Warnings- doubting yourself, incorrect pronouns.
"Aw, you look so beautiful!" Toriel gushed. "I told you she would look best in pink." She said to Asgore, who looked a little annoyed at her teasing.
"A little girl in purple is very royal!" He said indignantly. While you were happy Toriel was giving the monster king a second chance, their constant bickering made your head hurt.
"My little girl is going to wear pink to my own birthday party." She said smugly. You cringed a little every time they said 'she'. It never bothered you as a child, but now that you were older something about being labeled struck a nerve.
"You know mom, I'm not that little… I can wear anything." You said, a small smile to show you were just being polite.
"Oh I know… I just don't want to believe that you've grown into such a beautiful young woman…" She came over to you and let her paw caress the tulle of your skirt. You were irked, but felt your chest constrict at her confession.
"I'm never too old you for mom." You said, hugging her. You knew it was the right choice, because you felt her hug back tightly and smile into your hair.
You wanted to correct her, tell her you weren't comfortable being called a girl, but it never seemed like the right time. Besides, she probably wouldn't understand. Humans had a hard time understanding this, and you didn't think monsters would be any different.
"Hey kiddo." Sans said with a lazy wave. He and Papyrus were walking towards you. You had been coming back from the ruins and they must have been visiting Undyne. Papyrus saw you and rushed towards you.
"Human! What strange clothing!" He commented. You looked down and saw you were wearing a lacey blouse that Toriel made for you. You grimaced, waiting for whatever the taller skeleton was about to say. "Monster boys don't wear clothing like that! It must be a human thing." He finished with a grin.
"Y-yeah… a human thing." You said, looking to the side with a fake smile. Sans shot you a strange look but you didn't say anything.
"Anyway, human do you want to see what I learned?" Papyrus asked, looking excited.
"I dunno if that's a good idea. The kid's frail, and you might hurt him if you lose control." Sans said, placing a hand on Pap's arm.
"He is strong! I will not hurt him." Papyrus said with complete confidence. You wince but don't say anything. You didn't feel comfortable being called a boy either.
With a heavy heart, you realized that maybe there was something wrong with you. If you weren't a girl, and you weren't a boy… were you a mistake?
You were snapped out of your musings when a bone came flying at your face. You ducked and dodged, the muscle memory from your adventure coming back. You managed to dodge them all flawlessly as Papyrus guffawed in the near distance.
"See human! I have gotten much stronger than the last time we faced off! You were just a boy then. A small, small boy. Now you are growing into a…. a… GROWN UP BOY!" He said enthusiastically. You couldn't correct him…
You gave him a half -hearted smile and turned to leave. You missed the confused look Sans gave you as you left.
It was Alphys' birthday, and as the birthday girl, she wanted everyone to come over to watch anime with her. You would have come over anyway, but it was nice to come over and celebrate with your friends.
But of course, there was conflict. As much as you loved your friends, you knew getting more than three together in a room was going to cause a headache. This time, they were caught between two anime, half the group wanting one involving swords and fighting, the other half wanting one about magic and girls in costumes.
"Punk!" Undyne got your attention. You looked over, concerned and scared about what you were getting yourself into. "You're the final vote. You wanna watch a hella anime about fighting and bad ass swords? Or that lame pansy anime about schoolgirls and pink lasers?" She said, her tone of voice making sure to prove what side she was on.
"Oh c-come on! She obviously wants to watch this one!" Alphys held up the cover, which showed lots of brightly colored characters.
"No he doesn't!"
"Yes she does!"
"No I don't!" You yelled, finally losing your temper. "Stop it! Stop calling me 'she'! And stop calling me 'he'! Because I'm not either! I hate it when you guys force me to be one or the other! I like both shows, and it doesn't matter if I'm a girl or a boy!" You ranted, getting louder and louder until finally your voice cracks.
Everyone was staring at you with a mix of concern and horror. You realized what you just did and felt the blood drain from your face. Silent tears had been streaming down your face, and a sudden sob worked its way out of your chest.
You turned and ran, not bothering to apologize when you bumped into someone on your rush out. You made your way out of the lab and into the elevator right by the building. Your blurry eyes made it hard to see which button you pressed, but you didn't care.
As long as you could be alone.
You stumbled out of the elevator, ignoring the small fire monster that usually hung out by the doors. You kept going, your tears evaporating from your cheeks faster and faster the farther you ran. You came across Sans' hotdog stand, standing alone in the corridor.
Sans was still at the lab with everyone else, and without Sans, no other monster would be hanging around the old shack.
You moved to sit behind the stand, the shade and snow on the roof cooling you down a little. Now that you were far away from your problems, you felt shame and guilt building up in your chest. You sobbed again.
You never should have lost your temper on them. They were your friends, and you just snapped at them for something they didn't know bothered you. You were the real monster here.
"Hey there kiddo. Looks like you're a little under the weather." Sans said from above you, gently sprinkling a handful of snow into your hair. The snow melted instantly, soaking into your shirt. You didn't respond, and hid your face from the skeleton. "About what happened at the lab-" he started to say. It made you want to cry again.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have yelled like that…" You sniffled again. Sans came to sit next to you, his joints cracking loudly with the movement. You couldn't help but smile a little at the sounds of his bones.
"You should have told us kid." He said, not tip toeing around the subject.
"I didn't know how people would react… I didn't even know how to react myself…" You said, shrugging sadly.
"Well, on the monster side of it, you should have more faith in us. For monsters, gender tends to be more of an abstract concept. Because we reproduce through magic, gender isn't that big of a deal to us. I mean, look at Napstablook. They don't have a defined gender and they seem pretty okay." He said, putting an arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him.
"Sans…"
"And as for yourself? Well, sometimes it's a lot to take in, especially from what I've seen from human culture." He chuckled slightly. "You humans are real dumb, putting so much stock on something as trivial as gender. What does it matter if you're a gal or a dude?"
"Is there something wrong with me?" You asked, your voice small. Sans pulled back a little, seeming horrified that you would even think that.
"What? No way kid! In fact, the ones who are wrong are those boneheads above ground that make something like what genitals you have more important than the person with said genitals!" he said loudly, throwing his arms in the air.
"Hehe, when you put it that way…" You giggle slightly, amused by the way Sans was ranting about it.
"There's that smile." He said, pulling his arm off of your shoulders and gently rubbing a finger on your cheek. "How about we go back and explain this whole situation?"
"They'll be mad at me." You said quietly, shaking your head. Sans snorted and stood.
"You could throw cake in their faces and curse their mothers and they would still love you." He held an arm out for you.
"You really think so?" You asked again, still not sure if you would be welcome after you blew up at them.
"No, I'm Sans." He said with a wink and a cheeky grin. You grinned back and took his hand. You stumbled a little when you stood, your knees a little numb from sitting the way you did. Sans caught you and helped you stand up right. "Come on kid, let's get back before the cake's all gone."
Wow… talk about a short chapter. This is more of a trial chapter. I don't have much personal experience with not being comfortable with the gender I was born with, so I'm not sure if I even did this right. I just know a lot of people request chapters that have to do with gender and the like, and I thought I would try. For y'all.
I still have a lot of school work, and I've actually started writing my own story again. I had pretty much forgotten about it when I started writing this story, and I remembered my new years resolution was that I would finish my story by the end of the year. I really hope to get it publish for real!
I'm still aiming for one chapter a week, and this time I really am going to try to keep up with it. My finals are over my May 9th, then summer starts for me! Hopefully then I'll be able to write a whole ton, if my mental states doesn't crash and burn like it did during my spring break…
Until next time!
~Starlight