Thank you so much for reading this story and sticking with it in spite of the angst. I'm having a lot of fun writing it still and I'm glad most of you seem to be enjoying it. Since I start school this week, I'm not sure how regularly I'll be able to update (it's my last semester of grad school and I have to prep for my exams at the end of the semester and read about 20 books along with class), but I hope to post at least every other week. Please bear with me on that!

This chapter is for the wonderful cc-weaver; I hope it brings a smile to your face. :)

Enjoy!

Chapter Five

August 21, 1959

"That fight must have been some doozy yesterday," Rose said, taking a seat beside Mary on the beach.

"What fight?" Mary asked, her eyes flicking to Anna where she stood nearby, talking with Mabel and Lavinia. Mary's heart rate accelerated prematurely as she worried that the other woman had been spreading the events of the previous evening around, not that Mary had told her much, or that even Mary's private discussion with Anna in the car two days before was now common knowledge. Something she didn't need.

The women and children had gathered at a spot facing Wallops Island, just off the coast of Virginia, enjoying the sand and sunlight. Gentle waves crashed on the shore, the water shining in the sun. The site was where NASA's first fuel rocket would be tested, with the men meeting on the island to oversee final preparations for the launch. The families had arrived an hour before it was due to take place, although Mary was glad, for it allowed her to escape from Matthew sooner. He'd been such a pest after arriving back at the hotel the previous evening, she couldn't wait for the launch to call him away.

"Don't worry, Anna didn't tell me a thing. Though she did have to excuse herself from our game of cards to pick you up," Rose replied, lighting a cigarette. "But Atticus heard Matthew stomping around next door at...I'd say it was two in the morning. Does he know that behind our bedroom wall is your bathroom? Or how to use the bathroom quietly?"

"He was just doing it to wake me up," Mary said, declining Rose's offer for a smoke with a raise of her hand. "Which he achieved."

"Was he drunk? He was making so much racket next door, Atticus thought he was in Korea again," Rose said, blowing out a stream of smoke. "It's like MacArthur was shouting direct orders at him to push past the 38th parallel single-handed. Although I can't imagine how one would do that in an airplane," she offered with a laugh.

"No, he was just being an ass," Mary replied, propping her elbow on her knee. She leaned her chin against her palm. "As usual. Sorry he woke you up."

"Like I said before, ass-tronauts," Rose agreed and Mary laughed. "God, with all the noise he was making it sounded like he was trying to go to sleep in the bathtub."

Mary didn't say anything, instead fixing her eyes on the island in the distance. She could hardly see anything moving near the rocket, largely due to the sunlight reflecting off the water. She kept focusing her gaze in that direction anyway, afraid to meet Rose's eye. The silence was deafening.

"Mary?" Rose asked after she failed to respond, apparently taking her silence as an affirmation.

"You know things have been rocky since Edwards," Mary muttered finally, turning her head to watch as Susan played tag with a few of the other little girls. "Ever since-"

"He still hasn't told you what happened?" Rose questioned, shocked. "You'd think that if it wasn't what we all think it is, he'd tell the truth. At least to you. Even Atticus hasn't gotten a peep out of him and, believe me, I tried to coach him on wearing a man down. I had years of practice. But nothin'."

Mary scoffed, still hurt that her husband had remained so silent on the subject. And a little annoyed that Atticus had even tried to get it out of him. It wasn't any of their business, although Mary was at least grateful that Rose cared enough about her to try. She knew she needed friends.

"Matthew would only say something if it makes him look good, trust me," she said with a sigh, looking at Rose again. "Tell me you'll keep this between us."

Rose raised both her eyebrows, as though she found Mary's request insulting.

"As long as you promise not to tell the other wives that I snore," she said. "Mabel'd love to get a load of that. Bet she looks like a fairy when she sleeps."

"I wouldn't dare. I've seen you go after spiders in your house," Mary agreed and Rose laughed, bumping her elbow against Mary's. "I know how vicious you can be."

"Well, those little bastards have it coming. How dare they come into my house. And, of course, your secret is safe with me," Rose said.

"What secret?"

Both women looked up to see Sybil, who smiled cheerfully as she approached.

"Oh, Rose was telling me she doesn't like the way Atticus had his hair cut last week," Mary fabricated, the words spilling out easily. Lying, to the other wives and the press, had grown more natural over the past four months, a trait Mary hated in herself.

"Well, that isn't exactly a secret," Rose joked as Sybil sat by them.

Sybil laughed.

"Oh, don't I know it? Tom's hair looks like they used a lawnmower on it. I guess the wives aren't going to be consulted on anything, even if it affects us. And considering I have to look at his hair the most, I'd like to be asked even if they're going to ignore me," she said with a sigh, fixing her eyes on the island. "Not much longer to go."

"I'd say it's only-" Rose began, glancing at her watch.

"Oh, my God," Mary said, suddenly standing, her eyes fixed on the island.

In the distance, the Mercury spacecraft fired into the air.

"But...it's not even time yet," Sybil said, shielding her eyes as the rocket was propelled upward.

It rose for nearly twenty seconds before crashing haphazardly into the water, which Mary judged to be about a mile from the launch site. The other wives had gathered nearby, looking concerned and worried as they stared out at the choppy waves. Further down the beach, the children had watched for a few moments, cheering excitedly until the spacecraft plummeted into the water.

"Was that supposed to happen?" Rose asked, looking to Mary. She shook her head, knowing the craft or launcher had malfunctioned, since she'd asked Matthew to explain the details of the launch to her over breakfast. Which had tried to resist, but Mary wore him down. At least she could get something out of him.

"Something must have went wrong," Mary said, feeling queasy.

"They're really going to send a man up in that?" Lavinia questioned, glancing around at the others for support. She looked to be on the verge of tears.

"It's what the tests are for, I'm sure," Mabel voiced, and Mary sensed she was trying to remain calm rather than share any worry she felt. That they all felt. "This one didn't work, so they'll just make some adjustments and have another-"

"And blow a man up?" Edith asked, as though Mabel's take on it was rather unfeeling. "That could have been my Michael in that thing!"

"There are risks, of course there are, but with the proper research-" Mabel continued, but her voice trailed off and Mary sensed the other woman's worry, although a pair of sunglasses obscured her expression.

"We all knew there would be risks," Mary voiced, hoping her own fears remained hidden. "But Mabel's right. NASA knows what they're doing. This is what these tests are for."

For the most part, Mary added silently to herself, although she couldn't shake off her disquiet. I hope.

"Of course we knew there were risks, but I thought they'd know what they were doing," Lavinia said shakily.

"At least there wasn't a dog in that one," Anna offered, although it was a weak attempt at finding a bright side Mary noticed, as not even Sybil was smiling.

"I've got to get back," Edith said hurriedly, as though returning to the hotel to wait for her husband would speed up his arrival after the failed launch. She gathered up her children and headed for the cars.

"My guess that man's going to be in for an earful," Rose muttered to Mary as the group began to break up.

"Aren't they all?" Mary questioned.

"I'm not sure how NASA can even justify putting a man into orbit after what happened to the Russian dog Laika. Are they going to euthanise the men, too, like they did that poor creature?" Rose asked as Mary waved Susan and George over to them.

"I'm not sure that's plausible. They can blame the Russian's design flaws on the Russian program, but these are NASA's failures. Although I'm sure they can blame it on the manufacturer," Mary replied as the children approached.

"Mommy, was it supposed to do that?" George asked as Mary took Susan's hand.

"No, George, it wasn't," Mary told him. "But NASA will learn from it's mistakes."

"Like my science project?" the little boy questioned, innocent.

"Yes," Mary said. "Although this is a bit different than an exploding potato."

As she met Mary's eye, Rose looked dubious.

Mary paced back and forth in the room, so anxious for Matthew to return to the hotel following the failed launch that she hardly knew what to do with herself. She had no idea what she'd say to him, but she couldn't disguise her worry anymore.

After getting the kids dinner, Cassandra Bates had asked if Susan and George wanted to watch a movie on television with the Bates girls (she vaguely recalled hearing that it was something Disney, maybe Snow White or Cinderella) and then spend the night on their floor. Mary had agreed, if only to get the kids out of the room and give her a chance to fret without an audience, for who knew how late Matthew would be out. Keeping a level head in the aftermath of the Little Joe launch was a challenge even considering her inconsistent feelings toward Matthew in the past few days. After he was such an ass that he wouldn't let her fly the plane and kept ribbing her about that stupid kiss, she'd been even cooler than usual. Not that she'd been very fond of him over the past year in general. But half the time she felt as though he antagonized her on purpose, just to get her attention.

He was generally successful.

Finally, she heard the knob on the front door twist and signal Matthew's return to the room. She immediately sat down on the sofa, fixing her eyes on the television as a sitcom episode played. It was something she'd already seen before and couldn't care less about, but she forced a laugh as Matthew entered the room, looking harried and put out. He shut the door harder than Mary expected and she glanced up, surprised to see that he looked a little drunk.

"Working hard?" she asked and he sighed, practically stomping across the floor before disappearing into the bedroom.

Mary exhaled, immediately feeling like an ass herself as she heard Matthew banging around in the dresser, searching for God knows what.

She stood, questioning whether she should even apologize when he was so bent out-of-shape, but knowing that if she didn't do it immediately she would talk herself out of it.

"I'm sorry," Mary said upon entering the bedroom, but she immediately covered her eyes with her hands to shield her now naked husband from view. "Oh, my God, what the hell are you doing, Matthew?"

"Changing," Matthew grunted.

"But why are you naked?" she asked, peeking between her fingers as she heard a drawer open and shut, although Matthew's bare backside was still in full view. She hated the blush that crept into her cheeks.

"That's what you do when you're changing clothes," he replied, exasperated as he pulled on a pair of underpants. "God, always so surprised when I'm naked," he scoffed, turning to face her.

Mary dropped her hand, but looked at the ceiling rather than view his well-defined abs. The NASA training was doing too much good in that area. And in most areas, she'd noticed.

"You know that's not part of the deal," she said, detesting that she was having trouble keeping her eyes off his bare skin. It was like a magnet.

"Nothin's part of the deal except me sleeping in the bathtub, is that right?" Matthew scoffed, pulling a t-shirt over his head.

"This deal is for you, so don't complain because you don't like that your fake wife won't let you share a bed with her. Or protests against seeing your naked ass without warning," Mary shot back, finally meeting his eyes. Matthew groaned.

"God, I'm going to bed," he said, sounding more tired than drunk. "I mean, to 'bath'."

Mary narrowed her eyes at his use of air quotes, but didn't acknowledge it.

"What happened with the launch?" she questioned, following after him into the bathroom.

"Knew I'd get a scolding for that. We all guessed the seven of you would be up in arms about it. Something screwed up, didn't it?" Matthew retorted as though her question was stupid. He picked up his toothbrush. "There will be an investigation into the accident, but Atticus guesses there was some sort of electrical issue. That's why there are tests. So we don't all blow our asses off. At least not off the first guy up."

He laughed at this, like it was some big joke.

"Do you have to be so blasé about this?" Mary asked, crossing her arms as she leaned against the doorframe. In the mirror she watched Matthew roll his eyes.

"There are tests. There are protocols. There are mistakes and then we fix it. It's science, baby, not some damn deity," he said with a mouthful of toothpaste.

"NASA's not your god?" she asked and she felt a shift in the air, knowing that her question had struck a nerve with him.

"Is that why you stayed up this late? To reprimand me for something I'm not even responsible for?" he asked, spitting out his toothpaste in the sink rather haphazardly.

"Attractive," Mary said, unable to stop herself from commenting. He was just being so irritating, she couldn't help it.

Matthew rolled his eyes again, stalking past her into the bedroom. Mary thought he was just going to retrieve the extra blanket and a pillow, but instead he pulled back the blanket from the bed and climbed onto the mattress, pulling the blanket up to his chin as Mary stood motionless on the floor.

"What are you doing?" she asked after he didn't move.

"Getting some damn sleep for a change," he said with a relaxing sigh, enjoying the comfort too much for Mary's liking.

She continued to stare at him, but he didn't get up, didn't even acknowledge her glare.

"That is definitely not part of our deal," Mary said, moving to stand at the foot of the bed.

"I know," Matthew said, with a smile that made Mary want to slap him. Or kiss him, she couldn't decide. That stupid smile. His fingers held on tight to the blanket, as though sensing she would tear it off of him if given an opportunity. "But a man's gotta get some rest. And it's not exactly a secret that you've got me sleeping in the bathtub. Atticus-"

"Heard you last night? I know, I know," Mary sighed, frustrated and tired. "But if you would have been quieter-"

Matthew sat up, still holding on to the sheet.

"Oh, well, excuse me for being pissed that my wife ruined a perfectly nice evening of flying by being so damn bullheaded," he said.

"I'm bullheaded?" Mary asked. "Ha!" she scoffed. "Who was the one who wouldn't let me have my turn?"

Matthew pushed the blanket aside in order to sit up.

"Yes, you are," he shot back, heated. "God, you're so stubborn."

Mary changed the subject, not wanting to get into an argument about who was more stubborn. She knew it was him.

"Aren't you even worried about the launch today?" she asked. "You could die, Matthew. Don't you realize it?"

He stood, frowning.

"And since when have you cared about that?"

"Just because I didn't want to be your wife anymore, it doesn't mean I'm not concerned for the father of my children. Matthew, they think we hate each other. Sometimes I think we do, too," she said, sighing as she sat on the edge of the bed.

Mary felt her husband's eyes on her, but he didn't say anything for a long time. Finally, Mary turned her head to look at him and he spoke.

"Come on, Mary, you know I don't hate you," he said, shaking his head. "I'm just...frustrated."

"And I'm not?" she asked.

"I know you are," he replied. "And I know I haven't exactly made it easy on you. But I never would… I never could despise you."

Mary sniffed, dropping his gaze.

"I knew you'd never be content with just being a housewife," he added. "Don't think I didn't know that from the moment I met you. And then you kicked my ass in that first engineering test and there wasn't any doubt anymore."

Mary had to laugh at this. "It's only because you were lazy and didn't study."

"Until I had something to prove," he replied, giving her a small smile.

"That you were smarter than a girl?" she questioned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No, that I could keep up with the smartest person in the class," Matthew said, earnest.

"You don't know how nice it is to hear that you know I'm smarter than you," Mary replied, a weight lifting off her.

Something as simple as teasing made her feel less hopeless with him, as though at some point things could improve between them. If not return to normal, at least something better than constant arguing and hurt feelings.

"You know I don't hate you either," she added.

Matthew nodded.

"I'm sorry, Mary. Yesterday was such a disaster and today was a nightmare. God, we thought it would work! An unmanned launch was that first step. If that first attempt was successful then we'd be that much closer to space. Space. Beating the Russians. My God, we can all taste it, Mary," he said, his eyes burning with a passion that once would have incited admiration in her. Now she didn't know what to feel. "I know there are risks, we all knew that. But-"

"But we're military wives, is that what you were going to say?" Mary asked.

"I can always die," he said, releasing a sigh. "So can you flying that little plane of yours."

Mary rolled her eyes, but she wasn't angry like before. Even though he did call it a 'little' plane.

"I know how to fly a plane," she insisted.

"I know you do, but things can always happen," he said, running a hand through his hair. For the first time, Mary realized it wasn't because he was aggravated at her. "There are always risks, Mary. But sometimes those risks are worth it."

She sensed he meant something more, but she didn't question him on it, not ready to discuss what other risks he meant.

"I'm...sorry. About yesterday," she admitted.

"You know I'm the one who screwed that up?" Matthew asked grabbing one of the pillows off the bed as he stood. "I'm the one who needs to apologize."

"Well, I won't argue with you there," she retorted.

Matthew winked at her and Mary felt her stupid, uncontrollable heart skip a beat.

"Next time, the controls are all yours," he added.

"What makes you think I'll invite you along?" she questioned, tugging the pillow out of his hand and hitting it against his hip. He laughed.

"Oh, I know you, of all people, don't need a babysitter. You're the most self-sufficient person I know," he said, swiping the pillow away from her, a grin on his face.

"Unlike someone else I know," Mary teased. "Can't even boil water on the stove without setting off the smoke alarm."

"Hey, that was only one time!" he protested with a laugh.

Mary tilted her head, giving him a knowing look.

"Only because I didn't want the house to burn down at your hands. You may be an astronaut, Captain, but you're a horrible cook. Hopefully no one asks you to make spaghetti in space."

"I'd be able to handle it if it was over a Bunsen burner," Matthew countered.

"Maybe you should pay more attention," Mary replied. "But once we move in to the new house, I guess I could take a chance on you making dinner once. Unless NASA has something against men in the kitchen."

"Well, we don't tell them everything," he said, tucking the pillow under his arm. "I'm gonna get some sleep."

Mary nodded, but Matthew hesitated.

"I know you worry about me. About all this," he said, and Mary sensed he meant more than just NASA and the space program. "But I'm glad you're here, Mary."

Mary swallowed.

"Thanks," she said, not trusting herself to say anything more.

"Goodnight, Mary," Matthew said, retreating into the bathroom.

"Goodnight," she replied.

Hearing Matthew situate himself in the tub, Mary slipped under the covers on the bed, pulling the blanket up to her chin. As she thought about what Matthew had said, about being glad she was there, she had no idea how she felt. She wasn't glad, not exactly, but she knew she wouldn't rather be in Dayton. Working, bored, and lonely, the kids missing their father. Her missing...something.

Whatever this was, Mary knew she'd rather be in Virginia than away from Matthew. Hiding from him and herself.

Not anymore.

Thoughts?