Naruto had finally awoken from one of the most pimperific slumber he has ever had in his queer yet manly life; he lay on his beautiful rose pink silk sheets he had bought from Ikea when they were 75% off retail value. He loved the way they felt against his Asian body, the way they rubbed against his pointy nipples. He also recalled having one of the best dreams ever, even though it is not unusual.

He dreamt that he was making out with Sasuke in a hot air balloon over the Arctic circle, and he sat on the edge of the balloon basket and took a shit which landed on a polar bear down below. After that, Sasuke would take a shit on a beluga whale, and after he had finished, they would rub their dookie filled asses against each other, followed by Sasuke pounding the fuck outta his ass.

Naruto, who had been sleeping like a fucking Snorlax for 8 hours, finally decided to wake up from his pimperific slumber; he needed all that sleep after rescuing Little Bill and eating all that food. He stretched across his beautiful pink silk sheets that he bought from Ikea when they were on sale for 85% off, and he HAD to have them. He rubbed his nipples against them, pretending that it was Sasuke's smooth ass.

Naruto lifted his ass in the air, straining hard as a dingleberry flew off his ass-cheek and landed on the ceiling.

He had just had the most magnificent dream about Sasuke, even though he was the only thing Naruto ever dreams of because he's that fucking obsessed with Sasuke. He didn't care what others thought about him and Sasuke, he knew that Sasuke was the only man that he would ever fall in love with.

He dreamt that he and Sasuke were inside a hot-air balloon 238 feet above the arctic circle and were making out while sitting on the edge of the balloon basket. Naruto then pulled down his tight emo jeans and took a shit on a bear, while Sasuke pulled down his tight panties and took a shit on a beluga whale. They then rubbed their dookie filled ass together, smearing the shit everywhere, and then

Sasuke pounded the fuck outta Naruto's brown shitty asshole.

Naruto could only dream; that becoming a reality was as far-fetched as Chouji joining Weight Watchers.

Naruto decided not to waste anymore time in the bed, so he hopped on out and put on his 7 inch high heeled bunny slippers on his ashy feet and walked down his sexy pink and yellow hallway.

Just as he was about to enter the living room, he could hear something which appeared to be...singing. Was it Sasuke seranading him with a Nickelback song, or was Naruto hearing things? He walked into his living room and saw that his furniture was dancing and singing Blue Berry Yum.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" screeched Naruto, causing the lightbulb in his lamp on the table to bust. "I didn't know furniture could sing!"

"Ah, Naruto, just the mother fucker I wanted to see," said his sofa, who had eyes where the arm rests were and the seat cushions were moving up and down in order to talk.

"Where the fucking hell did you come from?" Naruto screeched, about to freak out of his goddamn mind.

"I came from the Salvation Army, bitch-ass nigga," the couch bellowed, thrashing his sofa arms wildly in a frantic and angry way. "You gotta problem about the hood I grew up on, bitch?"

"N-No, you motherfucking couch!" Naruto growled, still slightly disturbed he was talking to a motherfucking couch, for crying out loud!

"I'm so hungry with tha munchies, I'ma eat everything in siiiiiiiiiigght..." expressed the sofa out of the blue, tilting his head back ans he sung into the air. He was lost in the moment and begun grinding his body as he felt the drugs take him away. The sofa eventually turned it's attention back to the blonde boy, pressuring Naruto into letting out a very wet fart. Sweat rolled down his face and he got nervous.

"Um, what exactly do sofas eat?", said Naruto. "Money? TV remotes? Hair? Dingleberries from Squidward's butthole underneath all his sucktion-cups?"

"Uh-uh, muthafucka, I want Doritos and salsa!" screamed his sofa, louder than Lil Jon. Naruto, paralyzed with confusion, didn't move a muscle. His brain couldn't process it; his couch was talking to him. This couldn't be happening! This was weirder than the time he caught Allen Eastridge eating dingleberries from Sasuke's ass at summer camp of '06.

"Why the fuck are you just standing there, bitch?" demanded the sofa. "Get cho' flabby and saggy ass into the kitchen and get me some Doritos! Make sure you get the Cool Dingleberry kinds! The last time I ate the Nacho Cheese kinds, I had bad gas that lasted for years!"

Naruto rummaged through his kitchen cupboard and finally found the Doritos. He looked in the refrigerator and got a bowl of Habenero salsa and took it to the couch.

He went up to the sofa and watched as the sofa spreaded it's cushions and Naruto dropped a chip into its mouth. "Yum-yum, bitch!" said the pleased sofa, who wanted more. Naruto poured the rest of the chips in the sofa's mouth and the sofa indistincly began shouting out profanities about naruto trying to choke it. The sofa's teeth her several feet apart, similar to Little Bill's, except the sofa's teeth were jagged, like a incestual hillybilly's teeth in West Virginia.

"YOU ARE HEARING BIRDS!" the sofa randomly screamed.

Naruto just stared at the sofa for several minutes, confused and still suprised that he was talking to a motherfucking sofa.

"What...?" Naruto said. "I'm hearing birds...?"

"Yeah, you dingleberry," the sofa said, shooting Naruto the middle finger. "Fuck you and your ugly hair-cut! It looks like a cheese farm is growing on your head!"

"Oh, hell nah, motherfucker! My hair-cut is not ugly!" Naruto screamed, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

Naruto went behind the sofa and grabbed his revolver that for some unknown reason was in the sofa's ass. He took it out anyway and pulled back the hammer on the revolver. "Say good-bye, dush," warned Naruto, farting, pulling the trigger and shot the sofa in the back of the head rest. He did this five more times until he ran out of bullets and farted on the sofa's dead body. He laughed deviously as he pulled out a 20 dollar bill that was in the back side of the sofa. He put it in his Hello Kitty wallet whiched meowed when he opened it and put it in his pocket.

"That sofa had a good idea," said Naruto. "I am hungry afterall." he went into the kitchen and went into the refrigerator and opened it up. All of the sudden, all of the ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and jam jars started singin

"You Got a Problem" by Ludacris. Naruto cleaned his ears out to make sure he wasnt hearing stuff. "What the fuck?" he shouted. "Has Ludacris' ghost haunted my house? Why is everything singing his songs?" He went over to the silverware drawer and took out a huge carving knife and starting slashing and hacking the bottles which starting screaming in horror as they were being brutalized by the stoned yellow hair ninja.

Naruto, beserk and in a frenzy, left running out of his house and starting running over to Sasuke's house as fast as he could. He had to see if his man could come help him in this obscene predicament. After all, Sasuke was understand, right? He always had good advice to help the naive yellow haired ninja.

He walked into Sasuke's house and saw him, doing something rather weird.

"What the fuck, Sasuke?"

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AN: I know you loved this chapter. :) Expect an update soon, my loves!