It is a very special day in the world of What If,dear readers.

…Well, yesterday was.

ANYWAY, on August 31, 2007, I posted my very first What If to , never really thinking anyone would leave me any suggestions. Little did I know what a wonderful adventure I was about to begin. I have enjoyed every minute, and will continue to do so.

So, Happy five year anniversary to What If! (I feel old)

And to at least another five more!

What If…

Demyx and Roxas could only speak in innuendos….

((as suggested by the wonderful crave-the-rave and friend))

But could do nothing else?

((last part added by me on a stroke of dirty inspiration))

"Well this is certainly an interesting group," Axel remarked dryly as he, Roxas, Demyx, and Zexion exited a portal into the marketplace in Agrabah.

"It's a research and action mission; this group makes perfect sense," Zexion replied immediately without turning to look in Axel's direction. Because he was looking around their starting location, Zexion failed to notice Axel mimicking his words. Roxas held back his laughter.

Demyx smacked him on the arm. "Come on, you guys! Be nice! This could be fun!"

Axel gave him a 'you're-joking-right' look. "A mission with Zexion? Come on Demyx, even you know that he has a conniption when even the slightest thing doesn't go according to plan."

Demyx couldn't argue the point. "It's not that bad! Maybe this time it'll be different."

Immediately, the marketplace filled with countless Heartless.

"This is definitely different," Axel allowed before springing into action. Zexion looked flustered.

"This isn't right!" He said, reluctantly breaking out the lexicon for battle.

"Too bad Zexy," Axel mocked over his shoulder, spinning flames into several Pot Scorpions. "Sometimes things don't go according to plan."

Zexion huffed while absentmindedly vanquishing a pair of Bandits. "With careful planning, things can always go according to plan."

"You cannot plan when Heartless appear!"

"Actually—"

"Will you two shut up!" Roxas said suddenly, spinning away from his opponents to stare at Zexion and Axel. "There are Heartless! No one cares if any of it was according to pl-"

Axel's eyes widened as Roxas was cut off by a Wizard bombarding him with a dark green spell, causing him to double over in shock.

"Roxas!" Demyx, who was closest to him, cried out in alarm before coming to his defense. He wasn't fast enough with his attack, however, and the Wizard hit Demyx with the same spell before he was hit by Demyx's water blast and exploded.

Roxas, who had now straightened, help hold Demyx upright. Axel, who was slowly fighting over to their area, alerted Zexion to the trouble before calling out. "Roxas! Demyx! Are you alright?"

Roxas grinned slowly. "I'm more than alright, now that you're nearby," he smirked, almost languidly fighting off his attackers while looking at Axel. Axel stared at him, puzzled. At this moment, Zexion finally made his way over.

"Demyx! Are you hurt?"

Demyx made the same sly expression as Roxas. "I'm hurt alright," he said, and Zexion's eyes widened in alarm before he continued, "hurt that we aren't somewhere alone where we could—"

"Demyx!" Zexion said, blushing. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, but I've got a good idea as to what could get into you—"

"This is ridiculous," Zexion said, cutting him off and sending out a range attack to kill most of the nearby Heartless.

"They obviously need some medical attention," Axel said, equally as concerned.

Roxas winked. "The only attention I need is some good old fashioned—"

Axel let out a wall of flames that effectively finished off the remaining Heartless.

"Let's get them to Vexen."

-((laughter))-

"Well there's nothing physically wrong with them that I can determine," Vexen began.

"I have something physically wrong that involves a redhead and my bedroom—" Roxas started before Axel put a hand over his mouth.

"You mean you can't fix it?" Axel said, concern lacing his tone.

"Not now…soon, maybe. I have to determine the type of spell that caused this…this…"

"Blatant innuendo," Zexion supplied dryly.

"Yes. Once I have determined that, I will concoct a solution and notify you immediately. Until then…" he looked at Demyx and Roxas, who seemed to be permanently affixed with 'bedroom eyes.' "Good luck."

-((Zexion and Demyx!))-

Zexion sat at his desk, trying in vain to write out the day's mission report. Every so often he would look over at his bed to Demyx, who kept leering at him while he was working.

"Don't you have something you need to do?" Zexion asked, trying once again to write the same sentence for the third time.

"Oh I have something I need to do…" Demyx started, "or should I say…someone."

Zexion stood abruptly from his desk. "Demyx I need to finish my work. I really need you to go to your room until I finish this, and then we can work on your…condition."

Demyx stood and stepped closer to Zexion. "But my condition is most severe—" Zexion made a noise of frustration before he grabbed Demyx and pulled him in for a harsh kiss. Just as he was about to wrap his arms completely around Demyx, he was forcefully pushed back into the opposite wall.

Zexion righted himself, shocked. "What just happened?"

Demyx just looked confused. "I don't know…one minute I felt…normal and the next you were against the wall…which is right where I want you," the innuendo seemed added almost as an afterthought.

Zexion slowly approached Demyx before reaching out to touch his cheek. His hand was held back by an unseen force.

"…This will not do. Come, Demyx."

"Gladly."

-((Axel and Roxas))-

Axel collapsed on the bed as soon as the two returned to his bedroom.

"Well." He said from his prone position on the bed as Roxas leered down at him. "You are certainly in a good mood, being under a spell and all," he cleared his throat. What do I do with a Roxas that's under a spell?

Roxas just continued to stare at him. Axel fidget a little, sitting up. "Really Roxas, what should I do with you?"

Roxas smiled. "Oh I can think of several things you can do with me," he approached the bed, slowly laying on top of Axel. "Let me show you some examples…" However, as soon as Roxas moved to unzip Axel's jacket, he froze.

"Roxas?" Axel questioned.

"I…I can't move," Roxas said seriously. "It's like I'm not allowed to touch you…"

"Nonsense," Axel said, sitting the both of them up. "I can touch you, see—" he moved in for a kiss before he was thrown back into the headboard.

"Whoa, what's going on?"

"I can think of several things I would like to have going on—"

Axel ignored him. "We need to see Vexen again."

-((To Vexen!))-

Axel and Roxas arrived in Vexen's laboratory after Zexion and Demyx, who greeted them once they entered. "As I was saying," Vexen continued, "I discovered the source spell for the problem."

Axel and Zexion looked hopeful.

"Unfortunately, there is no potion that will cure this particular malady."

"How do we fix it?" Axel asked, concerned.

"I can fix it," Roxas said before Axel shushed him.

"Sex." Vexen replied succinctly.

"That doesn't work!" Zexion and Axel said, almost in unison. "There's almost a…barrier keeping me from touching him," Zexion supplied.

"And Roxas froze before he could touch me," Axel added.

"Interesting side effects," Vexen muttered, writing in his notebook about this new spell. "But I'm afraid the only way is to have intercourse."

"But…how?" Axel asked. "There's an impenetrable shield of innuendos!"

"There is one thing that pierces any innuendo," Vexen started.

The two raised an eyebrow.

"Dirty talk. It's blunt enough that it just might work."

Axel grinned, Zexion blushed.

-((the next day))-

"That was an easy fix!" Axel said, grinning from ear to ear the next morning after breakfast. "How about you Zexion?" he asked, seeing the Cloaked Schemer leaving the cafeteria.

"…I'm working on it," he said evasively.

"I've got something for you to work on," Demyx said, winking at Zexion before walking ahead. Zexion groaned. Axel's jaw dropped.

"Zexion, you haven't broken the spell yet? What's up?"

"Demyx and I do a lot of things," Zexion said, blushing slightly, "but dirty talk is usually not one of them."

"It's easy!" Axel said, guiding Zexion down the hall towards Demyx's bedroom. "All you have to do is say what you want to happen," he said winking before knocking on Demyx's door and stepping quickly into his bedroom.

Zexion shifted from foot to foot as the door opened. "Zexy!" Demyx said smiling, letting him in. "What's up?"

Just say what I want to happen…Zexion repeated, steeling himself. "I want to kiss you."

Demyx's lips parted slightly and Zexion moved in, softly bringing his lips to Demyx's. When he was not repelled into the now closed door, Zexion smiled. Hmmm…maybe this will work after all, he thought happily.

"I want to move to the bed," he murmured against Demyx's lips, pushing him backwards towards the bed. His knees hit the bed, and he fell back with Zexion on top of him.

"What do you want me to do, Demyx?" Zexion whispered into Demyx's ear.

"Touch me," Demyx whispered brokenly.

"Where?" Zexion asked. I'm starting to like this.

"Everywhere," Demyx replied, and Zexion grinned before slowly removing Demyx's jacket.

"Here?" Zexion asked, hovering over Demyx's chest. Demyx nodded, and Zexion leaned down and placed butterfly kisses all over Demyx's chest, softly licking Demyx's nipples before blowing cool air on them. Demyx shuddered.

"I want to…touch you too," Demyx whispered, starting to remove Zexion's jacket. Zexion helped him along, and soon the two were rolling on his bed, clad in nothing but boxers and sheets.

"Z-Zexion…" Demyx shuddered as Zexion's lips ghosted over the waistline of Demyx's boxers.

"Hmmm?" Zexion said without looking up from his task of slowly removing Demyx's boxers. "What do you want next, Demyx?"

"K-kiss me," Demyx whispered, and Zexion rose up to kiss Demyx on the lips. "No! I mean…kiss me…down there," he whispered again, blushing.

"Here?" Zexion asked, kissing his hip.

"Lower…"

"Here?" Zexion asked, kissing Demyx's inner thigh. Demyx jumped.

"Zexion!" Demyx almost shouted, "please put your lips there!" he moaned the last word out as Zexion slowly encircled the head of Demyx' member in his lips.

"Hmmm?" Zexion hummed in a voice that Demyx could translate as Here? Demyx moaned and put his hands in Zexion's hair, willing him to go further.

"Please Zexion…make me yours…."

Zexion gave one last hard suck before pulling away, grinning wolfishly.

"Your wish is my command…"

-((meanwhile))-

"Axel!" Roxas exclaimed over yet another loud moan that came from the room next door, "what did you tell him?"

"The secret of our success!" Axel said, bringing Roxas into a close embrace. "And I daresay it sounds like it's working famously…"

-((The End!))-

Hmmm. I don't know how to feel about that one. It was better in the end, but the middle was…I don't know….

Leave me love!

Last one: Kairi

Roxas sighed loudly as he entered Marluxia's room. "What do you want for it Marluxia?"

"Now Roxas, I wasn't aware I was selling sexual favors today…"

~freaky-hanyou