Naruto awoke to the sound of a very familiar song. Rubbing his tired eyes, he sat up, the sun coming out the window nearly blinding him. Squinting his already slanted asian eyes, he looked out the window. His eyes widened at the sight he saw; three birds were sitting outside of the window singing Single Ladies by Beyonce. He watched them several moments, thinking it was one of his delusions he saw while smoking a big fat blunt. When suddenly the realization hit him; he hasn't done drugs recently!

He gasped as he looked at the birds shaking their feathery asses at his window, almost in a mocking fashion. One of the birds turned around, smacking it's ass, winking at Naruto. Naruto drew his eyebrows downward. The birds were mocking him, and since Naruto was a bratty teenager, that was something he just wouldn't allow.

"Die you son of a bitches." Naruto said cooly, pulling out a gun that he coincidentally found. He felt like one of those cool, muscular people in those action movies. It nearly made him want to go to the gym to work out and gain muscles, since he was a tall yet very fat teenage boy. But, he shook the thoughts away momentarily. He just inwardly decided he'd get some diet tips from Sakura.

He then shot the birds in their assholes, making them explode into a frenzy of feathers and blood. The blonde laughed cruedly, opening the window to fart on their dead bodies. It was creul, but Naruto didn't care. He didn't need to wake-up at the crack of dawn to see bird crack in his face. Especially to Single Ladies; a horrible, horrible song. Naruto wasn't a lady, but he was, however, single. Naruto sighed softly.

He quickly took off his pajamas that were designed with cute, pink frogs. He has wore some bunny slippers he bought for 1 dollar at the Dollar Tree. Naruto quickly put them in his purse, putting his clothes on, which consisted of his usual orange jump-suit. Naruto seriously needed to go on that show called, "What Not To Wear."

Putting his ninja sandles on, he caught himself humming Single Ladies. He mentally slapped himself before heading out Sasuke's front door. Careful not to fall down the steel stairs that he fell down last night, he held onto the railing carefully. That's when he suddenly felt the huge bruise on his ass, flexing it softly. Naruto didn't have much muscle, except in his ass - for obvious reasons.

Naruto suddenly caught himself thinking about Sasuke. His heart fluttered at the thought of him. He could not believe he slept at his house. His house smelled of Cinnamon Buns and banana flavored condoms. Everytime Naruto would smell either of those scents, he'd think of Sasuke. Naruto smiled, prancing around like the little 6'1 queer he was. Suddenly his happy thoughts were interuppted.

Naruto realized that he promised Sakura he'd stop by to give her this old Will Smith CD that he found at a garage sale for 50 cents. He turned on his heel, quickly dashing off to the pinkette's house. When her house suddenly came into view, he saw her dad in the front yard, watering the shrubs. The man was 46 years old, and was graying slightly, but it was hardly noticable due to the fact that he had pink hair! Yes, you heard right. Pink hair. When Naruto first met Sakura's dad for the first time, he pointed at the old man, nearly falling to the floor in laughter. Ever since then, he and Naruto have not been on good terms.

Naruto tried to tip-toe past him. For a minute, he thought he succeeded in avoiding chaos with the man. He was about to step on the porch when he heard a booming voice from behind him. Naruto automatically froze.

"Naruto Uzumaki! What the fuck are you doing you turd?"

The old man tended to yell quite alot. Well, at least whenever Naruto was around. It was one of his annoying habits. Gulping in fear, the blonde turned to face the tall and muscular man. The pink-haired man's eyes were narrowed, his jaw set; if looks could kill, Naruto would be as dead as New Kids On The Block. The blonde boy scratched behind his head sheepishy as he responded, "Um, I wanted to give Sakura this CD she asked for. Is she awake?"

"No, you fucking moron!" he bellowed.

"O-Oh. Um, well, could you give this CD to her and -"

"NO, YOU MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY!" the old man yelled so loud, that it sent Naruto flying backwards, landing on the freshly-cut lawn. He blinked several times before turning his attention back to the older male, seeing that he was coming towards him with the water hose.

"Boy, you best watch out!" the old man said, his accent suddenly country. "If you don't leave my property, I'm gonna shove this water hose up your ass and give you my version of a motherfucking enima!"

Naruto gulped, trying to get up, but the old man turned the water hose on full-blast and pointed it at Naruto. Trying to make a dash for safety, the old man turned the hose on, making Naruto skid across the lawn. The blonde boy sputtered, trying to calm the old man down. But, everytime he tried to open his mouth, it was filled up with water.

After several moments - which seemed like hours - the old man suddenly stopped with his violent actions. Naruto panted heavily, pulling some of his wet, blonde locks out of his eyes to see Sakura roughly take the hose out of her father's hands.

"Dad, stop!" Sakura yelled. "You're gonna kill him!"

"Well, that's the idea!"

Sakura only huffed in annoyance, putting a hand on her hip. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could say anything, her father made a move to take the hose from his daughter. She quickly pointed it at him, literally putting his ass on blast. The old man went flying in the air, over a fence, and into the neighbor's bush. Sakura muttered a soft "oops" before turning to face Naruto.

"Are you okay, Naruto? Sorry, my dad is just extra angry because he has to take pills to get his dick up nowadays." Sakura mumbled, tossing the hose carelessly to the side.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine..." Naruto said hoarsely, not actually knowing if he was fine or not. He coughed several times before wobbly standing to his feet.

"Come inside and I'll fix you a cup of Koolaid." Sakura said.

"Koolaid? What the fuck is this? The hood?" Naruto joked, earning a light smack across the back of his head from the pinkette.

"It's not the hood, moron! We live on the suburban side of Konoha where the houses are separated by 4 feet and we all have good lives and don't give a fuck about poor people!" she growled in a suburban-fashion.

"I was just kidding, geez. Besides, you were the one that wanted this ghetto Will Smith CD." Naruto mumbled, pulling the scratched up CD out from his purse.

Sakura's eyes immediately widened at the sight of the CD she always wanted. She squealed happily as she clutched the CD to her AA sized breasts. She pulled back to look at the cover, her heart fluttering as she saw Will Smith's goofy smile. Will was propping his face up by putting a finger on his chin, and wearing a cheesy blue tuxedo. Sakura wiped the drool that was running down her chin.

"God, he's so fine!" Sakura expressed, a smile on her face. She turned to look at Naruto with sudden lust in her eyes. "Anyway... come inside and I'll owe you by giving you a blow-job and a cup of Koolaid."

Naruto blinked several times before responding to the pinkette, "Um, Sakura, you know I'm gay, right?"

"Right." she said simply, walking up the steps of her porch.

Naruto facepalmed before following her into her house. He watched Sakura disappear into the kitchen, as he walked with a bit of swag in his step into the living room. Sitting on the couch, he stuided the white carpet, the polished tables, the flat screen TV; it pratically radiated suburban family. He nearly wanted to vomit on their plastic-covered couch. But, the blonde boy restrained himself. He digged up his nose, pulling out a huge, green booger, wiping it on the crystal clear coffee table. Naruto chuckled deviously as he got another great idea in his head.

Naruto stood up, pulling down his orange jump-suit. He squatted in front of the table, letting a huge peice of shit that was about 50 feet long fall out his ass and onto the once spot-less table. He giggled slightly, then grunted as he pushed out another massive turd. He then felt liquid suddenly flow from his ass, his eyes grew wider than saucers. He tried to stop shitting, but it was just too hard. The shit kept flowing from his ass like a faucet.

Once the shit stopped flowing out his ass, he turned around to admire his work. But, he gasped at the disaster he saw. His liquid shit was all over their pure white carpet, and all over the wall, and most importantly... on their flat screen. Naruto let out a loud, shrill scream like a little boy being molested by Micheal Jackson.

Sakura quickly dashed into the room at Naruto's cry.

"Naruto! What's -" she stopped talking once she slipped and fell in a puddle of Naruto's dookie.

Naruto gasped in horror as Sakura fell flat onto her back into his massive pool of liquid crap. He quickly darted to her side, avoiding his own shit, before taking the pinkette's dookie-soaked hand to help her up. She gasped and sputtered, really confused about what was going on. Her emerald eyes met his blue one's in deep confusion.

"W-What the hell did I just fall in? Is that chocolate?" Sakura shrieked, looking at the brown substance in her living room.

"Umm... well..." Naruto stuttered, not sure of how to explain to his friend that he shitted in her living room on purpose.

"W-Wait... is that... is that shit?"

"I'm sorry, Sakura! I just did it because -"

"Wait! You did this? What the fuck, Naruto? Why did you shit in my living room? These stains aren't gonna come out!" the pink-haired girl yelled.

"I'm sorry, Sakura! But, you know I hate suburban people who brag about everything they have!" Naruto said frantically in a shrill voice.

"Oh! My dad is gonna kill you!" Sakura said, putting a hand over her mouth. "Who the hell does something like this anyway?"

"I-I don't know! I thought it would be a nice joke!" Naruto whimpered, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"A joke? Naruto, you don't understand," she said frantically. "He will kill you."

"H-He wouldn't..."

"Yes, he would. If I were you, I'd start running for the hills... and check out that shitty problem you have. No pun intended..." Sakura trailed off, suddenly noticing flies starting to swarm around in her living room.

She groaned with annoyance as the flies were flying around her shit-covered hair that normally was silky and shiny. She quickly dashed upstairs, sobbing loudly about her hair being ruined. Naruto heard the shower running upstairs and loud sobbing from his pink-haired friend. He wanted to go up there and put a hand on her dookie-covered shoulder and tell her everything was okay. But, it wasn't.

Suddenly the front door of the Haruno's house opened, causing Naruto to jump. His eye's met the huge, muscular figure of Sakura' dad, carrying an axe. Naruto swore he could've faint like that time he went to the 70% off sale at Victoria's Secret. But, this time, it definitely wasn't in a good way. The blonde watched as the man's eyes widened at the sight he saw in his living room.

"Who the fuck did this?" his voice boomed.

Naruto just darted off, running up the stairs. Hearing a loud bang down stares, he assumed Mr. Haruno slipped into his giant pool of shit like Sakura did. His shit must've been extra slippery or something. He looked over the staire-railing and saw Mr. Haruno struggle to get up from the heaping pile of shit. Naruto couldn't help himself; he busted out laughing. The man looked up at him, glaring.

"I'm gonna come up there and shove this axe up your pee-hole, boy!" Mr. Haruno shouted, standing up, letting the shit drip off his pink mustache.

"Sakura! Help!" he screamed, frantically beating on her bedroom door.

"Don't you dare go into my daughter's bedroom, worthless fuck!" Sakura's dad bellowed from the bottom of the stairs.

Naruto swore he was about to shit himself again in the hallway as Sakura's musuclar, tall father came running up the hallway and charging after him like a bull. For a second, Naruto could've swore he saw steam coming out of the man's ears. Naruto ran the fastest he'd ever ran in his whole life as he bursted through a window in the hall-way, landing into their backyard pool with a loud splash. Naruto farted loudly at the impact, letting a turd shoot out his ass and land to the bottom of the pool.

Rising to the surface, gasping for air, he looked up to the deep blue sky. He raised his arms in the air, screaming, "Thank you, God! I'm alive!"

Swimming to the ladder of the pool, he quickly made a dash for the fence. Jumping over it, he landed roughly on the other side with a loud thud. Groaning softly, he wiped the dirt off his pants. Looking at his wristwatch, he noticed it was 3:30! Work started over 3 hours ago. He was fired for sure!

Naruto resorted in stealing a 5-year-old's sakes since he had no car and only worked at McDonald's. The blonde skated down the high-way, his blonde locks flowing wildly in the wind. People in the cars laughed and pointed at the blonde wearing the queer-looking pink skates, but Naruto could care less. He had to explain himself at his job! When McDonald's suddenly came into view, Naruto felt a sense of relief. But, he wasn't out of the woods yet. What if his boss fired him? He would never get to buy his favorite magazine: Queer Shinobi Monthly ever again?

Naruto quickly opened the door of the ghetto resturant, dashing in the front counter. He panted heavily, staring an African American female with 3 month old dreads in her hair. She had horrible dark circles underneath her eyes and big, ashy lips. Naruto quickly looked at her name-tag, which read, "Qwanteesha."

"Qwanteesha! Please, do you know where Mr. Robinson - the manager - is?" Naruto said frantically.

"Nigga, I don't know where that muthafucka be at," Qwanteesha snapped, chewing her gum quite loudly. "Hell, I don't know where da fuck I bet at right now, hoe."

"Stupid nigger." Naruto mumbled under his breath.

Naruto took a step backwards, backing into someone in the process. He turned around, coming face-to-face with his boss, whom looked quite angry and a little wasted. His beer-gut hung over his belt, and his man-boobs were quite evident today. There was a ketchup stain on his tie, but since he was a boss-man, he didn't give a fuck. Naruto gulped, taking several steps backwards at his boss' intense glare.

"Naruto," the man slurred. "Why the fuck are you three hours late?"

"Um, well, some things came up and I -"

"I don't give a fuck. When you work at McDonald's, you must take it seriously!" he spat, putting his hands on his fat hips in a gay fashion.

"It won't happen again, Mr. Robinson. I assure you." Naruto whimpered.

"You're damn right it won't happen again, Naruto. You're fired." Mr. Robinson said bitterly, turning around to walk back into his office.

"F-Fired...?" was all Naruto could say.

Qwanteesha was recording the whole scene with her cheap cellphone she got from Wal-Mart - well, stole from Wal-Mart. She was definitely gonna put this on Youtube and send this to all her ghetto friends who could somehow afford the Internet. Qwanteesha laughed loudly, accidentally swallowing her gum. She immediately started gagging, thrashing around wildly. She was squirming and jerking around so wildly, that she didn't notice her closeness to the fryers. She leaned backwards against them, falling back into the fryers. She immediately died. I guess they were gonna serve nigger fries for the rest of the day, and the customers wouldn't know it.

Naruto left the resturant, his head low. Only one thing could cheer him up, and that was Sasuke. Naruto needed to talk to someone, and Sasuke just seemed like the person. The blonde cried softly as he made his way to Sasuke's house. Hopefully Sasuke would understand and comfort him, and eventually, they could head back to Naruto's crib and have rough sex.

Knocking on Sasuke's door for what seemed at the most 5 minutes, he assumed Sasuke wasn't home or simply didn't want to answer. Naruto sighed softly, about to go home to cut his wrists while listening to Hawthorne Heights, when suddenly the door opened. Naruto jumped slightly, suprised to see a different person other than the pale-faced, chicken-haired ass teen whom he grew to love so much. Naruto nearly had a heart-attack at the ugly gorilla-looking face that greeted him at the door.

It was a black guy with long dreads that went down to his ass. The man had big, ashy lips and blood-shot eyes that told Naruto that this man must've just smoked a big, fat blunt. The man had a cooking pot on his head, which made him look slightly retarded. He also had jagged teeth that stuck out from all angles. But, the thing that bothered Naruto most of all, the man was naked. Being the gay man Naruto was, he stared downwards to the man's penis, noticing he had to be at least 12 inches, and had a lot of hair on his nuts; the man had a bluish-green tip with a mushroom growing on it. Naruto blushed at all the thoughts that went through his head, but quickly shook them off. He belonged to Sasuke - not this guy.

"Yes?" the man's deep voice bellowed.

Naruto jumped back lightly, suprised that the man sounded like a tornado getting raped by a hurricane, or just like Lil Wayne. Naruto lifted a blonde brow before stuttering, "W-Who are you?"

"I'm Devon." the black guy purred softly, letting his dreads fall over his shoulders. He put his hands on his chocolatey hips as he leaned against the door frame of Sasuke's house. It seemed as if the black man was studying him as well. Naruto blushed.

"U-Umm... Where's Sasuke?"

"What tha fuck do you want with him?" the black guy suddenly said loudly, pulling a gun out of no where.

"I-I just want to see Sasuke!" Naruto cried, putting his dookie-covered hands up in the air.

"Why? Me and him had sex" the black guy said, lowering his gun slightly. "This morning. I came over to give him the mail since I'm a mail-man, and he got turned on by my flea-infested dreads and said I should bend over and take it like a man."

Naruto was stunned. Was this true? Did Sasuke really like black men? It was almost too hard to believe that he was having sex with someone else! Naruto felt jealously bubble up inside him. Sasuke was his. Devon needed to back the fuck off his man. Naruto was ready to get all up Devon's face and claim his territory, but the gun kept him from doing so.

"You and him... had sex?"

"Yeah, I pounded the hell outta his tight, puckered asshole..." Devon stated proudly.

"You are ugly as sin. You look like motherfucking RayJ." Naruto blurted out angrily. He didnt want to share his man with no body. Especially not some nappy-headed jungle freak.

Naruto quickly regretted his words when the black man snarled and pointed the gun at him once more. Being the quick ninja Naruto was, he quickly darted off. The blonde looked behind him to see the black guy chasing after him.

This wasn't his day at all.

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AN: I hope you enjoyed, bitches and gentlemen. Please don't take offense to this. It's all in good clean fun.