Christian woke up for the third straight night the same way. First he heard a series of groans, then he opened his eyes, then the groans got louder – and then he looked at Joan's bed.
By the time he got there, Joan was tossing, turning and outright talking. Once again, it was some combination of "No," "Please" "Get away," "Don't lock it!" and "Mom! Dad! Aunt Elsa!"
It was her mother that ran in. She'd walked by her slightly open door six times tonight – down from eight last night – in case Joan had her nightmares again. The seventh time was the charm.
When Anna finally woke Joan, up, however, the charming daughter she loved was nowhere to be found. She was still a terrified girl scared of the dark and her memories, the way her kidnappers left her.
"It's okay, it's okay," Anna tried to say anyway. "Mommy's got you…."
"Where's Dad?" Joan managed to say formally, with her head buried in Anna's arms. "Where's Aunt Elsa?"
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Kristoff gave Anna a head start for her latest check-up on Joan, and was on his way to check in and pick her up at the same time – for the seventh time tonight. Yet this time the pattern was derailed, once he passed by Elsa's door.
Her icy door.
Kristoff went to knock, but he had to do it carefully to avoid making cracks. "Elsa?" he tried next, but got no answer. Not one with words, anyway.
The answer he got was some kind of ice spike flying into the door. At that point, Kristoff cared less about keeping the door intact.
He broke it down to reveal Elsa tossing around in her bed – with several ice spikes having formed on the floor around her. Even though they might be flying out now, Kristoff rushed over to her anyway. Her hand rose, yet Kristoff got a hold of it and aimed it at the roof.
When she shot the ice spike up, and when Kristoff shook her just enough, Elsa finally woke up. However, she wasn't any better once she saw what her room had become – and what it was littered with.
"Elsa, it's okay. You didn't hurt anyone, you didn't hurt me, it was a dream! You're fine!" Kristoff tried to be positive.
"I didn't dream it, I did it," Elsa informed him. "I can't stop seeing it…."
If only she was the only one. If only none of them were. But there it was.
If only they could find comfort in each other, like they always did. But Elsa hadn't used her powers on purpose in front of anyone, let alone Joan, since she came back. Joan hadn't played outside, or anywhere else, since her return as well.
She didn't want to be out in the open again, or behind any closed doors. Elsa was probably one bad dream away from locking the door on everyone again. Something had to be done to stop all of it.
Since Anna was too overwhelmed to come up with a crazy, Anna like idea, Kristoff supposed it would have to fall to him.
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Anna took some convincing to do a hair brained scheme, which really showed how out of order the world had become. Yet she ultimately caved the next night, playing her part by taking Joan to the Great Hall, saying she wanted to play there before bedtime.
Kristoff got Elsa to come by saying Anna wanted to talk to her. It took a little effort, but Elsa followed and entered with him through the right entrance of the hall. However, Anna and Joan entered through the left and were at the center by the time Kristoff and Elsa got there.
When that time came, Joan gasped and exclaimed, "Dad! Aunt Elsa!"
"Hey, honey," Kristoff greeted. "Just came to drop Aunt Elsa off, if that's okay."
"Drop me off?" Elsa questioned, right as Anna joined Kristoff and they started walking away. "What's going on?"
"You guys have had trouble sleeping lately," Anna tried to say as lightly as she could. "But playing together in here at night always tired you out before. Maybe that'll work again."
"But when we did, I…." Elsa had it dawn on her. "No, I can't use the magic! Not in front of her! She's seen enough!"
"Then find some other way to play with her," Kristoff proposed. "If it's with powers, that's great. Better than great, really. But whatever helps you heal faster."
Elsa and Joan were taken aback just enough for Anna and Kristoff to slip out. But Joan noticed when the door closed – and they heard it lock.
"Mom? Dad? The door's locked," Joan pointed out. "Mom? Dad?" She trembled more when there was no answer, and no door opened or unlocked.
Joan ran off to the left side of the Great Hall, only to find the door over there had already been locked too. "We're locked in! Mom, Dad, please unlock us! Please!"
Behind the right door, Anna was seconds from shoving Kristoff off and opening up, but she barely held out. Especially since Kristoff promised they'd give it two minutes, and then open the door immediately if….what they hoped happened didn't happen.
At this moment, however, Joan had run back and was trying to open the locked right door. "Mom, Dad, I wanna get out! It's gonna get dark and locked in here! I don't wanna be in the dark and locked!"
Elsa finally sprang into action when Joan started pulling the doorknob. She held Joan closer than she had since she came back, and led her away while cursing Anna and Kristoff in her head.
"Aunt Elsa? Can you do the magic and freeze the door till it opens? Please?" Joan asked.
"I…." Elsa couldn't get more coherent. Using her powers in front of Joan was the last thing she was up for doing. Yet Anna and Kristoff were locking them in so they could play, even after everything they'd been through with powers and being locked up. And they thought….
….oh, damn them.
"Joan, it's okay," Elsa attempted to calm her down another way. "You're not alone in a closet. You're in a great big hall with lots of light. The same one you've played in all your life. And you're not alone, because I'm here."
"Are you gonna stay?" Joan asked, cutting Elsa to the core. The fact she had to ask that…..
….was kind of reasonable.
Even after their hug the night she came home, Elsa knew she had to be cautious around Joan. She couldn't set off bad memories and feelings for her – and seeing someone who murdered a man right in front of her might be a trigger. Using powers in front of her again might be a trigger.
If it might be one for Elsa – someone who wasn't even kidnapped – imagine what it might be for Joan. She didn't want to, and Joan had to imagine enough ugly things already. But the more time they spent together, the better chance these triggers could come up.
And yet Anna and Kristoff had locked them together anyway. Locked them in a situation where Joan would be scared, and needed something to distract her from it. Locked in a situation where Elsa would worry, and might need something big to thaw her fear out.
Of course love would thaw, but she didn't feel a lot of love for Anna and Kristoff right now. And they weren't here. And Joan was here. Joan could thaw her, but not as the way she'd been since she got back.
Joan always thawed her when she was happy, and happy because of her. And she was happiest around her when….
….yeah, damn them, all right.
"What do you wanna do?" Elsa finally asked out loud. Joan wiped her eyes, giving her a look that wasn't quite the passed on, puppy dog look her mother gave to her. It was more legitimately sadder and scared than that.
Elsa had to – needed to – put a happier look on that face. And only one big enough gesture could do it. Regardless of what she'd have to do to pull it off.
"Do you wanna build a snowman?"
Once she heard Joan gasp in something resembling wonder, Elsa knew there was no way out now.
So with a deep breath, she put her magic back to use in a non-lethal capacity. She only made a little pile of snow in the middle of the hall for starters – but still big enough to make a little snowman out of.
From behind the right door, Anna and Kristoff's hands were no longer an inch away from the doorknob. Once they heard that magical question from Elsa – even in non-musical form – they knew things were going to be okay.
For Joan, if not for themselves when Elsa saw them again. But for Elsa too – at least they hoped she'd realize by then.
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At first, Elsa and Joan started rolling up the snow without a word. Elsa made the bottom of the snowman, Joan rolled up the middle, then they put them together and worked on the head. Of course, Elsa gave it eyes and a little smile – and of course, Joan had to tamper with it and make it a bigger one.
Elsa insisted that this snowman was more regal and royal – and since she came up with the idea to build him, she had veto power. Joan pouted, so Elsa made another pile of snow for her and said she could make her own smiling snowman.
Although the smile was still questionable, Elsa was stunned at the rest of him. She'd forgotten how good Joan had gotten at making these guys. Maybe she was even more advanced than Anna at that age – like Elsa would know. Maybe she was even approaching the level of….
That little bit of jealousy caused Elsa to make more snow, waving her hands to make five new snowmen in five seconds. Joan looked impressed, which made Elsa smug enough to miss her going over and 'fixing' their smiles.
Satisfied with her contribution, Joan looked on with pride and smugness of her own. That is, until Elsa's magic made two of the snowmen lift up into the air. Now their smiles looked comically ominous – and this time around, Joan ran away from something ominous with a smile and a giggle.
Elsa had the snowmen fly around and follow her, until she had them come at her from both sides. They were each set to fly right into her, which made Joan dive to the floor. Instead of colliding into her, however, Elsa made them collide into each other on purpose.
This collision turned each snowman into a big, falling pile of perfect snowflakes. These snowflakes rained right down on Joan, and she reached out to try and touch as many as possible. She got a few before they landed on her, and on her wide eyed face of awe.
Elsa walked over for a better look at that face of awe she missed so much. It turned on her at full blast, staring at her before it said, "Okay….but I can still make more snowballs than you. No magic!"
"Oh, I'd like to see you try!" Elsa dared. But there were a couple of dicey moments where she almost wished she hadn't.
Once they threw their equal collection of snowballs – but not completely equal, as Elsa proved with two recounts – they finally stopped turning the evening into a contest. They reached a truce when Elsa made some "big girl slides" for her and Joan to ride down, and they solidified it when Elsa let Joan bury her in the snow, until only her head was visible.
Elsa was unaffected and content enough to stay buried – until she could catch Joan off guard by suddenly getting out of the pile. Now freed, Elsa chased after Joan, who actually ran away from someone with a smile and a giggle again.
Elsa's own smiles and giggles increased, as she made snowballs fly into the air and land strategically on Joan's head. They finally slowed her down enough for Elsa to catch her, which she celebrated by putting her down on the ground. Yet Joan soon got more comfortable lying on Elsa, however.
The toll of the chase was piling on, so Elsa helped them relax by raining another batch of snowflakes over them. The feel of the flakes, the sudden quiet and the pleasing company gave them more peace than they'd felt in days.
It was this peace that made them forget they weren't in their bedroom. Yet soon enough, they fell asleep anyway.
As it turned out, it worked exactly like Kristoff assured Anna it would.
Once Elsa and Joan actually had fun together, and overcame their fears when they were awake, they could do it in their dreams too. They'd be too worn out to be afraid to sleep, and Elsa wouldn't freak out about possibly hitting Joan with icicles – in dreams or in reality.
In Elsa's dreams, things were finally running smoothly. As far as she knew, she and Joan were still in the Great Hall, playing as if they never fell asleep. They kept building snowmen and Joan kept jumping around, with Elsa sending out gusts of wind and flurries to fly over her.
What Elsa also didn't remember was that this was how the old dreams started too.
When young Elsa imagined playing with young Anna in their dreams, it always started out this fun. Elsa was using magic for fun again, Anna was with her, and it was like nothing ever happened.
Yet her subconscious and fear always turned those gusts of wind into deadly magic in the end. But at least back then, Elsa didn't actually have real memories of killing someone to make it even worse.
This time was another matter.
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Anna and Kristoff were going to come check on Elsa and Joan in a few minutes. They figured they'd merely be sleepy by now, then they could get them to their bedrooms and they'd have a peaceful sleep after having so much fun.
However, Robert didn't know any of that, as he arrived outside the Great Hall minutes earlier. He didn't know anything, as he was just exploring the castle and wandering around, since that seemed to work out well so far.
Yet last time, he didn't see a big door freezing over.
Before he knew better, Robert tugged on the doorknob, but failed to pull the rest of the door open. He was puzzled until he remembered to check the lock.
Once he unlocked the door, he opened it and saw a whole new batch of obstacles. At least over a dozen of them. Big, sharp icy spikes springing up on the floor, all by themselves – and all around a sleeping Queen and little Princess.
A sleeping Queen who clearly wasn't sleeping peacefully. Which explained a few other things. Like another ice spike that grew inches away from him and went up about 10 feet.
And yet that didn't scare Robert off as he walked onto the icy floor. Between navigating that, trying not to run into existing spikes, and not knowing where new spikes would spring up, it was a dicey trek. Nevertheless, he finally got right up to Elsa.
"No….no, stay away! No, not you too!" Elsa cried out – accompanied by another ice spike that rose inches away from them. Regardless, Robert bent down to gently touch the freezing cold Queen.
"Your Majesty?" Robert asked quietly but insistently, hoping to wake her up without waking Joan. Especially to a room like this. "Your Majesty? Queen Elsa? Wake up, please…."
"No…." Elsa kept sleep talking and practically sleep crying. "I don't want to…..please, just….kill me now before I kill you. Like I killed all of them…."
That was all Robert could bring himself to hear. To take care of that and the other problem, he covered the Queen's mouth and muffled her sleeping pleas, until she finally started to wake up.
When she did, Elsa's eyes opened wide, from the fear of her nightmarish visions and the fear from being unable to breathe. She could have frozen Robert's hand from her breath alone, yet Robert whispered rapidly, "It's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me!" to help her start to calm down.
Once she saw it was someone who meant her no harm – she liked to hope – Elsa breathed some relief into his hand. At least until she saw what she turned the Great Hall into.
Robert's hand stayed on Elsa's mouth, muffling her new screams. He even kept it on when she turned in panic to see Joan. Although she hadn't been impaled or hurt by any ice, Elsa was no less scared for her.
"Just melt the ice before you wake her up, okay?" Robert whispered. At that point, he finally had to take his poor, cold hand off the Queen. She was free to scream, but she didn't – although she was whimpering enough.
"I can't…." Elsa whispered. "It's getting worse. Now that I'm finally a real killer…."
"Your Majes….Queen Elsa," Robert settled on. "You're not…."
"I am!" Elsa barely kept to a whisper, and barely kept a new spike nearby from rising too high. "I gave up everything so I wouldn't be, but it was pointless! It was all pointless….I already knew what I was 30 years ago, and still….."
Elsa hugged herself close, stopping any thoughts Robert had of doing it himself. "Would you….would you just take Joan out of here?" she all but brokenly whispered.
The next response didn't come from Robert, however.
"No….no, don't shut the door!" Joan called in her dreams. Apparently playtime couldn't hold back her nightmares for long too. "Let me go! Don't leave me alone!"
In spite of her own misery just seconds earlier, Elsa all but leapt to try and wake Joan up – but stopped right before she touched her. One look around the room reminded her why this wasn't the best place to wake up from a nightmare.
"I, I can't wake her up. Not now…." Elsa voiced out loud.
And yet Joan made that bitter truth even harder by calling out, "I want my mom….dad, brother, Aunt Elsa, anyone…."
Elsa bit back a sob and held back everything else, but just barely. Robert watched nervously, but felt he had to say out loud, "Either you melt this room, or we take her out of here without waking her up. What do you want to do? What can you do?"
Elsa knew full well what she could do. She could kill, she could try to protect her and only make things worse, and she could ignore the cries of a scared little girl. She'd done all of it so well before. It was all she did before, and it seemed like all she was meant to do.
She could only ignore that for so long. And 16 years wasn't such a bad run of forgetfulness. Joan helped for over 13 of them.
More than Elsa was helping her now. Even when Joan kept sleep pleading, "I don't wanna be alone in the dark…."
Neither did Elsa once upon a time.
Only one thing kept her sane on those nights - even though it also made it so much worse. It was the voice of someone who could never come in, but who never stopped talking anyway. Never stopped wanting to be there for her, even when she was all alone.
A voice that could only talk, couldn't get her out – but could still tell her she was loved. That made her slightly less alone in the dark, even though she couldn't come out of it.
Without another second thought, Elsa gently took a sleeping, scared Joan into her arms. She couldn't wake her up or free her from her darkness, but she could talk to her – like her mother did for Elsa.
"I don't know if you can hear me," Elsa started. "Maybe that doesn't matter. The first time I ever talked to you, you couldn't hear me. I told you the day I found out about you that I'd never abandon you. I know I broke that vow once or twice, but….I'm here now."
Robert felt like an intruder at this incredible vulnerable moment, yet he couldn't look away. He couldn't stop listening to Elsa as she continued, "If you can hear me, please hear that you're not alone. You never have to be alone. You're the first person in a generation in this family who's never been alone. Do you know how jealous that makes me?"
Elsa let out the closest thing to a laugh that she could. "It's true. I mean….you're so much stronger and braver than I ever was at your age. At any age. You scratched a kidnapper just to save a total stranger. And you're gonna let the dark scare you now? Come on, Joan, you're not me! And I'm not you!"
She held Joan's sleeping body tighter, but couldn't look directly down at her, as she wished, "I wish I could have grown up to be just like you. But….I didn't. But you don't have to be me. You don't have to be scared all the time. I won't let you. I love you too much. I love you and I'm so proud of you and I'll never leave you alone…."
Elsa rocked Joan in her arms, oblivious to the world. But Robert wasn't oblivious to how the ice spikes were melting away.
"If you can hear me, you'll know you're the bravest, strongest, kindest, sweetest girl we've ever known. And we won't ever let you stay in the dark," Elsa promised. "Don't take yourself out of the light because….because I couldn't protect you. I mean, I let him in, so…."
Elsa was getting sadder again, but the ice was all but gone by then. She still didn't see it – nor did she see Joan starting to open her eyes. Yet Robert did.
But Elsa still kept going with, "Please don't hide away because of my mistakes. I can't let that happen again. I'm just….I'm just sorry I let you go. I'm sorry I got you back like….like that. I'm sorry your aunt's a….a….I'm just so sorry. I love you so much and I'm so sorry…."
Elsa had welled up at various points after her murder, after her nightmares, and even in front of Robert in the study. Yet now, this was her first real outright cry over it all.
It was strong enough, she didn't even notice Joan's little arms going around her. Or squeezing her. It wasn't until Joan started rubbing her back and whispering, "I love you too…." that Elsa noticed the obvious.
"Joan…." Elsa pulled back, seeing Joan awake at last. "You're up?" She briefly panicked, but then looked around to see all the scary ice was gone. Robert then got back into view, nodding his head as confirmation.
It was safe. She was safe. She didn't even look scared. "You heard me?" Elsa asked her.
"Uh huh," she assured. "I'm fine. You made me safe."
"I did?" Elsa asked, her voice breaking – but not entirely from sadness.
"You always have," Joan promised.
"Oh…" Elsa exclaimed. "Oh, I missed you….I missed my big, brave little girl…."
"I'm not little anymore," Joan reminded her.
"You heard me call you big first, right?" Elsa actually felt up to teasing her. "If your hearing's better in dreams, there might be something wrong after all."
"I heard you say you missed me. Was that wrong?" Joan wondered.
"Never," Elsa failed to hesitate.
"That's good, since I missed you too," Joan replied. "I mean, it wasn't good till I saw you again."
"Well, you can see me now," Elsa reminded. "And now," she said as she kissed her cheek. "And now," she said as she kissed her forehead. "And even now!" she said as she peppered and attacked her with kisses.
"Aunt Elsa! Stop!" Joan giggled, giving away that she didn't really mean it. Still, she made it harder for her when she hugged her and laid her head on her aunt's shoulder, away from her lips.
Elsa still hugged her anyway and Joan relaxed in her embrace – then finally noticed they weren't alone. "Robert!" she called out. "You're here, too?"
"Oh!" he snapped out of the spell the scene had put on him. "Yeah, I'm right here." He looked out and noticed, "And so are they, apparently."
"Joan! Elsa!" they heard Anna say, as she and Kristoff ran past the open, thawed door.
"Mom, Dad!" Joan noticed, breaking free of Elsa to go to them. But she didn't go to hug them, though. "Why did you lock us in?!" she stopped and demanded.
"I, um….it was your dad's idea!" Anna passed the buck. "I was gonna come get you until Elsa asked about the snowman, I swear!"
"Well, you had fun behind doors and Elsa had fun using powers again," Kristoff hoped and assumed. "So it worked….right?"
"It worked by sheer dumb luck and total chaos. At least that tells me things are getting back to normal," Elsa conceded with a frown. "The rest….we can deal with later. After a proper sleep."
"Aunt Elsa?" Joan started to ask. "Could I, maybe….stay in your room tonight?"
Hours ago, Elsa would have said no and probably locked herself in. Now, the temptation was still there. And yet her answer was, "Well, if you don't think you're too much of a big girl for that. Or for your aunt to read you a story."
"I'll never be too big for that! Promise!" Joan insisted. Elsa smiled in relief, although it wasn't 100 percent relief quite yet.
Anticipating why, Robert offered, "I can sleep outside your room. If I….hear something that needs checking up on. I don't think that'll happen now, but just in case…."
"No, that's fair," Elsa said. "I really shouldn't ask, though."
"I wasn't asked before, and it turned out okay. Eventually. You did most of the work, but still," Robert reminded. "Maybe asking will bode even better for next time."
"If there's one," Elsa said, more confidently than in recent days.
"Um, I'm confused. Not regular confused like usual," Anna mentioned. "What'd we miss?"
"Those things we'll deal with later," Elsa warned. "After I get my niece to bed."
"Okay," Joan agreed. "Night, Mom and Dad," she went over and kissed their hands, since they were too confused to bend down. She then followed Elsa out of the hall and Robert took the offer to follow.
Afterwards, although he slept near Elsa's door – as if he was a 15-year-old girl – Robert didn't hear a peep behind there all night. Not a troubling one, anyway – not even when Elsa and Joan fell asleep.
When they emerged the next morning and headed off to play in the garden, Elsa's room was ice free. As it had been all night.