"Congratulations Papyrus!" It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, a few months after the barrier was broken. Thankfully, Papyrus decided to take actual cooking lessons. Turns out, he was an amazing cook at everything but spaghetti.
He had entered some kind of French desert into a baking contest at the nearby church – the monsters still didn't have a very strong concept of Gods or any higher being, but enjoyed the activities the church provided. He had won first place, beating out a ten year old and their carrot cake. He was beaming like crazy as the judge placed the blue ribbon next to his dish.
"Did you hear that, Human?" He rushed straight over to you, so excited he was practically vibrating. "I won! I, the Great Papyrus, is now even greater than before!"
You return his hug with just as much excitement. You were so happy for your friend, but felt a slight twinge in your chest. Last time he tried to teach you how to cook, you ended up burning the food to an unappetizing crisp. And you burnt a hand towel…
Just because you were no good at cooking didn't mean you could dampen your friend's accomplishment. You congratulated him heartily and offered to read him his favorite story that night. Though he says he grew out of needing a bedtime story, the large skeleton still greatly enjoys the activity. You give him another smile and turn towards the table to foods, furrowing your brow a little at your incompetence in the kitchen.
A few days later was Undyne's wrestling match. As soon as she heard of the sport, she jumped right on it. Within days she became the best wrestler in not only the town, but the whole county. If she won this match, the team would be heading across the country for the championships.
Everyone sat in the stands. You and Sans, Papyrus next to Mettaton with Alphys awkwardly next to them, and Toriel with Asgore. A few other monsters were scattered throughout the stands, but your cheering was no doubt the loudest.
As soon as Undyne stepped out into the mat, you began cheering so loudly she heard you and turned to wave. She was amazing on the mat, not even breaking a sweat as the best wrestler from the other team grunted and cursed in frustration.
Finally, she had enough playing with the human and did her finishing move. The human frantically tapped out, and the ref declared Undyne the victor. As soon as the match was over, the team tried to surround Undyne, but you made it there first. You scooped her up in a big congratulations hug. You were so proud of her.
"Hey there Human!" Since coming to the surface, 'Human' was practically your name now. "I'm glad you could make it! We're going to the championships and we're going to CRUSH the other teams!"
She gave an exuberant laugh, with her hands on her hips and her head thrown back. Alphys took this opportunity to greet her girlfriend, not noticing the look on your face.
Undyne was amazingly strong and fast. You tried training with her one day, but you couldn't even keep up with the laps. You ended up collapsed on the ground, panting hard. Undyne doubled back to you and patted you on the head.
"Don't let it get to you Human. No one can keep up with me." She tried to comfort you, but deep down you took something else to heart. You would never be as physically fit as Undyne. You would never be able to run like her or win medals like her.
You were no good at cooking. You were no good at physical movement.
Sans walked you to your house – well apartment really. You were working up to buy a house though. You declined the Skeleton's offer to stay with them, not wanting to be a burden. You spend most of your free time there anyway.
You had new jokes to tell him, it took you all day to come up with them, and you were really proud. Last night, the elementary school in town had a community night. One of the activities was taping the principle to the wall for $1 apiece. Some of your friends told you about it, and you remembered the principle was completely bald.
"So I told them, 'sounds like a ball-d" I grinned at Sans, waiting for him to laugh, but he just gave a pity chuckle. "Get it? Because the principle is bald?"
He chuckled again and ruffled your hair.
"I got it Kid, but it was kind of a lame joke… It really crashed and boned." His eyes scrunched up in amusement at his own joke but you scowled.
"Bones doesn't sound anything like burned." You grumbled under your breath.
"Hey Kid, want some sugar?" You looked at him, beyond confused.
"Why would I want-?"
"Because you're sounding pretty bitter over there." You let out a frustrated growl and ran ahead, hoping to beat him to the house. Of course, he was standing on the porch before you even got there.
"PAPYRUS!" You called for the other brother to come defend you honor.
"What can The Great Papyrus do for my favorite Human?" He must have been cooking because he was still stirring something. You told him your joke, and how Sans made fun of you. You expected his usual groan whenever he hears a joke, but he just stared blankly at you, his stirring slowing.
"I do not understand your joke Human, so I cannot defend you." He left with his bowl, a faint humming getting fainter.
"See Kid? I'm the best a jokes, Above and Underground. You don't stand a chance." You give him a playful scowl, and he puts you in a headlock, messing your hair up playfully. You laughed, but part of you wanted to cry.
Of course he was the best. You never stood a chance at making him laugh with your dumb jokes. You're no funny. No one would ever find your jokes funny, especially not when Sans was around. He's so much better than you at humor. You sucked.
You were no good at cooking. You were no good at physical movement. You were no good at jokes.
Mettaton offered to take you out on a platonic date. He noticed you were looking a little down lately and what better way to cheer up a friend than…
"A date with the most wonderful robot in the whole wide world?" He gave you a suggestive grin, but you knew he was just playing.
"Sure Mettaton, just as long as Pap doesn't find out and get jealous again. The last time you and the robot went on a platonic date, his boyfriend found out and it got messy. Papyrus didn't get mad, no. He bawled hysterically for hours while you and Mettaton tried to convince him no, he wasn't being dumped. Yes, he and Mettaton are still dating. No, you weren't trying to steal his boyfriend. Yes, you were all still friends. It was a mess all around.
"Of course not Darling! He's off at some class or something. My dear Papy is so devoted to his cooking. I couldn't be prouder of my Bonejangles." He had a far away look on his face. He really did love Papyrus, and you had to admit, you were a little jealous. Not of Papyrus and Mettaton specifically, but of what they had.
He took you to a nice little restaurant. It wasn't anything big or fancy, more of a family run diner than a restaurant but it was nice nonetheless. As soon as you entered the building, he was bombarded with monsters and humans alike, all wanting attention from the star.
"Oh my lovelies! I adore your adoration, I really do, but I'm here with my dearest friend right now!" He shoved you forward a little, an invitation to introduce yourself, but you were frozen. He was able to talk to strangers as if it were nothing, but you just couldn't.
After one of his shows, Mettaton brought you backstage to meet some people, important people, but you froze then too. You weren't even able to say your name, let alone hold an intelligent conversation. Right now was no different.
"U-um... hi…" You finally manage to say your name, but could do nothing to salvage the red bush taking over your whole face. You see the crowed look at each other, their faces saying more than words ever could.
Who's this?
What's wrong with them?
Are they okay?
Why are they with Mettaton?
You felt humiliated, but thankfully the waitress came back to show you a table. You practically ran to the open booth in the back of the building. Hiding your face behind the menu, you heard Mettaton chuckle at your expense.
"Darling, you really have to work on your people skills." You huff at him.
"Easy for you to say. You're a celebrity. Wooing people is all you know how to do!" He gave an indignant scoff and pulled your menu down.
"I can do many things, thank you very much. Being beautiful and sociable are just two. Another thing I can do is tell when a friend is troubled. So Darling, what's been bugging my dear Human?" You rose one eyebrow with practiced ease and you fidgeted in your seat.
"I-it's nothing big. Just some work problems. Everyone gets stressed…" You felt bad for lying, but he was so popular, so busy. He didn't have time for your obnoxious whining. No one did. Besides, he probably didn't actually care. It was his programing to be open and friendly.
"That sounds like a lie Darling." You shook your head and stared down at your menu.
"Really Mettaton. Besides, you have more important things to worry about." He sighed, knowing it was no use. Once you made your mind up, it was rare anyone was able to sway you.
Your mental dialogue berated you for making Mettaton worry. He didn't deserve this kind of friendship. He was so much better than you. You didn't deserve someone so cool and nice, even if he's only your friend because you're Papyrus' friend.
You just didn't match up. He was loud and outgoing and personable. You were... not that. You were nervous and awkward around strangers. You could never be as extroverted as Mettaton if your life depended on it. You wished you could be more like him…
You were no good at cooking. You were no good at physical movement. You were no good at jokes. You were no good with strangers.
Alphys had called you up earlier that day to ask if you wanted to help with some experiment. Science fascinated you, so you gladly accepted. You made your way to Hotlands, trying to push your own thoughts back and focus on the task at hand, putting one foot in front of the other.
By the time you reached her lab, you were beginning to become uncomfortable warm. Thankfully she kept the lab a little cooler. You let yourself in, having been there enough times for her movie marathons. A voice called from the other room.
"U-um I'm over h-here!" You followed her halted words and found her hunched over a work table, her scalely claws working quickly with the machinery. She handed you the box she was working on and asked you to sit on the table.
"So what's this experiment about Doc?" She chuckled at your nickname and explained as she fiddled with some knobs on a bigger machine.
"I'm uh… testing how e-electricity flows through the p-physical being of a human. It's so f-fundamentally different from how it flows through the magic of monsters. I r-ran the tests on myself to get the um… d-data.
"What's going to h-happen is I'm going to send small jolts of m-magic electricity up your arms to your um… s-soul. It won't hurt! I erm p-promise. It's just a test to see how the c-components of magic melds with the atoms in the e-electricity…."
You zoned out. You really did try to follow along, but as soon as she started going on about the mix of magic and electricity, you just couldn't keep up. Although science fascinated you, you really didn't have the mind for it. Or for most academic subjects for that matter.
Alphys kept talking about the experiment, and you felt light surges move from your fingers to the center of your chest, but it didn't hurt at all. It tickled more than anything. You let your mind wander as she read the numbers on the screen.
You were never any good in school back before falling into the Underground. You weren't failing, but you weren't a star student. Most of the time you barely passed the class, but not from lack of trying. You studied as much if not more than the average student, yet you still lagged behind. You almost were held back a grade due to your math scores.
You watched the joy on Alphys' face as she read the numbers and scribbled notes down. Her eyes growing wide whenever she made a connection or a new discovery. You wished you could join in, be able to feel the same joy and satisfaction at these discoveries, but they went way over your head. You had no clue what was happening.
You've tried everything to get smarter. Youtube help videos, special study books. You even asked Alphys to help you, but that just ended with both of you frustrated. She began mumbling about something and you tried once again to understand, but you should have known it would be useless. You just weren't smart enough.
You have no future because you're so dumb. You'll never be able to graduate any college, or get any kind of good job. You're an idiot. How can an idiot survive in this world?
You were no good at cooking. You were no good at physical movement. You were no good at jokes. You were no good with strangers. You weren't smart. You were no good.
You were sitting on your room, in your small apartment. All the lights were off and the door was locked. You felt… drained. Week after week your friends showed how spectacular they are at everything.
Everything you can't do.
You were a failure. You couldn't cook, you weren't fast or strong, you weren't sociable, you weren't smart. You were useless.
Hot, fat tears began rolling down your cheeks. You really were useless.
You have no redeeming qualities. There was nothing special about you. You were a waste of space.
A sob ripped it's was from your throat, and you let it. Might as well me good at something.
And if you were good at one thing alone, it was hating yourself. You hated the blackness you found yourself. You wanted the darkness to end.
You sat up with a slight scream. You hadn't had those thoughts in a long time, and their sudden reappearance scared you. Without really thinking you pulled out your phone and called the first person in your messages.
"Hey kiddo what's up? It's been a few days since anyone's seen ya. Everything alright?" His voice was laid back as usual, but was tight with concern.
"S-sans…." You broke, hard sobs preventing you from actually saying words.
"H-hey there! Hey are you okay?"
"Oh god Sans…"
"Kid where are you?"
"Home…"
"Don't move. I'll be right there." He paused, and you finally managed to take a breath. "Everything is going to be okay."
The line went dead and you collapsed into sobs again. You curled up under the covers of your bed, regretting the call. You shouldn't have bothered him. He was probably at work. He's so diligent when he works despite everyone calling him lazy. He takes the insults like a champ, while you cry like a baby if someone even mentions they don't like your hair.
You were pathetic, getting someone else involved. How dare you worry someone else? You don't deserve their help. You don't deserve their help. You don't deserve their love. You pulled at your hair, trying to get your mind to stop screaming at you.
The voices didn't stop, but the pain felt good. It was something to focus on. You bit your knuckle, trying to calm yourself down. You could feel yourself fast approaching hyperventilating. You were useless. You were pathetic. You couldn't do anything right
You were a burden on your friends.
A jiggling knob knocked you from your self-hate spiral. You glanced up and wondered if you didn't open it, if he'd go away.
You decided to give it a shot. You buried your head deep under the covers, trying to block out the calls of your name and the banging on the door. You saw a faint blue glow through the fabric of the blanket and you mentally slapped yourself. Of course he'd be able to get into your room…
Hands grasped your shoulder, shaking you gently. You ignored them. Hand tried to pull the blanket away. You pulled back. Hands found your face, wiping tears away. You leaned into them. Hands held you close, and you needed the contact.
"What happened Kid?" You were all cried out. You were a husk of a human.
"I'm no good." His grip on you tightened in shock.
"What do you mean you're 'no good'?"
"I'm no good. At anything. I can't cook like Pap. I'm not athletic like Undyne. I'm no good with people like Mettaton. I'm not funny like you. I'm not smart like Alphys. I have no redeeming qualities. I'm worthless. I'm a burden." Your eyes began burning again.
"Kid… who told you those things?"
"No one. I just know it's true."
"No."
"What?" He made you turn to look at him.
"It's not true. Sure you burnt the dumb cookies or whatever, but you make the best iced tea I've ever had. Plus, it's always more fun to cook with you, just for the experience. You might not be able to run as fast as Undyne but let's face it. Literally no one can. But I've seen the way you dance, and that fishy lady has nothing on you in that category.
"You say you're not good with people, but how did you make friend with me? With Pap? With everyone in the whole Underground? Because you're a genuine person. I respect Mettaton because he's dating my brother, but he's kind of fake. He's not as real as you
"You're hilarious, to me anyway. Your puns aren't the greatest, but that's what makes them funny! Besides, you've gotten so much better since falling. You wouldn't have known a joke if it punched you in the face, but look at you now. You've almost caught up with me.
"Anyone who tells you that you're stupid doesn't know what they're talking about. Just because you have trouble in math doesn't mean anything. You were smart enough to save us all. You were smart enough to know exactly what to do for each and every one of us monsters.
"So I don't know what you mean. Useless? A burden? I think you're the one supporting all of us. We're more of a burden on you than you are on us. Now, no more crying. You're stronger than that, you have too much determination."
"Sans… "
"And no matter what happens, you'll always be our friend."
"But I don't have any talents. Everyone is so much better than me." His smooshed his finger against your mouth to make you stop talking and hopefully make you smile, even a little bit. It worked, slightly.
"No talents? Are you sure we're talking about the same person here? No one can be so genuine all the time. You honestly love helping everyone with everything. I don't think I know anyone else who can say they honestly like helping people. You go to everyone's things, even if you really don't want to, because you know how much it means to them for you to be there. You're the biggest treasure we could ever have."
"I…"
"Nope. You're not allowed to talk for the rest of the night. You're only allowed to listen." You pout, but internally you grin. A sudden thought hit you like a train, and you really wanted – no needed - to tell him. Only him.
"Actually Sans-"
"Ah what did I say?" His humorous smile faded when he saw how serious you looked. He blinked and motioned with his hands for you to continue.
"The reason I called you… was because I was thinking bad thoughts. Worse than what I already told you." His face went from confused to concerned to flat out scared. "I um… used to have these thoughts all the time, but after I met everyone they stopped. They came back, and it scared me so much that I called you."
"What were you thinking about Kiddo?" You could hear the faint tremor in his voice. He was doing a good job keeping it hidden, but not good enough.
"I thought about… just ending it all. Making the rest of the thoughts stop. It would really be too easy…" Two chilled hands squished your cheeks, effectively cutting you off. Sans pressed his palms stronger against your face.
"That's enough of that. You shouldn't think that ever. Ever. If you did… that, oh man. Everyone would be completely destroyed. You're the reason we made it out. The reason we're all still together. You're our world kid. I don't know what we would do without you. So don't ever leave us. Please promise me you won't leave us. Won't leave me."
You snuggled your face into the fabric of his jacket, letting your pent up emotions flow out all at once. He wrapped his arms around you in a show of silent support. You never knew how much you meant to everyone. How much they all cared.
You couldn't believe how much they cared.
Why would they care?
Why?
His arms tighten around you and you remember. You remember the late night walks to Grilby's. The movie nights with Alphys. The fashion shows with Mettaton. The bedtime stories with Papyrus. All the good times you've spent with these people.
"You do care…" Your words were garbled by your sobs and muffled by his jacket, but he managed to understand. "You do care. You actually care. You love me. I'm loved. Oh my god… people love me…"
"Better believe it Kiddo. We all love you. Shhhhh…. Shhhhh its okay. Let it out." He rubbed your back as you wore yourself out. By the time you were all cried out, it was way past midnight. He carried you out to the living room and curled up on the couch with you.
He knew you actually found the couch comfier than your old mattress anyway. You clung to his jacket, afraid that if you let go it'll have all been a dream and you'll wake back up. If it was a dream… you didn't want it to end.
"Hey. How about in the morning we go spend some time with Paps. He's been kind of lonely without you around." You nod your head. Yeah, that was a good idea. "Alright cool. I'll let him know in a little bit. You know how he gets if he doesn't have time to prepare something ahead of time."
You chuckle weakly. Yeah, you knew exactly how he got. As you drifted off to sleep, you held Sans' jacket tighter. You could feel each muscle relaxing in his hold. You honestly don't know where you would be without him.
Alright first off thank you all again for being so supportive. It means more than you can possibly imagine.
I said in the last chapter my projected number of chapters, and as of now it'll stay close to that. Maybe a few more because I've gotten more ideas since the last update.
I said it before and I'll say it again. If you need someone to talk to, PM me. I'll gladly talk to you. In fact, it would be an honor if you'd trust me with helping you. Not to sound cheesy or anything.
So I don't know when the next update will be, but I'm about to start the next chapter because I won't have wifi to update for a few more hours and I have some spare time before my show goes on.
Until next time!
~Starlight