Phillip was short and a little stocky, but a good care bear blance that gave him his boyish charm; he was about 2'3 and weighed about 6 lbs, and he had long hair that ran down to his thigh and was about the same color as dooki. He had on a tilted hat, his gold chain which hung to his navel, and his acid wash Levi Strauss jeans. He then walked out of Naruto's laundry room with a boom box on his shoulder playing Ll Cool J from back in the day.

He was seriously out of date on style; to him, time never moved forward and he was stuck in the year 2011 with a 1985 mentality. He seriously talked about all the latest new trends like the Golden Girls and Whitney Houston, and totally spent his time playing on his NES, playing Ghostbusters and snorting about 22 table spoons of cocaine a daily basis.

He was a champion breakdancer, capable of doing a 3600 degree spin on his head and doing 8 backflips in one jump. He normally traveled via pogo stick and usually taught amateurs to smoke cannabis, and if anyone was mad at what he did, he'd sing "Screwed Up" by Ludacris and continue to snort cocaine. He had on a cross about two feet tall on his chain; he was a good Christian, just with weird habits.

Whenever he wasn't break dancing or doing drugs, he would study chemistry and back illegal drugs out of common house hold items, like Elmer's glue, aluminum foil, cabbage, shoe strings, whatever, and then he would roll it up into a triangle and smoke it out of his navy blue plastic hookah he stole from Mohammad Baig.

Mohammad Baig was a dude whose ass was drier than burnt chicken, and he used paprika for deoderant. Mo was obsessed with Balto and sometimes had random dreams of pounding that wolf-dog's ass. Mohammad Baig was actually a Russian dude who lived in the Mohave Desert in Nevada in a town called Dryfield that was about as large as Sakura's nipple.

"Baby, when I cut you, don't squeal. I hate them loud noises. I FUCKING TOLD YOU!" a voice yelled from outside. Naruto looked out the window to see Mohammad slitting a white person's throat. Naruto shrugged his shoulders, turning his attention back to what he was thinking about before.

Anyways, Naruto wanted to know why his distant relative was there, a dush who originally was from Halifax, Nova Scotia, who then moved to Newburyport, Massachusetts so he could stalk the actress from the 1990 TMNT movie.

"Hey, Phillip!" screamed Naruto, letting out a huge fart, attracting his distant relative whom he always looked up to.

"Yes, dush?" said Phillip, who was eating his fifth quarter pounder from McDonald's and drinking water.

"Why the fuck are you living behind my washing machine?" asked Naruto, his stomach growling for some food; he had a hankering for some octopus titties.

"Because I can..." said Phillip, rolling up a blunt and smoking it. Naruto realized that Phillip had stolen his stash of blue berry yum yum! How the hell did he find it?

"Not good enough, doodie," said Naruto, getting mad and snatching the gallon sized bag of blue berry yum yum. He took out a huge piece and ate it.

"Hey, would you shut the fuck up?" said a voice. It was a girl who was about 17 years old. There was also a guy next to her and he was about 18. He had cute hair in pig-tails and looked slightly Mexican. They were having a group geometry session!

"Caitlyn," said Naruto, squinting his eyes at the black haired girl with fake neon green hair extensions, "is that you?"

"The one and only, fatass," she snickered, as she opened her book and was studying triangles.

The guy next to her was Allen Eastridge, a dude who seriously obsessed over his car collection. He also boasted constantly that he owned a jacuzzi that faced a huge corn field. But, in reality, he had a small blow-up pool in front of a corn patch. He was a liar and lied about everything. He even boasted that his dookie was brown, when in fact, it was a bright green. He was studying circles and polygons and was aroused at the photos in the book, making his dick turn into the shape of a cylinder.

He laughed, showing his yellow teeth and said, "Why don't we take the volume of my dick? The formula is 4 x r^2 x pi x height!"

"Ewww!" screeched Caitlyn, slamming the book on Allen's 6 inch dick, making him scream like Little Bill when Dorothy Zbornak shoved her dick up a little black boy's butthole. "Not here in front of that yellow haired motherfucker!"

Naruto thought Caitlyn was awesome; she was his American friend who had joined his training session last year when she was a foreign exchange student.

He had met her for only 2 months, but they bonded really well during that time.

"Caitlyn, I thought you were back home in Myrtle Beach!" said a shocked Naruto, farting softly in a sweet harmony. She farted as well, making Allen cough up his turkey leg he was eating.

"I just decided to come back and see Sakura and Ino," she said, blushing a little as she ripped a HUGE fart in her skinny jeans, making Naruto's asshole giggle. Naruto gasped! His asshole giggled! But it was only a short giggle, so he was disappointed that it happened only once.

"So?" he asked, farting right in front of her face, causing her to fall over from the ungodly odor. "Why aren't you at their house and not mine? You creeper peice of shit!" Allen started to stroke her toe nails with his pencil, causing her titties to giggle. Naruto was jealous! Her titties laughed too! Why did he have to be an outsider and not have laughing titties?

"Yeah, you caught us all at a very bad moment," said Phillip, who had gone downstairs to get a ham sandwhich. He had the munchies and wanted to eat everything in the blonde queer's kitchen.

"May I make a suggestion, Naruto?" he added. "Seriously, wash all your fucking orange jump suits, or, better yet, why don't you go out and buy some decent clothes instead of wearing something from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?"

Naruto almost wanted to cry; he had never heard Phillip say such mean words about his fashion! Choked through tears, Naruto got the strength and said, "I WANT ALL YOU MOTHAFUCKAS OUTTA THE HOUSE!"

None of them was convinced; they just sat there, wanting to smoke that blue berry yum yum he had in his hand. Naruto had no choice; he pulled out his revolver and shot it into the air 4 times, creating holes in his ceiling. They all screeched and ran and jumped outta Naruto's window, running after the ice cream truck that was going through the neighborhood.

Naruto sighed and farted; he had to take a gigantic shit, yet again. So he kicked off his 7 inch bunny slippers and went into his bathroom. He twisted the knob, but the door didn't open. The door was locked. Naruto let out a shrill scream of horror.

"What the fuck?" he screamed.

He pulled out his magic wand that he stole from Harry Potter and the seven dwarfs and said, "Assbracadookiebra!"

The door was unlocked. He twisted the nutsack shaped door knob and opened it to see something really messed up..

Neji was in his bath tub and Shino was on the toilet. Neji had bubbles comming up to his brown nipples. When he saw Naruto, he quickly screamed like a little girl, covering his nipples. A light blush was on his cheeks. Shino just sat there, his face red and strained; he was obviously taking a shit.

"What the fuck?" screamed naruto.

"Um, hello again, Naruto," said Neji, who was squeezing Michael the rubber ducky that Naruto placed in his bathroom.

"Neji!" shouted Naruto, confused as fuck at the hideous long-haired mothafucker, and even more scared that Shino was in there; he seriously did not like Shino because... his sunglasses look like he stole them from the fucking Dollar Tree and his collar looked like some shitty 80s fashion trend.

"Shino, get your ugly ass off the fucking toilet!" screamed Naruto. He SERIOUSLY had to go. Naruto clasped both of his hands over his asshole, feeling the warm shit touch his hands. Shino let his sunglasses slide down his black head covered nose and said, "I'm pooping, Naruto, can't you fucking see that, you yellow haired baboon?" Shino had the major runs; he let out a juicy fart that lasted about 5 seconds and strained so hard that he felt he shitted his prostate out.

Naruto then saw the second toilet he had in his bathroom and ran towards it, but Shino used his telekinetic powers and naruto couldn't move. "Wait your turn, and keep the toilets clean for personal use, motherfucker," said Shino.

Neji giggled and splashed water on Naruto, making his asshole get soaked.

In response to this, Naruto let out a huge fart, making Shino fall off the toilet, causing him to shit a 3 foot turd on naruto's linoleum. Shino covered his asshole with hands, trying to block it from Naruto's view, but it was too late. Naruto's mouth gaped like a fish out of water. He just saw Shino's asshole! He was suprised he was alive. Shino's asshole looked like raw hamburger meat, hair surrounding his asshole. He had a few dingleberries attached, as well. Some were old, and some were freshly new. Naruto felt blood trickle out of his mouth as he landed on the floor, having a seizure momentarily. God, that was a worse sight than Neji's face. Neji scrubbed his saggy nuts with Naruto's soap and washed his nasty arm pits, letting down his 10 inch arm pit hairs.

Naruto sat up after recovering from the horrible sight. He turned to look at Neji, his eyes narrowed. He had just about enough of this; he never would forgive Shino for the pain he caused him at the Olympics and Neji... Neji was just a fucking weirdo with fucked up eyes. It looks like someone cummed in his eyes. Naruto went over to Shino and tossed his ass outta the window. He landed directly into Naruto's dumpster face first and was flailing his legs wildly to get out. Fortunately for Naruto, it was garbage day, so the dump truck came and picked up his dumpster and Shino got tossed under all the diapers and dingleberries in Naruto's dumpster. He started screaming loudly as opening of the dump truck closed, shutting up Shino tight from the outside world.

The dump truck went over to the local dumping area and flung out an unconscious Shino, barely able to breathe from the putrid smell.

Naruto went over to his bath tub and, to his disgust, picked up the naked Neji and tossed him out of the window as well. For some random reason, a fat girl was directly under the trajectory of Neji, so he landed on her and bounced off her stomach as if it was a trampoline.

"What the fuck you be doing, turd?" screamed the girl, who happened to be African American.

Neji bounced off of her so fourcefully that he managed to land on the roof of Naruto's neighbor; however, since it was a pagoda, the curvature prevented Neji from maintaining balance, so he lost his footing and rolled down the roof, farting really loudly and hitting his nuts against the tiles until he finally landed in the fish pond down below.

The fish pond wasn't really huge, so Neji practically splashed out all of the water, letting the koi flap around on the ground. The pond also had a crab, which pinched Neji's nuts, causing him to scream loudly, and he hopped the fence of the yard and ran home, crying.

Naruto laughed deviously, satisfied with his antics, and sat down on the toilet and took a huge shit. He then got in the shower and went to get ready for his lunch date with Sakura and... above all... Sasuke Renee' Uchiha. Yes, his middle name is Renee'. It's so kinky.

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AN: Glad you enjoyed it!