Warnings – self harm, suicidal thoughts, self-deprecation

"Sans you'll never guess what happened!" You were basically vibrating with excitement. It was really a fluke – you just happened to be in the right place at the right time. The skeleton lazily looked up from his papers, his grin relaxed. He was always most relaxed while working on some kind of science. And since breaking the barrier, he had more time to do just that.

"What happened kiddo? Something exciting, I'm guessing." He said, his low voice more familiar to you than your own at this point. You grinned and hugged him tightly.

"I met someone." You beamed despite the strain his smile seemed to gain.

"Met someone huh? Like, a boy?" He asked. If you hadn't been so blinded by happiness you would have heard the hesitation in his voice.

"Yes like a boy! Remember how my friend dragged me to that car show this weekend?" You prompted. A few days ago, one of your best friends got roped into going to the car show with her family and she begged you to go with her, just so she didn't have to suffer alone. Sans nodded after you let him go, rubbing the back of his neck as if you had hurt him. "Well, this boy was working security and we got talking! Turns out he's into all the same things I am. I gave him my number and we've been talking all weekend!"

"Sounds… like you had quite the weekend." Sand said dryly. You grinned dreamily until you heard your phone buzz. Your hand shot to your pocket in a flash and you were instantly reading the text with a giggle sigh.

'Did you get home safe?' He sent you with a cute emoji. You felt your face warm with how much he cared about your well-being.

'Safe and sound. I didn't even go over 70!" You had joked about fast driving, and he seemed so serious when he told you to stay safe.

"Is that him?" Sans asked nonchalantly, jokingly trying to peek over your shoulder. You locked your phone and put it back in your back pocket before turning to the short skeleton.

"Yes, it was. I'm going to go home but we should have another movie night soon. We still haven't finished that monster TV show from ages ago." You smiled at him, but it was more of a toothy grin. Much different than the soft smile you gave your phone.

Sans waved you off and got back to his work. You practically floated out of his house and down the street to yours. The skeleton stared at his papers, an uneasy feeling growing in this stomach. He tried working on his project more, but the feeling just kept growing until he wasn't able to concentrate at all. With a sigh, Sans put the papers away and went to see Grillby.

'You're so beautiful.'

'You're the first thing on my mind when I woke up again today.'

'You're way too good for me.'

"What did I do to deserve meeting you?"

You couldn't help but giggle as you reread the messages. This boy really was amazing. He respected you more than anyone had before. He always complimented you, and always said how he didn't deserve you, how he wasn't good enough for you. Of course you denied that and told him it was the opposite, but he never really let him say bad things about yourself.

"Hey kid. Haven't seen you in a while." Sans commented as you walked into your kitchen. He was casually sipping coffee out of the novelty skull mug you had gotten for a laugh. It wasn't an unusual sight, Sans just randomly appearing in your kitchen and making himself at home. What was odd was how he had his brow furrowed for some reason.

"I've been talking to-" I cradled my phone lovingly.

"I know, I know. You've been chatting with your new boyfriend. You don't have any time for little ol' Sansy anymore." He cut you off with a dramatic sigh, resting the back of his hand on his forehead and tilting back in his chair.

"You know that's not it! I've just been preoccupied." You blushed when you realized that maybe he was right about the fact you've been talking to this boy more than Sans. He laughed lazily and set the front chair legs back on the tiled floor.

"I know. I'm just messing with ya," He winked and you pursed your lips. "Why don't we go out? I've been dying for a good cup of coffee."

"What, is my coffee not good enough for you?" you teased him as you slipped your phone into your back pocket. He tipped the skull mug back, finishing the last sip and placing it back on the table with a thud.

"Nope. Come on kid, coffee's on you." With another wink, he grabbed your arm and teleported to the nearest café.

"Sans, take a picture with me!" You said excitedly. You had told the boy all about your best friend Sans, and he seemed really interest to hear about a living skeleton. You snapped a picture of the two of you, Sans' grin extra wide and your face flushed slightly.

You sent the picture and ordered your drink, setting your phone on the table. A few minutes later I returned to the table and were excited to see what the boy had said about the picture. With an odd feeling, you saw he hadn't responded yet.

He had been a lighting fast texter for the past two weeks, but everyone has to step away from their phones for a little while, right? You didn't let it deter you though. You locked your phone and blew on your coffee to cool it off enough to drink.

Your date with your friend went as well as they normally do. You almost snorted your coffee at one of his jokes, and he drake three times as much as you did. You even went for a muffin to split. It was nice, being able to just talk to Sans again.

Despite the continuous conversations, you found yourself checking your phone every few minutes. Each time, you felt a slight stab of disappointment at the lack of notifications. You finished your coffee finally and started digging through your bag to find your wallet.

"Don't worry about it kid," Sans pulled out a twenty and slapped in into the counter, letting the barista keep the change. "It's the least I can do for my favorite human."

Just then, your phone buzzed. You practically doze back to the table to grab your phone, but deflated completely when you realized it was just an email. Sans looked at you strangely, but didn't comment on your strange behavior.

Halfway home, he texted you back. You jumped to respond, giggling at his remarks on the picture. Sans glanced at you and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"He finally got back to you, huh?" He asked, watching the birds fly across the sky.

"He fell asleep," You said, happily typing away. You didn't notice him glance at you oddly. "I don't blame him though. He's been staying up late to talk to me."

"Hmm." He hummed, not saying anything in particular. You looked over at him, narrowing your eyes a little but didn't say anything either.

It had been almost twenty four hours since he last texted you. You sat on your bed, going over the past weekend's events in complete detail. Three days ago you had met up with him in person since the first time you met and spent the night at the party. It had been so much fun, and he held you in his arms while you slept that night.

To you, it had been perfect. He had complimented you so much you thought your head was going to melt right off. But now he was acting distant. The past three days, you sent him messages about your day as you usually did, but instead of responding with interest he just never sent anything back. You knew he was getting them though.

You felt your breathing pick up again. You had already talk yourself out of a panic attack once today, but you could feel yourself slipping into another one.

Glancing at your thigh, you knew you were going to make another mistake. Maybe meeting him was a mistake in the first place-

No. He was so nice to you. He cared about you. He thought you were beautiful and too good for him, which was a complete lie. He was the one that was too good for you. You shook your head and grabbed the pair of scissors again.

Your habit had started a few years back, but it never got too out of hand, but this was making you question your self-worth even more than usual. You sliced the scissors across your thigh, watching and waiting for the familiar sight of the blood to bubble up.

You checked your phone again, but there was nothing. You cut your leg again, wishing you had something sharper to make the pain go away. You laughed at the irony of that thought. Creating pain to stop the pain…

You reread your last few messages, trying to figure out what you had done wrong.

'You'll never guess what happened!'

'I snagged two tickets to the concert by my place this weekend! You can still come right?'

'I guess you're still sleeping. Text me when you're up!'

'Is everything alright?'

You didn't think you were being too clingy or weird, but damn it hurt. What went wrong? What did you do wrong?

A sob ripped its way through your chest, just as painfully as the blade that ripped through your skin. You sent him one last goodnight text and turned your phone off. You bandaged your leg carefully and went to bed, your tears soaking into your pillow.

"You ready to go kid?" Sans was standing in the doorframe of your room, or rather, he was leaning against the doorframe in such a way it looked like his feet were about to slip out from under him. You were fixing your hair one last time, but in reality you were stalling for time. The boy was supposed to be there. He said he would go to this concert with you two weeks ago, but his responses were few and far in between.

"Yeah… let's head out." You said reluctantly, grabbing your phone and the tickets. Sans offered to teleport you directly to the front of the venue, but you weren't going to risk getting kicked out of the concert.

"He still hasn't said anything?" He guessed, seeing you depressed demeanor. You nodded but didn't say anything. He sighed and pulled you into a hug before teleporting you to the front gates. The two of you turned in your tickets and made your way to the pit.

You took out your phone and deflated again. You were suddenly filled with such bitterness opened Snapchat and sent him pictures from throughout the night. You wanted to get the message across that he was supposed to be there with you, but he wasn't, and now he's missing this fun time. He opened the first few, which made you feel better, but halfway through he just stopped.

The rest of the concert was fun, but the fact he stopped opening your pictures itched the back of your mind.

"Kid? Are you alright?" Sans asked to the silent house. You hadn't left the house in three days and everyone was staring to get worried. He went upstairs and opened the door to your room. He had prepare himself for the worst, but what he saw was even worse than what he prepared himself for.

You were lying on the bed, wearing a tank top and sleep shorts. Your thigh was exposed and bleeding heavily, the blade from a pencil sharpener on the sheets next to you. Your tank top had ridden up some and showed that your stomach was in the same state as your thigh.

You were awake, but you just stared at the ceiling. You didn't blink when he came in, nor did you blink when he rushed to your side, frantically trying to wipe away the blood congealing on your skin. You blinked slowly, barely turning your head to look at him.

"Kid, what the fuck?" He was almost yelling, but Sans didn't really know how to yell. He just raised his voice past the mellow tone he usually used. "Is this what you've been doing? Why would you do this?"

"Why wasn't I good enough?" You whispered, your voice ragged. Sand paused his actions and stared at you in shock. "What did I do wrong? Was I wrong? Am I just… wrong? Is that why he started ghosting me?"

"Wait, start from the beginning." He said, helping you sit up. He wiped his boney hands on the sheets, not caring about staining the fabric because there were already dried stains covering the once pretty pattern.

"I don't know what happened. He just… stop responding. Everything seemed to be going so well. He was so nice to me. I knew he was too good for me right from the start." You sobbed, hiding your face in your hands. Sans pulled you into his arms and held you tight.

"It wasn't anything you did, I promise. He was an absolute idiot for letting someone as amazing as you slip through his fingers." He rubbed your arm in a calming motion. He could feel your heartbeat thrumming against your ribcage and his new concern was that you were going to pass out.

"I thought maybe his phone wasn't working," You started, your voice monotone and muffled by his jacket. "So I messaged him online. He read it almost immediately but never responded. I waited and waited and waited but he never responded. I told him if he didn't w-want anything with me, that he should j-just tell me, b-but still nothing."

"You stood up for yourself, huh?" Sans knew you had a hard time standing up for yourself when it came to romantic relationships. Normally, you let them step all over you, always putting them before yourself, but for the first time you put yourself out there and called this guy out for the way he was treating you. "I'm so proud of you kid."

"Why wasn't I good enough for him Sans?" I asked, my voice cracking pathetically as I sobbed into his jacket.

"You're plenty good enough." He said with such a serious tone you couldn't help but pull back and look at him with shock. His normal grin was turned down into a grimace. He started to say something else, but you cut him off.

"Just sit with me for tonight" You weren't in the mood to listen to Sans tell you good things about yourself. It just reminded you of all the things the boy had told you. Sans sighed and pulled you onto his lap. He leaned against the headboard and let you fall asleep on his chest.

"God… I'm so pathetic," You whimpered through your tears. It had been a week since the breakdown Sans saw and there has been zero contact from the boy. "I should have been able to move on already."

Your voice cracked as you sliced your leg again. God, you wished these thoughts would just stop. The thoughts told you horrific things that made a lot of sense.

He stopped responding because you were too clingy. Because you're too fat. Because you weren't funny or cute. Everything he said was a lie. He never liked you. He thought you were pathetic. He never thought you were beautiful. You deserved everything you were going through for being stupid enough to think he could actually love someone like you.

You sobbed hysterically, heaving painful breaths with each outburst. You took the razor and placed it over the vein on my arm, contemplating the idea of just ending it.

You had thought about it a few times before, but you felt so awful right then that it seemed like the best option. You were alone, heartbroken. Who could possibly love you now? You thought maybe he could, but now that you were disfigured by your own hand? No one could love you now.

You tried to press down, but you couldn't even bring yourself to break the skin. With a scream, you threw the blade across the bathroom. It sliced through the shower curtain and clattered in the tub. You brought your knees up to your chest, not caring if you smeared crimson all over your chest. You sobbed into your knees, hoping that maybe you would pass out from blood loss and forget about the thoughts in your head.

Leaning against the cabinet, you closed your eyes and waited to black out.

You felt cold hands against your face but couldn't find the energy to open your eyes. Someone was shaking you, and it was so bothersome that you found the energy to look. Sans was kneeling in front of you, red splattered across his bones. His face was twisted in such an expression of horror you felt your stomach drop.

"Sans? What are you doing here?" You asked, your voice faint.

"I came to check on you!" His voice was high and panicky, nothing like the low, calm tone he normally spoke in.

"…'m fine." You mumbled, eyes closing. He slapped you so hard your eyes flew open completely.

"You have to stay awake." He practically screamed. You struggled to stay awake, if it would make him happy.

"I'm sorry Sans. I didn't mean to go this far." You told him. The throbbing in your cheek helped you focus on your words.

"Why did you do this?" He practically begged. You blinked but forced yourself awake again. It was getting harder and harder to keep your eyes open.

"I wasn't good enough… I needed to remind myself why he didn't like me."

"He's the one who wasn't good enough. He's the scum bag that fucked you over and left you in the dust. I swear if I ever meet this guy I'll rip his jaw off his face." His face had contorted into the scariest glower I had ever seen. Just the sight of it sent enough adrenaline through me to make it easy to stay alert.

"It's fine Sans, I accepted it already." You leaned against him, your body heavy. He tried shaking you again, but the slight adrenaline leaving your system added to the blood loss made it almost impossible to stay awake.

"Don't you close your eyes," He started panicking again. "You can't fall asleep." You chuckled weakly and rested your head on his shoulder.

"I promise I'll wake up again. It's not as bad as it looks. I've been through worse. Just don't tell anyone. Please Sans?" You used the last of the strength to make him agree. When he finally nodded – albeit reluctantly – You let yourself fall asleep.

"- I don't know what your problem is, but if anything happens to the id I swear I'll make you feel the same pain-" Sans' voice was the first thing you heard when you woke up. He must have heard you stir because he cut off and said something under his breath.

"Sans?" Your throat hurt and your body felt like lead. I felt his hand in mine and my chest lightened a little bit.

"Oh thank God," He breathed. "It's been twelve hours. I was about to call an ambulance."

"I told you I would wake up." You gave him a weak smile, which he returned just as weakly.

"You had me so worried. You can't do that to me ever again, alright kid? You can ever scare me like that again."

"Who were you talking to?" You asked, sitting up. Your head spun but it wasn't so bad that you couldn't stay upright.

"…No one." He said curtly. He looked towards his phone and you knew he was lying.

"Sans…" You said threateningly. Or rather, it would have been threatening if you didn't sound like you just woke up from a thousand year sleep. He sighed and took your hand again. His bones were warmer than you remembered them being last.

"I got that asshole's number from your phone and let him know what I thought about him. 'course he didn't answer though. I left a message." He practically growled. His eye sockets darkened, but his face quickly lightened when he saw you getting upset.

"You didn't have to do that." You said, your voice finding its strength a little at a time. He laughed and rubbed the back of his skull with his free hand.

"Yeah well, when one of the most important people in my life feels like shit because of how they were treated, you better believe the person who did it will feel my wrath."

"Thanks Sans. I shouldn't have gotten so torn up over a boy who I only talked to for four weeks." You glanced down at your lap in shame. Sans made you look up at him.

"You had every right to be torn up. He made you fall for him with his compliments and charm. But it was his mistake for letting you go. I mean, any guy would be lucky to even have you say hello to them, let alone fall in love with them."

"Thanks Sans." You didn't know what to say. You were choking up at his words, but it didn't feel right to say anything other than a simple thanks.

"I'll always be here for you kiddo," He grinned, running his hand through your hair. He leaned in and placed a skeleton kiss on your forehead before pulling away and tugging the blanket up over your shoulders. "GO back to sleep. Now that I know you'll wake up, I can see how exhausted you are. I can make something for you to eat when you wake up." He smiled at you and stood, stretching and heading to the door. He paused in the doorframe when you called his name.

"I don't deserve a friend like you." You said as you drifted off to sleep again. Sans made a sound in the back of his throat, and you just barely caught what he said in response before you fell asleep again.

"Nah kid. I'm the one that doesn't deserve you."

Hey everyone… I have no excuse for being so awful. I had plans for writing a ton more this summer, but time just got away from me. I started writing a book, and it's been coming along so well that I'm almost done it! I even have an editor to help me hopefully publish it.

I've also been doing a lot of writing on AO3 (The link to that profile will be in my bio, as per the request of a review) in Overwatch and a personal story I'm writing for a friend. If you want to check those out and leave feedback, it'll mean a whole lot to me!

For those interested in my actual life, things have been decent. Boy troubles and the impending doom of school have kept me on my toes, no doubt about that. A word of advice to everyone: Don't use Tinder. It's dumb and boring and you'll have guys who just want to screw messaging you day and night.

Thank you everyone who's stuck with this story during the many hiatuses (Hiati?) and for everyone who's supported me through the past year. And yes, this story is almost a year old already. I'll definitely have something up for the one year anniversary, which is coming up this September!

That's all I have for right now. If you've messaged me and I haven't responded, that's because I'm awful. I see your messages and promise I'll respond in a minute and get distracted. I'm sorry. I'm actually the worst.

Until next time!

~Starlight