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Joan: Nine years old
Christian: 1 1/2 years old
"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!"
Joan had repeated this off and on about her brother for a good half-hour, with only Bjorn and the other reindeer to hear her in the stables. That was part of the problem.
"I mean, he's so boring! And they still just wanna be with him! Mommy, Daddy…..Aunt Elsa," Joan's throat caught at that part.
Her throat then took on the voice of Bjorn, as she spoke for him, "You know he's just a baby. Babies need more attention than ladies."
"Yeah, I'm not that stupid," Joan corrected him. "But at some point, enough's gotta be enough! I still drool sometimes too, but no one oohs and ahhs over me! Why is he so special?"
"They thought you were special too. Then you got older," Joan translated Bjorn's comeback. "He's new, they're not sick of him yet. Maybe they're sick of you."
"No, that can't be right…." Joan tried to convince Bjorn and herself.
"I mean, you were all they had for seven years," Bjorn seemed to say. "Maybe you're not good enough with competition."
Joan tried to block out the terrible theory – and truth – of Bjorn's words, but it was no use. "But….but they know me more. They should love me more."
"Then why haven't they shown it?" Joan spoke Bjorn's most devastating question.
"I…..I don't know," Joan got out, which was as good as admitting Bjorn was right. It all made sense.
They had enough of her, so now that something new and shinier – with drool and other things – was around, they didn't need her anymore. Not Mommy, not Daddy, not even Aunt Elsa. Not even her.
Well, who needed them anyway?!
"Fine! If that's how you feel, you can have him!" Joan yelled before Bjorn kept talking. "I'll….I'll run away, that's what I'll do! They're so busy watching Christian, they'll never spot me! I just gotta get supplies for the rest of my life, then I'm gone forever! Thank you for setting me straight!"
Unfortunately, Joan's ability to translate reindeer was not on the level of her father. Unfortunately, Bjorn's true words of advice about how her family still loved her had gotten lost. Unfortunately, Joan's skills weren't good enough to stop her from hearing what she wanted to hear – and feared too much to not make herself hear.
Fortunately, Bjorn still had decent communication skills with his father. Fortunately, Sven's hearing wasn't completely gone in his old age. Most improbable of all, Sven still had enough memory to warn Kristoff when he came by.
Yet neither Kristoff, Anna nor Elsa felt fortunate in the castle that night, after Kristoff passed on Sven's warning. "What did we do, what did we do, what did we do?" Anna repeated off and on for 10 minutes.
"We neglected our daughter. Which we're doing every minute we're not telling her we love her right now," Kristoff suggested. "Especially if she's already found supplies for the rest of her life."
"Oh, she'll only find enough for the next 20 years, and you know it!" Anna objected. "We've got time! We need it all for a big, dramatic gesture to show her we love her! We owe her that much!"
"Sometimes the fewest, simplest words can do the job," Kristoff offered. "You use too many of them, the important ones can get lost. I got 12 years of evidence for that."
"Kristoff, you already let me know I failed as a mother. I think your words have done enough," Anna accused. "Okay, those first words were really Bjorn's, but this isn't the time to top them! It's time to get every balloon maker in Arendelle in here!"
"And when we've made them rich, what then? One big gesture for one day won't cut it. Not if we go back to ignoring her," Kristoff pointed out. "It'll just disappoint her more! We gotta think ahead long term here!"
"So we give Joan all the attention and neglect Christian. Go ahead and fail the one kid we didn't fail yet?" Anna jumped ahead. "Should I plan ahead for Christian to run away too? Before he knows well enough to get supplies first?"
Technically, they were getting a head start on neglecting Christian now. As they kept debating, Elsa held the little one while on her throne, although her mind was elsewhere too. Tuning out Anna and Kristoff's fear, worry and guilt, she was lost in her own instead.
While her fear, worry and guilt weren't as overwhelming as before, they could still pop up once in a while. Joan feeling alone and neglected was as good a reason to bring them back as any.
To think Elsa thought the last 18 months had been easy. Christian had been such an easy going baby, for the most part – although the trolls did seem to still scare him. Otherwise, he was quiet and peaceful enough that Elsa sometimes wondered how he came from this family.
The insanity of the rest of the family, coupled with the increased insanity and aggravation of being Queen, made Elsa need a calming presence sometimes. When Anna didn't have one of her surprisingly wise moments and warm hugs, and when Kristoff was too busy with the ice and Svens, holding and rocking Christian gave Elsa the relaxation she needed.
Maybe this would be trouble for him later. Maybe he had more of Kristoff's loner tendencies – or Elsa's – than Anna's thirst for life. Or Joan's.
Great, even Elsa's inner monologue was neglecting Joan too.
She sighed while still tuning Anna and Kristoff out, and absent mindedly rocking Christian – who could at least sleep through anything like Anna. No, this was about Joan.
Elsa hated herself for not seeing the signs. She hated that Joan wanted to protect herself from losing the only people she loved by running away – and hated how she would never forget how that felt.
How tragic and cowardly it was….yet how freeing and powerful and seductive and safe…..and yet how it nearly took away everything real.
Like it did for…..
"That's it," Elsa finally spoke aloud, though nowhere near loud enough for Anna and Kristoff.
"You can't solve everything with chocolate water fountains," Kristoff sighed.
"Because you're my husband, I'm giving you six seconds to take that back. Use that time wisely," Anna warned. Elsa really didn't want to know how it got to that point, so she took control.
"Enough!" Elsa interrupted them with her regal command – and a mild gale force wind in their faces. Naturally, Christian still hadn't woken up, so they were still good there. "I know how to reach Joan."
"Elsa, we're her neglectful, chocolate fountain hating parents. Shouldn't we figure out how to get through to our daughter? Aunt Elsa can't always save the day, you know," Anna insisted, as her own guilt and slight jealousy still ran through her.
"You'll still have a part to play," Elsa brushed through it. "First you can help me clear my schedule. Then we can pack up for tomorrow."
Once Elsa explained the rest of the plan clearer, Kristoff and even Anna eventually calmed down. After the plan was fully fleshed out, they got some sleep, although Elsa didn't want to have too much. In case Joan had stayed up late night to finish her own packing, Elsa wanted to be up as soon as possible.
Despite getting up earlier than usual, Elsa was a little scared when she went up to Joan's bedroom door. She performed Anna's usual five-step knock – then added her extra two raps so Joan would know it was her. If she was still inside….
"Aunt Elsa?" Joan called out from behind, making Elsa breathe a big sigh of relief. Now everything would be all right, if they stuck to the schedule.
"May I come in?" Elsa asked.
"Uh….hold on a second!" Joan answered, before Elsa heard a lot of poorly hidden noise.
"You don't have to hide your suitcases and chocolate supply, Joan. I know what you're planning to do," Elsa told her.
"Bjorn! I knew I should have talked to Magnus! I mean, um….who?" Joan poorly covered up again. At that point, Elsa sighed and just opened the door herself.
Joan was about halfway through hiding her supplies under her bed. Despite being caught, she still tried to dive in front of her stuff to hide it. One deadpan glare from Elsa made her finally give up, though. "He told you I was….running away?" Joan asked.
"Sven told Kristoff to tell us, actually. But don't be mad at them. Since you don't plan to see them again, it would be pointless," Elsa reminded.
"They don't wanna see me! I'm giving them what they want! All Christian, all the time!" Joan objected. "Cause it's what you want! Right?" she asked at the end with more sadness – and a hint of hope that Elsa would prove her wrong.
Elsa really wanted to prove her wrong with a warm hug, and a promise that she'd never stopped loving her. But that would only be a short term solution. Joan needed to know for good that a life of loneliness wasn't worth it.
"I know you don't like being talked out of anything," Elsa threw back at her. "It's clear you don't want to be talked out of this. And I don't want to spend our last moments together fighting."
"I don't want to too," Joan admitted, perhaps to more than that last point.
"So instead of fighting with you, I want to be more helpful," Elsa offered. "If you really want to be by yourself….I know a place that's perfect. If you don't mind me coming along to drop you off, I can show you."
Joan looked intrigued, at least enough to get her stuff from behind the bed. An actual place to stay by herself would be nice.
If Aunt Elsa wanted to take her, and have one last trip with her when it was completely too late….maybe Joan could give her that as a going away present. That sounded right. "Where am I going?" she agreed.
"A place I should have showed you at least four years ago."
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As planned, Elsa had a sled and three of Sven's growing grand reindeer ready to take her and Joan out. As planned, Anna, Kristoff and Christian would ride out about a half-hour later. Until they caught up, however, Elsa and Joan had the ride over all to themselves.
They made good enough time and had enough of Joan's chocolate supply to get them through. Finally, they arrived at Elsa's proposed destination.
This was ahead of schedule for Elsa in the big picture. She only visited her ice palace twice a year, and the next visit wasn't set for two more months. But this called for a special exception.
"Is this…." Joan gasped in realization as they approached Elsa's ice bridge.
"Yes it is. My kingdom of isolation," Elsa reflected. "And now it's yours."
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Joan couldn't stop gaping or smiling as she entered her new home. It looked even more beautiful and shiny than the stories. Mainly because Elsa had to make repairs and touchups every time she came here.
Otherwise, the palace looked just as it did when Elsa created it. She cleaned up the mess from that….incident 12 years ago, of course. And she actually added utilities, books and supplies that could help someone actually live here for longer than a few hours. Of course, since Elsa only came here one day every six months, it wasn't livable for the long term.
Joan didn't know that, though. Hopefully she wouldn't catch on before Elsa could talk to her. "Do you like it?" Elsa asked as Joan kept running up and down the icy staircase.
"I love it!" she cheered. "This is really my new home?"
"If you want it to be," Elsa bit down her instinct to yell and plead no. "If you want to be left alone and feel free, this is the right place. I would know."
Elsa went up the stairs, caught up to Joan and took her hand so they could finish going up together. "Technically, I don't know that much, though," she admitted. "I only stayed here for a few hours the first time."
"That's when the chicken dancing guy and the sideburns jerk tried to kill you?" Joan asked.
"Yes….well, the chicken man was more responsible that time," Elsa corrected. "But if he hadn't sent people to kill me, I might have never gone back to Arendelle. And then…."
Elsa knew this would be the hard part of the plan. It was always hard when she got to this area of the palace, even after 12 years. Although Joan knew this part of the story, it was still often too hard for Elsa to live through it again.
But maybe if this could become a place for something better to happen, it would help Elsa through the next visit. When she would be alone in here.
"If they didn't take me away, I never would have seen your mom again. No one would have," she made herself recall. "This place held great freedom for me. The first freedom I ever had. But it was still the place where….I almost killed your mother for the second time."
As Elsa reached the spot where her fear and cowardice made her strike Anna again, she didn't want to look at Joan. She could only take a peek at the corner of her eye, getting a brief look at the sadness in Joan's eyes. Yet it wasn't sadness caused by Elsa's crimes and near-murder against Anna – not entirely – but sadness over Elsa not feeling okay.
Elsa missed it when Joan showed that much concern for her. She really missed all of Joan these last 18 months, really. If this worked, she swore she would never let Joan miss anything that much again. But first, this had to work.
"I didn't know it then. All I wanted was to be free and get away from everything. Everything and everyone that didn't understand me. That stopped me from understanding myself. Even your mother, in a way," Elsa relived. "If I had to go without their love and understanding….it was time I did it on my own terms. And so I made this place."
Assured that Elsa was looking better, Joan wandered around again until she saw the balcony. She ran out and Elsa followed before she got too close to the railing. But they stopped in time to see the sun shining out from the mountains, looking every bit as resplendent as it did 12 years ago.
"Wow. You could see this every day?" Joan wowed.
"I did the first day. And I do it two days a year now," Elsa explained. "After I came back home and reconnected with your mother, I almost didn't come back here. I thought there was no need for it anymore. But I was wrong."
"How come?" Joan inquired.
"I need this place whenever I need to remember….my powers can be beautiful," Elsa shared. "I need it to give me peace whenever I'm overwhelmed at home. I need it to remember the first time I ever felt like me. At least the me I want to be."
Getting to the real point, Elsa paused and revealed, "And I need it to remind me that while this is a nice place to visit…..I can never really live here."
"Why not? No one can leave you," Joan offered as a counter point.
"Exactly. And no one can love me," Elsa responded. "I came here because I thought I couldn't be loved. How was I supposed to know I'd have a real family again, 12 years later? How could anyone? But it was possible, I just couldn't see it. I still wish to this day I was brave enough to see it back then. Before the rest happened."
"But it worked out anyway," Joan noted.
"Exactly again. And here's how I really know why," Elsa said, bending down to Joan. "If I had stayed here forever, like I thought I wanted…..you never would have been born."
Joan thought it over, did the math, and was surprised to come to the same conclusion. Once Elsa saw that, she went on with, "That's right. No matter what I've made you think lately, I wouldn't trade that for anything. Certainly not this place. Who knows? Maybe if such a wonderful thing can happen to someone like me, once I stopped running….it can happen to anyone."
Elsa laid it thick enough by then for Joan to get her real point. By then, she'd given her too much to think about for her to be mad, just like she planned. Nevertheless, while Joan was thinking along the right lines, she didn't come to the right conclusion yet.
"But Mommy and Daddy were looking for you. Mommy missed you," Joan reminded. "No one else misses me anymore."
"Joan!"
Elsa didn't plan for Anna to show up at that exact moment. Truthfully, she was a little early – now Elsa would have to cut out a particularly good analogy. It would have really made Joan ready for the next step, but maybe it could still work now.
At the least, it worked enough for Joan to head back to the balcony, where Anna and Kristoff were waiting down below, with Kristoff holding Christian.
"There you are!" Anna said, not needing to act to show her relief. "All that work uncovering Elsa's plan that she didn't tell us about paid off!"
Elsa was a good enough actor to avoid rolling her eyes, and to stick to her line. "Anna! This is why I didn't tell you! Joan wants to be alone now. We already made her feel alone enough without trying to! Why don't you want to try now?"
"Because I love her!" Anna answered her on cue, then looked up at Joan. "We all do! I really like what Elsa's done with the place this time, but it's her place! You belong with us at Arendelle!"
"Why?" Joan asked honestly. Fortunately, it was as good a lead in as any. Anna then leapt to the bottom of the icy stairs – and began singing.
"You don't have to be lonely. Don't be afraid," Anna sang, changing the words from the last time she sang this melody in the palace. "I won't shut you out again! I won't shut the door! I won't keep my distance anymore!"
Anna marched up the stairs, fully belting out now. "For the last time in forever! We've failed to understand!"
Kristoff reluctantly made himself march up and sing his lyrics too, trying not to sing them directly into Christian's ear. "For the last time in forever! We've failed to take your hand!"
Elsa watched, amazed, weirded out and feeling a multi-layered sense of déjà vu all at once. Then again, she was the one that let them come up with this part of the plan. In a way, it would provide a kind of closure in many ways if it worked.
In the meantime, Anna and Kristoff were singing the end of the first stanza together. "We can head down this mountain together. Loneliness you won't have to fear! Cause for the last time in forever….we've failed to be right here!"
Anna and Kristoff arrived on top of the balcony, where Joan looked up at them. Clearly conflicted, she didn't know what to do or say, which made Elsa tempted to reach out. Until Joan started singing.
"Mommy….please go back home. Christian awaits. Go enjoy my brother and close the gates!" Joan chimed.
Despite the depressing answer, Anna still gave a cocky glare to Elsa. For the life of her, Elsa knew she wouldn't live down being wrong that Joan would sing back. She didn't even know where the heck she came up with those words – then again, where did Elsa come up with hers 12 years ago?
Yet Joan didn't sound completely confident in her lyrics. Maybe Elsa's wisdom and connection with her had properly set her up. Now Anna's crazy ideas might just knock her down.
"I know you mean well, but keep leaving me be. Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and…." But when Joan meant to say the word free, it wouldn't come out.
It seemed the whole premise of making herself more alone, because she was so unhappy being alone, was falling apart. It didn't sound as freeing to her now. At this point, Anna and Kristoff knew they had her – if Christian did his part.
Speaking again, Kristoff said on cue, "Well, if you like being alone, I guess Christian will have to like it too."
"What do you mean? I thought we couldn't leave him alone for a second. That's the whole problem," Elsa spoke her line.
"Oh, I get the feeling you don't know. How could you, after being out here all day?" Anna spoke perfectly.
"What doesn't she know?" Joan jumped back in.
Instead of answering straight away, Anna took Christian from Kristoff and walked over to Joan. She held him out for her daughter, although Joan didn't feel like taking him. The whole point of this was to get away from the baby who replaced her….right?
"oan!"
Okay, that was the bigger question now. "What did he say?" Joan asked the question.
"He's kind of been trying to say Joan since you ran away," Anna shared – not sharing all the time she spent teaching Christian how to say Joan last night, and during the ride here. Elsa and Kristoff both hid their relief that it actually worked after all.
"Oan, oan, oan!" Christian kept saying, showing more life than Joan could remember. Then again, she hadn't exactly spent enough time with him to notice, since everyone else was hogging him up and ignoring her.
Yet….this baby hadn't forgotten about her. "He has?" Joan couldn't believe.
"It's okay. You can make him stop," Anna pretended to figure.
"No, I, I don't know how!" Joan unconsciously echoed her aunt again.
"Then we'll teach you. Teach the both of you together," Anna offered, before going back into song.
"Cause for the last time in forever….this family will be apart! For the last time in forever….it's missing part of its heart!" Anna declared.
Joan wasn't singing lyrics of doubt, and there was no snow flying around. Which meant this sort of thing could actually work, for the first time in forever in this palace. And no one would get hurt and almost die.
That alone snapped Elsa into breaking the script – with the kind of sudden, inexplicable burst of song she hadn't needed in 12 years. "We can work this out together….the wounds will start to heal!" At least that would fit in well enough.
Too wrapped up in song to be thrown off, Anna went on, "Cause for the last time in forever!"
"For the last time in forever!" Kristoff sang only a half-second late.
"For the last time in forever….." Anna, Kristoff and Elsa left hanging, hoping and praying this worked just like Anna said it would. They kept the last note hanging, waiting for Joan to say or do anything to stop them.
Joan couldn't stop this reprise by throwing ice or magic at them – especially since the floors were still holding up from last year's checkup. But the three adults all hoped this was one song in here with a proper ending – a happier one.
Yet they kept holding the last note, and holding, and losing hope and their voices with each second….
"I won't be right here!"
Now the song was perfect. Not as perfect as Joan running up and hugging Anna's legs, though. Or as perfect as Anna bending down and hugging both her children.
"I'm sorry, Mommy…." Joan spoke again. "I thought I lost you guys already…."
"Never again," Anna promised. "No one in this family is shutting doors again."
"Even the music proof ones," Kristoff joked, now that he could do that again. Joan laughed and went to hug him next, so it seemed like good timing after all.
Elsa came over by the time Joan stopped and turned to her. "Aunt Elsa? You know how I said I wanted to be alone forever? I didn't really."
"No one ever does. No matter how much they act like it. No matter how much they never wanted to act like it," Elsa shared.
"Well, we've done enough acting for a lifetime. Before today!" Anna poorly tried not to throw any suspicion, but it went over Joan's head anyway. "So, can we all go home now and stay there?"
Joan didn't answer, as she took a last look around at the palace home she never got. Elsa watched her take it in, then decided, "You know, as long as we're all together for the day, I think we're good. It doesn't matter what palace we're really in."
However, it did make a big difference to be here. Since Elsa had enough reserves inside to last a full day, and both sleds had enough rations and materials left from the ride over, the family was actually able to spend much of the day there.
It was the first time a group of people spent an extended amount of time here without trying to commit murder. It was certainly the first time an entire family was ever here for more than three minutes. Heck, it was the first time this family of five spent an entire day together in months.
Elsa created this palace to be alone, happy and free. Even when she was truly alone and happy, she liked finding freedom and peace here twice a year. Yet the benefits she found in her past 25 trips couldn't compare to the ones she felt now.
Especially when Joan went back up to the balcony as the sun began to go down – holding Christian in her arms.
As boring as Joan thought he was, she had to admit, him being peaceful and quiet was easier to like here. Even when he spoke up by saying "oan" again.
"I'm sorry I tried to run away," Joan made a personal apology. "Maybe if I spend more time with you….teach you some of my favorite games….I'll get what all the fuss is about. Is that okay?"
Christian merely hiccupped, which Joan took as a yes. She patted him on the back like Aunt Elsa did, in case it meant something else. As good as she was at reindeer translating, her baby language skills might need some work.
In any case, Elsa watched the siblings at peace together in here – the first siblings to ever have that in this building. It took an insane plan with somewhat justifiable fibs and lucky, unscripted singing to do it, but there it was.
Regardless of how it happened, this day did more than keep a family together. More than give them all a much needed day off together.
Elsa created this place as a Kingdom of Isolation. But today, the name just didn't seem to fit anymore. It never should have, really.
There was another set of long closed gates that would never close again. At least for two days a year. Maybe more, depending on the need for more family vacations.