Warnings- pretty detailed depictions of bulimia and body dismorphia.
Sans liked to think he was very knowledgeable. He liked to think he knew what was happening around his house. He liked to think, but watching you bend over the toilet, sobbing hysterically and trying to pull away from his grasp made him realize just how little he really knew.
How had he missed this? Sans stared in horror as you fell back and slammed your head on the counter. This was all wrong, he thought. He knew what was going on. Everyone was fine. Everyone was safe. So had had he not seen this?
You were crying harder, shaking and trying to cover yourself, but you couldn't cover the bruises and the scratches and the ribs about to rip through your skin. Sans felt tears in his eyes and took a fearful step back.
You looked in the mirror and frowned. Sans' actions bounced through your head. You had been watching a new movie and the main actress was absolutely perfect. As soon as she came on the screen, Sans sat up a little straighter.
His eye lights were glued to the screen for the rest of the movie, watching how her body moved and twisted during the action scenes. You looked away and glanced down at yourself. You were nothing like the woman in the movie. Your thighs touched and your stomach hung over the top of your pajama bottoms.
Suddenly, the spaghetti was sitting in your stomach like a rock. You weren't sure if you would be able to keep in down. The next scene in the movie was a beach scene, and when the actress took off her dress to show off her bathing suit, Sans whistled and you could have sworn he was drooling a little.
That did it.
You quickly excused yourself and rushed to the bathroom. You made sure to lock the door and turn on the faucet before leaning over the toilet. You learned last time you had a stomach bug to mask the sound of the retching, or the skeleton brother's would literally break down the door. The wall still had marks from the last time.
You retched two, three times, but nothing came out, and the feeling of nausea grew stronger. Thinking maybe water would help your stomach, you gulped some tap water from the cup you usually use after you brush your teeth. The burning feeling in your throat calmed, but the churning in your stomach increased.
Rushing back to the toilet, you retched over and over, spitting up warm water mixed with red specks that smelled heavily of stomach acid and Italian spices. As a last resort, you grabbed your toothbrush and shoved the handle down your throat to hopefully trigger some relief.
After two false starts, you felt the bile rise up and spill into the toilet. Instantly, you felt a million times better. You wanted to laugh, but at the same time you wanted to get rid of the rest. Two more strokes of the handle emptied your stomach completely.
You wipe the tears from your cheeks and laugh bitterly. You knew what you did was wrong, but you felt so much better. You weren't sure what you would have done with the lava boiling in your stomach had you not gotten rid of it.
It took three flushes to get all the vomit to go down, and another minute to brush your teeth and rinse your mouth out with mouthwash. Although it made your stomach feel better, your mouth felt disgusting. You looked in the mirror and made a face at how gaunt you looked.
As you left the bathroom, you realized the living room was dark. The movie must have ended while you were… taking care of business. Sans' door was closed, and the usual lights from under the door were gone. You sighed and creeped up the stairs to the addition that serves as your room. Just as you were about to open your door, there was a cough behind you.
Spinning around, you saw Papyrus standing in his door frame, half in his room and half in the hallway. He had changed into his usual pajamas, fuzzy patterned pants and a white t-shirt. His smile was wilted, and his brow bones slightly creased.
"Are you… ill, friend?" Papyrus whispered, not wanting to wake Sans. You felt your heart skip a beat at maybe being discovered, but you smiled and played it off.
"Yeah Pap." You whispered back. "I was having… cramps." You cringed at the lame excuse, but Papyrus' reaction told you it worked. His face turned a deep blue and he covered his face with a bare hand.
"O-of course friend! Do feel better!" He quickly slipped into his room and closed the door. You smiled gently at the memory of the brothers finding out about human things, such as menstrual cycles and the miracle of birth. Surprisingly enough, Sans was the most interested in the way humans worked, wanting to know everything from atoms to birth to how hair grows.
You slipped into your own room and closed the door silently. You quickly brushed your hair and laid on your bed, staring up at the ceiling. Your heart was still racing, and you were sure you weren't going to fall asleep anytime soon.
You felt the tears gather in the corner of your eyes as you thought of how Sans stared at that dumb perfect actress in the movie. A week ago you wouldn't admit you liked the shorter skeleton, not in the slightest, you would have said.
But four days ago, you had been messing around in Hotlands, as a curious girl such as yourself would do, and tripped. Your arms windmilled as you tipped back into the dangerous lava below. At the last second, a hand reached out and grabbed the back of your shirt, hauling you to safety.
Sans held you close, both of you shaking. He started talking to you, trying to calm you down. He scolded you for worrying him, thanking some higher force that you were alright. Listening to him talk about losing you, listening to the worry in his voice made your face heat up. You realized that maybe, just maybe, had a thing for him when you realized you didn't want him to let go of you.
Since then, you had been more and more conscious of the things you did around him. You noticed how warm his leg was when it was pressed up against your own while sitting on the couch and the way you look in your clothing.
You sighed and covered your face with your pillow. Letting out a cry, you wished things were simple, like back when you were fighting for your life on a daily basis.
The next day, you found your stomach was still pretty sensitive from the night before. You tried getting around eating breakfast, but both Sans and Papyrus made a fuss over your lack of appetite. You caved and ate every crumb.
You felt the food rolling in your stomach as Sans tied his shoes and headed out for his first job of the day. You waved and cringed when he turned his back at the grumbling from your abdomen.
"Are you feeling alright, Human? Do you require medication for your m-menstrual cramping?" Papyrus blushed at the last part, still not completely comfortable with the whole thing, and to be honest hearing him say it like that made you blush too.
"Um no thanks Pap. It should go away in an hour or so. Don't worry about me."
"Dear friend, you know I, the Great Papyrus, will always worry about those I love!" Papyrus smiled brightly and hugged you, the squeezing causing the bile to rise in your throat again. Thankfully, he quickly let go and rushed out the door, yelling something about patrols and puzzles over his shoulder as he went.
You smiled and quickly rushed back to the bathroom. Remembering last night, you reached for the toothbrush again. This time, however, it didn't work. Your stomach rolled again and you just wanted to get it out. Remembering something else, you managed to gulp down two glasses of cold water before leaning over the toilet again.
This time it worked. Ten minutes later you were wonderfully empty and extremely exhausted. You looked in the mirror and cringed. You never noticed just how fat you were. You felt a tear roll down your face as you spit into the toilet again.
"God… He'll never love me… I'm hideous…" Another sob rang though the bathroom. It took you a minute to gather yourself.
You brushed your teeth and flushed the toilet before heading downstairs. You were planning on watching some TV before getting some chores done, but as soon as you curled up in the blanket, you were asleep.
Papyrus was frozen outside his house. Not from the cold, of course, for skeletons cannot feel the cold. No, he was frozen from the sounds he heard from inside the house. He looked up to the bathroom window which was on the front of the house, which was left open. Papyrus heard everything you just did.
All the gagging and cursing and retching… Papyrus felt tears build in his eye sockets. At first, he was going to rush back inside and make you soup to help you get over your illness, but then he heard what you said.
"Damnit, not enough… I just want it out!" followed by sobs and retching. Papyrus' hand stopped an inch from the door knob. What he heard next made his soul hurt. "He'll never love me… I'm hideous…"
Papyrus turned towards his post, then towards Waterfall, torn on what to do. On one hand, he had a job to do and if he skipped out, he would never make it into the Royal Guard, but on the other hand, you were his dear friend and if he could find someone to help, he should.
With a frustrtated groan he made up his mind and ran in the right direction.
Papyrus banged on the door to the one house he knew better than his own, save maybe Undyne's. He waited at the pink door, listening to the footsteps casually move around the house. Papyrus begun to tap his foot impatiently. As soon the door opened, Papyrus pushed his way in and pulled Mettaton along with him.
"Darling, as much as I love your spontaneous visits, it is polite to wait until the front door is completely open before bursting in-"
"Mettaton I'm afraid there is something very wrong with the Human." Papyrus' tears finally slipped over his eye sockets into his scarf. Mettaton's eyes widened and he ushered the skeleton into the sitting room. This really was serious.
"Tell Mettaton what's wrong Darling." He wrapped an arm around the crying monster.
"Well…"
You woke up to the chime of the clock. You were still home alone, which you were grateful for. Your throat was sore from throwing up and your head hurt, probably for the same reason. Groaning, you sat up and clicked on the TV.
The same movie was still on, paused during the credits. Disregarding common sense, you started it from the beginning. This time, however, you could only focus on one thing.
The actress' waist line.
As the movie went one, you felt worse and worse about yourself. How could you ever, ever compete with her? Tears started flowing down your cheeks as the mental comparison went on and on. You found yourself laughing at how foolish you were.
Foolish for thinking anyone, especially Sans, would love you. Truly a laughable thought.
You clicked off the movie halfway through and ran to your room, still laughing and crying. You were such an idiot…
You stared at yourself in the mirror that hung on the back of your door. Seeing how fat you were, you got mad. Really mad. You started throwing thing, screaming, crying. You wanted to lie down and never wake up, but you knew that wasn't going to happen.
You threw one last thing, but it caught on your arm as it went past, cutting your arm. It wasn't deep, but it was bleeding pretty badly. The pain brought you back to your senses. Looking around the room, you felt ashamed that you had lost control like that.
You needed control in your life. Ignoring the cut for a second, you stared at your reflection again. You were filled with determination to become the kind of person Sans couldn't help but fall madly in love with.
Grinning at your determination, you rushed to the bathroom and washed your arm before going back to the room and cleaning the mess you made. It was late afternoon, and you were well rested from your nap, so despite your freak out you had plenty of energy.
Deciding to get a jump on the chores, mostly so Sans and Papyrus didn't suspect anything, you tied your hair up and got to work.
"Oh my, that does not sound good at all…" Mettaton stared at his lap, trying to process the information. He had his own issues with eating and such, but he had no clue how that kind of behavior could affect a human body. He knew personally it was really dangerous, but that was for a monster…
"I, for once, am stumped… I am very afraid for my friend." Papyrus rubbed the top of his skull sadly.
"I think it would be best to call Alphys… she would know about humans more than any of us regular monsters."
"Is the good Doctor available?" Papyrus perked up, excited at the prospect of helping his friend. Mettaton thought for a second before deflating.
"I do not think so Darling. She is with the King right now. Told me only to come to her for an extreme emergency… She said losing limbs doesn't could either." Mettaton gave Papyrus an apologetic look before standing and walking over to the window. Papyrus deflated and placed his head in his hands. "Don't you think you should tell dear Sansy about this?"
"Absolutely not. My brother would not take such news well…" Papyrus grimaced at the thought of what Sans would do. Yelling, fighting, magic being thrown around. Mettaton frowned and nodded his head.
"Isn't that the truth… I remember well what he did when he thought I was trying to take advantage of you." Mettaton and Papyrus both smiled at the memory and sighed. Papyrus stood from the couch and thanked Mettaton.
"Thank you, dear Mettaton. I do feel a little better after talking to you. Please contact me when Alphys is back in the area."
"Of course Darling. And call me if anything happens with the human."
"Of course." Papyrus gave Mettaton another smile and saw himself out, leaving Mettaton to reflect on what he just learned. He was worried, not just for the human, but for the skeletons as well. They were all so close, Sans and Papyrus would be hurt even worse if what he thought was happening really was happening.
Mettaton sighed again and went to his room. He needed some time to think about things.
You felt better than ever. Well, you were more tired lately, and it was harder to move around as much, but your stomach was definitely flatter, and the gap between your legs was getting a little wider. You open your phone and look at the picture of the actress from the movie you saved.
She was still skinner though. You notice your boobs have also shrunk, which was not part of the plan. How could you ever look like the woman in the movie if you went back to the size you were five years ago?
You sigh and lock the phone again. Today you were supposed to meet Sans at Grillby's. It was the third Saturday of the month. You made a deal back seven – or was it eight? – years ago, to take a break from your busy schedule and have lunch together. Sometimes it was at Grillby's, sometimes at Mettaton's restaurant, and on rare occasions Sans would cook something for you to eat at home, which was always your favorite.
You adjusted the bracelet that matched your sweater, but decided to just take it off. Your wrist had shrunk enough that it was a pain to wear. Plus your sleeves were so long it wouldn't be seen anyway. You couldn't wear short sleeves anymore, which is one reason you were grateful to be staying in Snowdin most of the time.
You weren't sure exactly why, but you bruised so easily now. A simple bump on a counter corner left you black and blue for days. That, and you seemed to be getting clumsier and clumsier. Your arms and legs were covered in random scratches and bruises and cuts and burns. Most you could hide with makeup, but you didn't want to waste it when you were able to go without. Human makeup was hard to come by in the Underground.
You turned to the mirror and made sure everything was in place before slipping on your shoes and heading out. The cold air bit at your nose as you rushed those frigid ten feet to the bar. Quickly ducking into the building, you shook the snow that managed to collect on your shoulders and head off before walking right to the bar.
"Hey there Kiddo. I was worried you were gonna stand me up." Sans winked at you as you propped yourself up onto the bar stool. You give him a grin that was only slightly bitter and give Grillby a silent thanks for handing you a drink with a lid on it. Since he hired someone else in the kitchens, he's able to sell drinks – as long as they have lids that is.
"Who me? How could I pass up such a hot date?" It had been normal for you, almost natural, to flirt with Sans, but now it seemed… forced. Sans didn't seem to think anything was off, because his grin just widened and winked.
"I wouldn't want to pass up a date with me either." He waited for your reaction, but you just smiled and shook your head. Sipping your drink, you realized this was the first meal you wouldn't be able to get rid of right after.
Dread pooled in your stomach as Sans handed you a menu. You gave another tight smile and took the menu reluctantly. You scanned the options, noting that nothing has changed in at least four years. You picked the thing that would be least dangerous for your weak stomach.
"Um, I'll have the salad." You tell Grillby with a smile, who just nodded and took your menu. When you turned your attention to your drink, the fire monster shot a look to Sans. The shorter skeleton only looked confused. Grillby shook his head and headed to the kitchen.
"A salad huh? Trying to watch your figure or something? Man, I remember when we would come here and you would eat two burgs, plus fries!" He chuckled at past you, but you just grimace. Of course he would remember you as a glutton.
"Yeah… I figured I've gotten a little pudgy lately." You said lightly, realizing at the last second that it could be taken the wrong way. You meant it was a flippant comment, but by the way his eye light dimmed, you knew he took it the wrong way.
"Someone picking on you? Someone calling you fat? Cuz you're not. You know that right?" He seemed distressed at the thought of someone teasing you, and hearing him compliment you made your heart flutter.
"No! No one's picking on me." Except yourself, you thought behind a smile. "I just… want to look good."
"You trying to impress someone kid?" His distressed face was replaced with a mischievous one. He grinned at you, one eye brow raised. You couldn't keep the blush from your face, especially when he looked at you like that.
"N-no! Of course not!" Nice cover… you thought to yourself. Sans nodded one and turned to the fire exit, where Grillby was walking through with both your meals. You thank him and take your bowl from his heavily laden arms. Grillby had a habit of carrying up to half a dozen plates at once, two on each arm and one in each hand. It was an amazing and equally as nerve wracking sight to behold.
You managed to play with your food more than eat it, filling in the time with jokes and stories. You were lucky, Sans didn't notice anything. He was usually so attentive, but somehow you managed to sneak this past him.
After an hour, you had to part. He had another job, and you were starting to feel sick. Waving goodbye, you headed back to the house and right into the bathroom. By now, you really didn't need a toothbrush, especially when you were already feeling sick to your stomach.
After flushing the green slush down the toilet, you rinsed your mouth out and looked in the mirror. Your cheekbones were more prominent, just like the actress'. But your cheeks themselves were still too squishy.
You glare at the mirror, as if daring it to add on more pounds, before clicking off the light and heading to your room. You threw yourself onto the bed and stared at the celling again. It was becoming quite the habit, just staring at things.
Sans said you weren't fat. The memory of how defensive he got made your face heat up. He really cared about you!
The warm feeling faded just as quick. Of course he cared about you. Cared about you like he cared about Papyrus. Like a sibling. If he found out you had these kinds of feelings for him…
You felt your determination faltering. You wanted desperately to be good enough for him, but you were nowhere near close to being good enough. You closed your eyes and imagined that moment. That… perfect moment.
"How could I have been so blind?" He would ask.
"You're so beautiful." He would say.
"I love you." He would whisper.
You started to cry as you drifted off to sleep, imaginary Sans whispering to you gently.
Sans was just doing his usual thing, slacking off at work. Instead of selling hot dogs, he decided to talk to his two favorite Royal Guard members, 01 and 02, who were still guarding the elevator despite not needing to anymore. They had told him they liked standing there. It looked like they were doing work when in reality they were just talking to each other.
Sans saw something red out of the corner of his eye and teleported away just in time for Papyrus to walk past 01 and 02, who greeted him. His brother, instead of giving his usual greeting, simply waved and kept walking with a purpose.
The shorter skeleton could not remember the last time his brother looked so serious, so he followed him. Sans' feeling of dread only grew when his brother made a bee line to Alphys' lab. Papyrus had never gone there by himself, only ever with Mettaton for a checkup.
Sans was grateful he knew his way about the lab already. He teleported straight into the hole in the wall Mettaton made all those years ago. Instead of fixing it, Alphys made it into some sort of pantry. There was still just enough room for the small skeleton to stand without being seen from the main room.
"H-hey Papyrus. M-mettaton told me you w-w-wanted to talk?" Alphys' stutter didn't improve much over the years, but it was a little bit better, thanks to Undyne.
"Yes. I am afraid there is something wrong with the Human." Papyrus sounded so uncharacteristically somber. Sans heard Alphys take in a quick breath.
"Um, c-can you explain a little m-more? I need more to g-go off of."
"She… Doctor Alphys, is it normal for humans to make themselves throw up?" He sounded so innocent, so tired. Sans felt his soul seize up. No… she couldn't possibly be… right? Sans desperately hoped Papyrus was wrong.
"WHAT? N-n-no! T-that's s-so b-bad! Oh my gosh… oh my gosh… A-alright… okay… um, let's s-see. I h-have a book s-somewhere." Sans hear Alphys walk over to the escalator up to her lab space, her claws clicking on the tiles. There was some muttering above and coughing as dust from old books flew in the air. Alphys came back down the other side carrying a rather large book.
"O-okay. I found t-this in the dump y-y-years ago. It's obviously o-outdated, but it might help." She began flipping through pages. "Alright, c-can you tell me her symptoms?" Her doctor mode was kicking in. This was something Alphys knew how to do.
"Alright. Lately she has been rushing to the bathroom after meals, and although she turned the faucet on, I can still hear her retching. She's been losing weight at an alarming speed, and it seems she is having trouble sleeping. A few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and I could still hear her in her room, crying and talking to herself."
"O-oh dear… W-what was she saying? C-could you hear?" The sinking feeling in the doctor's stomach was growing. Papyrus made a whining sound before clearing his throat.
"Just… oh dear. She says she was ugly and fat… and how 'he' will never love her. I am not sure whom she was talking about, but I wish to meet him so I can give him a piece of my mind! The Great Papyrus would never let some faceless monster break the heart of one of my dearest friends!" Pap's voice grew in volume until he was almost shouting.
"T-this is b-bad. I-I'm n-not completely s-re I'm right, but it s-seems like she has b-bulimia and…" She flipped another page. "B-body dismorphia. B-but I c-can't be sure… I d-don't want to make a w-wrong diagnosis…"
"Is it fatal?" Papyrus' voice was almost silent.
"It c-can be, if it g-goes on long enough, b-but there are other l-long term dangers. Ulcers in the stomach l-lining, tooth decay… o-oh jeez there are a l-lot of bad things…"
"What are we to do?" Papyrus was getting frantic. With everything Alphys read from the book, he became more and more convinced you were going to die.
"Well… it s-says that this is m-more than just physical. If w-we j-just address it straight out, she might t-try to push us away…" Alphys closed the book and placed it on the already messy desk. Sans couldn't listen anymore. He teleported right to the house.
He heard sounds from the bathroom and finally knew what was going on with you. He rushed to the bathroom and saw the door wide open.
You caved. You finally caved and ate the entire thing. Since Papyrus can't eat a lot of grease before feeling sick, and since you didn't eat much anymore, Sans left half a pizza in the fridge. You hadn't meant to, but next thing you knew, it was all gone and your stomach was bulging.
You could feel the bitterness rising in the back of your throat. You bolted for the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. You didn't make it in time, and ended up throwing up on your sweater. The second wave made it into the toilet, but it was too late.
After emptying your stomach, you shakily stripped and threw the soiled sweater into the tub. It landed with a wet thud, making your stomach churn again. You were over the toilet again, retching up bile and spit.
You didn't notice a presence at the door until a hand grabbed your wrist tightly. You couldn't help the scream that ripped from your throat. You looked over at whoever was there in fear. That fear only grew when you realized it as Sans.
Using all your strength, which wasn't much at this point - The weeks without nutrition really destroyed your muscle mass – you tried to pull away. Sans' grip was iron on your wrist, and you could feel bruises forming on the skin under his boney fingers.
You began sobbing, your primal instincts kicking in. You just needed to get away. You used your other hand to try to pry his fingers off your wrist, but it was no use. You pulled and pulled, but here was no give.
"S-sans… l-let go!" You screamed at him, finally finding your voice through the tears. The sudden shout made his let go a little in shock. You slipped back and slammed your head on the counter of the sink. Your yelp brought him back to the moment.
Rushing to your side, he fell to his knees. His fingers danced around your head, afraid to touch you but afraid to leave you be. Finally, he managed to bunch up some toilet paper and place in on the gash on your head. You try to flinch away, but you're too tired to move.
"Sans… why are you here?" You couldn't look him in the eye. You were too ashamed.
"It's a long story Kid…" He sounded weary. "Let's get you cleaned up… some of these cuts look infected." Now that the initial shock was gone, Sans felt almost numb as he tended your wounds. He handed you a piece of monster candy, which you ate immediately. The head wound closed and the larger scrapes healed.
"Are you mad at me?" You were terrified. Sans must hate you now. He hadn't said anything in almost ten minutes, and his eye lights were completely dark. He must hate you now. You ruined any chance you had.
"No… I could never be mad at you. I'm just confused. And scared… Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"…" You looked away. You couldn't tell him the truth.
"Come on kid. Please…"
"I just wanted you to look at me like you looked at her…" It was a mere whisper, but Sans heard it clear as day. His soul dimmed as he absorbed what you meant.
"Hehe w-what are you saying?" He laughed out of habit, but nothing about this situation was funny.
"In the movie… she was so beautiful. I just wanted to look like her so…"
"So I would look at you?" Sans whispered, his usual grin gone from sight. He sat back and leaned up against the tub, leaving you sitting on the toilet. He covered his face with a skeleton hand and sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry…" You were crying again. Why were you so weak all of a sudden?
"No, I'm sorry… this is all my fault. I should have realized something was wrong. I should have been able to help you!" He angrily slammed his fist on the tiles. "How long have you felt this way?"
"I've liked you since you saved me in Hotlands, and I've been doing… this… since we watched the movie." You sounded dead, no emotions at all. You just wanted to go to sleep.
You sat in silence, neither of you knowing what to say. Neither of you wanting to be the first to speak. Neither of you really wanting to be there at the moment. The front door slammed open, causing both of you to jump hand a foot in the air.
"Brother? Human? I believe there is something we need to discuss." Papyrus called from downstairs. You and Sans made eye contact for the first time since he found you. He was the first to stand, slipping off his jacket and tossing it to you. You remembered you were sitting there in just a bra and pants. Flushing, you pulled the jacket on and zipped it up.
He held a hand out to help you up, and you accept it. Your knees almost gave out after sitting for so long, but Sans caught you and helped you stand again. Instead of helping you walk down the stairs, he just teleported the two of you right into the living room.
"Human, although I was advised not to proceed this way, the Great Papyrus cannot simply sit back and watch his dearest friend wither away. I have something very serious I need to discuss with you, and I have an idea that might make it a little easier." He looked towards the kitchen as someone else walked out.
Mettaton was carrying a mug with something steaming inside. You were shocked to see the robot, but not as shocked as when he handed you the mug and sat you down. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Papyrus and Sans move to the kitchen to have their own conversation.
"Alright Darling, I'm not going to sugar coat anything, or tip toe around this. Back when I first got this body, I was able to taste for the first time, and I took advantage of it. I ate everything I could get my hands on. At first, it didn't bother me. I actually got compliments on how curvy I was. But all that can come crashing down with just one comment.
"I cannot even remember who it was, but someone called it out during a show of mine. 'Hey fatass! Get off the stage!'…" Mettaton made his voice deep to mock whoever said it, but his face became somber. "I couldn't finish the show. I just… walked off.
"I tried dieting, exercising, but I couldn't stop eating. I felt sick all the time, and one day I couldn't take it. I needed to get it all out, so I found the button to empty my stomach. It was out there in case I ate something dangerous… Alphy dear never thought I would use it for this. I would eat until I couldn't eat another bite, then emptied everything out.
"I did this for months, and it gave me results, so why should I have worried? The smaller I got, the larger my fan base grew. The people seemed to love me even more, so I did it more and more. My life was perfect, or so I thought. It was about six months after I started. I collapsed on stage right in the middle of my show. The hotel manager rushed me right to Alphys' lab. Her tests showed since I wasn't eating in this form, my battery life was draining more and more. At that point, I could barely last ten minutes away from my charger.
"The overuse of the button also had its consequences. Since I had to move around wires to get to it, the wiring started to fray. I soon lost my voice, and the vision in my right eye. It took weeks for Alphys to fix the wiring. During that whole time, I had fans sending me letters, asking if I was okay, telling me how wonderful I am.
"It took me almost six months to realize my fans loved me the way I was. It took another six months to get out of the habit of gorging and getting rid of it. I finally got my curves back, my hair got its bounce back. I was able to sing and smile again. Getting help was the best decision I ever had. Alphys told me I would not have survive if I had kept going. She said my wiring would have been too damaged to fix. She would have had to replace everything, and even then she couldn't promise the body would be the same.
"I didn't think it was bad, at first. I tried leaving the metal body, only to realize my ghost form had become so ingrained in the robot body, I couldn't leave. That made me come to my senses. This was the only body I had. If this body was damaged beyond repair, I would have been damaged beyond repair. I would never be the same me again, which really scared me.
"Don't you see Darling? This is your only body as well. If anything were to happen to you, everyone would be devastated. You can't get a new body, or get a redo. This is what you're stuck with, and you have to make the best of it. Now, I hear you felt you weren't good enough for someone. I'm here to tell you that is absolutely ridiculous Darling. You are an absolute catch, and anyone who doesn't agree is an absolute idiot."
"It's Sans…" You whisper, feeling ashamed. Mettaton sat back a little, eyes widening.
"In that case, I say you should run to him. Run to him and wrap your arms around him and tell him how you feel."
"What if he doesn't like me? I don't look like that actress yet."
"What actress?"
"The one from the movie we watched. He started drooling! I can't match that…" You picked at the hem of his Sans' jacket, embarrassed.
"I can guarantee you he won't reject you dear. I see that skeptical look, Darling, but I was there when our dear Sansy got shit-faced many months ago. He couldn't stop babbling on and on about how he felt about you. It was adorable to watch. If only he acted on his promises of asking you out all those weeks ago, none of this would have happened…" Mettaton took the empty mug from your hands and gave you a pointed look.
You didn't let yourself think. You stood and ran to the kitchen. You saw Papyrus, wiping tears from his cheek bones, and Sans, looking weary. You hesitated for only a second before rushing to Sans and wrapping your arms around him.
"I'm so sorry…" You whispered into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tight.
"This is all my fault…" He chuckled sadly. You pulled away and looked at him in shock.
"W-what? No!"
"If only I told you… I'm so sorry. Let me help you get better, then I can make it up to you."
"Sans… I want to get better…" You were hesitant, not sure if you were actually able to get past this. The feeling of his arms around you, and the supportive warmth from all around you filled you with a different type of determination.
"I'm here for you." Sans pulled you close again.
"We're all here for you." Two more sets of arms surrounded you.
You knew you could get through this.
First off, the book Alphys found was the DSM. For anyone who doesn't know, it's pretty much the ultimate mental illness guide. It has classifications and symptoms for thousands of illnesses, and is constantly being updated with the progress in the medical field. Fun fact, in the early 1900's, the DSM classified homosexuality as a mental disorder, but it was removed when scientists realized that was ridiculous. I'm showing off here because I just learned about this last semester.
I started naming the chapters, mostly for my own use. I started getting confused on which chapters I posted already and which ones I only started but never finished. It was also suggested that I put warnings at the tops o the chapters, so starting now you'll be seeing those. I might go back and put the warnings on the others, but I don't have much motivation right now.
Another note, one I say quite often. I'm sorry. Whatever is making me feel bad just got worse for some reason. I haven't been able to get out of bed or eat or sleep or anything the past few days. The last week was nothing but this chapter and the final chapter for my other story.
I can't promise any chapters in the upcoming week. I can't promise any chapters in the next few weeks. I have no idea how long this is going to last, but I don't want to leave everyone waiting without an explanation.
Until next time
~Starlight