Hello, friends! I recently started watching ABC's "Astronaut Wives Club" and was hit with this fantastic idea for a new MM AU. This story will follow Matthew as an astronaut for NASA's Project Mercury, with Mary as his wife, and is loosely based off of the lives of Gordon and Trudy Cooper, along with the events experienced by the program's other astronauts and their wives. But I won't follow all their stories exactly, just the main events of the Mercury program and the 1960s U.S. Warning, this story will be quite angsty, but it should be a lot of fun, too!
Many thanks to hartnellss for reading through the first half of this chapter for me and encouraging me to post it and write more.
Any Downton quotes used will be italicized.
I hope you enjoy this!
Chapter One
Late March, 1959
"Mary, I've been accepted into the Mercury program."
She didn't respond right away, or couldn't, her teeth clenched as she gripped the phone tighter.
"Mary?"
Releasing ragged breath, she forced herself to reply.
"Is this a joke?"
On the other end of the phone, her husband scoffed, clearly annoyed by her response.
"Oh, my God," Matthew retorted. "I tell you that I'm going into space and you ask if it's a joke? Jesus."
"Sorry," she spat back with sarcasm as anger and jealousy flooded through her. "It's a little difficult to be excited for you when I'm five hundred miles away, working my ass off and raising our children. I just got off an eight-hour shift of mindless clerical work and you want me to leap with joy at your news? When you know I'm just as qualified as you are for that program? I had more flying hours than you when you became a damn test pilot, but because I'm a woman I'd never be accepted into a program."
She almost slammed the phone down in her anger. What does he even want from me?
"God, it's pointless to talk to you," Matthew said. "You always make everything about you."
"Why the hell did you call, then?" she asked, heated.
He sighed into the phone.
"You're going to say 'no'," he muttered.
"Then tell me what it is so I can," Mary replied, voice hard.
"NASA wants all the wives to come to Langley."
"What?" she questioned, forced to pull a chair out from the kitchen table and sit down. She pressed her fingers to her forehead. "Now, this is definitely a joke."
"LIFE magazine is doing a story on all the astronauts and their families. NASA wants the wives and kids to come out, spend a week at the center, see the facility," he told her.
Mary sat there in silence for a few moments, hardly believing she was so close to being at a NASA facility. But for him?
"They want...us...at Langley?" she finally asked slowly.
"Isn't that what I just said? Yes, you, the kids...with me," Matthew replied.
"Holy shit," Mary breathed into the receiver. She hated that he laughed at this. "What the-"
"It wasn't my idea," was his reply. "I even tried to put up a fight, but the other guys think it's a great idea."
"The hell do they think they're going to get, Matthew? We haven't lived together in over a year. I just got the divorce papers in the mail today. Does LIFE want to know about that, too?" Mary asked, her eyes flitting to the large envelope on the kitchen counter. She felt as though a rock had settled in her stomach.
"I know, I know, that's why I tried to say 'no'," he said with a groan. "All they want is a good story. To hear about the astronauts and their happy families."
"You might as well hire someone to play me," Mary told him with a scoff. "And the kids, they wouldn't come without me, you know. It's not as though you've seen them since Christmas. A happy family?" Now it was her turn to laugh.
"I know they won't. God, but you're so stubborn," Matthew sighed and Mary could sense he was raking a hand through his hair, his standard tick when she irritated him. "Jesus, think about someone other than yourself. Maybe this is the best chance for me, Mary."
Her pride stung a little at his jab.
"What would happen if I refused?" she asked carefully.
"I talked to our supervisor at the agency and it could jeopardize my chance of being selected for a launch," he said.
"Why would that matter? I'm sure not all the other men have happy marriages," she retorted.
"NASA needs public support on this, government support. They want to show the country that their astronauts are living the American Dream, Mary," Matthew replied. "Pretty wife, cute kids, a perfect family."
"We're certainly not that," she said, rather wistfully. While she hadn't lived with her husband in nearly a year, his career and her dreams had caused tension in their marriage long before that. "God, this sounds like a nightmare."
"I've been assured that the agency and LIFE will make it worth our while," he said. "I know it's not what you want, but I have the chance to be a part of something really spectacular, Mary. And we can finally stick it to the Soviets."
"Are you going to knock Sputnik out of the sky?" she countered with a laugh in spite of herself.
"I'll never get the chance if you don't agree."
She paused, wishing it was her chance to make it to space. Her dream.
"Fine," she said after a moment. "But after this is all over, you're going to sign the divorce papers."
He didn't say anything.
"Matthew?" she questioned, wondering if the line had cut out.
"It might have to last longer than a week," he finally said.
Mary hung up the phone.
April 8, 1959
"Daddy! Daddy!"
Mary watched as George and Susan converged on their father in the airport terminal, the six-year-old boy's arms hooking around his father's legs while the four-year-old girl was lifted off her feet by Matthew.
"Hey there, peanut," Matthew said, kissing Susan's cheek while he ruffled George's hair. "You miss me?"
His eyes flicked to Mary, whose expression remained indifferent as she crossed her arms.
"Yes, Daddy!" George said. "Susie's not as good at football," the boy complained.
Matthew laughed, setting Susan on her feet before crouching down next to George.
"Did you bring your ball with you?" Matthew asked.
George nodded enthusiastically and Matthew gave the boy a hug before getting to his feet, his eyes uncertain as he looked at Mary.
"How was the flight?" he questioned.
"A bore," she replied and he snorted.
"Did you try to get into the cockpit?"
Mary's expression hardened. "I wouldn't want to push in," was her short reply.
"No, of course not," he agreed, raising his eyebrows knowingly.
"Kids, let's go get our luggage. George, hold your sister's hand," Mary instructed, pushing past Matthew to head for baggage claim. She took George's hand as he linked hands with his sister.
Matthew easily fell into step beside her.
"There are cameras outside," he said in an undertone, causing Mary to stop abruptly.
"What?" she asked, indignant.
"Cameras. Reporters for newspapers. They found out when you were landing," Matthew replied.
"And how did they find that out?"
Matthew lifted one eyebrow. "You know."
"Oh, God," Mary muttered, starting for baggage claim again. "NASA told them. Told them when we'd all be getting here?"
"Still quick," Matthew interjected.
"I thought we'd have a day to adjust to this whole charade," she complained, ignoring his previous comment. "We're starting right out of the gate."
"I'm sorry."
Mary looked at him, really looked at him for the first time that day, surprised by his admission.
"That's the first time you've apologized for this whole damn thing," she said as they reached baggage claim. "What are you sorry for? That I have to be here, too?"
"That you were blindsided with this," he said, not refuting her. "If I had found out sooner, I would have warned you."
She turned away, searching for their bags on the conveyor belt, but Matthew found them first. He picked them up and set them upright.
"Now we have to pretend," Mary said, watching as Matthew lifted both bags off the ground.
He looked at her and sighed. "You do."
Her eyebrows knit together. "Should I ask what you mean?" she questioned, pursing her lips.
"Why do you think it took so long for our lawyer to send you the divorce papers?" he asked, starting to carry the suitcase toward the exit. This forced Mary to follow after him, urging the children along at her side.
"Because he's a lazy ass who wants to make as much money as he can doing as little work as possible," was her retort.
Matthew rolled his eyes. "Because I hadn't asked for them," he said, halting suddenly.
"Oh, my God!" Mary shot back. "You did that? Why?"
"Why do you think, Mary?" Matthew asked, making a move toward the exit again. "God."
Mary grabbed his arm with her free hand. "What in the hell, Matthew Crawley?"
"Darling, you're going to make a scene," he said, to which she growled in response.
"Fine," she said, releasing her grip on his arm. "But just because there is a swarm of reporters outside, don't think that this discussion is over."
"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," he replied, taking her hand as he pulled her toward the doors. "And remember to smile."
Mary forced herself not to punch him as they stepped outside. Instead, she plastered a smile to her face, releasing George's hand for a brief moment to cover her eyes with sunglasses. At least that would help disguise her tension from their photo op.
The sound of hundreds of camera shutters snapping at the same time nearly drowned out the questions immediately hurled at them as Matthew led them to the waiting car. Most of the questions were directed at her.
"Captain Crawley! Are you happy to have your family here?"
"Mrs. Crawley! How old are your children?"
"Mrs. Crawley! Have you ever been to Virginia before?"
"Mrs. Crawley! What's your favorite pie recipe?"
Luckily, Matthew tried to hurry them into the car, George and Susan climbing into the backseat while Mary attempted to move to the passenger side as he loaded their luggage into the trunk. But she was blocked by a reporter.
"Mrs. Crawley, what do you think of your husband's acceptance into the Mercury program?"
Mary kept her smile plastered on as the man held a tape recorder in her face, shooting a glance at Matthew, who quickly shut the trunk. His own face wore an identical grin.
"When I found out, I said, 'Who better'?" she answered, prompting a laugh from the reporters as Matthew came to her side. What a load of baloney, she thought.
"C'mon now, folks, the little lady's had a long day," Matthew countered with a laugh, wrapping an arm around Mary's shoulders. Little lady? Mary scoffed internally.
"A kiss for the camera, Captain?" another reporter asked.
Mary turned her head and saw Matthew's eyes widen for a split-second before he turned to her. She was glad he couldn't see the annoyance in her own eyes as he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. But her annoyance soon turned to surprise, which was squarely aimed at herself. She was surprised that she didn't want to pull away.
Matthew ended the kiss and Mary forced another smile, her irritation returning in full-force.
"Now I've got to get them to the hotel," he told the reporters with a grin, opening the passenger-side door for Mary. She slid into the car, grateful that it was over.
She turned to George and Susan, both who were pressed against the back window as they watched the reporters.
"Sit forward in your seats," Mary told them as Matthew slipped into the driver's seat and started the car's engine. "Thank God that's over," she sighed.
"It's only the beginning," Matthew reminded her, peeling away from the curb.
Mary's sunglasses obscured her eye roll.
She lay on the bed in Matthew's hotel room which they were forced to share for the week in spite of her protests, flipping through a magazine as she tired herself before bed. The kids were already asleep in the front room, sharing the pull-out sofa, but Matthew hadn't returned from the research center yet. He'd claimed that it was for a debriefing on the events for the following morning, which would include a press conference for the men to be introduced to the public, a luncheon for the families, and later a variety of photo ops featuring the astronauts and their wives and children. A cocktail party would wrap up the adults' evening.
Considering the lateness of the hour, Mary figured the men were out at some bar, talking up women who were not their wives. She could only guess what Matthew had been up to for the past year. Without his wife and children around, she was sure there wasn't much keeping him from working his way through the Air Force base's population of available women. Not that there hadn't been any incidents before that...
Mary propped herself up on her hand. Through the ajar bedroom door, she heard the front door open and shut, causing her head to turn. She sat up on the bed, closing the magazine as she waited for Matthew to enter the bedroom.
"Daddy?"
It was Susan's voice.
"Shh, go back to sleep, peanut," Matthew said gently. Mary listened as he sat on the pull-out sofa, the springs groaning under his weight.
"I missed you, Daddy," Susan said. Mary heard the sad note in their daughter's voice, causing her own heart to ache.
"I've missed you, too, peanut," he replied, pressing a kiss to the little girl's face. "Now go to sleep, alright?"
"Okay, Daddy," Susan murmured sleepily. "I love you."
"I love you, too, my angel," Matthew said.
Mary pressed her lips together, willing herself not to cry. She wished that Susan and George could grow up with their father around, but she knew that couldn't be. They had too many problems, too much pain for it to be resolved.
As Matthew, pushed open the bedroom door, Mary opened the magazine again, flipping through it haphazardly as he shut the door at his back.
"I didn't think you'd wait up," he said, drawing Mary's eyes up.
"It's not that late," she said, ignoring the alarm clock on the dresser that read one-thirty. "The plane ride must have messed up my sleep pattern," she amended.
"Mmm," was all Matthew said as he crossed to the dresser, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked. "The press conference is at noon," he told her, rifling through one of the drawers to pull out a pair of pajamas. "They wanted it to be late enough for it to be broadcast live on the West Coast."
"When do they think we eat lunch? During dinnertime?" Mary scoffed, averting her eyes as he undressed. "Do you have to do that out here?" she questioned.
"It's my room," Matthew said, turning to her.
Mary looked up and immediately regretted it, as her husband now stood there in only his underwear. She looked away, hating the heat that rose in her face.
"God, you're an ass," she muttered, climbing off the bed and stomping into the bathroom to brush her teeth.
A minute later, Matthew had followed her, thankfully dressed in his pajamas now.
"I think you'll really like the other wives," he said conversationally as he reached for his own toothbrush. "John's wife, Anna, makes a delicious bundt cake, apparently. And Tom's wife, Sybil, she-"
Mary spit the toothpaste out of her mouth.
"Why the hell are you telling me this?" she asked in irritation, frowning at him in the mirror.
"I thought you'd want to know," Matthew countered after spitting into the sink. "God, sorry for trying to help you prepare for tomorrow."
He stalked out of the bathroom and Mary followed him as he pulled back the comforter on the mattress.
"What are you doing?" she asked, standing near the foot of the bed.
Matthew stopped and stood by the bed, confused annoyance on his face.
"Going to sleep," he said, motioning to the bed.
"Not there," Mary said firmly. Even though she had just seen him in his underwear and she was having difficulty refusing him.
Matthew raised his hands, questioning. "Where am I supposed to sleep? In the bathtub?"
Mary lifted her eyebrows and Matthew looked irrate.
"You're serious?" he asked. "I have a press conference tomorrow, we have to pretend to be happily married, and you want me to sleep in the goddamned tub?"
"I don't know why you would expect anything different, Matthew," Mary retorted, her own anger rising. "You haven't seen me, seen us, in four months and you expect to share a bed with me?"
"I never wanted to leave!" he burst out.
Mary's jaw slackened and she leaned away as she struggled to find a response.
"I didn't want to go," Matthew added, approaching her with outstretched hands. He didn't touch her, but he was much closer than Mary had anticipated. Her mind was foggy, like warm moisture beading on a cold window and making it impossible to see.
"No one ever leaves if they don't want to," she said after a moment, questioning her own words even as she spoke them.
"That's bullshit," he sprouted back. "You, yes, you, Mary Crawley, pushed me away over and over again. You're the one who told me to go, practically begged me after I received my promotion. You just couldn't take it that I'd been accepted as a test pilot instead of you. That I'd been recognized for my achievements."
"How dare you say that!" Mary said as Matthew snorted in reply. "I might have been angry that I'd been passed over for the fourth time for a spot at the Air Force base, but don't you dare pretend that I was nothing but proud of you."
Matthew scoffed. "Proud? How do you figure that, Mary? Was it the way you stopped looking me in the eye after I was accepted into the program? Or when you packed all my clothes and left them in the garage with a note that said 'Leave'?"
Mary glared at him, his words stinging. Yes, she'd done all those things, but she vividly remembered his own behavior in the months leading up to his final exodus. The way he only talked about himself, never asked about her day, acted as though she should worship the ground he walked on. It was enough to make any woman snap.
"Why did it take you so long to call the lawyer?" she questioned.
"Jesus," Matthew sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "I didn't want to do this right now."
"You started it," she said halfheartedly, frustrated that this conversation was happening, that she was even there at all.
She'd gotten so used to never seeing him, to hardly talking to him except when he called for George and Susan once a week, their conversations short and meaningless. His visit at Christmas had been bad enough, as they'd had an argument after the kids were in bed on Christmas Eve, one so bad that Mary had become even more adamant about the divorce.
"I didn't want it to be real," Matthew admitted, his eyes softening minutely in the light from the bedside lamp. "If we filed those papers, then it would be over. Our family. Us."
"What did you think was going to happen?" Mary asked, ignoring the ache in her chest as she fought the urge to touch him, to be held in his arms like she used to. To feel safe and loved.
He shook his head, at a loss.
"I don't know," he sighed. "I thought when I came at Christmas that we would talk and you would see that I didn't want it to be like this, that we could be a proper family again. But we had that damn fight and I knew you were determined to be rid of me. Until now."
She bit the inside of her lip, her throat dry.
"This is what makes sense. For now," she added, stepping away from him toward the opposite side of the bed. "Don't start thinking you can change my mind."
Out of the corner of her eye, Mary saw Matthew smile. The sight irritated her, but made her heart leap at the same time, a stupid and confusing mix of her emotions.
"I wouldn't dream that anything I could say would have such an impact," he said, sarcasm returning steadily.
"Get some rest," she said, grabbing one of the pillows and throwing it at him as hard as she could.
"Yes, ma'am," he agreed, giving her a salute before retrieving the spare blanket from the end of the bed.
Matthew disappeared into the bathroom, leaving the door open behind him. Mary was tempted to shut it, but refrained, instead crawling under the comforter before turning out the bedside light.
She lay in the darkness, listening in silence as her husband situated himself in the bathtub. The minutes passed and Mary heard the sound of his soft snores reverberate off the bathroom walls, the familiarity of the noise bringing unwanted tears to her eyes. She sniffed and shut her eyes, hoping sleep would claim her soon.
Thoughts?