This chapter's song is 夢の続き, 'Continuation of Dream'. Traditional Chinese credit: 甜蘋果 Thanks to everyone who expressed their support :) Somehow, I'm starting to become more aware that I'm a writer now. I thought that this would be an easy chapter to write since this is the true climax and what I had been working towards ever since I began writing the first word for HTTW, but I soon realized that there are so many fine details that I need to iron out and along with the intention of writing a perfect C18… this turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.
… And once again, I'm down with a cold. -.- my body was feeling sore all over and I couldn't think straight so it took an even longer time to write this. My apologies.
*Slight spoiler for the Kantou finals arc* a rather debateable outlook on Yukimura, but personally as I watched episode 116, and from the way I've sculpted him thus far… this is the way I imagined he would feel.
To nattie: I don't know about that… People might try, but ultimately I think it's up to the two who are within the relationship itself. I try to refrain from purposely setting up a character to do something, so usually I will plan 'events' rather than 'actions'. Regarding others giving Yukimura and Tsugi insight and advice… Well, it depends on the situation and the characters themselves. :)
*Final edit done 8/1/14*
Higher than the Wind
Disease Arc (3)
"Hello, this is Yanagi Asaitsugi speaking. Ah, it's Leiko. Oh that file… counting from the bottom, it's on the second tier of the bookshelf to the left of the entrance of the club room. It's yellow in colour and I have it labelled on the spine. You've found it? No, it's no trouble at all. I should thank you for taking the trouble to touch up on the proposal. Yes, please contact me again if there's anything else you need. If there's nothing else, I will be hanging up now. Good bye, Leiko."
As Tsugi put away her mobile phone, she bumped into a caramel-haired boy in front of the hospital's entrance.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't watching my way."
Spontaneously, Tsugi apologized to the person she accidentally walked into.
"No, it's alright," said the boy with a friendly smile. His gentle expression faltered when he saw her uniform, "Ah… you're a student of Rikkai Dai Fuzoku." There was a strange vibe to his tone which caused Tsugi to lift her head and examine him.
Soft, light brown hair the shade of caramel framed his face, accentuating his facial features which resembled carefully sculpted statues selfishly kept away by private collectors. Like Renji, his eyes were closed so she couldn't tell what his eyes colour was. He had smooth, peach-coloured skin that was just a shade darker than Yukimura's milky white. The black gakuran uniform enhanced the colour of his skin, enshrouding him in a princely aura. He reminded her of Yukimura, Yukimura as in Yukimura Seiichi, not the 'Child of God'.
That uniform… she had seen it before. Where was it? Tsugi tilted her head and thought for a moment. It didn't take long for her to connect to her memory. Oh.
"Could it be… Are you from Tokyo's Seishun Gakuen?" asked Tsugi. She phrased it as a question, but she was pretty certain about it. Her team just fended off Seigaku girls team in the quarterfinals of the Regional Tournament, and she remembered glimpsing a few boys who were dressed in the same uniform as this stranger on the bleachers. After Seigaku was defeated, some of the girls cried in the arms of those boys.
"Yeah, I'm sorry for my rudeness. It's surprising to see someone from your school," replied the boy with an apologetic smile which didn't masquerade over his slight hostility towards her school.
Surprising to see someone from Rikkai Dai Fuzoku? Kanagawa and Tokyo may be two entirely different prefectures, but they both belonged to the Kantou region. It shouldn't be that much of a shock to see someone from Kanagawa around in Tokyo.
But they were strangers… so Tsugi nodded understandingly and pointed to the entrance of the hospital, "No offence was taken. I will be leaving now, good day to you."
It was rather obvious from his tense posture that he didn't like Rikkai Dai, and Tsugi had no intention to interact excessively with someone who resented her school. He couldn't be blamed though, few students outside of Rikkai Dai would rejoice in their presence. With Rikkai Dai's reputation as number one in the state, it would be surprising if people from other schools weren't bitter about them.
It was something she especially got used to after becoming the captain of Rikkai Dai girls team.
As baffled as she was, Tsugi received a rather huge number of hate letters coming in from other regions after the official Investiture, some of them came from places as far as Osaka. Through Hana, Tsugi learnt –to her disbelief– that this was the norm for all the heads of the clubs in Rikkai Dai Fuzoku. It was something they got used to already, and sometimes, clubs would even compete to see who received the most number of and or the most sinister letters as a crazy, unhealthy mean of evaluating the club's influence within the nation.
Just for the record... Rikkai Dai's boys tennis club was leading in the competition at the moment.
"Good day to you too, miss," said the boy with a nod of his head and he left. It was only then Tsugi noticed the tennis bag slung over his shoulder. If that was the case, she supposed it wasn't too surprising that that boy was wearing a rigid smile. Not only was Rikkai Dai the champion within the sport, without the presence of Yukimura, Rikkai Dai boys team was also getting a lot more… ruthless.
As Tsugi walked into the hospital, she reminisced on the current boys team. She didn't like the aggression in their play now, but she was in no position to pass comments about it. There was no reason for her to poke her nose into the boys team's affair when they were still on a winning streak.
Aggression was a strategy, and it was the strategy Sanada has chosen to adopt for the team as the vice-captain.
It wasn't as if she hadn't tried dissuading Sanada from using such violent play tactics. Tsugi had dropped countless hints to Sanada expressing her doubts regarding his choice of method, and she was sure that with Sanada's intelligence, he fully understood what she was getting at. Yet despite all that she had told him, he dismissed her words carelessly. She considered bringing it up in front of Yukimura, but she put out the idea as soon as it was formed. Yukimura had enough things to worry about himself.
Ah, she was here.
While she was deep in thoughts, she reached her destination. Tsugi knocked on the door, and a reply came after a short moment.
"Come in."
Immediately after Tsugi's entrance, the person in the room spoke in an unmistakably dark voice.
"You're late."
Sitting on the bed with her arms crossed across her chest was Natsuki who was radiating an aura of menace. The front of her head was facing the window which was in opposite direction to the door. There was no doubt that someone wasn't pleased.
Tsugi checked the clock in the room. It was 5 minutes past one o'clock. Seriously, she's not even getting five minutes grace? Tsugi sighed and walked to Natsuki's bedside while saying, "I apologize, Umiheiro. I ran into someone at the entrance."
"Is that so?" Natsuki turned her head back to Tsugi, "Whatever, it doesn't matter. Did you bring what I asked for?"
As of now, it was safe to assume that she has been forgiven.
"You can be a little more appreciative of me, you know. After all, I ran all the way to the other end of Kanagawa to pick up this book for you. Here you go," said Tsugi as she pulled out a copy of 'All She Was Worth' by Miyabe Miyuki and handed it to Natsuki. She may have sounded like she was complaining, but she wasn't really grumpy. In the past two months, Tsugi had been a diligent visitor of Natsuki and through these visits, a mutual understanding was formed between them. They wouldn't consider the other person a friend, but an elevated form of it – they were confidantes to each other. Around Natsuki, Tsugi automatically takes on a sharper, more casual tone. She had thought about the reason behind it herself, and concluded that it was likely a natural retaliation against Natsuki who tended to speak in a lofty manner.
It was rather... liberalizing in an odd sense.
"Might I remind you that you volunteered your service?" said Natsuki as she tore off the plastic wrapping, "You may go now."
Despite her diminishing fame as the 'Queen', Her Majesty remained Her Majesty.
"Honestly, Umiheiro…" Tsugi found herself emitting another sigh. This was turning into a habit around Natsuki.
"Have you heard anything about Yukimura Seiichi recently?" asked Natsuki in a natural manner. Tsugi's body stiffened noticeably – it wasn't conspicuous, but it was hard to be missed by Natsuki who was renowned for her hawk-like inspection skills.
"About his surgery? If so, then yes," replied Tsugi. It had been a week since she received that painting from Leiko, and from the heavy brush strokes, she figured out that something was on his mind. When she asked Yukimura about it, he told her that he was going to undergo a surgery soon. Kanai Sougou Hospital had just bought a new technology from abroad which could potentially increase his chance and rate of recovery. He claimed that there will be no side effects, but Tsugi held her doubts. This deal seemed almost too good to be true.
"Is that all you know?" asked Natsuki.
"... Is there something else I should know?"
"You should ask him yourself. It's not my news to share," Natsuki replied smoothly as she flipped to the first page of her book.
So there was more to it after all.
A part of her was relieved that he didn't attempt to lie to her, and she wanted to respect his decision, but another part of her was still disappointed that he didn't share the full story. Tsugi didn't know what it was, but she wanted Yukimura to tell her, himself, on his own accords. If he didn't… then well, there was no helping it.
"You're right. But I don't want to ask him…" A dry laugh, "He can be rather stubborn. Even if I asked him again, I don't know if he will tell me but anyway, I only want to know what he's willing to share," Tsugi's voice faded off to a stage whisper, "I sound silly, don't I?"
She knew it herself that she was being warped by this relationship, but the knowledge that she wasn't the only one comforted her.
"Is there anything new?" Mercilessly, Natsuki shot Tsugi down with a glimpse from the corner of her eye.
As always… it was hard to get emotional around Natsuki.
"You can try to be a little more subtle you know," Tsugi remarked, to which Natsuki responded with a scowl.
"You're only spoiling him," Natsuki replied gruffly.
"Umiheiro, he spoils me too."
That sentence finally got Natsuki looking up from her book.
Natsuki says that she spoils him, but in retrospect, she was spoilt by him in so many ways before he was admitted into the hospital too. There was no telling who owed who more in a non-platonic relationship.
"Honestly, I don't get this entire affair about love…" Natsuki pinched her forehead, "How annoying. If he doesn't tell you in a week's time, come back here again."
In common words, Natsuki just promised to fill her in if Yukimura didn't.
"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I will take you up on it," Tsugi replied, shaking her head.
"… Don't regret it," Natsuki flipped the page and warned her, except her warning didn't sound like a warning at all because her tone was so flat, "If you come crying to me after this, I won't offer you any condolences."
"I won't."
And because of this decision, Tsugi would never know the magnitude of this secret Yukimura had kept away from nearly his entire team and her. She never knew how close he was to a life-or-death situation, and that Death was right by the door when he was inside the surgery room.
~x~
"Hey, big brother, are you really strong?" asked Kohaku as he kicked his legs while lying on Yukimura's bed.
"That's right. He's Japan's number one!" Shuu replied proudly in Yukimura's stead, radiating a sense of pride like he was talking about himself.
Yuukiko was about to open the door when she overheard this entertaining conversation between the kids who should be napping in their ward.
"Now, you kids, does it look like noon break to you?" Yuukiko stifled a smile and feigned a frown at the kids surrounding Yukimura.
"Uh-oh, we got caught…" Kohaku immediately jumped up and started scurrying out of the room along with the rest of his playmates, "See you later, big brother!" Kohaku hurriedly waved to Yukimura as he ran off. Amusedly, Yukimura waved back.
"Really, those kids just love sticking with you," commented Yuukiko as she beamed at the little figures which soon vanished round the corner, to which Yukimura replied with a radiant smile of his own. Yuukiko then tilted her head and said, "Oh, I almost forgot. Your friend is here to see you."
She stepped aside, allowing a tall, capped youth to enter quietly.
Yukimura was startled by the sight of the visitor for a moment.
"Sanada…"
Sanada's visit was rather sudden. He wasn't expecting anyone anytime soon since it was the peak of the competition season now, and both Tsugi and Sanada haven't visited in the past week. Especially Sanada, since the boys Kantou finals were tomorrow.
"I'm sorry to impose, is it alright if I take Yukimura to the rooftop?" Sanada turned and asked Yuukiko.
"Eh… Well Yukimura-kun's condition is quite stable at the moment so I suppose that would be fine… It will do him well to get some fresh air as well," replied Yuukiko.
"Thank you," Sanada nodded to Yuukiko.
Ten minutes later, Yukimura and Sanada were on the rooftop.
"We have finally entered the Kantou finals. We can continue our undefeated streak," Sanada recited with a stoic expression.
Yukimura broke a smile, and Sanada didn't notice it because they were standing side-by-side but the look in the former's eyes was a little sorrowful.
"Despite the loss of our captain, we are a good team that will be the champion for the third time," Sanada continued speaking.
"Sorry for the trouble," said Yukimura in a soft voice. Of course he was happy to hear Sanada's good news, but he couldn't help the selfish thoughts surfacing in his mind. Just a little… he hoped that he could feel that his team needed him. Ah, what was he thinking?
How could he? Yukimura immediately censured himself. How could he, as the captain of the team harbour such dishonourable thoughts when his teammates were working hard out there to secure Rikkai Dai's victory? Such an ugly, ugly thought. Yukimura was disgusted by himself. But it was human nature to think along this twisted line which he had been walking down ever since he was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré Syndrome.
Knock it off! Yukimura scolded himself, he shouldn't be spending time on these frivolous thoughts, especially when he had much more important things to attend to at the moment.
"That's okay," Sanada looked straight ahead, "For now, just focus on recovering."
Sanada's words raked up guilt within Yukimura. The blue-haired captain remained quiet as he stared off at the distant buildings, ocean-coloured eyes twinkling with a dim, curious shine.
"Yukimura? What's the matter? Is something wrong?" Sanada finally noticed that something was wrong, and he turned around to face his best friend upon feeling the unexpected silence.
The deep blue orbs of the 'Child of God' were focused on nothing.
"I haven't told anyone yet… That the success rate of the operation is very low. At any rate, I can't play tennis in my current state," said Yukimura, a bitter smile on his lips as he weaved his fingers through the holes in the metal fence. As compared to this helpless, pathetic feeling of weakness, he'd much rather go under the knife and grapple with Fate for that slim, tiny chance of recovery. Without tennis, Yukimura Seiichi wasn't Yukimura Seiichi.
"What?" Sanada's eyes widened marginally, and Yukimura caught it from the corner of his eye.
"No matter what the risks are, I want to gamble on tomorrow's surgery. Then, I can keep my words and play in the Nationals with you. If she doesn't ask… Promise me you won't tell her, Sanada."
He didn't specify who he was referring to, but Sanada knew.
Yukimura had thought over this whole affair deeply and thoroughly. It was enough that she knew that he was undergoing a surgery. He didn't want her to worry any more than that, but at the same time, he didn't want to lie to her anymore either.
Yukimura continued speaking, despite not having received a reply from Sanada yet, "If the operation succeeds, then all is well. If not…" his voice trailed off.
Click.
"Here?"
"Probably here."
"Hey!" Marui greeted his captain and vice-captain with a large grin on his face, the Rikkai Dai regulars strolled in behind him.
The rest of the team had arrived.
"Here you are," said Nio as he walked through the door.
"We brought something," Marui held up the white paper box and said proudly.
"Yukimura," Nio greeted.
"I apologize for the crowd," Yagyuu, like the gentleman he was, smiled apologetically.
The gloomy atmosphere was immediately swept away.
"How's it going?" Yukimura smiled fondly at the team.
"100% problem free," declared Nio.
"Right now, we're concentrating on the Nationals," replied Yagyuu, "Tomorrow's Kantou finals are nothing to worry about."
"Mmm… Tres Bien."
"We trained according to Genichirou's menu today," said Renji, smiling, "There's nothing to worry about."
"Hey, can I eat this?" asked Marui as he gave in to the temptation of the sweet-smelling pastry. His stomach was growling from a mere whiff of the scent.
"Ah! You opened our gift for the captain!" Nio pointed an accusing finger at Marui.
Yukimura laughed. His team was as energetic and enthusiastic as ever.
"That's okay," assured Yukimura, "I'm glad to see that everyone's fine."
"It feels lonely practicing without you," remarked Renji.
"Come back soon, then we can play tennis together."
"I know…" replied Yukimura, a wistful expression on his face.
With a stern, sombre expression on his face, Sanada turned and left before his ominous aura engulfed himself.
Yukimura's sea-blue orbs were fixated on Sanada's retreating figure.
"So when are you returning? Tomorrow? Or the day after?"
"What are you talking about? He can't return that quickly!"
Subconsciously, Yukimura turned a deaf ear to the rest of his team.
Sanada…
~x~
That night, unrest stirred within Sanada. He found himself picking up his shinken and setting up a straw training dummy.
Peace. Serenity. Focus.
Sanada closed his eyes as he emptied his mind.
"Hrghh!"
In a single swift, clean motion, he sliced the training dummy into halves. The moonlight gleamed off the blade of his shinken and was reflected into his eyes.
"Tezuka," he murmured to himself, a wry smile playing on his lips as he remembered Echizen from earlier on during the day, "You left behind something really interesting…"
That smile was frozen in place when he remembered Yukimura's circumstance again. Yukimura… Tezuka and Echizen could rot aside. Yukimura was more important than some age old rivalry. How could Yukimura head into the surgery room knowing about its low success rate? Should the surgery fail, it'd be death!
But this was Yukimura they were talking about. Without tennis… he would much rather be… dead. Sanada cringed at the mere thought of associating Yukimura with that accursed word. As his best friend though, all Sanada can do for him was to support his decision, hope for the best, and eradicate all his other concerns for him while patiently awaiting the return of the 'Child of God'.
They called Yukimura a miracle tennis player. As Sanada sheathed his sword, he hoped with all his heart that a miracle will be extended to Yukimura's surgery too.
~x~
The surgery room reeked of the scent of chemicals, a smell which Yukimura had grown to dislike during his hospital stay. He never liked Chemistry, and the smell of disinfectants like ammonia which he was subjected to everyday during his stay had reinforced his disdain for the subject. As the oxygen mask was placed over his face, Yukimura felt strangely at peace. He had done all he could in preparation of this, if it failed – well, he could safely reassure himself that he did his best.
His greatest regret would be towards his family, whom he defied and pleaded with for this surgery to be arranged. Should he make it through this surgery, he would make filial piety his top priority from now on – and Kurumi, he was sorry for not being a good big brother to her. Hopefully she was alright now.
The next person he had to make atonement to would be Sanada, whom he had forced several heavy loads upon. He couldn't apologize enough to him and he was eternally grateful for a best friend like Sanada. Sanada may appear stoic, cold and merciless, but he was a very reliable friend. For eleven years, the two of them had been best friends. Without Sanada, Yukimura wouldn't be who he was today.
Then there was his team, whom he hadn't been a responsible captain towards. He had been selfish, and failed to be their pillar of support.
Finally… there was her. Tsugi, who was still kept in the dark regarding the success rate of his operation. Yukimura knew that she was stubborn despite how easygoing she seemed on the surface, and within that petite body and small frame, she was a dormant volcano. Nobody had ever seen her lose her temper, Kirihara may have come close a couple of times but in the end, she suppressed it. Would she be livid if she found out that he hid this from her? Probably so. If this operation was a success, the first thing he wanted to say to her would be her name. Not 'Yanagi', but to address her formally and solemnly as 'Tsugi'.
"Yukimura-san, we will be injecting the morphine now. Are you ready?" asked the chief surgeon as his assistant tested out a needle.
"Yes, please go ahead," Yukimura closed his eyes, bracing himself for the moment the needle pierced his skin.
"Ugh," He grunted involuntarily when he felt the needle, and his world soon fell into complete darkness.
~x~
Tsugi was the only one outside of the surgery room at the moment. She never asked Yukimura or anyone else what he kept hidden from her, and there was a sinking feeling at the pit of her gut now. Why was her heart bobbing up and down? Tsugi put a hand to her chest, unable to decelerate the pace of her heartbeat.
The dark clouds looming over her head seemed to be thickening with each passing moment.
"Yanagi-san," a silky voice came from her back, causing some of the ominous clouds to disintegrate.
It was Yagyuu. The team had arrived.
"Yagyuu-san, Renji, Nio-kun, Marui, Jackal and Akaya," Tsugi greeted them in order of their arrival, and as she did that she noticed that one person was missing, "Where's Sanada?"
"Genichirou's match is still ongoing," replied Renji, "Jackal, can you turn on the radio and wait for the results to be announced? I doubt Seiichi's surgery is going to finish up soon."
"Sure," Jackal nodded and plugged one side of the earpiece into his ear.
"Have you been here for long, Yanagi-chan?" asked Marui as he tried to smile in the heavy atmosphere. They were all tired after their matches. To think Seigaku pushed them this far... but all will be over. Sanada wouldn't lose.
Tsugi only smiled in response. Silence fell upon the corridor as the conversation died off, and nobody spoke again until nearly ten minutes later.
"How's the match going?" asked Renji.
"It sounds good. Right now, he's pushing through to the end," replied Jackal with a smile.
As time passed by, though, the smile was slowly being replaced by a frown. You can do it, Sanada. Yukimura is also doing his best, Jackal thought silently to himself. He glanced at his team, and decided that it was best if he kept this to himself for the moment. It wasn't a good time to break any form of bad news to his team now.
But Sanada didn't maintain his lead over Echizen. Slowly, the gap was closed and with the final announcement through the radio station, Jackal turned his radio player off.
"Hmm? What is it, Jackal?" Renji noticed the solemn expression on Jackal's face and inquired.
If time could reverse, Jackal wished that he didn't have to be the one to shatter his teammates' hope. He kept his head to the ground and murmured, "Seigaku… won the championship."
A silence fell upon the team.
"Rikkai Dai… Lost?" Marui mustered his voice and spoke first. How could it be? They were King Rikkai Dai! How could Rikkai Dai lose to a Seigaku without Tezuka?
Nobody replied to his question. There was no need to, Jackal would never joke about such serious affairs.
Silence. Silence. Ngh. A stifled sob.
"No…" whispered Kirihara as all the strength in his body was sapped away. All the third years turned their attention to the only second year amongst them, watching as Kirihara slammed his fists against the wall and fell to the ground, yelling, "No!"
Kirihara's cry was filled with endless anguish, the wail spoke the woes of his whole team.
"Stop it, Akaya," Renji knelt down and scolded him lightly, "Yukimura is still trying hard. The surgery is not over yet."
A jolt ran through Kirihara's vein, bringing him back to his senses. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his left shoulder. Kirihara turned around to see Tsugi smiling sadly.
"Akaya… for Yukimura's sake, hold yourself together until the end of the surgery, alright?" said Tsugi softly, "I'm sure he wouldn't want to see such an expression on you either. Just think about it, after this surgery, Yukimura will be back with all of us. With your captain around, Rikkai Dai will without a doubt thrash Seigaku in the Nationals." Her expression was cold when she produced the last sentence. A year into her captaincy had hardened her heart with regard to matters pertaining to Rikkai Dai's reputation.
"Tsugi-senpai…" Kirihara felt choked, there was something stuck within his throat. Looking into the depths of her comforting forest green eyes, Kirihara nodded heavily. Voice resolute, he said, "That's right, with mura-buchou's return, we will have nothing to fear in the Nationals."
Kantou finals could go to hell for all he cared. Yukimura-buchou's surgery was more important.
Tsugi smiled again, and helped Kirihara up.
The next two hours were the most painful time of the day to the Rikkai Dai tennis regulars and Tsugi. It was excruciating, to all the people standing outside of the surgery room, as they waited for it to be over. Sanada arrived a little over an hour after the match was announced, he obviously ran all the way here. Soon after Sanada, Yukimura's parents arrived with Kurumi. Upon seeing their son's teammates and Tsugi, the couple nodded appreciatively at them while Kurumi practically leapt into Tsugi's embrace.
The child was trembling.
Soothingly, Tsugi pat Kurumi's back and held her close to herself. Yukimura's parents were too anxious about their son to notice how frightened their daughter was.
Nobody asked Sanada about the match. Everybody was silently praying for the blue-haired boy undergoing a surgery behind the door, hoping that he'd make it through.
Many a time, Kirihara nearly barged into the surgery room but fortunately Marui and Jackal held him in place. The despondence amongst the team and urgency between Yukimura's parents just reached peak high when the red light finally went out.
The doctor came out after five minutes – which was another long wait for all the people crowding outside the room.
With a brilliant, gentle smile, the chief surgeon announced to their common delight, "Congratulations, the operation was a success!"
~x~
When Sanada visited Yukimura three days after his surgery, it was easy to tell that something wasn't right.
What was wrong? Sanada asked himself. All should be well, given the success of his operation, but Yukimura seemed bothered, restless and… frightened?
Was it Rikkai Dai's loss which caused Yukimura to be so bitter? Sanada lowered his head.
"I'm sorry, Yukimura, but at the upcoming Nationals, we will definitely –"
His apology was cut off by Yukimura.
"Would you please leave?" Yukimura murmured, and his voice escalated from piano to forte in an instant, "'Upcoming', you say? I don't want to hear such words!"
Yukimura shouted.
His best friend who had never as much raised his voice at anyone except perhaps during practice to ensure that the whole court can hear him shouted at him, his best friend.
Stunned, Sanada gawked at Yukimura for a moment. As a foreboding silence loomed over the room, Sanada took it as a cue that Yukimura really wanted him out through the doors.
Sanada never knew how to word a rejection to Yukimura, so the dark-haired teenage male pulled his cap down and wordlessly walked out.
Yukimura's mind was in a wild state. His doctor's words from yesterday kept replaying in his mind.
"Yukimura-kun, huh? With that body, I'm sure he'll never play tennis again."
Never play tennis again. Never, play, tennis, again. If so, what did he undergo that high risk surgery for? If he couldn't play tennis again, what did he risk everything for? What was there left for him? Everything was hopeless. He didn't have anything left.
Loser. Weakling. Failure.
Under the onslaught of all his negative emotions which felt like corrosive acid within him, Yukimura was quivering like he was suffering from an epileptic seizure attack.
A tremble. A shiver.
They were dying to be let out, he was being eaten up from the inside. It was painful, he felt hollow.
Finally, that final nerve snapped, and Yukimura couldn't restrain himself any longer.
"UGH AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
A bloodcurdling scream was heard upon Sanada's exit.
The Rikkai Dai regulars recognized the voice as their captain's. Initially, they all thought that it was due to Rikkai Dai's loss. The regulars slumped against the wall, head lowered in shame for breaking Rikkai Dai's winning streak. How could they finish with anything less than a champion? Yukimura-buchou must be so disappointed at them... Sharper ones like Yagyuu, Nio and Renji, though, soon noticed the anguish and despair in Yukimura's howl which chilled them to the bones. It couldn't be just their loss that blew Yukimura off the top, something else must have happened. The three looked at Sanada expectantly, but Sanada maintained eye contact with the floor.
He had an inkling to what could have dealt such a heavy blow to Yukimura, but… he didn't want to believe it. He didn't know what he could do to help him either. His best friend was behind this door and he was desperately calling for help, but none of them could offer him what he needed. If they went into the room now, Yukimura's pain will only be augmented.
"Sanada? Why is everyone standing outside of Yukimura's room?"
Sanada turned his head and stared at Tsugi who just came up by the stairs. In her hands, she held a stalk of purple iris.
Just the person he wanted to see. Not.
"Tsugi, can you do us a favor and talk to Yukimura?" asked Renji, and Sanada frowned in disapproval. The sight of Tsugi was only going to agitate Yukimura further. The dark-haired vice-captain was about to speak up, but Renji grabbed him by the arm and he shook his head, mouthing, "Let her go in."
... Sanada relented after shooting Renji a death glare.
"Eh?" Tsugi almost asked why until she saw the somber expressions on everyone's faces, she nodded, "Alright, leave it to me."
Tsugi knocked on the door, and pushed it open before Yukimura responded.
"I told you to –" Yukimura's unfinished words were stuck in his throat when he saw who was the person who entered, "Oh, it's you." He finished off with a quiet mumble.
"Yukimura, what happened?" She put the stalk of purple iris down on the nightstand and sat down next to his bed, asking gently.
"Nothing, it's all finished, everything's done," Yukimura murmured to himself, voice serene and deathly.
The dearth of warmth in the room chilled Tsugi's bones. It was frigid like a gentle hailstorm - however the juxtaposition of these two words.
What happened during his post-surgery?
What was it that… caused this wreck?
"Yukimura?" Tsugi tried again.
"Yanagi, please, just leave me alone," the deep blue orbs were no longer the endless ocean depths, they were hollow azure-colored membranes.
"We can talk over it, Yukimura," she coaxed him, gently trying to pry him open without trespassing on landmines.
He stared ahead at empty space for a long while. A few seconds passed in silence, and Tsugi thought that he was going to ignore her but he spoke.
"Yanagi, I might never be able to play tennis again."
Dong.
She could finally relate to his despair. Now she saw why he was in debacle. No sportsman would not be devastated to learn that he would never be able to play his sport again. Especially for Yukimura who was at the top in his field, the fall from the peak to the bottom must have been crushing. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't undergo the surgery, but he already did, and yet he was still told that he can never take up a racquet again. Just imagine being lost in a dark cave for a week and you finally spot the light thinking it's the end, and you ran towards it with all your strength only to discover that the light was truly a prank played by nature, and it was merely a fleet of fireflies.
The most cruel thing you could do to a person was to offer him a sliver of hope and then brutally crush it in front of his eyes. The pain of witnessing all hope shattering in front of you was unimaginable, it was a pain that cannot be put in words.
Natsuki was an oddball, probably the only one to rejoice over retiring from her sport.
"Is it confirmed?" asked Tsugi softly.
"The doctor said so," replied he, listless as a doll.
"But you haven't even underwent the rehab, right? If you undergo the treatment and continue working with the hospital, I'm sure you will recover…" Maybe not 100%, she wasn't sure, but if it was Yukimura she was confident that he could recover at least 85%.
"I highly doubt that," Yukimura's voice remained indifferent. When Tsugi looked into his eyes, she realized that this was going nowhere, and it wasn't going to go anywhere if she continued in the same direction.
Yukimura had closed himself off and sealed himself in a corner. He wasn't going to pick himself up if the walls around him weren't broken down – and these walls, they were too strong to be taken down without applying a bulldozer.
A very bold thought sprouted in her head. Should she? The stakes were high, and many risks were involved. The chances of it going haywire were much higher than the chances of it succeeding, but there was no other option given Yukimura's current circumstance.
If orthodox methods of counselling wouldn't work, then there was no choice but to resort to heterodoxy. That was, to first destroy and then to re-establish.
"Yukimura, are you really going to be defeated by this?"
Incisive words flowed from Tsugi in an almost ironic soft, gentle manner.
Her fist was trembling, but nobody needed to know.
Yukimura's head jerked up, ocean-blue eyes widened in shock at her uncharacteristic harshness.
"You…"
His breath hastened and lapsed into short, rugged exhalations. Tsugi paid no heeds to him and she continued lashing out at him.
"Yukimura, are you going to give up without trying?"
"Stop it, Yanagi," Yukimura gripped his sheets so tightly that his veins were popping out. He looked like a newborn fledging pushed off a cliff, helpless, lost and utterly petrified.
Tsugi never thought that she'd use the word 'petrified' to describe Yukimura.
Yukimura was never known as anything less than perfect, and it stung her to see him like this.
She bit her lower lip, and she continued still.
If someone had to be the antagonist, then so be it. She'd willingly fill the role if he could work himself out of this mess.
"I will not stop until you've worked yourself out of it! Yukimura, we all understand your pain and despondence, but you are stronger than that. You have to be stronger than that. How much longer are you going to wallop in self-pity?"
Those, were in all honesty the harshest words she had ever churned out at anyone. To think it'd be directed at Yukimura, the one person she'd have never imagined she would screech at.
Life was amusing in a very sickening way. Tsugi felt like she was going to barf.
"Get out," Yukimura murmured, his voice so soft that no resound was heard, and then he roared, voice shaky yet empowered by anguish, bitterness and self-abhorrence, "I said get out of my room right now!"
~x~
When Sanada heard Yukimura hollering at Tsugi, he nearly charged into the room. Renji gripped him by the shoulders, to which the black-haired vice-captain turned and seethed at him, "I knew it was a bad idea to let her meet Yukimura in his current state! Let go of me, I'm going to drag her out of the room!"
He knew it, Yukimura would only become more hysterical in her presence.
"Genichirou! Chill yourself and calm down, you don't know what Tsugi can do to him – I dare say, she's the one who understands Seiichi best now," Renji hissed lowly at Sanada, "Instead of being worried about Seiichi, you should be more worried about Tsugi. It hurts her as much as it hurts him when Seiichi's in pain. Knowing that she was the one who inflicted the pain upon him, the pain will be intensified on her."
Sanada wanted to retort Renji, ridiculous, he was the one who knew Yukimura best! They were best friends of eleven years! How could a girl who had been absent in Yukimura's life for thirteen years know Yukimura better than him? But his throat rumbled, and he couldn't refute Renji.
Slowly, Sanada lowered his arms and silence fell upon the corridor again. The Rikkai Dai regulars nodded to each other, each giving Sanada a light, reassuring pat on the back.
All will be alright, Yukimura… would return to them soon.
~x~
Tsugi flinched, involuntarily squeezing her shoulders together. Her lips began trembling, and the corners of her eyes turned wet.
A drop of tear rolled down one side of her pale cheeks.
It hurt… but she knew that the pain was much more severe on him. He was broken, utterly shattered.
Another drop of tear escaped, making it a pair.
It was the first time Yukimura had ever yelled at Tsugi, or in fact, anyone other than Sanada, and that was just moments ago. Tsugi felt her throat running dry; it wasn't because he raised his voice at her, but because he was shattered. Tsugi couldn't keep her cold façade up anymore and the stoic expression on her face cracked. She threw herself onto Yukimura who was taken by surprise, and she burst into tears, hot liquid running down her face.
She cried for Fate's sickening game, why was he the one who had to endure this?
She cried for Yukimura who may never be able to play like he used to again, she knew it was suffering worse than death for someone who lived for and quite literally breathed tennis.
She cried for their boys tennis team which suffered their first loss, they had worked themselves to the bones to make Yukimura proud, it was so unfair.
She cried for herself, for once in her life she felt so helpless, why couldn't she do anything to help him when the one she loved was in so much pain?
But Fate was never fair, and this was a lesson well-taught. They were fools for pitching hope on Fate. Because the harder you fall, the greater the delight which Fate derived from it. Fate was cruel, and merciless.
Tsugi hugged Yukimura tightly, she was gripping him so tightly that he felt suffocated, suffocated by the close proximity he was in with her. He tried prying her hands off but he stopped when he felt moisture on his shoulder blade.
The wet feel brought his senses back to him.
Oh, good Lord. Was she crying? Yukimura felt a pang in his heart, like the resounding of the ancient gong in the temple he had visited during his training tour. His arm fell limp by his side, and he subconsciously allowed her to make a temporary napkin of his shoulder. Without the visual aspect of his five senses, his sense of touch was honed infinitely. He could feel the tears overwhelming her eyes and flowing uncontrollably down her face. His shirt was being dampened. Yukimura stiffened upon feeling his shirt cling to his body.
It felt uncomfortable, and he wasn't referring to the wetness.
Her tears were just lukewarm, but they scalded his skin. His heart was sinking, falling into an endless pit and slowly crumbling away. He had known Tsugi for two years, and not once had he ever seen her cry. Not when she was misled into thinking that she lost in the Nationals last year, not when she received those harsh words which she never deserved from him on Valentines' Day, not when she found out about his operation.
But this girl who was so strong despite her frail appearance was crying, her tears were falling by the buckets — and he was the source of her despair.
Yukimura felt downright rotten.
Never had he hated himself so much, so much so that he just wanted to crawl into a corner and never come out again, and at that moment when his mind was clouded and all rationality was lost… he'd really have done so – if Tsugi wasn't gripping onto him.
Why was it that a girl whose physical strength was never considered extraordinary had such an iron grip? He was held firmly in place, shackled, unable to move.
"Yukimura... Please, don't do this to yourself," Her voice cracked as she spoke through sobs and hitched breaths, "We're by your side, Yukimura. You'll recover for sure. Your team is awaiting your return to lead them in the Nationals. You're the captain of Rikkai Dai boys tennis team. They can't do without you so please, Yukimura, don't give up on yourself when you still have us. They need you, we all need you, I need you."
The last clause of her sentence was a weightless whisper which could have been missed if she wasn't hanging on Yukimura's shoulders.
"If you're not going to cry, Yukimura, I'll cry on your behalf. All your anguish, sorrows and grief, I'll take it in for you so please, Yukimura, Seiichi, Seiichi… Let me share the burden with you."
"You don't understand," Yukimura lowered his head and his shoulders slumped, his blue eyes, once so filled with confidence and determination were completely blank. There wasn't any soul left in those deep blue pools. He looked so confused, so lost, so dejected that it was killing Tsugi. "Tennis is all I have. Without tennis, I have nothing left."
He sounded like a lost child, the hollowness was so overbearing that it seemed as though the room was warped in vacuum.
"No! That's not true. You still have me, Seiichi, you still have me. We will walk through this together. Please don't give up. Please, I beg of you."
Silence. As she wept, Yukimura gazed at the white walls which were free of blemishes, what an irony it was for its inhabitant. He lifted a hand, and flexed his fingers, ah. They still felt a little strange, but his neurones were repairing themselves.
A little hesitant, he wrapped the lifted arm around her shoulders. He planted his chin at the nape of her neck, and he stayed there, unmoving. Like a child seeking comfort from his mother after losing his favourite toy, like a homeless man asking for solace.
And Tsugi prayed for him. God, please, transfer all his weariness, despair and anguish to me, let me take it in on his behalf, let him let it all out before it crushes him.
Her grip on him became even tighter. She could feel his bones, and her fingers hurt too, but the pain was what soothed them at that moment, the pain was the harbinger of hope.
See, Seiichi? Your sensory system is recovering. Can you feel it? The hope that stems from these red marks, the endless possibilities rekindled in you.
Her thoughts weren't verbally communicated to him, but from the tightening of his embrace, Tsugi knew that it reached him all the same.
He was returning. The 'Child of God' had pulled himself together. Yukimura Seiichi was coming back to them. Tear welled up in her eyes, and she couldn't stop them from overflowing.
That afternoon, Tsugi cried for hours in Yukimura's room.
Just for this chapter, I would really love to hear your feedback about how you feel because this is the most important chapter out of the whole story. :) I might still be editing it… Umm, I really don't know. Hahas.
胸の奥 手探りで あの日見た夢たちを
捜しては 指先に触れる針 冷たくて痛むけど
連れてゆく どこまでも 孤独さえ友にして
風の中 目を閉じる 揺れる髪微笑んで ひとり
走れ あの限りなく 広がる空の向こうまで
夢の続き 確かめる 両手 今 伸ばしたなら…
舞い落ちる 花びらの 行き先は風まかせ
戸惑いも 過ちも 滑る様に流れてく だから
走れ あの果てしなく 続く大地の彼方まで
もう一度 会いたいと 君たちに伝えたくて…
季節は巡り 約束の朝に出会う 始まりはここから
燃える想いを 一度捨てて
走れ あの限りなく 広がる空の向こうまで
夢の続き 確かめる 両手 今 伸ばしたなら…
Mulling over it, the dream of that day
Even though it hurts like needle piercing when touched, cold and pain
.
But still must bring to the ends of the Earth, even if I must befriend loneliness
In the wind, closed both eyes, hair dancing and smiling along with the wind, alone
.
Run, limitless, till the end of that broad sky
Continuation of dream, go figure out, both hands, now, if stretched can it be felt…
.
Falling twirling flower petals, let the wind blow and decide the direction
Be it nervous, be it wrong, everything will be washed away
.
Run, there's no end, till beyond the land
Want to meet you all again, want to commute my thoughts to you all…
.
Change of season, meet at the morning we agreed upon, everything begins here
Throw away the burning thoughts of missing each other for once
.
Run, limitless, till the end of that broad sky
Continuation of dream, go figure out, both hands, now, if stretched can it be felt…