Hello! I'm trying to not leave such wide gaps in between my chapters, but it's quite hard.

This chapter should really be titled "My First Time Crying in Front of Someone Other Than Carly," but that's awfully long and boring.

I hope all of you like the chapter, and please comment and tell me what you think! :)

PS Please don't skip over my note at the end of the chapter, there's lots of info there this time! (Though I suppose if you were to skip it, you wouldn't be reading this either)... Just wait until after you read the chapter! Thank you.

Chapter 17: My First Time Crying

Walking into the Shay apartment, a smile crossed my face. Carly eyed me suspiciously, but I said nothing.

"Ready for our day of nothing?"

"You bet I am!" She finished arranging some magazines on her coffee table before straightening herself up.

The morning passed easily; we watched a Girly Cow marathon until several hours before lunch.

"So, where is Spencer?"

"He's on a road trip to an ostrich farm with Socko or something like that."

"And this doesn't worry you?" Knowing Carly, I thought she'd be more concerned.

"I promised myself I wouldn't freak out," she said in a steely voice, looking pensively into nowhere.

I made to step closer to her, but before I could, she snapped around. "What if something happens to them? What if they get lost? And if their cellphones don't work? What if they get taken in by a band of gypsies and are sold to do slave labor until they grow beards down to their feet? What if-"

"Carls," I rubbed her back. "Calm down. Spencer and Socko aren't going to be kidnapped by a band of gypsies, and if they do get lost, I'm sure they'll manage just fine."

She calmed down, but still looked at me with a worried face.

"You know what, I doubt they'd even get lost. Everything will be fine." At that, she cheered up a little bit.

"You think so?"

"Yes I do. Now how about we continue with our day of laziness?"

"That sounds like a good idea," she wringed her hands once to brush off any remaining feelings of worry before sitting down clumsily in a chair.

After we spent several more hours of lying around and chatting about who-knows-what, I decided it was time for lunch.

"Hand me the ketchup."

"Handing the ketchup."

"Done!" I smiled up at Carly, placing the ketchup on the table.

"Two tasty sandwiches!" Carly reached over to the plate in front of me and swiped away one of our creations.

"To a fun-filled afternoon of nothingness?"

"To a fun-filled afternoon of nothingness!"

But, before we could tap our sandwiches in a toast, my phone rang. Shooting my friend an apologetic look, I dug through my pocket until I found it.

"Hello?"

"Samantha?" Great, my mom.

"What?"

"About Saturday," she paused. Obviously she wasn't ready to deal with any sort of emotions I would emit. "Remember what I said was going to happen?"

I hesitated. If this was bad news I was completely unprepared for it.

"Yeah…"

"It's not going to happen anymore."

I felt as though someone had knocked the wind out of me. Before I could muster up a response, my mother mumbled a, "you had to know. Goodbye Samantha."

She wasn't trying to be mean, and it wasn't her that upset me, it was her information.

Slowly, I drew the phone away from my face, the sound of the dial tone echoing in one ear and out of the other. Finally, I hung up, more out of habit than anything else.

She must be lying. There's no way this would happen. It was supposed to be perfect. The smile from earlier had been long erased from my expression, and I stared blankly in front of me, taking in none of my surroundings. My mind was reeling, trying to comprehend what I just heard, but at the same time moving at a pace slower than a snail, blocking out the news, and attempting to leave it uncomprehended out of fear.

I saw something move in front of me. "Sam?" It was like someone was calling my name from very far away, and I couldn't see them. "Sam?" There was more movement. "Sam?" Finally I snapped to attention and saw Carly standing in front of me, her hand moving ever so swiftly in front of my face.

"Sam, are you okay?"

It was an unanswerable question. I could not, nor did I want to, think about what I just heard, rendering me unable to know my current state.

"Sam? Please, just say something."

"I-" Did I even understand what was going on? "I don't know."

"Sam? Are you okay? Who was that on the phone?" Her worry-filled eyes started to focus.

"It… It was my mom." This only caused her to have more questions.

"What did she say? What's wrong?"

I didn't want to recount the story, but she deserved to know the truth. I made my way into the living room, not even aware of my actions.

"It was about my dad." There. I said it.

"What?" There was obvious surprise in her voice. "You never mention your father; I haven't heard you say anything about him except for a passing comment. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Sam, you can tell me."

"I just did. Nothing's going on."

"Then what's the problem?"

"That's the problem."

"I'm confused." She grabbed my hand and pulled us onto the couch in tandem.

Looking away, I started a quiet explanation. "He was supposed to come."

"Your father? He was supposed to come here?" I responded with a tiny nod.

"What do you mean supposed to?"

"I don't know." I turned to her, my eyes still looking down at the couch. "I just got a phone call from my mom, and all she said was that the plan is off. She didn't explain." My voice was getting squeakier and squeakier and my eyes were feeling heavier with each word.

"Oh, Sam. I'm sorry." At the same moment she drew me into a sloppy hug, tears started rolling down my cheeks.

Before she could say anything else, the door opened. "Hey Carly. I'm locked out of my apartment, so I was wondering if I could-" There was a pause. "Sam?"

I didn't even have enough effort to yell at him to leave. The news had washed over me like a wave of disappointment, and I was left helpless, comforted only by Carly's hug. Never before had anyone except for Carly see me cry, and I wasn't able to evade it again.

"Sam?" He repeated. After waiting for an answer that never came, he turned his attention to Carly, "is she okay?"

"Should I tell him?" Carly whispered softly in my ear. I nodded against her shoulder. "Are you going to be okay if I get up, then?" I nodded again, unwilling to voice any sounds. Carefully, she got up from the couch, untangling her arms from me and placing me gently on a pillow, my hair flowing crazily in ever direction.

I heard the shuffling of feet toward the staircase, and muffled voices, obviously recounting the story I told Carly.

As they conversed, I lay helplessly muffled on the couch, trying to fall asleep and forget all of this, but not able to do so. I heard voices drifting over, and my ears automatically tensed to make out words.

"Her dad?"

"Yeah, her dad."

"She never talks about her dad."

"I know; it surprised me too."

"And he was going to visit her? Like, come to Washington?"

"I guess so. I don't really know where he is. I don't know if she knows where he is. For all I know, he could live in this apartment."

"You don't think he does, do you?"

"No, of course not. But, truthfully, I don't know what to think. The man's been this allusive non-discussed figure for so many years now, it's hard for me to imagine him at all."

I didn't know how to feel about what they were saying; I didn't know how to feel about anything at the moment. I was lost in a world full of questions and disappointment. Never had I dwelled on the idea of my father and his betrayal of our family except for a short period after he left us. I allowed myself no pity, and my mom, except for occasionally muttering something about "your father" while paying bills or doing some other task she despised, never brought him up or seriously talked about him with my sister or me. The last I remember talking about my father was when Melanie went away to boarding school. I screamed at her for leaving us just like our father, and, like the obnoxiously selfless person she is, Melanie offered to stay instead, to which I retorted that I'd rather her not be here at all. We made up after that, not that we're best buddies, but we are sisters – and twins at that – and both of us were hurt by our father leaving, and realize that sometimes those things just come out.

Only once had I cried over my father. It was not the night he left, for he was often away and that didn't faze me. It was not until I was walking down the street, on a secret trip to the deli after my mother dropped me off at the park many years ago, when I passed the pharmacy, only to do a double take. The moment I saw my mother kissing the owner, it finally sunk in that my father was never coming back. At that moment, I took off at a sprint passed the pharmacy, down the street, and into the deli, where I locked myself in the storage room, and sat on a meat freezer sobbing my eyes out. I felt hopeless at that moment, tucked in a cool closet where no one could get to me, desperately hoping my mother did not see me run past, but at the same time hoping she had, hoping that it hurt her to see me crying over what she had done, even though I was sure it didn't.

But, once my crying fest in the deli storage room ended, I did not cry any more and resorted back to my violent ways, my temper increasing whenever I saw my mother for the next several months. Eventually I calmed down, and became just as rude and vicious as I was before the incident. Not that I ever looked at my mother the same way again, but we were never that close, so it didn't really matter.

No one knew this, and no one ever would; at least, I was never going to tell anyone. But here I was, flopped onto the Shay couch, the pillow growing warm and soggy with my tears. Carly had seen me cry before, and that did not bother me, it was the fact that someone else – Freddie – was seeing it now too. I was not ready for people to see me cry. I was not ready for Freddie to see me cry. But I was newly upset with the betrayal of broken promises and unfulfilled hopes. I never expected to see my father again, and so I can't say this surprised me, but there was still a glimpse of hope inside that was let down.

My thoughts were broken when I felt the couch sag down by my feet. It was probably Carly.

To my surprise, a deeper voice started speaking, "Sam. How are you doing?"

I grunted. "What are you even doing here?" My words were mumbles, any hope of them sounding normal destroyed by the hair and pillow in my face. "Don't you have a spare key or something?"

"I used to, but my mom got the locks changed after a break-in was reported several towns over. I'm surprised Lewbert let her, but then again, Lewbert doesn't really do anything." I was amused by his information; Mrs. Benson was an easy target. But, I still wasn't cheered up enough to acknowledge it or take my face out of its smothered position.

"Where's your mom?"

"She's at a hospice center, feeding soup to the patients. She left this morning, and won't be back until tomorrow, which is why I'm here."

I mumbled some more.

"But Sam, how are you?" There was obvious concern in my voice, which irritated me just as much as is pleased me.

"Fine."

"You're not fine."

"You don't know anything." Why is he so adamant?

"Yes I do. I know what it's like to not have your father around. Not like Carly, whose father is sanctioned by the armed forces. I understand what it's like to not know where your father is, and not be sure if he'll ever return to your family or if he even loves your family."

Something about what he was saying resonated with me. Never in a million years would I have thought that our situations were at all similar, since his parents were divorced while my father abandoned us.

We sat in silence for a moment.

I picked my head up from the pillow, twisting myself around, looking straight ahead, but now sitting up next to Freddie.

He faced toward me, and I could feel his stare upon my face. "I just want to make sure you're okay Sam. If I ever found out my father was coming to visit, I bet I'd be excited. When they got divorced, I often worried whether I would see him again, foolishly thinking he would return. But they were already divorced, and my mother made it clear he wasn't welcome back, and he made it clear that was his preference too. If he came back to visit, of course I'd want to see him. If he said he'd come back, and then didn't, I too would be hurt. Sam, my dad may not have 'left' the same way you define leaving, but he's gone, so I understand."

I looked over at him, feeling helpless yet strangely a bit comforted by his admission. The moment my eyes reached his, I broke down again, covering my face to hide my obvious tears. The reality of the situation finally set in, and I could not deal with it.

At that moment an arm wrapped around my shoulder. Carly was long gone, but I didn't even notice when she had gone upstairs. Afraid to let Freddie hug me, but too reassured to draw away, I stayed still, confused about which action to take.

Deciding that I was not going to rip his arm out of its socket, Freddie got a little bit closer and pulled me into a proper hug. I had hugged Freddie before, but only when Carly made us after one of our fights. Now he was actually comforting me; we had found a common weakness, and as much as I hated to say so, it put me at ease to know that someone understood, even if it was Freddie.

But that ease wore away as I was again reminded of why we were in this situation. I started shaking as a fresh burst of tears came, and though I expected him to draw back in surprise, Freddie did not move except to pull me closer. It was possibly the strangest thing I'd ever done; yet I stayed, helpless and sad, wrapped in Freddie's arms. Now, don't get me wrong, it was certainly just one of the friend moments in our frenemy-ship, but a little part of me did not ever want to let go; did not want to let go of the comfort, or of the moment. Okay, ew, away from this mushiness. All in all, Freddie was the one who was able to comfort me because, despite my previous thoughts, he suffered from a similar situation. In a way, perhaps I was comforting him, too.

Of course, I was still disappointed. There had been a lot to deal with in a short period of time, and the good quickly took a turn for the worse. For now, I was feeling a little better.

I started to feel sleepy, but my body would not let me fall asleep no matter how much I wanted to. Whether it was the fear of falling asleep next to Freddie or the constant pain in my stomach, churning more and more every time I thought of my father, it was not important. I fought it as best I could, but I was forced to remain awake in a slightly distant state.

As I became drowsier and drowsier, my mind flickered between sleep and flashbacks…

""Yeah. It'd be too weird if you didn't make my life miserable all the time." He shook his head lightly as he spoke. I guess it would be. Plus, I wasn't planning on stopping."

I dozed for a moment.

""Sometimes I just," I don't know why I continued talking, but I did, just like before. "Wish I could get it out of the way." At least it would be over with, and this constant nagging in my head about never kissing anyone would be gone. Freddie gave an understanding nod."

My eyes flickered and I flashed back again.

""Nah, it's dumb." I was close. But I can't stand this, I hate it when people almost tell you something and then back out at the last second. Freddie's going to tell me.

"Say it," I raised my hand up as if that would influence him to speak up about what was on his mind. I really wanted to know.

"Okay," Finally! "I was just gonna say," Freddie's eyes looked away from me as he shrugged his shoulders as if to back himself up in the belief that his idea was dumb.

My brain pieced it all together. Oh, Freddie. "That we should kiss?" My eyebrows flicked up in what I realized was a similar manner to Freddie's when he said 'good.' Why did they do that? A smile grazed my lips. Sure, I thought he was crazy, and it was funny that he was so scared to admit his thoughts, but I had already admitted so much tonight that one more confession added to the pile probably couldn't do much harm."

My lips started to curl upward before I drifted off again.

""Hm." I actuallyconsidered the idea. "Just to get it over with." I was seriously thinking this through."

Zzzz.. My eyes felt heavy.

""Never." I let out a sigh. As much as I wanted to have my first kiss, I never thought of it happening like this. Much less with Freddie. But we had more or less agreed to do so just now, and I certainly wasn't back out. Sam Puckett is not a quitter, even if that means kissing Freddie Benson. The thought didn't actually seem so bad at the time, just unexpected."

Was I really thinking about this right now? Before I could answer, I drifted away into more memories.

"Our lips met. He moved his head a little bit. I'm not going to lie and say there were fireworks or something cheesy like that, but it definitely wasn't horrible. Slowly, I closed my eyes. The kiss lasted for around seven or eight seconds. The seconds seemed to last forever yet fly by all at once, it was a completely different experience from anything I'd ever felt before."

I stretched slightly, trying to fall asleep, and yet succumbing to my flashbacks.

""Good work." I didn't know what to say. It wasn't completely awkward, but seeing as we had gone from frenemy-ship to sharing a first kiss in a matter of minutes, there wasn't a clear path of what to say or do.

"Thank you, you too." He nodded. Luckily, I wasn't alone in the boat of confusion. Freddie was in the exact same situation as I was."

Freddie was in the same situation as me. Was I thinking about our kiss or our fathers? I drifted away again.

""I hate you." As he said it, he flashed me a large smile. He was joking, but also probably thinking about how funny this situation was. Not a 'haha we had our first kisses' kind of funny, but a 'somehow we went from being frenemies to kissing and promising to never tell anyone and hate each other forever right afterward, isn't this kind of weird in a slightly amusing way' funny. I had to agree, it was probably one of the most unique situations I'd ever been in. His smile was comforting, and I returned it with one of my own.

"Hate you too," I replied, giving a small nod before turning around and walking back down the hallway.

That one kiss had probably changed me forever. I know, this sounds dramatic, but as I thought it through, it seemed like a realistic thought. I just had my first kiss! With Freddie, but that doesn't change the facts. It wasn't as bad as I would have thought kissing Freddie would be. Not that I ever actually thought of it, but kissing Freddie seems like one of those things that would be on my list of things I'd rather die than do. But, now it's over with. We kissed."

It changed my life forever. More than I knew it would when it happened. I almost dozed off again, but then, it dawned on me; and suddenly, I was wide-awake.

Some things to clear up:

1. In case the end was confusing, Sam's drifting in and out of sleep, and when she's half-awake, she's flashing back. The excerpts are from Chapter 5: My First Kiss. :P

2. The whole sitting w/Freddie on the couch thing is not supposed to seem super mushy. I hope it doesn't...

Thanks again for reading my story! Please comment (I love hearing everyone's feedback). :) If there's anything you think I should/could do to improve my story or if you have any suggestions, please tell me! I must say, I've been reciveing less comments lately (which is probably my fault since I haven't been updating as frequently as I should). So, I've been reading through my past comments, and I stumbled across the comments where some of you told me your favorite lines, and reading them made me endlessly happy that such wonderful people (aka all of you) read my story, so thank you! :D

Also, please follow my friend WeShouldKiss on Twitter, since she is so kind to promote my new chapters there!

Remember back in Chapter 4, I asked for title ideas? Well, I have to do several quick thank yous for title ideas that inspired my recent chapters:

-hiddenxobserver for the title "My First A"

-HannahTwilightPrincess for coming up with the idea for a chapter when Freddie first saw Sam cry (aka this chapter)

-Geekquality for the idea of "My First Fat Shake"

-Everyone who recommended I do "My First Kiss" (I already had that chapter written at the time, so I was happy so many of you wanted it)

-Everyone who recommended I do "My First Date" or something similar to explain the Pete relationship. A large number of requests for that one came in, and I thought it fit into my storyline.

I may not have written the chapters the way you envisioned them, but I did use some of your titles!

I have a kind of three-chapter-arc-like-thing planned for some upcoming chapters. I debated whether or not to give a hint, but I think that might spoil some stuff. If any of you really want a hint, tell me in your comment. If I get enough requests (perhaps 5-7, we shall see if I get any), maybe I'll have WeShouldKiss tweet it or something... ;)

Thanks again! :D