First of all, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who submitted an idea. Some of them were ideas I had already thought of, and others were completely new and original. I will take all of your ideas into consideration, but I admit, I won't use every single one. Thank you very much, your ideas are helpful, and inspired me for future topics.
As you may be able to tell from the title, this chapter is a big one (not only in importance, but it's literally my longest chapter,too). ;) I know it's been kind of a long time since I've updated, but I was sick for a while, and I also wanted to make sure this chapter is as good as it can be since it's so important. I can't say I absolutely love it, but I tried to make it as original as I could while sticking with my story. I hope you like it!
Chapter 5: My First Kiss
"Freddie's never kissed a girl. Never, not once." What a nub. "I heard him say so myself, and Carly's a witness." No way for him to deny it now. "Okay, later." I walked out, unable to control myself. I was proud of myself for outing his secret, but something felt wrong.
"Sam," Carly was calling after me. "Sam, you just ruined Freddie's life!" Oh shoot. Now I'm going to have to listen to another one of Carly's "talks."
The truth is, I didn't know exactly why I let out Freddie's secret. It was probably because I liked watching him suffer.
The next day at school, the teasing didn't let up. But Sam Puckett never let one slip up make her feel guilty, did she? The answer is no, she didn't. I pushed any regret to the back of my mind, and stayed clear of Freddie for the rest of the day.
"So unprofessional." I threw a half-bitten meatball back into the bowl; it wasn't as good as I had hoped. I can't believe the nub isn't coming. He hasn't gone to school this week, missed two rehearsals, and now he's skipping iCarly. So rude.
"You really hurt him," Carly's voice expressed her anger, which was more of a painful anger than a raging anger. I'm aware he's upset, that's what it feels like when someone lets out one of your big embarrassing secrets, but he still doesn't need to skip the show, that's just plain disrespectful.
"Every time he leaves the house he gets teased because you told the whole world he's never kissed anyone." It felt like a slap in the face. I didn't know it was that bad. Still, I wasn't going to cave in yet.
"You know he won't even talk to his mom," Oh my gosh, this is serious. If she can't crack him… "He just sits in the fire escape alone 'cause he's too embarrassed to see anyone. You like ruined his life and you don't even care." Carly's passive aggressive attitude was, unfortunately, working. I was indeed starting to feel a bit guilty. But I wasn't going to admit this.
"Alright, I'll go apologize."
"It doesn't even matter if you apologize! Kids are still gonna give him a hard time 'cause you can't take back what you said!" Well this is making me feel great.
Carly continued her little speech, before telling me to look happy and get in front of the camera. We announced our meatball war, but before it began, I interrupted. I ignored Carly's confused look, and continued on with my plan. I can't believe I'm doing this. I knew I had to, but I didn't want to go through with it. Then, while live on , I told everyone watching not to make fun of Freddie, because a lot of them have probably never had their first kisses. Including me. I would never usually admit to such a thing, but I felt so bad about what I did to Freddie. That's not to say I would let myself get teased, I made sure to tell everyone to lay off Freddie and tease me, but that if they did, they would most likely end up in a hospital.
After my confession, Carly thought I lied to everyone, because I previously lied to her about having my first kiss. I told her I wasn't lying, and while she stood there, shocked, I picked up a bowl of meatballs and headed out of the studio to go see Freddie.
As I walked toward the fire escape, my mind was filled with questions and worries. It dawned on me, Freddie won't let anyone on the fire escape, not even his mother, which means he didn't let Carly on either. So, there's no chance he'd let me on, he hates me. I realized that I should just turn around, but something pulled me closer and closer to my destination.
A gust of wind blew my hair as I leaned toward the fire escape. This is it, either he lets me on or not. Probably not, I mean, if he didn't let Carly or his mother visit him, there's a fat chance I'll be invited. I rapped my knuckles lightly on the pane of glass that was open to allow entry to the fire escape.
Freddie sat in a chair. He glanced over at me. Please don't be mad. Wait, who am I kidding? He's already furious at me. To my surprise, when he saw me, he flicked his hand to motion me onto the fire escape. I blindly followed his invitation, and slowly climbed over the wall, sitting on the ledge of the window frame.
"What's up?" I wanted to ease myself into this conversation. He turned around.
"Nothin'." You're not making this any easier. Freddie got up and shuffled over to the stairs. I looked down at the ground, hoping that this wasn't going to be too awkward. He turned the music off and I stretched out my palm.
"Meatball?" It had been getting a bit soggy in my hand and I decided I didn't actually want the last one. Usually I would have thrown it at him or something, but I knew that I already hurt Freddie enough, so I offered it to him. As he turned around I thought I saw a faint smirk on his face, but I doubt it since he probably wasn't in the best of moods.
"No, thanks." Well then… I chucked the meatball over the fire escape down into the street. Maybe a bird will eat it. Or someone will slip on it. Yeah, that works too.
"That was really brave, what you said." Freddie was facing me; hands stuffed in his pockets, acting a bit awkwardly, yet more casual than tense. Wait, he knows? How could he possibly know this?
"You heard?" I tried to keep the shock out of my voice in fear of sounding weak, but I'm sure it snuck its way in there. Freddie's smile grew. Oh, don't act so smug.
"You didn't think I'd miss iCarly?" It was more a statement than a question, and as he clumsily twirled his laptop around between his palms, his face adopted a goofy smile, and I could feel my own features twisting in a similar manner.
Freddie placed his laptop on the ground and for a moment I wondered if he had only picked it up to clear a seat for himself, but that idea quickly washed away as I decided it was just used as a prop for his explanation of how he knew my secret. After all, there's no reason he'd want to sit and talk to me. I practically ruined his life.
I drew in a breath. Here it goes. I really can't believe I'm doing this. But, if there was ever a time to let things out, it would be now, seeing as I already let out too much information for one night.
"I'm sorry." It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. "About telling people you never kissed anyone." Freddie's face had a knowing yet saddened look on it.
I hesitated before some strange part of me forced the words to continue. "And about putting blue cheese dressing in your shampoo bottle." Freddie was now obviously smirking. Whether he was sarcastically reminiscing or amused I was apologizing, I don't know. Possibly, it was both.
The words continued to want to be released, and I let them go. "And about sending your cell phone to Cambodia." Why is he smiling? He didn't seem so happy when it happened. Maybe it's that whole 'look back on it and laugh' thing. Well, it was quite funny, though I do feel kind of bad that everything escalated to him getting so hurt. He seems fine now.
"Everything, okay?" I decided that it would be good to apologize for now, just to clear the air temporarily. No one deserved to be hurt as much as I hurt Freddie by letting out his secret, so maybe if I apologized for everything so far, he'd forgive me.
"So this means you're not going to mess with me anymore?" Now you sound like a crazy man.
"No," I clarified matter-of-factly. "I'm still going to mess with you. I'm just going to apologize every few years so I can start fresh again." The air was much friendlier, and, as much as I hate apologizing, I admit, it felt good to let it out. Don't tell anyone that, or you will end up in a hospital.
"Good," he flicked his eyebrows up in a way that made me feel all funny inside. Probably because it disgusted me the way he contorted his face.
"Good?" I thought you would want me to stop messing with you. All you ever do is complain about how I constantly cause you physical and emotional pain.
"Yeah. It'd be too weird if you didn't make my life miserable all the time." He shook his head lightly as he spoke. I guess it would be. Plus, I wasn't planning on stopping.
"But, y'know, maybe you could pull back just a little bit?" I knew this was coming.
"I don't think so." As in 'no way, nub.'
"Yeah, I didn't either." At least he has his priorities straight.
My mind drifted away from our fights and back toward the reason I came here. I let out his secret. His secret that he had never kissed anyone. Then I admitted it too. First kisses. Why are they such a big deal? I mean, it's just a kiss, and there are many more after the first one. So why is it made out to be so important? I let out a weird chuckle/sigh combination, glancing back into the hallway, a small smile growing on my face. "So dumb," I thought out loud.
"What d'you mean?" Whether he actually knew what I was implying or he was genuinely confused, I'm not sure.
"You know," I decided to share my thoughts. Why not just add them to the list of things I let out of my brain tonight? "How some people get all freaked out over their first kiss." I waved my hands for emphasis. Freddie glanced at the ground. I couldn't make out his emotion. "It's stupid," I continued, hoping he would say something.
"So you weren't lying, you really never kissed anyone?" Really? He doesn't believe me either? Maybe he just needs reassurance, before he starts to think that I'm only here because I'm going to use this conversation as blackmail. I guess it sounds like something I would do, but even that is a bit extreme. If I were going to do something like that, I wouldn't have taken it this far.
"Nope," I guess I was a little bummed about that fact. Despite condoning the hype surrounding first kisses, I shared a little bit of those feelings, and was a bit sad that I'd never kissed anyone. Not that Carly and Freddie reminding me I've never had my first kiss and my announcing it live on iCarly is really helping me to depart from the commercial excitement surrounding such an important event.
"Sometimes I just," I don't know why I continued talking, but I did, just like before. "Wish I could get it out of the way." At least it would be over with, and this constant nagging in my head about never kissing anyone would be gone. Freddie gave an understanding nod.
"Yeah, I know, me too." Freddie's voice also seemed a little bit depressed. He was looking away, slightly at the ground. The two of us shared the same sentiments.
"Right?" Life would just be so much easier if my first kiss was out of the way. At least I'm not the only one who thinks this, Freddie agrees.
"Y'know, just so I can stop worrying about it."
"Yeah." Freddie gave a small smile of agreement. Then he laughed a bit. Why is he laughing? He's never kissed anyone either, he better not be laughing at me.
"What?" I was curious, but slightly afraid of where this was going.
"Nothin'." What he said was simple, but the sly smirk on his face implied that he was definitely thinking something, and I intended to figure out what it was.
"It's-" he started. Let me guess, 'stupid? Is that what you're going to say? Probably. I'm not patient enough for this beating-around-the-bush thing.
"Tell me." I want to know.
"Nah, it's dumb." I was close. But I can't stand this, I hate it when people almost tell you something and then back out at the last second. Freddie's going to tell me.
"Say it," I raised my hand up as if that would influence him to speak up about what was on his mind. I really wanted to know.
"Okay," Finally! "I was just gonna say," Freddie's eyes looked away from me as he shrugged his shoulders as if to back himself up in the belief that his idea was dumb.
My brain pieced it all together. Oh, Freddie. "That we should kiss?" My eyebrows flicked up in what I realized was a similar manner to Freddie's when he said 'good.' Why did they do that? A smile grazed my lips. Sure, I thought he was crazy, and it was funny that he was so scared to admit his thoughts, but I had already admitted so much tonight that one more confession added to the pile probably couldn't do much harm.
I continued to smile as him as he looked at me in shock. Didn't think I would figure it out now, did you? Sam's not as dumb as you may think. And the fact that we we're discussing first kisses doesn't exactly help to disguise your train of thought either.
"You're gonna break my arm now, right?" He knew me so well. If he had suggested we kiss at some other time, like when we were practicing for iCarly, or in the school hallway, then yes, I certainly would have broken his arm into tiny little pieces, but, under the circumstances, it didn't seem like such a crazy idea.
I shook my head. "No."
"Well, should we?" The more I thought about it, the more I felt inclined to take up his offer.
"Just so both of us can get it over with?"
"Hm." I actuallyconsidered the idea. "Just to get it over with." I was seriously thinking this through.
"Just to get it over with," he confirmed, as if this last confirmation would help me make up my mind, which, in all honesty, it probably did. I perked up a little bit and slid over closer to him.
"And you swear we both go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over." We were sitting so close already that us kissing was basically inevitable, but we had to set guidelines of some sort. I was slightly confused as to what was actually going on, through my brain was set with a fierce determination.
"Oh totally, and we never tell anyone." Well, at least we're on the same page.
"Never." I let out a sigh. As much as I wanted to have my first kiss, I never thought of it happening like this. Much less with Freddie. But we had more or less agreed to do so just now, and I certainly wasn't back out. Sam Puckett is not a quitter, even if that means kissing Freddie Benson. The thought didn't actually seem so bad at the time, just unexpected.
The breeze blew by us lightly as we stared at each other. It's now or never. We're either going to kiss or we're not.
"Well, lean." I wanted to pretend I was in control of this, but we both knew that I was just as clueless as to what was going on as he was.
Freddie sighed before looking at me. Slowly, he leaned closer. I leaned in a bit too.
Our lips met. He moved his head a little bit. I'm not going to lie and say there were fireworks or something cheesy like that, but it definitely wasn't horrible. Slowly, I closed my eyes. The kiss lasted for around seven or eight seconds. The seconds seemed to last forever yet fly by all at once, it was a completely different experience from anything I'd ever felt before.
We pulled apart. When I looked at him, he did that eyebrow thing again. The corners of Freddie's lips were turned up, but he wasn't exactly smiling. I realized he was probably thinking through what just happened, and I started to worry that I was a bad kisser. Wait a minute; he's never kissed anyone, so he can't judge. And what do I care, it's Freddie, and it's not like he's going to tell anyone, we agreed to keep this a secret.
He leaned back against the stairs and I rose up from my seat.
"Well, that was, um…" He searched for words, probably as puzzled as I was.
"Nice." I had to admit, it was nice.
"Yeah, nice. Uh…"
"Good work." I didn't know what to say. It wasn't completely awkward, but seeing as we had gone from frenemy-ship to sharing a first kiss in a matter of minutes, there wasn't a clear path of what to say or do.
"Thank you, you too." He nodded. Luckily, I wasn't alone in the boat of confusion. Freddie was in the exact same situation as I was.
I turned around and made my way over the ledge, back into the hallway. Before I could walk away, Freddie spoke. "Hey." I turned around.
"I hate you." As he said it, he flashed me a large smile. He was joking, but also probably thinking about how funny this situation was. Not a 'haha we had our first kisses' kind of funny, but a 'somehow we went from being frenemies to kissing and promising to never tell anyone and hate each other forever right afterward, isn't this kind of weird in a slightly amusing way' funny. I had to agree, it was probably one of the most unique situations I'd ever been in. His smile was comforting, and I returned it with one of my own.
"Hate you too," I replied, giving a small nod before turning around and walking back down the hallway.
That one kiss had probably changed me forever. I know, this sounds dramatic, but as I thought it through, it seemed like a realistic thought. I just had my first kiss! With Freddie, but that doesn't change the facts. It wasn't as bad as I would have thought kissing Freddie would be. Not that I ever actually thought of it, but kissing Freddie seems like one of those things that would be on my list of things I'd rather die than do. But, now it's over with. We kissed. I hope Carly doesn't find out. She'd probably freak out and either think we're in love (ew), or flip out worry about why we'd do such a thing. The latter is more realistic, though Carly is quite the romantic. Oh no, what if Mrs. Benson finds out? She'd probably scrub Freddie's mouth with soap before giving him some sort of anti-girl germ bath and making sure I never came in close proximity of her son again.
I laughed at the thought of the over-protective Mrs. Benson, but I was still worried about someone discovering our secret. It would be hard for some people to understand that we kissed just to get our first kisses out of the way, and get over the fact that we didn't like each other. You'd think that would be an easy concept to understand, since Freddie and I hate each other, but first kisses are special things and not everyone catches on as quickly as they should. Though, as I made my way to my house, I realized how unlikely it was anyone would find out, since we're the only two that knew, and we promised not to tell.
After I finally got past all of my worries and fears, I thought about how exciting it was that I'd finally had my first kiss. It was out of the way; I would never have to worry about it again.
What if Freddie starts acting awkwardly around me? A new set of worries rushed over me. Then it will be uncomfortable to be with Carly because the two of us will be acting so oddly. Ugh, this is more complex than I thought.
Again, I reassured myself that things wouldn't be so bad. After all, we promised to go right back to hating each other, so everything should return to normal.
That time, my worries stayed away as I finished putting on my pajamas. I knew what was coming, and my stomach churned anxiously. I was excited for this moment.
I looked at my list. It wasn't very long, but I was proud of my accomplishments. I carefully took it off the wall with one hand, holding my pencil loosely in the other. I carried it back with me to bed, and set it on the nightstand as I raised my pencil. Happily, I added my newest feat. I smiled both on the outside and on the inside. Today, though it hadn't started out very well, had turned out to be a great day. Sharing a deep talk with, apologizing to, and kissing Freddie usually would sound like a horrible day to me, but it wasn't actually that bad. In fact, today was a good day, I decided as I set my pencil down.
My hand rubbed the tape back to the wall. Returning to sit on my bed, I looked at the sheet of paper on my wall.
January 3, 2009: My first kiss (Freddie Benson)
I could barely believe it, but it was true. Not only had I had my first kiss, but also I had it with Freddie Benson. Two very daunting thoughts.
I got in bed and pulled the covers up, ready to dream my way into tomorrow. But before I let myself fall asleep, my eyes flew open in realization. We promised never to tell anyone. That implies we don't want anyone to find out. I threw my covers off and hopped out of my bed. Quickly, I scampered over to the wall where my list was attached. I snatched the bottom of the page and yanked the list off of the wall.
Hmmm… Where should I put this? I looked around my room, searching for the right spot. Finally, I moved slightly to the right and pushed the mirror above my dresser aside just enough so that I could reach behind it. I reattached my list to the wall; this time sliding the mirror back into place so the list was virtually undiscoverable. If anyone looks behind my mirror, they already have issues, because, c'mon, who looks behind mirrors for things?
I made my way back into bed. This time, after re-tucking myself in, I drifted into a nice peaceful sleep. I don't remember any specific dreams, but the day was dream-like enough, containing the worst, the mediocre, and the best of moments all in less than twenty-four hours of being awake. It had been a truly unbelievable day, one that I would never forget. As I fell asleep, I couldn't forget the latest addition to My List of Firsts.
I hope all of you liked this chapter! I know it's so overused, but also very important, so I tried to make it original. Please tell me what you think! :)
Also, I'm working on some major plot points in my story right now, trying to figure out several very important aspects. So, if any of you have any ideas or anything your would like to see (not necessarily specific firsts, since I already have a wonderful collection of your ideas for those, but more things you would like to see either as interactions between the characters or things that can happen with the list) please tell me now. Since I'm making some big decisions, I would love to take your ideas into account so you as readers will stay happy! I know what I want for my story, I just want to hear your thoughts too!
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. :)