BERLIN, 1944
It was déjà vu. The guests scattered around the flat, the bottles bedecking the dining room table, the radio blaring from the corner, the depth of the night, the war and peril raging around them. Several things, of course, were different. It was a warm May evening, in contrast to the cold snowstorm of New Year's Eve. There were no children to be paranoid of waking up - no, they had since been evacuated to the countryside. The most acute difference was that instead of waiting inside for the party, Elsa was outside while the party waited for her. The occasion was the anniversary of Elsa's birth. Anna had naturally decided to throw an extravaganza for her beloved and was now to be found in the very center of the living room, stock-still, waiting for the blonde to appear. Anna had finally discovered an opportunity to wear the tuxedo she had neglected on New Year's Eve. Looking and feeling extremely dapper in her tails and tophat, she couldn't have been anything other than the picture of perfect confidence and comfort.
It was not long after the redhead had began to wait that the door opened and Elsa stepped into her own flat. Anna immediately strode over to the blonde as Elsa shut the door behind herself, gazing around in wonder. The party had exploded into cheers and greetings - everyone except Anna who was grinning widely, cheeks bunching and eyes crinkling in pure joy. She reached Elsa and pulled the blonde into her arms, whispering "happy birthday" gently into her ear.
As instructed, Rapunzel turned off the radio and replaced the silence with a sophisticated waltz via gramophone that Anna had requested be played when Elsa had entered. Anna slipped back from their embrace only far enough to prime herself and Elsa for a dance. Once their hands were in place they set off around the living room of the flat, Anna in the lead. They swept past Rapunzel and the gramophone (she looked stolidly away although she was by now used to seeing Anna and her employer in bouts of romance), around the couches, and through the clusters of women.
"What are you wearing?" Elsa asked as they waltzed, the path they tread getting more lazy with each turn about the room.
"Do you like it?" Anna asked her, smiling mischievously up at her partner. The height difference wasn't awkward in the least. Anna's self-possessed certainty carried her in her role as the man in the waltz.
"Very much," was Elsa's reply.
Presently the song finished and Rapunzel had the radio back on, energetic jazz immediately filling the flat. The two women toppled onto the couch laughing as those around them began to dance and pass around drinks. Elsa flicked at the tails on Anna's jacket playfully and watched them flutter back down onto Anna's trouser-clad thigh. Anna watched her, smiling idly until Elsa glanced up and caught Anna's gaze.
"Thanks for the party," said Elsa, soft hands coming up to secure themselves on Anna's warm cheeks.
"Anything for you, my sweet," said Anna, and the two women leaned in mutually to share a simple, lingering kiss. It contained no lust - it was pure love. They had, after all, known each other so well and been together for so long that their needs and happiness were easily sated solely by each other's presence. Their lips parted slowly and Elsa's hands dropped from Anna's face. Anna straightened up to press a peck to her beloved's forehead. She once more wished the blonde a happy birthday before rising to mingle with the rest of the party, as it was her constitution to give attention to all.
Looking back, Anna would wish that she had stayed longer on that couch with Elsa if only she had known it would be one of the last cheerful moments they'd share.
The night culminated into a game of poker. Elsa didn't know how to play even after Anna's many attempts at teaching her, so she contented herself with sitting in Anna's lap, smoking a cigarette and observing. Anna's chin rested lightly on Elsa's shoulder as she reached around the blonde to hold her hand of cards in sight before her eyes. The chatter at the table was loud and dynamic, the topic at the moment was time. The women got oddly philosophical when they were intoxicated late at night.
"I've heard that time is an illusion," someone was saying.
"Everything's an illusion nowadays," said Rapunzel grumpily from across the table.
"The past is a dream and the future a mystery…" continued someone else.
"I'm excited for the future," piped up Elsa, kissing Anna on the cheek as the redhead leaned forward to place a card on the table.
"I'm frightened of it," said Rapunzel, glancing up from her own spread of cards to lock eyes with Anna for a split second of silent agreement.
"It's the past that's frightening," said another.
"Why?" interjected the woman who had started the conversation. "It's already gone."
"I'm talking about regret, the things you wish you had done."
"Or hadn't!"
The party continued to squabble over the merits of the past and future for the next several minutes until Anna, who had stayed silent throughout the discussion was accosted to give her opinion.
"What do you think, Anna?"
Without hesitation and with alacrity she said, "I don't care about either! I'm interested only in the present. I want now! Every moment as it comes - like this one for instance is pretty great." Her arms wound around Elsa's waist, as the blonde was still perched in her lap. Elsa giggled as Anna continued, "I want nows, and I want every one of them until I turn old and gray!" And this proclamation settled it.
Later, after Anna and Elsa had bid the party goodnight, the couple fell together into a last intimate romp. Everything was perfect and remained so until the sun rose. Anna heard but did not register the door open in her half-awake state. She lay naked on her stomach, arm draped across Elsa's bare torso next to her. The sound of the latch was not something she noticed, but the masculine roar of fury that arose from the doorway was sufficient in startling her onto her hands and knees. Beside her Elsa sat up quickly, clutching the bedclothes to cover her exposed front.
"What the hell is this?"
"Hans!" Elsa said, terrified. Anna did the first thing she could think of - she leapt off of the bed and began dressing in haste, ignoring the shame prickling her cheeks at having been caught in bed by her lover's husband. Anna could hear Elsa's quaking breaths behind her, but Elsa had not moved. Anna had just thrown the man's shirt around her shoulders when she heard footsteps and then Hans was grabbing her upper arm in a vice grip and heaving her through the flat, though she was only half-dressed.
"Get out!" he snarled into her face before chucking her out of the door. Had she not caught herself on the railing of the stairs, Anna was sure she would have plunged down five stories to the worn stone floor far below. The door slammed and she heard him shouting. Unsure of what exactly to do, she shakily continued to dress on the landing, buttoning up her shirt and shrugging on the jacket with its tails. The top hat was discarded somewhere in the living room but it was beyond retrieval. Though muffled, Anna could hear perfectly well what the married couple were shouting at each other.
"... ON THE FRONT LINES RISKING MY LIFE, I COME HOME FOR MY WIFE'S BIRTHDAY TO FIND AN ATROCITY…"
Anna stayed long enough to hear Elsa shove a threat of divorce at Hans and for him to menace her with a call for the Gestapo to take away his homosexual wife and lock her up in a concentration camp. Anna knew barging back into the flat could very well get them both killed - she would be tried as a Jew and a homosexual - and there would be no use for that. No - she decided as she fled down the stairs, disheveled hair flying behind her - she could never see Elsa again, there was too much at stake, it was too much of a risk. She didn't cry - she knew she was saving both of their lives by staying away and was glad to have made such a decision.
For the next two months, Anna lived in a caustic state of numbness. Everything hurt, but she was strong. Kai asked more and more often after her well-being. She began sleeping with Rapunzel again out of pure loneliness but it only proved to hurt Anna more.
Everything came to to head on July 20th - the Führer had been assassinated, a bomb had gone off - Hilter was finally dead! Anna found she could breathe again. Internally, she rejoiced as all of Berlin rose up in disbelief - were they going to lose this never-ending war? Anna did not care. She took to the streets and found herself walking straight for Elsa - mounting the stairs to the flat, finding the door unlocked - the danger was over, surely, now that the Führer was dead.
Elsa was sitting rigid on the couch in the living room. The radio was on and the blonde was listening intently. When Elsa heard someone enter, she stood and turned. When she perceived her intruder, Elsa's face brightened instantly even through her shock.
"You… you're here."
Anna sighed, all of the tension, fear, and anxiety escaped through the exhale, as it always had around Elsa, and her face broke into a smile. The women ran to each other, embracing and kissing fiercely when they met in the center of the room. After an interminable amount of time lost to passion, they broke apart. Elsa's blue eyes sparkled with tears.
"What a wonderful day," Elsa breathed. "You're here and the Führer's alive…"
"He's what?" Anna snapped, dropping her hands from where they had cupped Elsa's jaw.
"He's alive! Everything's all right."
Anna backed away from the blonde, suddenly realizing whose voice was emanating ominously from the radio.
"...this attempt on my life has the SS redoubling its efforts to apprehend any remaining traitors hiding in our midst…"
Anna was going to be sick. Her knees buckled and she dropped to the carpet clutching her stomach.
"Anna? What's wrong?"
Elsa was there, kneeling beside her, hands encircling Anna's shaking shoulders. Elsa's worried expression was inches from Anna's hyperventilating face.
"We can't - we can't be together-"
For a glorious half day Anna could breathe; a piece of heaven had descended through the madness. She had glimpsed Eden and then just as soon it had been cruelly ripped away from her. What had she done to deserve this? She didn't ask for much - just happiness.
"Anna. Hans is dead - he went down in France. He can't turn us in." Between each phrase Elsa was kissing away the tears that Anna had not realized that she'd shed. "Everything will be all right!"
"No, it won't!" Anna yelled, pushing Elsa away forcefully and standing. The blonde, surprised, blinked up at Anna in a confusion which promptly turned to hurt. Anna twisted away at the sight and sobbed harder.
The voice from behind Anna came hard and sharp. "Here I was, prepared to forgive and forget that you abandoned me, left me alone for months." Elsa's voice was surprisingly even. "I waited for you all that time, hurting and wondering if you were even still alive and this is how you're going to thank me?"
There was a moment devoid of sound save for the monstrous radio broadcast and once more Anna could only think of one thing to do. Sniffling, arms wrapped protectively around her own torso, she started for the door.
"Yes, just leave again, that'll solve everything!" Finally, Elsa's voice broke with emotion and Anna stopped. "There will always be something that I'm not allowed to know, won't there?"
Anna spun slowly to face Elsa. The blonde was crying freely but glaring across the room at the other woman all the same.
"Elsa..." Anna said, pausing horribly. Elsa continued to glower and Anna forced herself to spew the confession she'd been hiding from her beloved all that time. "I'm Jewish."
The statement hung heavily in the air like the bomb dropped by an air raider right before its detonation. When Elsa did not react, Anna once more made to leave the flat. In three long strides, however, Elsa had Anna in her arms and was muttering, "don't leave me," into the auburn hair under her lips. The phrase was repeated over and over like a mantra while Anna properly broke down and the pair dissolved into each other's arms.
It soon became clear to Anna that although Elsa had accepted her completely for what she was and all was fine on that front there was a more serious and terrifying prospect looming over them. In the light of the attempt on the Führer's life, Anna and the rest of the her resistance friends could no longer hide in Berlin and would have to evacuate very speedily or risk capture. It was this realization that found, despite Elsa's violent protests, Anna, Rapunzel and the rest boarding a train out of Germany with counterfeit passports. The train was due to leave any moment, but Elsa refused to let go of the hold she had on Anna, even with Rapunzel tugging impatiently at the redhead's sleeve.
"I can't stay, Elsa, I'll only endanger us," Anna was saying for the last time. "I'll come back to you once this is all over."
Anna didn't really believe her own words but hoped Elsa would - at least for the moment. She was relieved when the blonde nodded. Anna hastily pulled out a flowered handkerchief, the only possession she owned to give away, and stuffed it into Elsa's hands. "To remember me by."
The train whistled to indicate eminent departure. "I love you."
"I love you, too." They kissed one last time before Rapunzel finally managed to tug Anna onto the train just as it started to shift forward. The platform was sliding out from under the locomotive as Anna leaned out from the door, solemnly watching her beloved Elsa disappear forever. The golden hair blinked in the sun and waved Anna goodbye on the wind.
As Rapunzel urged her to come inside the carriage and take a seat, Anna wondered vaguely how many times a heart could break before it gave up completely.
A/N: I must have been reading too much A Formal Arrangement recently, because it almost pained me to have Anna in a suit instead of Elsa. Oh well. Also, yes I know I totally stole the "nows" part from that last scene in Aimee and Jaguar but it's my FAVORITE.