Hello! Sorry, I got distracted I was asked to Homecoming! I've only been to homecoming once before and the guy ended up being a jerk but this one is a good friend of mine super excited!
Tears falling down her face but who could tell for she stood in the rain. Standing in the rain by the cliff she gave a smile, not one to be happy to see but the sad smile. The one you only see when someone gives up. The smile of regret to tell you but I already died. I am already gone. Nothing you say can stop me now. Nothing you do can stop this now cause it's too late now. No one can save me when I'm already dead and gone. Who can save what is already dead? Who could have saved me before it happened? no one.
Dirty and broken never the same. No path in front of me. No light to follow. Nothing to find. I've lost it all, every last drop is gone. I have nothing left. No love I can give I gave it all away. I shove away everyone because I won't be hurt again. I refuse to let them in. I refuse to be your play toy any longer. I have nothing left to give. There is nothing more you can take from me. I am an empty shell. I am dead.
No one can save me now!
No one saw the signs!
It was all too late.
Who could reach a handout?
Who cares enough to scream it out?
Who cared before it was too late?
-Amy
"Not alone by Red."
Slowly fading away
You're lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold
Looking for a distant light
Someone who could save a life
Your living in fear that no one will hear your cries
Can you save me now
The song blasting in Amy's earbuds. Not being able to speak she wrote out what was on her mind. Feeling empty and dead she wanted it all to stop. Looking at the clock she sighed. 2:58 blinked at her. She'd been up for a few hours and it felt like a long time. Rolling her shoulders she stood and went to the kitchen. She made up some coffee and sat at the table with coffee in her left hand a pen in her right. She started writing down her thoughts.
"It is about 3 in the morning and I feel wide awake and tired at the same time. I have to much on my mind to sleep and I don't want it running around in my head any longer so I will write this down. Anna now has a picture of mom. I don't know why I reacted the way I did but it was just too much to bear."
I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
Cause your not, you're not alone
Your heart is full of broken dreams
Just a fading memory
And everything is gone but the pain carries on
Lost in the rain again
When will it ever end
The arms of relief seem so out of reach
But I am here
"She has no idea what happened the night we lost mom and I don't want to tell her it haunts me all the time but the day is coming up the same day all those years ago she slipped away and grew her wings and flew away. I blame myself for her death. I could have done something anything! But I didn't I stood by and watched as he. I still see the same scene played over in my head. I don't want to think of that anymore."
I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
Cause your not, you're not alone
I'll be your hope when you feel like its over
And I will pick you up when your whole world's ending
And when you're finally in my arms
Look up and see that love has a face
"My hope is gone though I feel like I have nothing left no one I can rely on. I am to be there for Anna. I am to protect her at all costs no matter what. It burns to see her with Optimus. It is like he is taking her from me. Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like she doesn't need me anymore? I can't bear that thought. It makes me want to. What is my purpose if she doesn't need me anymore? Do I let go and leave? Do I let myself fall into the darkness?"
I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
Cause your not, you're not alone
And I will be your hope
And I will pick you up
And I will be your hope
And I will be your hope
Slowly fading away
You're lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold
"The hope is fading. This world is too cold. I can't watch my girl do this. So I won't I will step back and let her do what she wants. I will let myself fall for I do not wish to make her unhappy. She is my world but I am not hers anymore. I won't let her go but I will let her live."
Setting her pen down Amy finished her coffee and sat there until morning. When the clock struck 7 she went to wake Anna.
"Anna time to get up and get ready for school," Amy told her. Rubbing her eyes Anna nodded and got up. When both girls were ready to go they headed to the main room.
...Amy's pov...
"What was a mom like?" Anna asked. It felt as if I had been stabbed. I swallowed.
"Kind, and gentle," I replied. Anna frowned looking unsatisfied but nodded. When we entered the main room she ran over to Optimus who transformed. Bee walked up to me.
"May I?" He asked. I nodded. He transformed and I slid in. He drove out of the base.
"How are you feeling today?" He asked.
"I'm fine," I replied looking out the window.
"What's on your mind?" He asked.
"Just need to call work been gone too long," I told him. His holoform nodded.
"Will you promise me something?" He asked me as we pulled into the school parking lot.
"What is it?" I looked at him. He parked and turned to look at me.
"Promise me we won't lose you." He said his eyes pleading.
"I do not understand." I was confused. His eyes widened.
"They didn't tell you." He spoke mostly to himself.
"Tell me what?" He looked down.
"Will you promise?" He asked. I frowned.
"I need to get to class," I said got out and walked into school. The school was pretty quiet which was good I got a couple looks again but I ignored them all. My last class was music so I headed that way. When I got into the music room the others were there along with the Principle and Jazz.
"Hello, Amy. I am so glad you asked Mr. Jack Solstice to be the new music teacher! He is absolutely perfect. He and I had a long chat last night and this morning. I think he will do great things with this class." The principal told me. I nodded as I set my bag beside the stage.
"Glad you like him," I replied.
"Anyway, I will let you get your class started Mr. Solstice." He said and left.
"Alright Class. I'm Jack Solstice but ya can call me Jack. I'm your new teacher and I'm excited to get started. But we will be doing things a little differently." I raised an eyebrow. "We will start by having you write down what you can play and what pitch you can sing. Then Write down if you dance at all or not." Jazz said handing out paper and pencils. I clenched my jaw but sat down and started writing.
Violin, piano, and guitar. All of the above. I dance.
I wrote my name at the top so he knew it was me just in case. When Jazz collected the papers he started looking them over.
"Alright for the rest of class I want you to Perform a couple simple songs. Nothin to fancy. Tomorrow when I go through all this we will start wit' somethin' big!" Jazz exclaimed smiling. The other students cheered.
So we played a couple songs not needing to sing none of us did. It was more of a relaxed music class. After class, I helped James down from the stage.
"Thanks, Amy. So you know Jazz?" He asked.
"Yeah. He's an Adopted Uncle I guess. He's a close friend of the guy who adopted Anna and me." I replied.
"Cool. Have a good day see you tomorrow." He said and rolled away.
"Hey, Amy! I'm your ride." Jazz called. I nodded and grabbed my backpack before walking over. I followed him to his car raising an eyebrow at his briefcase before shrugging it off he's probably trying to look professional. We got into his 'car' and headed toward the base.
"Amy I need a fava'." Jazz said his accent thicker than blood.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Well, I ju' started dis' Job an' I'm not all sure bout what to do wit' some stuff an' was wonderin if ya would help me figure it all out." Jazz explained.
"Sure as long as you stop by the cafe I need to talk to my boss," I replied.
" Sure thing!" Jazz said.
When we pulled into the parking lot of the cafe I got out and walked in. It wasn't that busy just a few customers. I headed to the back.
"Amy! It's so good to see you! How are you doing?" My boss greeted the second he saw me.
"Good. When do you need me to come back to work?" I replied.
"We are having a meeting in a few says. You should be there. I'll have your hours worked back in by then." He said. I nodded.
"I'll be there." We said our farewells and I headed back to Jazz and we headed out to the base. As we got close Bee passed us with Raf and Anna. I watched them until I couldn't see them anymore.
"you okay Amy?" Jazz asked as he pulled into the base and stopped. I nodded getting out.
"Welcome home Amy. How was school?" Prowl greeted.
"It was fine." I hesitated before asking. "How was here?"
"Small encounter with Decepticons We handled it rather quickly and got a good supply of energon." Prowl replied. From where he stood, Ratchet looked over. His eyes held worry and fear? I couldn't tell.
"Amt may I speak with you?" He asked. Nodding I walked over to him. He leaned down and offered a servo, carefully I climbed onto it and he stood up straight.
"Amy I have some concerns." He said slowly. I frowned. "I want to know why you don't trust us." He told me. I looked down.
"Ratchet," I whispered. I really didn't want to say anything.
"If you won't tell me to tell Optimus or Ironhide or someone but we need to know." His voice was pleading with me, it almost sounded urgent. I nodded and he set me down. I headed to my room. When I entered Optimus's room he and Ironhide stood there talking. Both stopped when I walked in. I raised an eyebrow at them before walking to my door.
"Amy we need to talk," Optimus said.
"Depends on what it's about," I replied stopping at my door.
"It's about you youngling," Ironhide told me.
"I'll pass," I said as I opened my door. They transformed rather quickly as I walked into my room and closed the door.
"Amy open up," Ironhide spoke softly. "Or I'm coming in." I raised an eyebrow as I set my bag by my desk and headed to the kitchen. I heard the door open and they came in.
"Amy we need to talk. This is serious." Optimus said. I growled in reply. "Why don't you trust us?"
"Cuz I don't."
"Why did you tell me to not look at you?" Ironhide spoke.
"Cuz I don't want you too." I was getting very tense. Not. Good.
"Why do you keep shutting us out?"
"I DON'T KNOW!" I yelled at them.
"Yes, you do," Optimus spoke softly. I growled. I tried to walk around them but Optimus reached out and grabbed my wrist. "You're not leaving this time. You will not shut it in again." He spoke. I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go.
"Let Go!" I kept trying to pull away but all he did was pull me closer grabbing my wrists so I couldn't hit him.
"Not until you tell us," Ironhide spoke gently.
"FINE! I rather not trust anyone then to trust another guy who will hold me down rape me beat me and have his way! Just like the last 3 guys! I don't want anyone to look at something so dirty and used! I hate feeling vulnerable!" I was practically screaming at the end fighting for him to let me go but he refused. They both looked shocked. Optimus pulled me closer. My body hated it stop, please! I don't Want IT! My mind was screaming in fear.
"PLEASE DON'T!" I was freaking out I couldn't see but I felt him he was there he was... All at once everything stopped. I felt. Warmth? I stilled. I felt I don't know but my body was calm. I relaxed and curled up closer to the warmth I felt. After a few moments, my vision cleared enough to see myself in the arms of Optimus he was sitting on the floor with me in his lap. The same position I was in with Ironhide. But my body wasn't reacting and I still felt the warmth. I was beyond confused.
"It's okay sweet spark," Optimus whispered.
"Wha?"
"Ratchet worked on the holo forms. I am glad it worked." His voice stayed low and soft.
"I don't understand," I spoke.
"You're feeling the warmth from my spark. Ratchet made it where we can turn on or off whether we want our spark to be felt through our holo forms." He explained. I nodded and looked down. "Its okay it will take time to adjust."
"I feel so lost," I said sitting up looking him in the eyes.
"And that's okay. Let me help you find the light." He spoke softly. I felt myself feeling sick all of a sudden but why? I wanted him to help me. "Amy you're pale." He felt my forehead frowning.
"You're burning up." I put a hand over my mouth and bolted to the bathroom where I lost whatever I had eaten that day. Optimus behind me holding my hair. I felt terrible I was shaking and I have not been sick in. since before mom died. Optimus carefully picked me up when I was done. He washed my face carefully before taking me to my bed.
As he set me on my bed Ratchet came in. He ran a scan from his holo form.
"She needs rest." He said. Optimus took my shoes off before tucking me in.
"What's wrong with me?" I asked. Optimus looked torn and looked up to Ratchet.
"Sweetspark. There is a battle going on within you that only you can settle. If you don't we. We might lose you. The fight within you is making you weak." Ratchet explained. And I knew what battle he was talking about. I nodded feeling tired, confused, and terrible all at once.
"Get some rest sweet spark." Ratchet said before he left. Optimus watched him leave before turning to me. I could feel him stroke my head as my eyes closed.
...Amy's Dream...
I heard it in the distance. A song was playing and it became louder. I felt like I was walking on clouds when I was falling as the lyrics started flowing all around me.
"Davey Suicide - Imperfect."
You said
You'd never love again
I felt a storm
You said to come inside
I did say that I said I would never love anyone else ever again. I promised myself that. I couldn't see anything below me.
We slept
As the rain came down
Holding the key
The thunder died
Give me, give me a good reason
To love all of your demons
Give me, give me a good reason
I wanna see your scars
All the skeletons inside
All the pain
Keeping you alive
And all your imperfections
Are perfect (are perfect)
Perfect in my eyes
Ever since I met the bots they have protected me. Well tried but I kept shutting them out I didn't want them to care I didn't want to feel. Cuz if I did all the pain would crash down like a ship to the bottom of the sea. I stopped falling and was just floating there on nothing.
You said
We are wild here
We're as same
As the madmen appear
We split
Like a rose in spring
Uncage the freedom
That you've taken from me
Give me, give me a good reason
To love all of your demons
Give me, give me a good reason
I wanna see your scars
All the skeletons inside
All the pain
Keeping you alive
And all your imperfections
Are perfect (are perfect)
Perfect in my eyes!
Give me, give me a good reason x3
To love all of your demons
Give me, give me a good reason
To love all of your demons
They all love my demons, They all love me for me. They care for me and I am too tired to keep shutting them out. But do I want them in?
(Solo)
I wanna see your scars
All the skeletons inside
All the pain
Keeping you alive
And all your imperfections
Are perfect (are perfect)
Perfect in my eyes
All the skeletons inside
All the pain
Keeping you alive
And all your imperfections
Are perfect (are perfect)
Perfect in my eyes.
I am perfect to them? I am unsure but I want to let them in slowly. Very slowly but I don't want to hide anymore I want to be able to call them. Family.
I wanted to wake up but couldn't I didn't understand but stopped when I heard another song.
...with Optimus...normal pov...
Optimus had checked in on Amy several times her fever had not gone away but had gotten slightly worse. He just hoped she would fight it off and come back to him. He claimed her as his own. He loved and cared for her deeply and did not want any harm to come to her.
...back with Amy...
"This Life Is Mine"
(feat. Casey Lee Williams)
Mirror, can you hear me?
Do I reach you?
Are you even listening?
Can I get through?
There's a part of me that's desperate for changes
Tired of being treated like a pawn
But there's a part of me that stares back from inside the mirror
Part of me that's scared I might be wrong
That I can't be strong...
I sighed. Yes, I wanted so much to change but changes are very hard. Changes can hurt. I am scared I might be wrong about the bots. I started doubting myself. What if I'm wrong?
I've been afraid, never standing on my own
I let you be the keeper of my pride
Believed you when you told me I was nothing on my own
Listen when I say, I swear I've worn today
I will not surrender, this life is mine!
Father is gone. In the beginning, he was holding up but I became a hardened warrior and I took my pride back. I believed it when you said I was nothing. I have taken my life back. This is my life and I will decide!
Amazing how you conquered me, chained me in servility and made me see
The world the way you told me to
But I was young and didn't have a way to know the truth
Born to live your legacy
Existing just to fill your needs, a casualty
Of this so-called family that you have turned into a travesty
But I don't intend to suffer any longer
Here's where your dominion falls apart
I'm shattering the mirror that kept me split into pieces, that stood between my mind and heart
This is where I'll start
He chained me and turned me into this. Into a cold-hearted warrior. I was only there for you to use me but not anymore! Not anymore will I ever call your family! I will no longer let you drag me down! The mirror you made me look into at that girl I will no longer do. I will break the mirror and will let the blood drip from my hands like the past fading into the dark. I will start over! I am no longer held down by you!
I'm not your pet, not another thing you own
I was not born guilty of your crimes
Your riches and your influence can't hold me anymore
I won't be possessed
Burdened by your royal test
I will not surrender
This life is mine
I was never your pet to tie and hold down. I was never an object to abuse! I will no longer let this guilt be mine! You can take it all back every last drop! Every last hit and punch I don't want your money and your things! This is my life!
Shame that it took so long to rescue me
From the guilt, you used to tie me to your family tree
I guess your training failed, you're not in charge I'm free
Your patriarchal prison won't hold me
Now this conversation's finally over
Mirror mirror, now we're done
I've pulled myself together now, my mind and heart are one
Finally one
Finally rescued from you. Free from the chains. I guess in the end I am not the warrior you thought you created. I am done with you. I won't let you hold me back from my new family. I am finding myself piece by piece.
I'm not your pet, not another thing you own
I was not born guilty of your crimes
Your riches and your influence can't hold me anymore
I won't be possessed
Burdened by your royal test
I will not surrender
This life is mine
This life is mine! It's mine! Stay out of it!
...Normal pov...end of a dream...
Amy's eyes slowly opened she was feeling a lot better. She sat up and looked around the room to find herself alone. To be honest she felt a strange feeling in her chest it felt lighter than before. She wasn't struggling for each and every breath she took. She didn't feel like she was fighting for her life.
...Amy's pov...
I felt different when I woke up and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Was this feeling happiness? Did I feel safe? I started digging through my clothes to find something to wear why are they all dark clothes? I bit my lip I didn't realize why I liked dark colors so much. Probably because it matches my heart I joked to myself.
I grabbed some blue jeans and a purple shirt. I looked at my phone I had been asleep for over 24 hours. Oh well, I through my phone on my bed. I through on my clothes with a pair of socks not bothering to put shoes on I danced right out of my room. I needed to move, my knee made me remember what happened but for now, I shoved that thought to the back of my mind.
I came to the main room and stopped. I was unsure how to act around them now. I don't want to hurt them but I've always blocked everyone out. How do I let them in?
I saw Optimus and walked that way. When he saw me he smiled and offered a servo. I stepped onto it and he pulled me close to his chassis.
"Hello, Amy. How are you feeling?" He asked holding my close.
"I am willing to try," I spoke after a moment looking up at him.
"I'm am glad. Welcome home sweet spark."
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