I say to you now, you need to hide it from Rey. Use the same technique I'm teaching you to hide her from Snoke. There mustn't be trace of her in your mind regarding what I'm about to say."
"What is it?" Kylo asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Ben, I've perceived a change in you. The trigger of it was painful, without a doubt, but I can clearly see that it's doing you good. I see the Light in you, and I know your loyalty to Snoke is now… non-existent."
Kylo lowered his gaze. His uncle's words were affecting him in a way that reminded him of happier times, of laughter and his mother's smile and his father's hand on his head. He swallowed. "Go on."
"I need you to spy on the First Order for us– for the Resistance." Luke observed him closely. "I know it's a lot to ask. I know it's risky. But I also know that inside you there's a desperate need to atone for your sins. This could be the way. You did it once already, the day you told me about Eufornis Minor. I'm asking you to do it again."
Kylo kept quiet for a while. In his heart he already knew what his answer would be. He just needed to come to terms with the knowledge that Luke had been able to read him so well, as if all the years of separation and enmity had never existed. At last he looked his uncle in the eyes and nodded.
Luke smiled. "Thank you."