BERLIN, 1943
Anna's mind had been drifting. Rather than settling on the pile of editorials she had to file or the other work waiting for her at home, her thoughts were solidly stuck on the woman she had met three weeks prior. Her long blonde hair braided to perfection. Those piercing blue eyes that glowed when she laughed. The pale unblemished skin with those almost indiscernible freckles spread across the bridge of her nose. Her full, red lips…
Anna was startled from her reverie when the door to the office opened and her boss entered, throwing another giant stack of papers onto his assistant's desk. "File these too, will you? The air raid last night made me lose track of time."
"I will surely do that," Anna told him, smiling weakly in a way she hoped didn't look like a grimace. It was increasingly difficult in this day and age to feel genuine emotion, especially for an undercover Jewish woman working as the assistant for the editor of the Nazi propaganda newspaper.
He took off his glasses and leaned forward, elbows on his desk, and fixed her with a stare. "Anna?"
"Kai?" she responded, not looking up from the papers in front of her. Meeting his eye always caused her anxiety. She knew he trusted her intimately and the fact that she lied to his face every day grieved her.
"I wondered how you were holding up. The raid last night was one of the worst I can remember Berlin having. My wife and I had been at the theatre when we heard the sirens - they had to cancel the show. Shame."
Anna glanced up at him out of politeness, but he wasn't looking her way. He seemed lost in thought.
"Oh, I'm fine," she said airily. No need to tell him she had broken down after the raid, alone in the tiny closet room she slept in, completely overwhelmed at the thought of a future too cloudy to comprehend, an oppressive lie she lived with on a daily basis, and the constant threat of capture and execution.
"You've just been looking pale, that's all." She flashed him what she hoped was a reassuring smile and hunched back over her desk, losing herself once more in daydreams of the blonde beauty, Elsa. Because at this point, dreams were much better than her reality.
Meeting the woman had been a complete accident. Anna's good friend Rapunzel worked as Elsa's maid. Although a housewife with three children, Elsa was completely incapable of normal household duties, according to Rapunzel. Anna had heard a lot of complaints about the woman from her maid, but the stories only amused Anna. She would laugh them off and attributed them to an employee's usual discontent of one's job. The day in question, Rapunzel, Anna, and some of the other girls from their Underground Resistance group (all Jewish and all queer) had been at a rendezvous point to obtain information from another secret group. By chance, Elsa had brought her children to the same restaurant because it was Rapunzel's day off. The maid had panicked upon seeing the family and had hid herself surreptitiously behind a pillar, but not before pointing the woman out to Anna. The redhead became immediately smitten and had stared over at the woman, unbeknownst to her, until the job was complete and they had to quit the restaurant before anyone got suspicious.
That one look across a busy restaurant was enough - Anna's whole world, which had been floating so freely in strife and fear, was suddenly anchored in this one woman. Since that day, Anna had been overcome with passion and written the blonde a letter anonymously every week. Instead of her name, Anna signed these letters with a symbol she had seen in a book somewhere - it was somewhat like the one on the Nazi flag, but there were only three prongs and they were more curved and enclosed by a circle. Anna did all of this much to Rapunzel's profound displeasure. The maid was now subjected to constant talk of the lonely housewife's secret admirer. Rapunzel was Elsa's only company, for the bombings had since sent her children to the countryside and because her husband was off serving the country on the front lines, Elsa was now always alone in her flat.
The fact that this woman was married to a Nazi Officer, had children, and was most likely a distinct heterosexual did nothing to deter Anna's perusal of her. Anna was stubborn and hadn't selfishly desired anything for so long, didn't she deserve a reward after such a long time of lonely suffering and fighting? And did it matter if the woman found out Anna's race, this cultural indicator that had suddenly become illegal in the country in which she lived? If her employer had no inkling as to her true identity, then neither would Elsa, surely. Anna had never wanted anything so much; she wanted Elsa more than freedom from discrimination. She knew that Elsa was worth any struggle, and she didn't even know the woman.
They had exchanged words though - did that make them acquaintances? The week before Anna had insisted on escorting Rapunzel to work on the pretense of safety in numbers, but Rapunzel knew better - Anna was hoping to run casually into the object of her affection. And they did; Elsa was departing from the building as Rapunzel was about to enter. This of course called for a brief introduction in which Anna called Elsa beautiful in her greeting, making the blonde blush furiously and stutter out a mild thanks before scurrying away to attend to her business.
It was the thought of the blonde's red face and averted eyes that was occupying space in Anna's mind when the clock struck five; time to leave. Relieved, she started to pack up and heard Kai doing the same from across the room. As the editor was reaching his arms into the sleeves of his coat, he struck up a bit of harmless conversation.
"New Year's Eve," he said. Yes, Anna was aware. But she said nothing. "It's on a Friday, that's quite the convenience."
"Indeed," she said, snapping shut her briefcase loaded with the paperwork she hadn't finished on account of her incessant daydreams.
"Any plans?"
Big plans. By a happy twist of fate, Anna was invited to Elsa's flat for a party that night. The girls of the Underground Resistance had needed a location to hold a rare shindig and release all of their wartime stress and Rapunzel, having listened to Elsa complain about her loneliness one too many times, suggested to the housewife that they hold it at her flat. Needing human contact for once, Elsa had agreed immediately and so the girls were to crash her home for the night and usher in the new year. Anna had many scenarios about the night chasing themselves around her head and all of them included the seducing the housewife.
"Not really," was what Anna actually answered with. "Maybe a drink or two. Usually I can't stay up until midnight anyway."
She smiled innocently at Kai as he chuckled. "You and me both, sister."
He moved toward the door that led to the rest of the deserted editing room and clicked off the lights. "See you next year." He chuckled for a moment at his own joke, then his face fell and his eyes became serious. "And don't tell anyone I said this, but let's hope this war finally ends this year."
Anna stared at her employer, not letting any emotion betray itself on her face.
"Forgive me," he continued, thinking Anna's lack of response was something like shock. "Goodnight."
It was not snowing as she set off for home, but the night was bitter cold and the sky overhead was glowing the purple that indicated that snow was a threat. Or perhaps there was going to be another air raid. Anything was possibly tonight.
Anna thought herself exceptionally calm as she dressed, considering the joys she anticipated the night to bring. She chose her outfit carefully and finally, after an hour of deliberation, chose a long, low cut, sequined black gown and piled her red mane into a careless updo. She had thought seriously of donning a tuxedo, but decided that it was overkill.
The girls had all planned to meet outside Rapunzel's building and invade Elsa's flat all at once. This was for safety as well as convenience. There were eight of them all together, and as queer as could be. They weren't drunk as yet, but were nonetheless rowdy as schoolgirls while they meandered down the chilly Berlin streets to their destination. The only reason they weren't stopped by any suspicious police was because the holiday had drawn out many people who were also loud and impossible.
Rapunzel stayed close by Anna as they walked - the two had fooled around in the past and Anna knew that the girl still had feelings for her. Anna did not feel the same,and only succumbed to her friend's advances on those rare occasions when the loneliness and hopelessness was crippling. Anna had told her as much, but Rapunzel was just as stubborn as the redhead. Anna felt a hand brushing her sleeve, but she didn't take the bait. Not tonight. No, tonight her heart belonged to another.
By the time they arrived at Elsa's building, Rapunzel had given up in her attentions towards Anna and led the charge up the winding stairs to the top floor. She hammered on the door with Anna at her shoulder, brimming with anticipation. The door opened wide, a giddy Elsa beaming at the party as she ushered them into her immaculately clean flat (Rapunzel's work, no doubt). The girls made themselves at home at once, fanning out to claim seats and inspect their surroundings. Anna lingered by the door and watched Elsa back into it until it closed, excited eyes entrapped by the people who were now filling her home so snugly.
"Need help with the drinks?" Anna asked, selfishly wanting those mirthful eyes on herself.
"Yes, please…" Elsa said, pausing and gesturing apologetically at Anna for recognizing her but not remembering her name.
"Anna," she said, taking the blonde's outstretched hand tenderly, resisting the urge to bring the soft, pale knuckles to her lips.
"That's right," Elsa said, nodding. A smile played on her lips as the two looked at each other, hands suspended in a gentle hold between them. Then the spell was broken when Elsa turned, leading Anna to the dining table upon which sat an array of bottles. Someone clicked on a radio and the slightly muffled and crackling sound of a saxophone filled the flat as Anna caught a glimpse of Rapunzel glaring at her and Elsa from across the room. Anna ignored her friend's jealousy, however, and focused her attention intently on Elsa.
"You'll have to forgive me, I haven't had company in quite some time," Elsa said, selecting a bottle of wine and pouring it into a glass. "I hope I don't botch anything."
"You could never do that," Anna assured her, plucking the glass out of her hand playfully. Elsa was immune to the redhead's advance, though. "Thank you for letting us invade."
"My pleasure!" Elsa said, pouring more wine into another glass, then began to pass them around the room.
"It will be soon," Anna mumbled into her glass before taking a generous gulp.
Before long, every woman was downing glasses upon glasses of alcohol. Anna and Rapunzel had found the whiskey and were soon challenging each other to a contest consisting of who could finish their tumbler the quickest and hold it down the longest. Anna won the race spectacularly and immediately thereafter dropped down dizzily on the couch beside Elsa from where she had been watching the pair. Recklessly, Anna threw an arm around the blonde and Rapunzel, upon seeing this gesture, quickly moved away to address another part of the room. In her wake was left the sight of two of the girls kissing furiously against the opposite wall. If Elsa was surprised or offended by this, she did not reveal it.
Anna leaned over unsteadily and pressed her face into Elsa's hair, whispering over the blaring radio and loud conversation: "having fun?" The blonde nodded and turned her head to look at Anna. When she realized, however, how close their faces had become she flushed fiercely and rose, excusing herself, and picked her way precariously through the dancing women. Anna watched as she reached and leaned upon the doorway between the sitting room and the kitchen. It appeared as though she had just run a great distance and needed to stop and catch her breath.
Anna swiftly and steadily (despite the alcohol) crept into the dining area which was connected to the kitchen and then led back out into the sitting room. This arrangement allowed the perfect angle at which to sneak up on Elsa from her current position, and Anna did so as the blonde propped herself on the threshold, surveying the room at large. Anna stayed far enough back to not be mistaken as an aggressor and spoke lightly. "It's beautiful, isn't it? Human nature. Passion."
The kissing pair had slid down the wall to entangle themselves on the floor and Rapunzel was now dancing drunkenly with another friend.
"It is…" Elsa replied, not turning around. She continued to muse: "but sometimes human nature is disgraceful. Sometimes it destroys and kills and leaves people alone."
Anna moved a bit closer to her. "True. But on the other hand, life begets life. I love how it works itself out, even through destruction. Like everything is meant to be the way it is, exactly the way it unfolds."
Elsa still didn't turn, but her head was cocked in a way that told Anna that she was listening intently to her pondering. The redhead took another step forward; she was now as close as she could get to Elsa without touching her. Throwing caution to the winds, she began to quote herself to the blonde, the words that had poured so fervidly into her secret, anonymous letters, words that she couldn't contain, words of love.
"We are meant to be. We deserve each other and that is the truth whether or not I am the only one who knows it. I will admire your beauty until the end of my days and every day before or after - you will always be mine and nothing will change it - not time or life or death."
During the recitation, Anna gently took Elsa's hands and by the end, the blonde was gazing at her in wonder.
"You wrote those beautiful letters to me?"
Anna was lost in the blue eyes. Her mind was swimming - though from the drink or the passion that engulfed her, she did not know. Perhaps both.
"Yes," she breathed, inches from her beloved's lips. Anna knew what she wanted and she was going to take it.
"I don't know what to say."
It was at this point that Anna, heady with the proximity, the intoxication, the aroma, the utter sensuality, closed the gap and kissed Elsa. She almost cried out with joy when the blonde responded in kind, kissing her back with what was unmistakably desire. As Anna pushed Elsa against the door frame, she swallowed the guilt that bubbled up - the idea of a Jewish woman seducing a Nazi Officer's wife - the horrible fate she had now surely condemned herself to - all because of this one weakness.
A cheer went up among the women as the clock struck twelve. Anna and Elsa broke apart, looking over into the room and saw the party explode into a chaotic mass of physical affection. They looked back at each other, grinning.
"Happy New Year, Anna."
"Happy New Year, Elsa."
If Anna had learned anything through all of her hardships, it was to live in the moment, because any moment could be the last. As she leaned back into Elsa, wrapping her arms around her waist, she vowed that no matter what, she would do just that.
A/N: So this one is based off of one of my favorite movies - Aimee and Jaguar. It's seriously amazing and it's on Netflix so I highly recommend everyone watch it! It's only fair to warn you that it's in German w/ subs but I hope that doesn't put anyone off.