"I don't think Buddha is permitting us to go to Olive Garden, Naruto," giggled Sakura as she farted.
"I'm so disappointed, bitch," said Sasuke as he picked his nose.
Sakura looked out the window and saw that Phil, Caitlyn, and Kakashi had walked up to her car.
"What the hell happened, dumbass?" laughed Kakashi as he was reading his gay porn novel.
"My car broke down, kakashi-sensei," said Haruno Sakura.
"So what do we do now?" said Phil.
"I gotta fart," announced Caitlyn. She let out a fart that was about the same loudness as a microwave beeping.
"Kinky," said Phil.
"Who invited you, what's-your-name?" asked Kakashi to Phil.
"If you took the cookies and made a parfait, I'd use your hair as a model," said Caitlyn.
"What the fuck." muttered Sasuke.
"Hey," piped up Caitlyn. "Let's go to a Weeknd concert!"
Sasuke, Naruto, Sakura, Phil, and Kakashi groaned in unison as Kakashi farted so loudly his flesh-coloured fanny pack lifted up.
"Oh, shit, my purse," said Kakashi.
"But, there will be so many. . .," Sakura paused, cautiously looking around to make sure no coloured people were around. ". . so many African Americans there."
"And?" said Caitlyn.
Sakura turned around to meet the vexed expression of Sasuke.
"I'm down with the swirl," Sasuke mused, recalling Devon's chocolate ding-a-ling pounding his puckered booty crack. "Besides, why must you stereotype all of my Afro-haired brethren?"
"We are going to this concert!" Caitlyn demanded, twatcking Sakura on her billboard sized forehead. "Dress up as slutty as you can. Don't let Kakashi upstage you guys, because you know he keeps a closet full of dominatrix outfits."
Sakura instantly flushed because she recalled Naruto making a major 'oopsie' on all of her expensive clothes when he defecated her house. Plus, her A-cup bras were all ruined. She would have to go and show off her bee sting titties to the crowd. She flicked her Hello Titty nipple piercing and smiled at Caitlyn, "Sure! I think this night's gonna be interesting indeed."
"I'm siked!" Naruto exclaimed, jumping up and down like a kangaroo before immediately stopping. "Wait, can we please not invite Sai? I don't want to bring him along."
"Why not?" questioned Caitlyn.
"He's just gonna bring his stupid turd paintings to show off to everyone, flap his ponyFAIL around in the breeze, and show off his stomach with that gay-ass crop top," Naruto huffed, crossing his arms and cast a quick glance at Sasuke before continuing on, "Plus, I don't feel like hearing about his on again, off again boyfriend Ryan Snipes from South Dakota who is a MAJOR turd."
"Perhaps that's why he paints dookie," pondered Kakashi, taking a sip from his Starbucks drink. "By the way, I think Naruto just stepped in Kiba's doodoo."
"Huh? What?!"
Kakashi pointed to the clueless' boy's shoes. Naruto lifted one of his sexy ninja sandles up, discovering the caked, stinky matter clinging onto the bottom of his shoes he bought from a Dollar Tree is Witchita, Kansas back in 2007 on his trip to an anime convention which sucked pretty horribly.
"I defecated," said Kakashi. He farted.
"Oh, my God! Can dookie PLEASE leave me alone?! It's like the entirety of my life," Naruto screeched in exasperation. "Besides, Kakashi, how do you know it's Kiba's dung? What if it belonged to an actual dog?"
"No," Kakashi objected flatly. "That's definitely human dookie and that definitely belongs to Kiba's weeaboo, wanting-to-be-a-dog-so-fucking-badly's ass. He needs to get a hobby instead of wearing that heavy ass coat in this one hundred degree weather. He needs to stop lifting up his leg and taking his lil vienna sausage out every time he sees a fire hydrant. He needs to stop eating dog treats. He needs to stop - "
"Okay, okay! We get it, old nigga!" Sakura, Sasuke, Naruto, and Caitlyn shrieked.
"Shut the shit up!" yelled Sasuke as he threw a condom from his ass purse at Cailtyn.
Phil was unusually quiet because he was playing his orange Nintendo DS! He was on level 4 of Super Mario: Crash Brothers!
"Wait a minute, guys!" Naruto suddenly bellowed, letting out a little toot escape from his rectum. "We don't have tickets and The Weeknd's concert starts in three hours!"
"Oh, we'll get in," Caitlyn grinned mischeviously. "Trust me! Just get ready and look good and Kakashi. . ."
Kakashi glanced up and met the brunette's eyes questioningly.
"Dress to impress," Caitlyn said with a hint of mystery evident in her voice. "You know what I mean. And take off that shitty-ass mask you got on. It's fucking hideous like your mom in a thong."
Kakashi grinned behind his mask, tucked his Icha Icha Paradise book into the crevice of his booty crack, and nodded. "My mom may be 5 foot 3 and weighs 247 pounds, but her ass has a liposuctioned 20 inch waist, 60 inch hips, with an ass the same circumference as the sun."
"Who came in her butthole?" asked Sasuke with a smirk.
"Exactly 793 guys in the past three months," said Kakashi.
"So almost 9 guys played with her rectum each day?" asked Sakura.
"Hell yeah," said Kakashi.
The gang then split up, heading to their houses to gather the necessary concert goodies before making their big entrance. Phil, however, remained in the same spot, still playing on his pink, glittery Nintendo! At least he moved up a level and was racing against Shikamaru from across the city.
Sakura, clueless of what to do, ran into her father's closet. Surely he had to have some girly items worthy of a concert! She plundered through his dildos, tampons, and anal plugs until she found what she wanted. "Ah hah!" She shouted in victory as she lifted some white lace panties with bedazzled pink crystals on them and a matching bra to match. Obviously her titties were smaller than her dad's. So, they'd most likely fall out. But, hey, it's a Weeknd concert! Boob exposure is necessary. She threw over a neon pink mesh dress over the undergarments and examined herself in the mirror. "Hmmm," she pondered. "Something's missing. . "
She rushed over to her dad's vanity table, plundering through all of his makeup. She caked on heavy foundation and blended it into her neck. Sakura then applied some eyeshadow, eyeliner and false lashes. She finished it off with dark red lipstick and kissed her reflection. She looked so slutty!
The scene switches to a flustered Naruto rushing home, tooting along the way, hoping Sasuke won't notice.
"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Naruto screamed, both hands covering his booty cheeks as air escaped them rapidly.
He was terrified he'd embarrass himself at a concert. Although the music will be loud, and people will be screaming as they diddle each other's buttholes, he was CERTAIN that his farts would overpower ALL OF THAT. He was also scared that when he does a hand stand at the concert, dookie will spew from his anus hole like a fountain. He cringed at the idea of Sasuke seeing him in such an awkward situation. He HAD to look good for Sasuke! He HAD to!
Naruto ran to his closet filled with at least twenty of those UGLY orange jumpsuits that looked like something Elton Jon would wear to prison. As if he had a major selection to choose from, he examined each jumpsuit carefully before picking the one he thought was the absolute sexiest; this one was scandalous; it had a teal collar instead of the standard blue. Plus, it had 1980s shoulder pads. After slipping it on over his existing one, he put on a push-up bra and buttpads to give Sasuke something to hold onto as they were grinding passionately on that dance floor. Maybe Uchiha Sasuke's groin would rub against his asscrack. He then rushed to his Hello Kitty shaped jewlery box, pulling out huge bamboo hooped earrings that glittered so brightly that Naruto thought he would go blind if he looked directly into them. He put them on, made kissy faces at himself in the mirror as he applied some shiny coral blue lipgloss.
"Mmm," Naruto moaned, turning around to examine his bubble butt in the mirror. "You're ready, Mr. Uzumaki. Uchiha Renea Sasuke is gonna claim you tonight! He's gonna keep the sparkle in your earrings dancing, you sexy thang." He went to his closet and bowed to his shrine of ramen molded into Sasuke, much like Helga does on Hey Arnold. Sorta. Except this statue had a zucchini for a penis. Naruto placed his ass against the absurd vegetable and started twerking on nit.
"I want your penis brushing my prostate and make it so awesome," said Naruto. He turned on his iPod and played "Atomic" by Blondie and got out a hair brush. "Your hair is beautiful, ooh-wooh, tonight..."
The scene switches to a brooding Sasuke Uchiha walking into his Barbie-themed bedroom, flipping on the cotton candy coloured lightswitch and examining his beautiful bedroom more suitable for a five year old child. But, still, this is Sasuke's swag and no one's gonna change it! Sasuke itched his anus and walked over to his third toilet to take a long and agonizing dookie. His mind wandered over to Naruto's stupid ass, thinking about what fruity number he was going to wear to the concert. He grabbed a magazine that was randomly on the toilet behind him and looked at the naked shinobi girls. His penis grew to 25 inches and he began slapping it against his forehead as a turd plopped into the toilet. He giggled when the cold water splashed against his anus hole and he pushed his penis into the toilet, smashing the turd.
"Oh, shit on my dick and call me Uncle Quilly, that's so damn sexy," he purred. He then flushed it and the suction of the water going down the toilet pipe tugged on his penis as he farted a lot of rhymes with Obie Trice. He came in the toilet. He wiped a few times, stood up, and changed his outfit.
He picked out a gay looking v-necked shirt and some tight skinny jeans. Both were grey that matched his inner soul that was dying within every awakening moment. "Oh, God," Sasuke said. "That was deep. I better right that down in my diary!" Before he could do so, he heard his phone go 'ding-ding-a-ling'. At first, he assumed it was his nuts clapping together in his thong, but no, it was his phone. He picked it up and noticed he had received a picture message from Naruto. Opening the message, he noticed it was an extreme close-up of Naruto's pimple-covered ass cheek. Sasuke shuddred before he deleted the image, throwing the phone in his pocket and headed out the door to meet up with the crew. He would rather be placing his penis near Sakura's anus, but he knew that it was all part of his plan he was going to carry out sooner or later.
As Sasuke approached the spot they were last gathered at, he noticed Phil was still rooted in the same spot, giggling every time Shikamaru lost a round. The two of them were smoking a splif as they drank from the same 47 oz bottle of Gatorade. He stood quietly behind the giggling boy, sneaking a peak at his cleavage every chance that he could get.
"Uh, you know," Sasuke began. "We're going to a Weeknd concert. Are you gonna dress up or nah?"
Phil glanced up, glared at the emo fag, and smacked him against his pale ears. He wanted to cackle as he noticed the emo faggot's ears turning red from his beatings. "Shut up," Phil warned, bending over to let a little toot escape from his butt. "And there's more where that came from!"
Sasuke resisted the urge to cry from getting his ears smacked. "THAT HURTS, STUPID!" roared Sasuke with rage.
Suddenly, Caitlyn approached the two, easing the awkwardness between them. She was wearing a Weeknd crop top with a giant "XO" on it, wearing skinny jeans, wedges, and her hair high in a bun that looked like a pile of cow poop on her head. She grinned ear to ear as she sung several verses from The Weeknd's songs and tooted on Phil's leg. Phil lifted up his leg and farted for almost ten minutes straight before finally stopping. Caitlyn hugged Phil and they took a photo to send to Facebook.
That's when Sakura and Naruto approached together.
"Naruto, you are so gay," said Sakura.
"Yeah, look at your fruity dress; it looks like a Mexican dress Lolo got from a flea market," retorted Naruto.
"Actually, I got it from Portugal,"
"What the fuck? Naruto, you didn't change at all!" Caitlyn scolded the blonde queer.
"Huh?! Yeah, I did! I changed into a new jumpsuit with a teal collar, shoulder pads, and I changed my Depends," Naruto paused, checking his diaper. "Yep! No turds in there yet."
Both Sakura and Caitlyn rolled their eyes.
Scratching his anus hole, Naruto muttered aloud, "Hey, where the fuck is Kakashi?"
Right on cue, the loud clicking of heels on the pavement could be heard from behind them. They turned around to meet the down-right sexy and hot form of Kakashi Hatake. He was wearing a tight catsuit that had a tail on it, his moobs pushed up high, wearing his thigh-high boots with 5 inch heels, his grey hair slicked back into a tight bun, and his ass-cheeks jiggled against the latex with every step he took. They also noticed his usual visible eye was covered with dark glittery eyeshadow and eyeliner that reflected against the moonlight. But...he was wearing a different mask. It was a fishnet mask that was very opaque, so one could not see his face.
"YAAAS, HUNTY! WERK!" Caitlyn shrieked, snapping her fingers in approval.
Kakashi twirled around a few times, showing off his curvy figure. He started dancing like Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music", making his tail slice the oxygen and nitrogen molecules. "Thank you, thank you," he said smoothly as he blew a kiss. "You guys can't tell, but I'm wearing red lipstick behind this mask. Tsunade did it for me!"
The five of them walked into the concert hall, waiting in line amongst the many eager people ready to see The Weeknd preform live. They giggled eagerly amongst themselves and Naruto even farted a little. As they approached the security guard to take their tickets, Kakashi lifted up his boobs a bit extra higher. "Hey, we need seats for five people," Caitlyn said, smiling at the guard almost too sweetly.
"Let me see your tickets," the guard demanded.
"Well, see, we don't have tickets," Caitlyn muttered sheepishly. "But, we have something to make up for it."
She gestured for Kakashi to approach the guard, but instead Sakura mistook it as her cue. She lifted her braless chest and showed the guard her bee sting tits and smiled seductively.
"So, whaddaya say? We can have five tickets for the front row? I'm the prettiest Japanese broad, I got no bra, nipples are so hard."
"Hell nah, bitch! Yo tits look like mosquito bites! Heck, they don't even look like THAT. I've never seen titties that itty-bitty." The guard shook his head, and pointed them to the back of the line.
"Bitch, those titties are still smaller than that of a fetus," said Kakashi as he pushed Sakura out of the way, pulled his latex top down, letting his moobs spill over. The guard's jaw dropped, and immediately let the five go in. The crowd from behind groaned loudly in envy.
"YAS, KAKASHI! I can't believe your sexy moobs actually got us in!" Caitlyn cheered, jumping up and down.
"Oh, believe it honey," Kakashi said sassily. "These tits have gotten me into many concerts before. Oh, and my anus hole, but that's another story. It's been used by so many niggas in the slammer with their stiff hammers. And yes, ain't nothing changed, dez titties still bananas."
Everyone sweatdropped exept Kakashi.
They went into the concert area, noticing it was crowding up with a bunch of niggas and what-not. The five empty seats in the front row were reserved for them and they made their way up to the front when they noticed a certain pine-strawed hair looking mothafucka sitting RIGHT behind them!
"Akimichi Daniel Chouji!"
Said person looked up from his bowl of chili and smiled at the group.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Naruto shrieked. "We thought we'd be the only white/Asian ones here."
"The Weeknd was in town, so, you know, I decided I'd enjoy the show," Chouji smiled, inhaling another spoonful of chili. He coughed and farted on his 469 lb fatass.
"Um, Chouji, why do you have an empty seat beside you?" Phil asked curiously.
"Oh, that," Chouji said, tossing the spoon into the giant bowl of chili, watching it sink to the bottom. He then sat the giant bowl of chili into the empty seat. "I needed room for my chili!"
"You are such a fat-ass!" All of them screamed at once.
"So what?" remarked Chouji. "I still get more anal sex than Sakura!"
"Whose butthole did you cum in, Chouji?" squeaked Kafartshi.
He ignored the question. As soon as they sat down in their seats, the lights dimmed. In fact, it was pitch black. The audience screamed with excitement and Naruto contributed by letting out the loudest toot of his life in which somebody a few seats back shouted, "Ew, who farted?!"
"I did! Whoooo!" screamed Caitlyn as she took off her shirt and let her 44 E titties jiggle all over the place. They smacked her in the face and she sat down.
Smoke erupted from the stage, green strobe lights started blinking, and the crowed screamed louder and louder until Naruto thought the earwax in his ears were gonna fall out. "Damn, these niggas loud as fuck!" screamed Naruto, but no one could hear him over the loud screaming and build up of the music.
When The Weeknd appeared on stage with his pineapple head, everyone stood up and started screaming even louder. Naruto stood up, trying to dechiper what possessed Weeknd to style his hair like that. But, then again, he couldn't talk, considering his hair looked like multiple slices of cheese stacked ontop of his orange-shaped head.
He noticed that Kakashi begun twerking when the bass hit. His booty cheeks were flapping up and down as he moved his hips faster to the music. The concert area was shaking and vibrating from the loud music. A group of black girls surrounded him yelling, "Go, Kaka! Go, Kaka! Go, Kaka!" which eventually attracted the attention of The Weeknd.
"Hey, wait a minute," The Weeknd said into the mic. "Bring that big ball of pure sex on the stage."
Both Phil and Caitlyn exchanged weary glances.
Kakashi stood on the stage, the spot light on him now. The crowd continously clapped their hands. Some cheered, some laughed hysterically at Kakashi's horrid appearance. The Weeknd didn't know what to think, but his anus hole was moist.
"What's your name, baby?" Weeknd asked.
"Just call me Kaka, darling," Kakashi responded, batting his eyelashes.
"Can you, uh," Weeknd paused when Kakashi bent over to show his booty crack to the audience.
The entire crowed in the arena started gagging and hurling. Phil facepalmed so hard, whilst Caitlyn hid her face in her shirt. Naruto just stood there, letting a long, continous fart slip out of his ass cheeks. Sasuke was indifferent to the whole situation, and was trying not to cry from re-reading poetic material in his head. Sakura was joining the crowd as she threw up all over herself.
"Okay, okay," The Weeknd said, stopping Kakashi from blinding anymore audience members. "I was going to ask, 'Can you sing?'"
"HELL YEAH, I CAN SING!" Kakashi yelled into the mic, suddenly belting out random lyrics from Chingy.
"Dude, that's soooo 2005," Weeknd muttered. "Guards! Take this nigga off the stage."
"NO!" shouted Kakashi. "It's CHINGY! OVER THERE! WITH A MACHINE GUN! OH SNAP, MUTHAFUKA!"
"It is me, Chingith, and I am seeking revenge on Ludacris!" said the light skin dude with an M4A1 machine gun. He aimed it towards Naruto's head.