"Careful Kid! You'll fall off the edge if you keep that up!" You were walking along the edge of the walkway in Hotlands, balancing dangerously over the hot lava. You were pretending you were walking on a tight rope, arms outstretched.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing!" You laugh without looking back at him. His face twisted in confusion.

"It would be a bad thing." You hop away from the edge and turn to face him. You begin walking backwards in front of your friend.

"If you say so." You were supposed to follow him to work to make sure he stays awake and focused, but you both knew it would be an even less productive day than usual.

There was already a few people waiting around the booth. They saw you coming and perked up, ready to get some of Sans' infamous hotdogs. Despite watching closely every time you followed him, you never saw his make any hotdogs. They just… appear whenever someone orders one. You asked him once, and he just gave you a grin and a wink.

You never had an appetite for hotdogs after that.

"Hey Kiddo, seems like we're done for the day. Wanna head home?" You glanced at the clock on your phone and give him a raised eyebrow.

"Sans it's only three pm. There might be more customers. Plus, you're supposed to be doing your sentry duty, not selling hotdogs." He just shrugged and started walking away, knowing you'd follow him anyway.

"You might want to follow me kid. You don't want to be killed on your way home cuz you weren't around big strong Sansy." You roll your eyes but fall back a step.

"In that case you go on ahead." You said it flippantly, but Sans stopped walking all together.

"That was a joke kid…" You furrow your eyebrows a little, not thinking anything wrong with what you just said.

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

"No, not whatever. Kid, you shouldn't say things like that. People might think you're serious about it." You shrug again, not letting the twinge in your chest show on your face.

"You're the jokester, not me." He shot you a single raised eyebrow, not sure what to make of your comment. Did you really…?

"Come on Kid… let's go home okay?" You followed him silently, not wanting to make him think you were actually suicidal.

Not that you weren't.

But you wouldn't tell him that.

"Human, why do you keep doing that?" You gave Papyrus a questioning look as you placed the knife back down on the counter. You decided to help make dinner because you were beyond bored. You were tossing the knife into the air and trying to get it to spin once or twice before catching its handle. You managed three good catches before missing, barely stepping out of the way before it impaled the floor. It sank a centimeter into tiles. You just laughed and made a comment about what a shame it was you moved.

"Do what Pap?"

"Make comments like that. You shouldn't throw away your safety like that. More importantly, what would have happened if you hadn't moved?"

"Who knows?" He gave you an accusatory stare and you felt yourself shrink a little.

"I know Human. You would have a knife sticking out of your foot and there would be human blood all over the floor." You glance away, not able to make eye contact with the tallest skeleton. You felt bad for worrying him.

"Sorry Pap…"

"Do be more careful Human! We care about you, and it would be awful if anything were to happen to you." You watched him back to work, but you thought about the knife again. About throwing the knife in the air, about it falling… about it hitting you.

Sans entered the kitchen and paused, warily watching you stare into space. He exchanged a look with his brother and knew something was wrong. He went over to Papyrus and stood close, letting his brother whisper to him.

"Another one of those comments. I'm getting worried brother."

"Me too bro…" You snapped out of your daydream and noticed the addition to the kitchen.

"Oh hey Sans. When did you get here?" He gave you an easy going smile.

"Just got off of work. Anything interesting happen today?" You shrug and smile back at him, positive he won't find out about the knife incident.

"Nah. Just been messing around here and there." He hummed and turned away, murmuring something to Papyrus. Your heart beat increased, but you shook it off.

There's no way he's onto you…

Is there?

You were wedged between Sans and Mettaton on the couch. Papyrus next to Mettaton and Undyne sitting next to Alphys on the floor with their backs against the couch. You were watching a movie about human Samurai. You hadn't been paying much attention. Too many long winded speeches for your liking. A single line stuck out to you though.

"I cannot live on with such dishonor on my name." The samurai on the screen raised his sword and plunged it into his chest, mumbling about honor.

"What is this?" Undyne was the most outraged. "What kind of idiot loser goes and kills themselves?"

You felt your shoulders tense at her words. She continues her rant, and with each word you found yourself getting angrier and angrier. You couldn't take it.

"I mean, not only is it selfish, but it's just dumb-"

"IT'S NOT DUMB!" everyone turned to you in shock. "It's not pathetic! Or cowardly! You never know what someone's going through! You never know that going on in their heads! You have no right to call someone an idiot for wanting to end the HELL they're living in!" Tears were streaming down your face at this point. Sans placed a comforting hand on your arm but you brushed it away.

"You never know why someone would want to kill themselves, so calling me and idiot is the worst thing you could do!" You didn't catch your slip until it was too late. Tears streaming down your face, you ran from the room, slamming the door behind you.

You immediately felt bad for storming out, but your heart was beating so fast and your hands were shaking so much. You couldn't stay there any longer. You never meant for anyone to find out. You trudged through the snow, letting the cold numb you.

You hadn't always thought this way. Once, years and years ago, you were happy. Bu now… you kick a rock that was hidden under the snow and let out a stream of curses. You let the tears fall more freely, and you found yourself in a tornado of self-hate.

You're the real monster here… making everyone worry. Making them bother over you. You heard a stick break behind you, but you didn't move. You knew who it was. He always broke a stick, or rustled some leaves or splashed some water so you knew he was there.

"Hey there Kiddo. You left in such a rush, no one knew where you went."

"Obviously you knew."

"Well yeah. I know you best after all."

"…"

"Well, not as well as I thought apparently." You finally turned to look at him, and regretted it instantly. His smile was gone and his eyes looked so pained. You caused him this pain.

"What do you mean?" he sighed deeply and took a step towards you.

"How was I so stupid?" He was almost yelling, and it scared you.

"Sans…"

"This whole time… you were serious, weren't you? All those comments you made all the time." You didn't bother responding. He already knew the answer. He sighed again, covering his face with one hand. "I should have seen it. I'm so sorry…"

"Why are you apologizing?" Now you were scared and confused.

"Why?" He gave a sad chuckle. "This whole time, you honestly wanted to die, but I didn't notice. I didn't help. I failed you."

"Sans stop…" You took a step towards him. You were afraid. He's never acted like this before.

"What if I never found out? What if you actually did it? Huh? What if you left me?" He fell to his knees, voice catching. You stared in horror as he began to cry. You knelt next to him and wrapped an arm around him. "I don't know what I would do if you left us…"

"I'm sorry." It was a whisper, but it was loud enough for him to hear you.

"I should have been there for you. I should have been able to save you." He buried his face into your chest and sobbed. He was mumbling something, but you couldn't make it out.

"Hey Sans." He finally looked at you. He was a mess, face blotchy blue and tears dripping heavily. "I won't leave you. Not yet."

"But…"

"It won't be easy… These thoughts… these urges. They might not ever go away."

"I'll be here for you. I'll make it up to you." He hugs you tighter, as if afraid to let go. That if he let's go, you'll disappear completely.

"A-are… are the others mad at me?" He jerked back as if hit.

"Mad? Oh god no! Everyone's terrified! They thought you… you were going to…" He cut himself off and took a shuddery breath. "Undyne was so broken up that she hurt you like that… she had no idea. None of us did…"

"Is she okay?" He chuckled again.

"Look at you. You run out in tears and ask if Undyne is alight."

"But is she?" He ran a hand through your hair, smoothing it over.

"Yeah, a little shaken but more worried about you. Speaking of which…" he stood and pulled you up with him. He wrapped his arms around you and whispered in your ear. "We have some explaining to do."

Before you could protest, he zapped out of the clearing and into the middle of the living room. Everyone jumped up and rushed at you, all talking at once.

"Human are you okay?"

"I'm so sorry Human! I had no idea!"
"Don't worry Darling we're here for you."

"U-um… are you alight?" Sans clapped to get everyone's attention. You tried to hide behind him, but he refused to let you avoid this.

"Good news, I found the kid in time. Everything's okay for now. Bad news…" he pushed you forward a little. "Go on kid. I think we'd all like to hear what's up."

"All those comments, all those things I did… they weren't jokes. Most of the time at least. I… sometimes I feel like everyone would be happier without me, and that sometimes I think if I were to go through with it, I would be happier…"

"Are you not happy here, with all of us?" Papyrus was the first to speak, looking distraught.

"I am! It's just… sometimes I feel super sad all of a sudden, and I just want it to stop… It's not because of any of you."

"D-did you feel like this b-before you fell down here?" You felt all the blood rush to your head, your heart beat loud in your ears.

"Y-yeah. That's…" You trailed off, watching every eye being trained on you. "That's kind of the reason I'm here to begin with. I, um… I was dumped that day, and they told me I wasn't good enough for them, and that no one could ever really love me so I wanted to…"

"Oh Kid…" Sans placed a shaking hand on your arm and placed a kiss on the side of your head. His support filled you with the determination to continue.

"I wanted to end it. I honestly thought they were right. That I was unlovable… but after meeting everyone I guess I started to think a little differently. I still feel like a burden some days, but other days I wake up happy. I haven't woken up happy in a long time, even if it was just for a day or two."

"So, you enjoy being our friends?" You smile at Pap and take his hand.

"Nothing has made me happier."

I really dislike how this came out, but I already rewrote it about four times and I really wanted to put something up. This was particularly hard for me to write, because this was literally what I did for almost a year but no one noticed.

Also, I have an idea for a chapter, but I don't know how comfortable y'all would be with it. It would be the reader and Sans, but you're afraid to tell him to stop and when he finds out you went through with it because you were too scared to tell him to stop, he's horrified. It would be about being afraid to talk to your significant other and learning to trust them again. Would anyone be super uncomfortable with that?

I won't say their name, but I received a message from someone talking about how they want to help their friends but don't know how. It really meant so much to me that they trusted me. If anyone else needs someone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me.

Everyone keeps telling me how good my writing is, and I kind of don't believe them all that much. I'm not the best at it, but the thought that people actually like my writing makes me feel way better about how badly I suck at everything else haha

Thank you everyone for reading! Hopefully the next update won't be as shitty. Hopefully. If anyone has any preferences for what comes next, some of my ideas are the reader being caught in the middle of cutting/ trying to kill themselves, the reader bruising and or burning themselves rather than cutting, the reader being talked down from an anxiety attack, the reader getting a job and getting super stressed about messing up and the reader being a boy who dislikes being a boy but Sans tells them they aren't unnatural or wrong. I also got another request, but they're getting a chapter all for themselves.

ALSO! Would anyone be interested in a Papyrus comfort chapter? It seems Sans is a unanimous favorite for the most part, but I love Pap to, and I feel like he sort of gets brushed out of the way sometimes. Review or message me what you want to see!

Until next time!

~Starlight