AN: things are looking up for sasuke! haha that's a lie. we're actually drawing close to the end of the sasuke pov portion of this arc soon, too. two more chapters after this one. thursday i'll update again with one or two chapters. then sunday or saturday we'll have a temari or ino pov chapter. they're gonna be (hopefully) much shorter than sasuke's, though.
guest! thank you so much for reviewing all the time! it makes me feel great.
Sasuke finds himself alone more and more in the coming weeks. It's not as if he was the most sought after man in Konoha, far from it but, even Sakura and Ino's regular visits and calls stop for a while. He's certain he's offended enough of Naruto's friends to never be invited to anything again. Not that he cares. Everything he said was the truth.
Still. With Naruto gone training his genin team during the day and the children off on playdates- Sasuke finds himself stuck alone with his thoughts.
It's never a good thing.
He tries to pass the time doing chores. Cleaning the house. Making food. It doesn't last long, however, and in the end Sasuke finds himself with still too much time on his hand.
He picks up his sword, instead, and stands in the back garden practicing from early afternoon until the sun begins to dwindle.
And it works. It keeps his mind at bay, the anxiety at bay, and his skills still sharp. If he pushes everything aside to work he's not as lonely, in the end, not as tormented. He doesn't think.
He doesn't feel.
His days go like this now:
He wakes up before Naruto. He showers and then wakes the blond up, if Naruto doesn't wake up on his own before then, and then goes downstairs to try and make breakfast and pack lunches. Practice has made him better at cooking with one hand- so sometimes he can actually make rice. Usually, though, breakfast is cereal and the bento lunches are sandwiches. Naruto comes downstairs by that point, Himawari in his arms, and Boruto trailing behind. They eat and then get the kids dressed. they leave at the same time. Sasuke off to drop the children off with whoever they have playdates with- Naruto to train with his genin team.
Sasuke comes home. He pitters around for a little bit before giving in and going outside. He practices with his sword. He practices. He practices. He practices. Naruto comes home when it's starting to turn dark, Boruto on his shoulders and Himawari on his hip. He drags Sasuke in and they discuss dinner. Most of the time they eat outside the house. Boruto likes hamburgers now- some fast food stall has opened up in Konoha and now it's all the toddler wants. They eat.
After dinner the children get a bath before changing into pajamas and going to bed. Himawari begs for a story most of the time, pleading with big wide eyes. She's into princesses and priestess currently. Naruto can never say no to her so Sasuke puts Boruto to bed. Sometimes he asks for stories, usually of naruto and sasuke's genin hood, and Sasuke sputters- talking about missions or making things up until he falls asleep.
He and Naruto stay up another few hours until they both go to bed.
Sasuke keeps busy. He tries to not think.
He has to keep busy.
"Hey. You alright?"
they're in bed when naruto asks. sasuke's got a book open, (journey to the west- something like that), nAruto's head against his chest and- well. No he's not. Anytime he lets his brain rest for a moment, stops working, stops reading, he can feel anger and panic blindly building up behind his eyes. He should be fine. He has children, healthy children, he has Naruto- that's all he needs, isn't it?
But then he sees the Hokage mountain. Sees the academy let out.
And he's not fine.
"Mmm. I'm alright, Naruto."
The blond watches him through half lidded eyes, carefully, and sighs. He slinks his dark fingers up between Sasuke's pale ones and closes his eyes.
"No you're not."
Sasuke doesn't answer.
Sakura stops by the next day with her two tagalongs. She sits with Sasuke while the kids run around the back garden, playing, and talks while Sasuke listens. She goes on and on about nothing, smile tense, and Sasuke knows, knows, Naruto mentioned something to her.
"Sorry i haven't called," she says after the kids have eaten lunch, when they've moved inside and Himawari has fallen asleep in her lap.
(boruto is squealing, slapping crayons across a paper, while the other two carry on quietly.)
Sasuke shrugs, a wordless reply and Sakura frowns.
"-I know you don't like it here- We should be more sensitive-"
Sasuke frowns, a cold feeling in his chest, and stops her short.
"It's fine."
Naruto comes home a week later with a wall scroll in his arms. He sets it up in the entry way, face beaming, as he proudly shows it off to Sasuke. It's a large painting of the Uchiha fan- with the Uzumaki spiral intertwined in the center of the fan.
"I drew it!" He grins and leans against the raven haired man, one good arm slung across his shoulder. "Sai just made it look professional- It's for us! The kids can wear it on their clothes when they start the academy, y'know?! What do you think?"
The academy.
The academy.
"Sasuke?"
"They're not Uchihas, Naruto."
He scoffs.
"Course not! They're Uchiha-Uzumakis!"
And Naruto believes in the best of people, he does, he'd never understand why Sasuke would fear anyone bearing the Uchiha crest or name in Konoha again- even if it's where his ancestors had wanted to be.
"Of course."
Ino calls a month later, as if she hadn't stopped speaking to him for a while, and calmly discusses the latest gossip like Sasuke cares about it. She discusses Gai and Kakashi finding another kid to take in, how there are rumors about making Sakura the official head medical ninja, and how she's never having another child- Fujiko was the last one thank you- and then politely asks Sasuke when Boruto will be starting the academy.
"Shikamaru is holding Shikadai back a year so she can be on the same team as Inojin and Chouchou- I was just wondering if you were going to go ahead and start Boruto or not?"
"What?"
"Have you and naruto not discussed it? Really, Sasuke?! He'll be five in two months, won't he? That's in time for the next school year!"
"...We haven't discussed it."
Sasuke can feel it. The panic. It's rising in his chest and all he can think about is Boruto starting the academy.
(boruto who's too much like him. boruto who's smart and capable and good, untainted. who the academy will ruin. ruin like they ruined itachi. brainwash him. kill him. they'll kill him. they'll ruin him. they'll-)
"Sasuke?"
"I'll let you know what we decide, Ino."
"Hmph. alright. You should come by tomorrow. I haven't been able to get out since I had Fujiko and this boredom is killing me-"
"Alright."
He paces back and forth in the entryway as he waits for Naruto to get home. The sun's half down when the door opens, Boruto rushing in to hug Sasuke's legs while Himawari sleeps with her face pressed against Naruto's shoulder. Naruto's filthy, covered in dirt and mud, and Boruto's just as gross- but Sasuke can hardly notice. He presses his hand against Boruto's back, feels his heartbeat, sees the smile that's all Naruto- and the panic rises.
"Hey!" Naruto's grinning as he walks in, before he notices, before he sees the look on Sasuke's face and the fact the house is dark and he's been standing in the dark for who knows how long-
"Sasuke? What's wrong?"
Sasuke's chest heaves, his hand pressing harder against Boruto's back and the dark haired toddler whimpers, able to tell something is wrong.
"Papa?"
Naruto's putting Himawari down on the couch, the girl groggily waking up, and he wastes no time gently prying Sasuke from Boruto, sending the boy to take his sister upstairs. "We'll be up soon, promise! Then dinner, okay?"
"Daddy?"
"Promise, Boruto, alright? Watch Hima for Papa and Daddy, alright? We'll be right up."
They wait until Boruto's up the stairs before naruto turns to Sasuke, still pale faced, and takes his hand.
Sasuke breathes, grounding himself, and leans into the blond's touch as the Uzumaki pulls him close.
"Sasuke? What's wrong?"
He breathes.
"Sasuke?"
"I don't want him to go to the academy."
There's a pause.
"What? Sasuke- he's gotta go to school!"
He breathes. He breathes. He breathes.
"Sasuke- Sasuke woah, calm down-"
"He's too young- I don't- They'll teach him how to kill. How to be like me, Naruto. Idiot- He can't-"
Sasuke's words are cut off as Naruto pulls him into a tight, tight hug. His eyes feel hot, his breathing is harsh and- god. Why didn't anyone else see it?
He deserved to be a child. Boruto and Himawari both. They deserved so much better than their heritage had predestined them for.
"Sasuke- You're good. There's nothing wrong with him being like you- We'll wait a year, okay? Start him with Shikadai and Sarada- I'll talk to Iruka and Kakashi about the academy- Maybe they can wait to teach ninja stuff until they're older- We'll figure it out, okay?"
He breathes.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
The children sleep with them that night, after they decided everything. Naruto sleeps with his hand holding Sasuke's, Boruto and Himawari between them, and Sasuke tries, tries to feel okay. Anything but the wrong and bad he feels inside. Naruto never lies. He'll try to fix things.
He was right about Sasuke not being able to teach Boruto, anyway. Sometimes it was hard to just look at his son without feeling awful, without seeing the burden of being in Konoha, without seeing himself in him.
The next day naruto skips training with his genin team and instead opts to talk to Kakashi and Iruka- True to his word always.
And Sasuke? Sasuke goes to Ino and Sakura's and tries, tries, to be okay.
(but you can only bottle and pretend so much before everything explodes.)