A/N: Reminder - new chapter, new scenario. No connection whatsoever to the previous installment.
Jane Rizzoli had gone the first eleven years of her life without having a true secret.
dear diary:
i think i am in love.
...
Though she'd loathe to admit it, Jane took after her mother very much. They were both un-apologetically opinionated and never shy about sharing what was on their mind. Angela's whole life was an open book, and to a degree, Jane had trouble keeping things to herself, as well. If someone made her mad, she let them know about it. If she thought something was funny, she would laugh. No, she would guffaw. If her team was losing or winning, she would yell and jump up and down and throw pillows.
When visiting aunts and grandmas and older cousins would tease her about middle school and ask if she had any crushes yet, Jane would roll her eyes and flatly turn the conversation to how her hockey practices were going. Inevitably they would giggle and wink and say how cute the boys on the team must be. Jane would cross her arms and leave them to gossip with her mother. She found it all a bit embarrassing, that type of conversation, but she wasn't shy. She had never been shy.
Not until Career Day, when that freaking goddess had stepped into her classroom and changed her life.
Most of the boys in the room, who had been trading baseball cards under their desks during their previous lecture from an exceedingly dull textile manufacturer, sat at full attention when this creature walked in. Jane didn't notice this. She didn't notice that Emily kept trying to get her attention. All she was aware of was this woman's hair and her calves and her eyes and her smile and her blue heels and the flattering fit of that gorgeous dress.
Dr. Maura Isles.
She wrote it out on the chalkboard in elegant cursive. Jane realized her jaw must have been hanging open, because she closed it to form an M as she mouthed the woman's name to herself. It slackened shortly afterwards once more when Dr. Isles started to speak, and Jane rested her chin in her hand and just stared shamelessly.
Kate nudged Emily and nodded at Jane, smirking. Emily frowned, a little confused by Jane's enraptured state.
Dr. Isles was composed and articulate and interesting. She also used a lot of words Jane didn't understand, but she got the gist of it: this woman worked on dead people. She helped detectives solve crimes through science. As their teacher had assumed, the students were totally engaged with Dr. Isles' stories; she did her best to keep them age-appropriate, and really all she needed to do was explain which technical terms meant "blood and gore" to elicit delighted squirms and awed laughter.
Jane had known there were women who were doctors, but she'd never seen one who looked like this. And she had certainly never imagined such a refined-looking lady would enjoy as gruesome an occupation as "medical examiner" seemed to be.
Her twenty minute presentation flew by far too fast for Jane's liking, and suddenly it was time for a quick Q&A. Emily asked what she wore to a crime scene. Joey asked what was the most disgusting thing she'd ever had to see on the job. Kate wanted to know how much money she made. Maria asked what her favorite type of science had been to study in school. Giovanni told her she was hot. Jane's heartbeat sped up dangerously, and without a question in mind, she shot her hand up into the air. Anything to get that woman to look her way.
Those hazel eyes turned to look directly at her, and Jane thought her heart might seriously rupture. And then you could do an autopsy on me. But I'd be dead, so I wouldn't be able to appreciate it. Realizing she'd been called on, Jane slowly put her hand back down, blushing as Dr. Isles smiled encouragingly at her.
"Uh…um… s-so, you… did you always want to be a medical examiner?" she eventually managed.
"Good question! What's your name, honey?"
HONEY! Jane hated pet names, and this was the first time she'd ever smiled at one. She was so enamored with how it felt to be called honey by this beautiful, interesting person, that she failed to answer right away.
"You can call her Frog Face!" Joey answered loudly from the other end of the room. "Or Roly—"
"See me after Dr. Isles leaves, Mr. Grant," their teacher said, cutting short everyone's laughter. She'd never seen Jane Rizzoli blush like this.
Jane had slumped down a bit in her seat, not wanting to get into a shouting match with Joey in front of Dr. Isles. And then she remembered she had yet to have her question answered, and the doctor was smiling at her expectantly. Sympathetically.
She straightened up. "I'm Jane. Jane Rizzoli."
"Well, Jane," Dr. Isles said, and Jane felt like a balloon was being inflated in her chest. "This might sound odd, but ever since I was about your age, I've wanted to cut up dead people." Everyone laughed (a bit uncomfortably), and Dr. Isles hastened to explain, "Are you all familiar with Frankenstein? I read the book and was absolutely captivated by its concepts. I tried to reanimate several frogs in my science classes, and was unfortunately unsuccessful. But, that did plant a seed of interest, and I became fascinated by the way our bodies work. They're miraculous. They can tell us so much without our even having to say a word."
Really? Is mine telling you how beautiful and perfect I think you are? Can you tell? Please say you can't. Please say you only understand dead bodies. Not mine!
And then Jane became the first student Dr. Isles asked a question: "What would you like to be when you grow up?"
Brightened by her interest, Jane proudly replied, "I want to be a cop!"
Dr. Isles' smile widened, and Jane reflected it. "Really! What a wonderful ambition."
Joey spoke up uninvited, once again. "Nah, see, I'm gonna be commissioner someday, and Roly-Poly Rizzoli's gonna be my secretary."
"Mr. Grant!"
"What?! C'mon, teach, everybody knows girls aren't cops!"
Their teacher was about to respond, but Maura beat her to it: "I'm sorry, young man, but I'm afraid my girlfriend would be a living testament to the falsity of that statement."
A few people gasped, and Debbie lowered her arm. "Oh. I was gonna ask if it was hard to find a boyfriend who didn't mind that you had such a yucky job."
"I'm sure it would've been possible," Dr. Isles said brightly. "I tend to meet the people I date through work; Detective Cooper and I met on a case. She's Boston's most highly-decorated detective, actually."
"What unit?" Jane asked.
"Homicide," Dr. Isles responded. "It's a bit grisly, but that's no reason for a girl to shy away, am I right?"
Jane grinned back. "Yes, ma'am."
When school got out for the day, Jane hurried to the gym where some of their visiting careerists were assembled for donuts, coffee, and more questions. She scanned gymnasium for Dr. Isles, and felt sour with disappointment when the woman was nowhere to be seen. She thought she'd head to the bleachers for a better look when her best friend, Frost, showed up.
"Hey, Jane!"
"Hey."
"Any good professionals in your class?"
"Professionals?" she laughed, making her way to the bleachers. "Uh, I guess."
She grimaced when Joey seemed to appear out of nowhere, flanked by two of his pals. "Oh, she guesses!" he laughed. "You shoulda seen Frog Face today, Frost!" Affecting a feminine manner, he dramatically put his wrist to his forehead. "Oh, Dr. Isles! Quick, I think I'm getting faint! I think I need some mouth-to-mouth!"
"Shut up, Joey," Jane growled, giving him a light shove as a warning.
He just laughed. "What, Janie? She's a lez, so maybe you're just her type! You gonna go ask her out?"
Before Jane could retaliate with her fists, a woman in full police uniform stepped between them. "Hi kids," she said. "Much as I like a good fight, there's a teacher in the corner there with a look that could probably kill, so I'd keep from getting into anything if I were you. Walk it off." Her gaze was directed at Joey, who just shrugged and turned away with his friends.
"Thanks, detective," Frost said. "That guy's a jerk."
"Mm, kinda got that impression, to be honest. What was your name, again? Wait, wait—Barry?"
"That's it!"
Jane was about to introduce herself when Dr. Isles (returning from the restroom) walked right up, and Jane thought she might have a heart attack. Looping her arm through the detective's, Dr. Isles said, "Oh, honey! This is Jane, the girl I was telling you about."
At the implication that Dr. Isles had been mentioned her, Jane felt a shiver eclipse her entire body.
"Oh! The future cop, huh?" Detective Cooper asked, smiling and shaking Jane's hand. "Nice choice!"
"I want to be a cop, too," Frost said. "Me and Jane are gonna be partners someday."
"I don't think we're allowed to pick, Frost," Jane whispered, not wanting to sound childish in front of the doctor and detective.
"Hey, it's always good to have a dream!" said the detective. "Tell you what- you guys should come down to the station sometime for a closer look, if you want. We've got a really nice cafe."
"Will you be there?" Jane asked Maure hopefully.
Maura laughed. "You can count on it!"
"Cool! Um… d'you… do you like hockey?" Ugh, why did she sound all breathless and sappy?
"I have to admit, I've never actually seen a game."
"You should come to ours!" Jane said, and Frost nodded his assent. "It's a real awesome sport, Dr. Isles, and our team is wicked good! Our next game is here on Friday at six."
"Well!" Maura laughed. "I'll have to try and clear my schedule."
The four of them chatted a few minutes longer, before Frost said he needed to be getting home, and Jane left with him. Talking to Dr. Isles was the most exquisite type of torture: every second was incredible, but also terrifying. She was sure she was red in the face, embarrassed to have been looking at the woman so shamelessly, and also nervous to have had all that direct eye contact up close with someone so beautiful. She wondered what it was like to get to be her girlfriend.
For the first time, she wondered how it would feel to kiss someone.
As Jane and Frost left the auditorium, Detective Cooper put her arm around Maura's waist and kissed her cheek. "Aww, sweetie."
"Hm?"
"I think that girl's got a massive crush on you. Can't blame her, of course."
Walking home, Jane made it clear to Frost that her interest in Dr. Isles was purely professional. He had no qualms accepting this story, as Joey Grant was a jerk and a bully who routinely liked to tease Jane in particular. Naturally he would take something like simple admiration and try to turn it on Jane, and tell people it was a crush.
When she got home, Jane told her mother that career day had been fine, and she went straight to her room. She shut her door and went to her closet, digging through several piles of old things before she found what she was looking for.
It was called "My Secret Diary!", something Angela had gotten her for Christmas two years ago and Jane had never used. On TV it was advertised as having a lock that was voice-activated. You set a password, and even if your brother overheard you using it, the diary wouldn't unlock if he said the password into the lock- it would only recognize your voice.
The girly aspect of the commercial was what had appealed to Angela, but Jane had been interested in the lock. Using it made her feel like a spy. To her dismay, the technology wasn't quite as good as the ads made it out to be, and she had to say the password ("Yankees suck") with several different inflections before it would open.
It only took her seven tries to get it open today, and then she sat on her bed for a couple of a minutes, pen in hand, trying to think of what to write. Nothing too incriminating, just in case someone came and busted it open (although no one in her family probably remembered its existence) - but something to try and capture what she had felt today. She dated the top of the page and hesitated. Something simple.
dear diary:
i think i am in love.