It hurt him. It hurt him so badly, but there was nothing he could do.

You had reset again. It wasn't your fault, he knew that, but it didn't stop him from cursing this power of yours. It had been going so well, your relationship turning out exactly how it was supposed to. Usually it did, but there were those timelines where they didn't pick him, and those were the hardest for him to deal with.

Some of the worst timelines were the ones where you picked Papyrus, or Mettaton, or even Undyne once, over the short skeleton. But he never said anything about it. He never showed how badly it bothered him.

But he was done this time. He rushed to his room before the timeline completely reset and threw a small black box into his box. It was something very special that he needed to keep no matter what. Just as the world began to tilt, he closed the lid and leaned up against his bed, waiting for the end to come again.

He woke up in his bed, the clock blinking its obnoxious red numbers. He rubbed his face and swing his legs over the edge of the mattress. Which time was it? Which timeline was he thrown into this time? They all swirled together, these memories.

Were you on a rampage? Were you happy? Did you choose him? Did you choose to leave?

He pulled the box out and dug through the various objects and papers the other Sans' decided was important. There was something new this time. Sans took out the small box and flicked it open, only to drop it back in with a shaking hand.

Sans dropped the whole box on the bed and left the room, not bothering to close it. He numbly slipped on his jacket and walked downstairs. Papyrus was whistling his battle tune, and Sans found a bitter smile growing on his face. His brother's battle tune was too cheerful, just like his dear brother. You looked at the clock and saw it was half past ten.

You would be leaving the ruins in about twenty minutes.

A painful twinge wracked his chest and he found himself frozen in his spot.

"Brother! I have a good feeling about today!" Sans could have finished his sentence for him, but he didn't move.

"Y-yeah bro. A good feeling." Sans left the house and headed in the direction of the ruins. He prepared his whoopee cushion before he stopped dead. He couldn't do it again… he couldn't handle this again, but he had to.

Taking a short cut, he made it just in time for the ruin doors to open and for a small human to slip out. They looked thoroughly shaken up, and slightly roughed up, but otherwise fine. They held a stick in one shaking hand, not a knife. Sans let out a sign, glad it wasn't going to be one of those runs this time.

He took a deep breath and followed you, purposely breaking the stick, as usual. He used his powers to freeze you at the bridge, as usual. His lines tasted like dust in his mouth, and the pranks barely brought a smirk to his face. It took everything not to teleport away.

You flinched away from him, and he couldn't keep his mask up. His grin dropped like a rock and you took another step back. He took a shuddery breath.

"M-my brother is up ahead. He's a really softie who just wants some friends, so if he tried to capture you, its cuz he's lonely. Go and make friends." You smile tentatively at him and run across the bridge, leaving Sans alone in the snow.

He let the tears fall. His chest felt like it was blown apart. It had never hurt this badly before. He was always able to tell what kind of run through it would be by the look in your eye. If your eyes were sharp, he would end you right there. If they were wide and watery, it would be a platonic run. If they were sparkling with laughter, it was his favorite one.

And today, your eyes were wide and watery. A sob made its way from his throat and he honestly thought he was going to break. He had a terrifying thought. Using his power, he brought his own soul out and let out a humorless laugh.

The blue heart had faint, hairlines cracks running through it. He let out another bitter chuckle and let his soul disappear. Teleporting straight to his bar stool in Grillby's, not knowing what he was going to do.

He landed heavily on the stool and placed his elbows on the bar, hiding his face in his hands. Not caring if anyone saw him, he let himself cry. He cried silently, so the only indication anything was wrong was the erratic shaking of his shoulders.

Something was placed in front of him, startling him out of his stupor. Grillby had placed a bottle of ketchup and a small thing of fries in front of him, his usual order. Sans gave a weak smile and squirted a little of the red onto the fries. He took one bite before putting the fry back on the plate.

On a whim, he took the lid off the bottle and squirted the ketchup directly into his mouth. Grillby just stared at him, worried, but Sans didn't care. He immediately felt a little better, a little warmer inside. He gestured for his friend to come over.

"Hey Grillby? Do you have anything to make the pain go away?" He gave a small crackling sound and reached under the bar. Sans didn't know what he was given, but he downed it. And another, and another. Until Grillby refused to refill his glass anymore.

But Sans didn't care. His head was so light and floating. What was he so upset about? He giggled and stumbled out of the building. Someone caught his arm, steadying him. It was one of the dog guards, but in his haze he really couldn't tell which one it was.

"Are you okay Sans?" The skeleton's head spun and he giggled again, waving off the dog's concern.

"Imma fine. Donchu worry 'bout meh." He heard himself slurring and giggled again. Sans pulled away from the monster and waddled out the door, only banging into one table on his way out. It took him a few minutes to actually make it to his house, the time spent stumbling through the snow causing him to be late for dinner.

"Brother! Where have you been?" Papyrus' voice cut though Sans' drunken fog, but just barely.

"Over at Grillbyz gettin a drink…" He hiccupped and laughed again.

"Brother, are you drunk?" Sans looked shocked at the accusation.

"Me? Drank? I dun know what you're talkin 'bout bro." He stumbled in, catching himself on the wall.

"You missed my date with the Human! I wanted to introduce you!" His pleasant buzz was gone, but he was still dizzy.

"Date? With th' human? Was that today?" He felt tears drip out of his sockets and down his cheeks. Papyrus started and rushed over to his brother.

"Sans are you alright?"

"W-what did I do wrong bro?" Sans was sobbing, too inhibited to know what not to say. "What did I do to deserve this? I always did the right thing, always helped them out, kept them safe, but in the end I'm always the one who's gettin screwed over. Why is that?"

Part of him knew he was babbling, but Sans couldn't stop it from pouring out. Papyrus just held his brother as he sobbed and hiccupped and babbled on. Sans fell asleep in his brother's arms. With a heavy heart, Papyrus picked him up and carried him to his room.

He covered his brother with a blanket and went to get some painkillers and water. Though it hasn't happened often, it has happened before. Papyrus opened the door quietly and felt his own eyes fill with tears.

Sans was curled up under the covers, quietly keening. Papyrus felt his own heart break at the sound. What pushed his dear brother so far over the edge? Sans let out a sob, then a sniffle, them went silent, his breathing sounding wet.

Papyrus placed the cup and the pills next to the bed and tucked the blanket around Sans a little tighter. Before closing the door, he turned around and looked at the still form of his brother again before sighing and leaving.

Sans woke up with the worst headache he had ever had in his life. Rolling over, he felt the pain slosh around in his skull. His eyes fell on the cup and the pills and smiled. Papyrus was too good to him. He swallowed the pills and turned back over, waiting for them to kick in.

Now that he was sober again, the pain was back full force. All he wanted to do was make the pain go away. He thought back to one of the timelines, a long time ago. It was one of the very first ones… was is?

No, it was one of the very first humans. The second or third human to fall down. They had a lattice of lines running up both arms. They told him it was because it made them feel better, made them forget about the pain in their minds.

Sans let the lights in his eyes dim, and not for the first time he wished for skin, just so he could forget about his trouble like they did. He breathed heavily and wiped the sleep from his eyes. Today he was supposed to meet up with you, help you through the puzzles, but he didn't want to get out of bed. He was in so much pain.

Sans managed to muster the courage to leave his room around three in the afternoon. Papyrus was already gone, but there was a plate of food on the counter with his name on it. He took a few bites before he felt it coming back up. He rushed to the bathroom and threw up the food as well as some of whatever Grillby gave him last night.

He rinsed his mouth out and shrugged on his jacket. He headed right to Grillby's and sat on the bar stool. The bar was empty, save someone in a corner booth. Sans waved his fiery friend over, who gave him an odd look.

"Hey Grillby. Got any more of that stuff from last night?" Grillby shook his head, too worried about his friend's health. Sans reached into his pocket and threw a handful of golden coins onto the bar. This wasn't going on his tab. Grillby still shook his head. "Either you give it to me, or I'll find something else to make it all stop."

Grillby's flames burnt a little higher in fear for his friend, so he reluctantly poured Sans a glass of the clear liquid. Usually monsters can't get any human alcohol, but recently Grillby found a large crate of glass bottles, all filled with a pungent clear liquid. Sans was the only one who's had any, but he went through a bottle and a half in one night.

Sans smiled and held the glass in his hands like it was a miracle. He took a small sip and shuddered at the taste, but quickly down the rest in one go. His headache dulled a little, and he poured himself another glass. He knocked that back in a single go. He reached to fill his glass a third time, but realized with would be so much easier to drink from the bottle.

He took five straight gulps before the burn got too much. Sans slammed the bottle on the bar and wiped his mouth. His vision was already blurring a little, and damn did it feel good. There was something he had to do but…

Sans downed the rest of the bottle and noticed the flame man had gone through the door into the kitchens. In a moment of half clarity, he thought it was a good idea to lean over the bar and grab a full bottle from underneath. He threw another handful of gold on the bar and left.

He walked, not trusting himself to teleport, all the way to Waterfall. He couldn't remember where he was supposed to be next, but he wanted to hear the music box statue. He vaguely heard concerned voices, but he was too happy to care.

He stumbled and something in his hand clinked. Looking down, he was pleasantly surprised to see a full bottle locked between his fingers. With a giggle, he twisted off the cap and took a hearty swig, letting his eyes roll back as he felt the cold liquid fill his mouth.

He saw his telescope and sat down next to it, enjoying the sweet burn with every sip. A small part of his mind rang in alarm, but he was too far gone to care. Suddenly, he was ten minutes back in time. That means…

Sans re-opened the bottle and took the first sip for a second time, but this time he kept chugging. He knew what the jump meant. You were killed somewhere, by someone. The thought made the cracks on his soul grow. He loved you, but you won't love him. Not this time.

He chugs a little more, not bothering to wipe away the little that spilt down his jaw. Through his drunken haze, the memories attacked him. You holding his hand, you giggling at his jokes, you running your fingers along his ribs, you holding him when he woke up with nightmares. Your smile, your laugh, your touch.

You.

He didn't hear footsteps approaching, he just downed the last of the bottle, but it wasn't enough. He was still in so much pain. Tears, thick and hot, dripped down his face, mixing with the alcohol already soaked into the hem of his jacket. He suddenly wished he was home, but he couldn't remember where he was.

The footsteps got closer, and he finally noticed. He lifted his head in time to see you approach, a horrified look on your face. He faintly realized how awful he must look, but the sight of you pushed him over the edge.

"Oh god… I'm so sorry kid. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to protect ya… ya died b'cause I wasn't there for ya." The tears fell faster and faster. "It's all my fault th't ya got hurt. It's all my fault ya don't remember me… poor, little Sansy, all alone cuz he couldn't stop th' damn timelines." He was laughing and crying, not making any sense.

"Sans…"

"What did I ev'r do to deserve this hell? Why me? Why can't I just be happy for once?" He lifted the bottle to his mouth, but felt a flare of rage when he realized it was empty. He chucked the bottle across the way and watched it shatter against the rocky wall. He chuckled darkly as the violence and remembered you were standing there.

"Oh hey there kid… wanna try my tele… telescope?" He hiccupped and giggled, not noticing the tears falling from your eyes. How had he fallen so far? He was always so strong in your eyes, but looking at this broken shell of a monster shattered your heart.

"Come on Sans… let's go home." You hoisted him to his feet, helping his stay steady when he stumbled. You wrap his arm around your shoulder and half carry him back to Snowdin. You had to stop twice while he doubled over and threw up.

It took what felt like hours to get back to the house. You knocked on the door once and it flew open. It was obvious Papyrus had been waiting for his brother. His worried eyes landed on the giggling form of his brother and the concern changed to dead acceptance.

"T-thank you Human… I can take care of him from here."

"Papyrus, has he always been like this?" The taller skeleton flinched as he picked up his brother.

"No, Human. He used to have everything in order. He used to be so responsible. I wish I knew what caused him to do this to himself…"

"Hey Pap… want me to stay with you tonight?" His face lit up with joy.

"The Great Papyrus would be most grateful if you stayed… I don't want to be alone again." Papyrus brought his brother to his room, just like last night. He unzipped the jacket and put it in the pile of dirty laundry.

He did the same as last night, putting the water and the pills by this bedside. Papyrus' breath stopped when he heard the low mournful cries. His brother was always the strong one, the brave one. And now…

He's the broken one.

"Papyrus?" You were sitting with him at the table, both nursing a mug of hot tea, courtesy of Undyne. "Sans said something to me that I don't really understand."

"What did he tell you?" He said it in such a way that you realized he must have said something to Papyrus as well.

"He asked what he did to deserve 'this', and that it was his fault… something about timelines, and he asked why he could never be happy." Papyrus' fingers tightened around his mug and he took a deep breath.

"He said something similar to me as well. He asked why he was the one 'always getting screwed over'." He scowled at his brother's choice of wording.

"He's in so much pain…" You sniffled, hating the fact your friend was hurting but refused to talk to anyone.

"I am at a loss of what to do, Human. This is one puzzle that the Great Papyrus cannot solve…" He placed his forehead in one hand and clenched the other into a fist on the tabletop. You reached out and covered his hand with yours. He looked up and smiled at you. "Thank you Human. Your support is priceless to me."

You open your mouth to say something when a thump from upstairs stopped you. The thump was followed by a series of several thumps leading to the bathroom. The thumps were followed by the sound of painful retching. You flinch and feel your eyes burn again. The retching stopped, and slower thumps lead back to the end room. A door closed. Your heard muffled crying.

You and Papyrus exchange a look, and you hatched a plan to save Sans.

Sans was wrong. This was the worst headache he'd ever had. He tried to remember what happened as the pills kicked in. He went to Grillby's, then to Waterfall… The timeline jumped back and he drank the entire bottle…

Were you there? He couldn't remember. There was glass, he remembered that. Glass shattered on the ground. He threw up a few times. The bitter taste in his mouth reminded him of that. You were there…

You carried him home? He remembered saying something, but he didn't know what.

Finally, the sharp pain dulled into a numb ache. Deciding he should probably get up, he swung his legs around and tried to stand. His legs gave out and he found himself laying on the ground. He saw something under his bed and pulled it out.

It was the box, the one that saved things through the time jumps. At one time he knew the science behind it, but today he'd be lucky to even remember his own name. He lifted the lid and saw a small velvet box. With careful fingers, he opened the lid.

Nestled in the velvet was a small ring. It had a shiny golden band and a small blue gem in the middle. Surrounding the blue gem were smaller white gems. A little note was tucked in the upper part of the lid. With shaking fingers, Sans unfolded the note.

I've never been one for being serious, but I never really had a reason to be serious before. Papyrus was always strong enough to be on his own. But you, you made me realize I couldn't live without you. I would make a pun here, but I just can't. All I can say is, Will you marry me?

Tears blotted the page, and Sans realized they were from him. He wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and folded the note back up. He knew why the other Sans decided to keep this. It was very special. He was going to propose to you… you were going to be his partner. Everything was going to be perfect.

Then everything went wrong.

He slid the bigger box back under the bed, keeping the ring box with him. Shakily, he stood and went to his closet to find a clean jacket. Slipping his arms into it, he found his favorite slippers, put the ring box in his pocket and teleported away. He didn't want anyone to know where he was going.

He landed right in the water, the dirty liquid already up to his ankles. He looked around the piles of trash, looking for a crate or something, something like the thing Grillby described. He remembered when his bartender friend found the crate. It was a while ago, but the bottles were still fresh. No one knew what it really was, so no one bothered opening them.

Sans rummaged through the trash, getting more and more frantic as his search continued. He was just about to give up when he was something. It was six cylindrical cans, tied together with plastic rings. He read the label and saw that it was indeed what he had been looking for.

Grinning without any mirth, he ripped one of the cans out of the rings. Popping the tab, he was surprised to hear a fizz. Taking a tentative sip, he found it was slightly more palatable than the clear stuff from Grillby's. He downed it, crushing the can when it was empty.

Five cans later, he was happily buzzed, but it wasn't enough. He needed more. With sluggish movements, he trudged through the dump in search for more goodies. Another ten minutes and he finally found it.

A medium sized wooden crate with the words "Expired" across the lid. Just like the other one. Without hesitation, he used his powers to rip off the lid and throw it somewhere behind him. It landed on the old bike, the bell ringing pitifully.

Sans twisted off the cap of the first bottle and paused with the bottle at his mouth. He thought of why he was in so much pain. After all, when you reset again it could be better. It was all a game of chance with the resets. When you reset again, all of this would also go away, so it couldn't be a bad thing, could it?

He didn't care anymore. Throwing his head back, Sans let the liquid run straight down his throat. One bottle was all he needed at this point. He threw the empty bottle away, not caring if it shattered under the water. He slid two more bottles in his jacket to take back with him, and stashed the crate behind the broken fridge, so no one else would take what was his.

Sans made his way back to the house, slowly. He ended up walking in the exact opposite way. He found himself in Hotlands. He stood, looking at the lava ebb and flow. The heat rose and hit him in the face. He found himself smiling.

The only thing bouncing around in his drunken haze of a mind was if anything were to happen to him, it would all resent anyway. It wouldn't matter what happened to him. He took a step closer to the edge of the road. Sweat began beading on his forehead.

You weren't going to pick him this time, so why did it matter what happened to him? He grinned sadly and cracked the seal on one of the two bottles he took with him. Sans took a large swig and sighed as the blurry feeling grew. Another sip, and another, and another.

He couldn't think straight, but that was good. If he couldn't think, he couldn't remember, and if he couldn't remember, he couldn't hurt. He finished off the second bottle and threw it into the lava. It melted instantly, giving Sans some hope for a quick end.

He opened the other bottle, not wanting to waste anything. He drank as much as he could before even he realized he had hit his limit. There was still half a bottle yet, so he poured a little over the edge. His crossed eyes found the fire that erupted where the alcohol hit the lava and giggled a little. He poured more, watching the liquid ignite. When the bottle was empty he threw that into the lava as well. Two empty bottles, into the fire.

One empty skeleton, into the fire.

"SANS NO!" You screamed at him, desperately praying you weren't too late. He turned to you, but he was too far gone. The alcohol messed with his head too much to listen to reason.

"Sansy yes…" His words were so slurred you could barely understand them. "It doesn't matter an'way. You'll jus' reset an'way an it'll all go back t' normal. It doesn' matter what happens ta me…" He swayed in place, letting tears drip down his face.

"Sans please… please come with me." He flinched, but you didn't know why.

"Hehehe…. Why couldn't ya like me this run? I dun know why is alwa's changes on me like th's. It's not f-fair." He shoved a shaking hand into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. Despite being beyond drunk, he managed to toss it to you. "I dun know how much ya know 'bout th' timelines, but it doesn't matter… it'll all be back t' normal soon an'way…"

With shaking fingers, you opened the box. With a strangled cry, you almost dropped the box. You looked at Sans and felt your knees give out. He was about to step over the edge and was too far away for you to save him. You needed to say something to save him.

"SANS!" He turned to look at you, his face dead. "I… I DO!" His face went from dead to confused. His stumbled and as he tipped over, he realized what you said.

"I love you…" And he fell…

It all happened in slow motion, from him losing his balance, to his decent and that final moment when he hit the lava and turned to dust, his jacket burning instantly.

"N-no…" You were crying, but you couldn't feel anything. "No…No…NO! NO! SANS PLEASE NO! SANS OH GOD NO…NO PLEASE…please…" Hands were on your arms, your face. Voices filtered through the roaring in your ears.

"-an.. Human please!" Papyrus was shaking your shoulder frantically. He forced your hands from your face. Your nails were red from the scratches you made on your cheeks. He was gone…

Gone…

Gone.

You ripped yourself from Papyrus' grip and ran to the edge. He was right. It would all be back to normal soon.

You didn't have a very strong grasp on your powers, but you knew if you died, you'd come back at the last sparkle you were at. The last sparkle was right before you found Sans. Right before he…

Looking at the lava, you knew how to save him.

"HUMAN NO!" You ignore him and jump over the edge. A beast like howl followed you over the edge and diminished as you fell farther and farther away.

The pain was like nothing you had ever felt before, and then it was gone.

You woke up at the save. You had exactly fifteen minutes until Sans falls into the lava. You ran as fast as you could, your tears blurring your vision.

There he was, swaying slightly and pouring something into the death trap below. Without thinking you ran at him, tackling him away from the edge. He smells awful, like a shady bar. He hadn't realized what was happening until you were kneeling over him, touching his face, his arms, his chest. You needed to make sure he was okay.

Your tears dripped into his cheeks and he looked up at you numbly. Finally, it clicked and he looked confused.

"K-kid? What're you doin here?" You just sob harder and pound your fists on his chest. He flinched slightly in pain, but you knew the alcohol dimmed it.

"Sans you IDIOT!" You cried harder. "I almost l-lost you…" His eyes widened a fraction.

"Did you…"

"Of course I did you idiot! I had to save you…"

"How did you reset?" It wasn't clicking in his head.

"I… threw myself in after you. I knew it would take me back to right before it all happened. I couldn't let anything happen to you… If I had known the reason you were doing this…" He lifted a hand and wiped your tears away. You leaned in and placed a kiss to his teeth. It was frantic, and salty, and desperate, but it was what you needed this whole time.

His eyes widened completely, the adrenaline causing him to sober up. He tried to sit up but you refused to move. You dug in his pocket and pulled out the little box. He made a strangled noise as you opened it. You noticed a note this time. Reading it quickly, you felt tears well up in your eyes again. You took the ring and slipped it onto your right hand. A promise for something more.

"B-but…" His voice was shaking.

"Why Sans? Why didn't you come to me and Papyrus? Why do that to yourself?"

"It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Not this time."

"Sans what do you mean?"

"The resets kid. Whenever you reset completely, you forget. But I don't. And it's never the same, always different, always changing. I couldn't take it anymore… You would just reset again. It didn't matter what I did because it would all be set back to the beginning again anyway!"

You lean over and wrap your arms around his neck just as Papyrus ran into the area.

"Human! Brother! Are you alright?" He ran over to you and Sans, almost crying himself.

"Yeah Pap…" Sans' voice was weak. "It's… alright. Everything is alright… everything is a-alright." He broke down into tears again. Both you and Papyrus held him close, letting him sob into their chests. You just held him. This was all you needed.

"Sans… don't cry anymore. I'm here for you now. I should have been here from the beginning… I'm so sorry Sans."

But it didn't matter what you said, because he loved you, and now that you were his everything was going to be alright.

So this isn't so much of hurt/comfort chapter like all the others, but it definitely shows the hurt Sans went though. As many of you know, I had a really shitty night, which is where this abomination came from.

Thank you everyone who messaged me and reviewed with your support. I didn't expect any kind of response from that, it was just supposed to be a heads up about the update rate, but you guys flooded my inbox with love.

You honestly saved me last night. Thank you all so much. I'm hoping to get another chapter done within the week because I have a few days off from classes, but it depends on how the chapters turn out.

If anyone has any subjects they want me to write about, don't be afraid to tell me. This story is as much for you as it is for me, so if there's something I can write about that could help, I would be more than willing to write it. Helping others is my main goal in life.

Also fun fact, this is the longest chapter. It has about 5k words. It's 11 full pages. I really, really like this one. But I'm also an awful person who needs my favorite characters to be angsty and in pain. There wasn't enough of poor Sansy drinking his problems away so I had to fix that.

Until next time

` ~Starlight