Carol lounged on the couch in her living-room, wrapped in a blanket, with a hot cup of peppermint tea, as she nibbled on a ginger biscuit from the batch Ling had sent her. Khan had let her sleep in, during which he had he had presumably put up a banner with news of her pregnancy. It was still raining outside, rapping against the roof and the large window occupying the entirety of the wall overlooking the rest of the colony. Her view of the small city was ashen-tinged and dreary under the metallic skies of Menkar. The buildings were cloaked in milky vapor, spreading in flimsy threads amid colorful walls and vegetation. The fire roaring in the room's small fireplace was a real one. Since the planet was, by no means, lacking in wood, for now it made sense to blend modern heating with more rustic means to save on the essentials, until they could acquire more sustainable technologies. She didn't complain, however. The fire had its charm, casting glowing orange shadows on the walls and adding to the meager daylight streaming from the large concave windows.
She had had a rough morning, but she was getting better, her stomach at last settling, a sweet lassitude spreading through her limbs. Khan had been positively doting through it all, and he had been the one to install her so nicely in the living-room. Then he had been called away by Joaquin to tend to an emergency on the colony in the aftermath of the storm that had raged throughout the entire previous night. She was concerned and wondered how their Orion neighbors had fared. The tempest had been one of the most violent they had had in a while and given the instability of the local weather, that was saying something. Despite her worries, she felt so warm and safe in her home, that after her less than pleasant stint on Earth and the uneasy journey back, she could not help but indulge a little.
When Khan returned, she had been almost nodding off. "How is the water reclamation system?" she asked.
"Easily repairable," he said calmly. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better. Was anyone on the Orion settlement hurt?"
He pried the now empty tea mug from her fingers and placed it on the nearby coffee table. His lips curved in an indulgent, barely there smile. "Not unless you count the damaged roofs." He bent and brushed his lips against her forehead. "Are you hungry?"
Her stomach flipped unpleasantly in response and she shook her head no, still surreptitiously grabbing another biscuit. Ling had been right – they had helped with the nausea. She bit into it, the taste of ginger exploding on her tongue. She chewed carefully, as he seated himself in the armchair across the table from her. His posture was a cross between that which he presented the world and the less aloof one he showed only her and his family and even to them, not always. His back was stick straight, but his gaze was soft and affectionate, his long, painful history etched into the lines of his face together with the baggage of their uneven relationship.
Her gaze drifted from the biscuit in her hand to him. "This is personal," she began. "And political. You used your position to order Kati to reveal something I told her in confidence, as a friend."
His expression hardened. "No, Carol, I did not. On Menkar, you are not only my wife, but also an invaluable asset to the colony. I did not ask Kati about her friend, I asked her about a trained former Starfleet officer with weapons' expertise, in-dept knowledge of current interstellar affairs and the ability to erect an entire ground defense system with the barest of resources."
"Why didn't you ask me directly then?"
His burning gaze was bearing into her skull. "Because you wouldn't have lied to me, if you were not absolutely determined about it. You would have refused to answer, but Kati had never done so before. What I told you last night is true: this isn't personal."
She snapped the biscuit in two, biding her time, stuck a half into her mouth and threw the other bit back on the plate. Khan did not press for a quick answer, not because he was exercising patience, but because he was thinking strategically again, calculating as though he was on a battle field. Something she had read in Sarina Kaur's diary surfaced to the forefront of her mind and unsettled her. Every cell in an augment's body had been bred for war, but the genetic engineering had been in its infancy in the 20th century and its results had been all over the map. However, they had struck gold with him: the perfect leader, the military genius and the ultimate protector all into one person. Only that there was no gene for free will and he had chosen to protect the only family he knew. And even humanity from itself. It was why he had attempted to built a peaceful and fair state and had not committed any atrocities. When that had been lost, he had turned his single-minded determination onto assuring the safety of his family, which had created his mindset of him alone against the rest of the world. And now he had added her to his exclusive list her as well. Her and their unborn baby. But there were drawbacks that came with this unbound devotion, which made him prone to strike thoughtlessly in revenge or in anger.
"I don't trust you," she choked out, catching him by surprise. He had not expected that from her. At his wounded look, she hastened to continue. "I trust that you love me, that you won't mistreat me and that you'll never cheat on me, but I can't trust what you'll do, if and when I'm in danger or hurt."
His hands dug into the arms of his chair, knuckles white. "Would it be easier for you, if I loved you less?" he rasped.
"Frankly... I don't know, but as much as the thought of it terrifies me, I am grateful you would do whatever it takes for our daughter... for us, because I'll keep drawing these lines. That will never change, but that doesn't mean I love the two of you any less."
He leaped to his feet and moved fast as lightening to come and sit on the edge of the couch, next to her. They hugged and she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I know," he assured her, his voice hoarse.
He raised her head to look him in the eye. They were only a breath away.
"I should have told you," she said. "Every day I almost did, but I couldn't, because if I had, you would have crossed the border into Federation territory and I had to protect Menkar... even from you."
Shock washed over his features. A single tear leaked out of the corner of his left eye. She had never seen such raw vulnerability in him before. She had seen him overcome by emotion, worried or even hesitant before, but never humbled. It was humbling for her as well to notice that she had underestimated the depth of his commitment to his family. Humbling and concern-worthy that even he would have not trusted himself not to make the mistake of violating the terms of his deal with the Federation and putting everyone he held dear at risk as a result.
"Thank you," he whispered fervently, covering her face with tender kisses.
"Wait," she wheezed, pushing at his right shoulder, even as his hands unwrapped her from the blankets. "We need boundaries... ."
He arched an eyebrow. "Right now?"
"No," she said and kissed him, briefly pulling his lower lip into her mouth. "We have time." They had all the time in the world.
# # #
Carol was right. He had enough self-awareness to comprehend that much. He had been fighting all his life and the one time he had attempted to build for peace, it had ended with him being attacked and losing everything. It would take a while until their position was strong enough for them to be completely safe in the Ceti Alpha system, but they had a chance, a very real chance at something permanent here. It was high time he started to build for peace again. He poured water in two glasses and handed one to her. It was melted ice from polar cap in the south. Carol was right – it was indeed something special: it was as clear as the purest crystal and tasted like the freshest spring water he had ever drunk.
They had relocated to their shared home office. Carol propped herself on the edge of his desk and sipped at the water with a smile. "I was about to suggest it before the incursion of the Orion Syndicate."
Khan pulled a chair for himself. "A structure," he finished the thought for her.
"We need to know where we stand with each other and where the new settlements stand in relation with us."
"Regardless of how many documents we draw and how clear of a hierarchy we establish, the lines between private and political will continue to shift and collide within our relationship," he cautioned.
She frowned, tapping her index fingernail against the edge of her glass. "It did occur to me. After all, it's not likely that we'll ever be fully objective when it comes to each other."
"What about trust? Do you trust me as a commander?"
"In nine out of ten cases," she fired quickly.
"Then in that one case, I will trust you to stop me short of placing you all in danger. By any means necessary and without any consequences for our personal relationship."
She nodded, eying him carefully. "Alright. We will have to think of a way to formalize that later. Now it's my turn to ask: do you trust me?"
"Absolutely," he replied without hesitation. It was only the truth.
"Flattered as I am, it's not wise from a political point of view."
"Then we require a third party to even out the balance," he said reasonably.
She licked her lips, seemingly vacillating. "I agree. However, this third party can't be a someone, but a something."
"A legislating body? I created one before and have been considering doing so again. So I suppose the next word to pass your lips will be elections."
She tilted her head slightly to the side. "It's not a curse word."
He chuckled and took another sip of his water. "Somebody else in your place would request power, jewelry, Tholian silk perhaps."
"I already have power," she corrected him.
He scoffed. "No, you don't. You have a responsibility. As you know, I am constantly aware of my surroundings even in my sleep. I can sense you sometimes at night lying awake next to me." He leaned forward in his seat. "Worrying, undoubtedly puzzling over our future and your duty to the continued existence of the colony."
She put her glass next to her on the desk, avoiding his eyes and looking caught. "This isn't the place one comes looking for riches and influence."
"Ruling in Hell is still ruling."
"Maybe, but Hell could no longer hold us in our bounds," she said meaningfully, quoting from Paradise Lost.
Their gazes met and held. He smiled.
# # #
Two months later
Kati hated conceding defeat, especially to a vegetable of all things, but it seemed she would have to throw in the towel: tomatoes would never grow on Menkar. The comm system chirped loudly, attracting her attention to the office at the back of her main green-house. She went to answer the call, shaking her hair free of her messy ponytail as she did. Surely enough, given that she wore threadbare, stained clothes, it was Christopher. Still she was glad to see him and greeted him with a wide grin. She had not met him in person since she and Carol had left Earth, but they had kept in touch via subspace. Though he could not give her any specifics, he had been having a difficult time at work lately and it showed in his nearly permanent grim and sober expression and the dark shadows that had taken residence under his often red-rimmed eyes.
"I'm going to speak to Carol next, but I thought that under the circumstances, she could use all the friends she has."
Kati winced. "No! Chris, she is in no state to leave our planet right now."
"I wouldn't have asked her to, anyway," he assured her. "And that's not why I contacted you, but as you might've guessed, this is about her father." He paused to take a deep breath that, to her sensitive ears, sounded suspiciously like a sigh. "Alexander Marcus will be indicted again. Since he is no longer a member of Starfleet, this time the trial will be civilian and public. The charges are grave, ranging from conspiracy to commit genocide to manufacturing illegal weaponry. There will be a scandal and we'll have to disclose Carol's location, if the press asks."
"Then I guess it's a good thing she's far away from it all." She shifted uneasily in her seat. "Unlike you, might I add. Your former mentor is disgraced... again."
"I'll be fine," he insisted.
"When the dust settles, why don't you pay me a visit on Menkar?"
"Kati, I don't think that would be wise."
She held up a hand. "I didn't say to bring up the rest of the fleet with you... or even your uniform, for that matter. Just Chris Pike coming to the home of someone who is more than a friend for the first time."
"More than a friend?" he asked, latching onto the truly important with his usual acumen.
She looked straight at him. "More than a friend!"
# # #
The assembly hall was packed. For now it was just his fellow augments and Carol, who was sitting at the front and looked more formal than Khan had ever seen her since her return to Menkar. Her golden hair was pinned in a French twist and her baby bump was hidden behind a simple, black sheath dress. She was gazing at him with luminous eyes. He smiled at her and stepped up to address his people.
TBC