A/N: Okay, enough of you convinced me. Even though I kind of liked the last one as a standalone chapter, the prompt for this week just gave me an opportunity to expand, so I did.

Maura didn't think she was breathing. How could she be when this conversation was actually happening - when she had at last gotten those words out and Jane had not turned away in disgust or shoved Maura off her? What did her response even mean? Were Maura's feelings reciprocated? She could feel herself trying to talk, her lips trying to form words that were trying to translate thoughts that felt like they were in another language. Coherence had never been an issue for her.

"What does this mean?" she finally got out. "Jane, how do you—"

She stopped abruptly when Jane wrapped her arms more fully around her and pulled Maura into the strongest hug she'd ever had. Maura responded to it at once, gripping Jane as though she were an anchor. It seemed to last forever; every few moments, Maura thought Jane would loosen up or even pull away, but the embrace remained consistently tight. To look at her, you wouldn't think Jane was that physically strong: she was lean and light on her feet. But Maura was realizing that all the physical strength Jane used on the job was involuntarily working here now. Being held this close was almost suffocating, if only because she was so worried of what it meant.

"I wanted her to be right," Jane whispered, shaking with repressed sobs. Maura was still so thrown by the suddenness of her own admission that she didn't catch right away who Jane was talking about. "That woman who thought we were Lily's moms. I wanted her to just be… to just have gotten it right. I love that little girl so much, Maura, and I love …I love…"

"What, Jane?"

"Not what. You. I love you, Maura, and it's been killing me not to be able to tell you."

At this, Maura mustered her own strength to push Jane away again, just enough to see her face. She'd never seen Jane look so lost, so terrified and grieved and confused at the same time. Neither of them had planned it this way. This wasn't supposed to just come up like this, when Maura's daughter was chatting in the next room to her father.

"How long?" Maura asked.

"I don't know, does it matter? Maura, I really don't know. It just dawned on me one day, and I don't know what to do. That's why I haven't ever said anything, I—I missed my chance a long time ago, and now …I don't know what to do about this, I don't know how to make it okay. I don't want to have screwed us up, I—"

Lily shouted "Mom!" from the den, and Maura jumped. She and Jane distanced themselves from each other, Maura standing up as they heard Lily running over. "Mommy, dad wants to say goodnight to you."

Jane had turned away, rubbing at her eyes in hopes that it would make them appear less red. Maura had no way to clear her face of the tears, and Lily stared up at her, stunned. She'd never seen her mother cry before. She didn't know what to ask or say.

"Lily, go get ready for bed," Maura told her, trying to ignore her own tears. "Get changed and brush your teeth and I'll tuck you in after I say goodbye to daddy." Happy for something to do, Lily ran to her bedroom. Maura walked towards the den, but before disappearing from view, imploringly mouthed "stay" to Jane. She got in a nod in return.

As Maura talked with Ian, Jane tried to stay calm. She felt like she might throw up at any second. This was so, so beyond complicated and she had no idea how to proceed. Ian would be able to see that Maura had been crying, and if he was halfway decent, he'd ask why. What was Maura saying to him right now? Would Lily notice when Maura tucked her in? How would that conversation go, considering Maura couldn't lie? Oh, God, why? Was having this all out in the open just going to make it that much worse?

Jane didn't know how much time had gone by when Lily walked back into the dining room, where Jane was sitting at the table. She straightened up and tried to smile. "Hey, kiddo. Love those PJ's."

"You gave 'em to me," Lily said, tugging at the hem of the Batman shirt. "Mom's got the cape part of it in her chest of drawers."

"Yeah, well, it looks like your mom's not done with her Skype call with your dad yet," Jane said. "How about I tuck you in tonight, hm?"

"Do I have to go to bed?"

"Yes."

"Please, can't I stay up?"

"Nope." Jane stood up and took Lily's hand, leading her in the direction of the girl's bedroom. "It's time for you to go to bed, and that's that, my friend. You've had a pretty long Halloween! I bet once you lie down, you're gonna be SO tired, you'll probably just go right to sleep."

As Jane yawned exaggeratedly, Lily couldn't help laughing. "No, I won't! I'm not tired!"

"Hey, you're a big girl now, right?" Jane asked, as Lily got into bed. "Big girls like to get their um, their beauty sleep."

"What's beauty sleep?"

"It means you go to bed when you're supposed to so that when you wake up, you, um… you've had enough sleep?"

"What?"

"Never mind. Just go to bed."

"Wait!" Lily called out, when Jane reached for the light switch. "Mommy always reads me a story first."

"Oh geez," Jane chuckled. "Right. Uh, well, let's see. Any issues of Medical Examiner Monthly lying around?"

"Here, read this one!" Lily said, taking the top book off a pile on her nightstand.

Jane really didn't feel like sitting and reading a children's book at the moment, but at the same time she figured it might be a nice alternative to sitting alone in silent fear of the unknown that stretched in front of her. So she tried to rouse as much enthusiasm as possible in reading The Very Fairy Princess to Lily, who was an extremely captivated audience. She tried to get Jane to read another one, but Jane was firm, setting the book down and getting back to her feet.

"Goodnight, little Batman Fairy Princess," she said, kissing Lily on the forehead.

"Wait!" Lily said as Jane turned away. But figuring the girl was just trying to extend lights-off again, Jane waved her away and flipped the switch. But before she could close the door, Lily called out, "Why was mommy crying?"

Jane froze in place. She was still too close for Lily to think she hadn't heard the question. How could she possibly answer it in a satisfactory but safe way? This wasn't something she could just brush away like a plea to stay up a little bit later. It wasn't trivial. Anything but, in fact: Jane could hear the panic creeping into Lily's voice. She turned back, getting on her knees next to Lily's bed.

"Don't be scared, Lily. Okay? You don't need to be scared. Your mom's gonna be okay. She's a little sad, that's all. It's okay to be sad. She doesn't like that your dad has to be gone so much."

"I cry when he leaves," Lily admitted. "I cry every time he leaves us. I never saw mommy cry about it before."

"Your mom's trying to look brave for you, kiddo. But she doesn't like it any more than you do that your dad's not around." When Lily didn't say anything else, Jane gave her a gentle pat and got back to her feet. "Don't worry about it, Lily," she said softly. "It's grown-up stuff, okay? It'll be all right. Go to sleep now."

She closed the door knowing full well that in all likelihood it would not be all right, but she did believe that Lily would wake up tomorrow with no memory of this conversation. In her experience, kids seemed to have an amazing ability to forget. In the morning, the sun would be out and Lily would sneak a few pieces of Halloween candy before breakfast and she would forget that her mother had been crying.

Jane shut the bedroom door, then noticed that Maura was leaning against the wall only a few feet away.

"I think she's got that book memorized by now," Maura said, telling Jane just how long she'd been standing there listening. "I think I read it to her every other night. The other ones get cycled through, but that one's fairly consistent. Once I even brought the computer into her bedroom, and she held up the pages and had Ian read them to her."

His name invoked a physical response in Jane. She jerked slightly and walked towards Maura. Before she could reach her, Maura turned and headed for the living room, knowing Jane would be right behind her. They settled on the couch, sitting close together as usual.

"It wasn't a very good connection tonight," she said, wiping away her last tear. "He couldn't tell I'd been, ah, crying."

"What'd he want to talk about?"

"He's not going to be home in December."

"Are you serious? You said he promis—"

"I know what I said."

"But Lily's birthday is that month! And Christmas! And New Year's!"

"Jane, I know that," Maura said heavily. "He doesn't think he can swing it anymore. And he wants me to tell her."

"Of course he does," Jane jeered. "Son of a bitch."

"He's not a bad man, Jane. I know his being gone all the time isn't great, but he's doing good work. And he's a good father. He never misses those Skype calls with Lily. You've seen the little gifts he sends in the mail. And when he's here, he isn't too proud to have tea parties with her or go to her ballet recitals. He loves her." She shrugged, trying not to cry again, as if this fact invalidated all of Maura's feelings. "He loves her."

Jane put her hand on Maura's knee. "Does he love you?" Her heart was pounding hard in her ears as Maura's breath caught at the question, and Jane unconsciously started to massage Maura's leg. "I'm not gonna I say I don't care how he feels about Lily, because it's good to know you think he loves her. I'm glad, for her sake. I am. But I want to know if he loves you. And if you think he does, I want to know how he proves it to you. I need you to tell me."

Tight-lipped silence was the only response she got, even though she waited and gave Maura quite some time to come up with something.

"Oh, honey," she whispered, shifting closer. She put her arms loosely around Maura and the gesture was returned as if this were the most natural thing in the world. "Maura, do you remember what I told you? What I said on my last birthday, a year after I killed Hoyt?"

"You said the nightmares stopped."

"They did. Those ones did. And I got new ones instead, except they came in the daylight every day. It was seeing you and Lily alone, without him. It was reminding myself that even though you dropped her off at school alone and you helped her with her homework alone and you were always the one putting her to bed and making her breakfast and changing your schedule to accommodate her - it was …seeing a spot in your life for a partner, the place where Ian should be, and seeing it empty. Seeing it empty and realizing I wanted to be there, Maura. That's been my nightmare.

"And that gave way to these dreams. Just stupid daydreams that I had, but they're grounded in this weird reality we share. I take her to those stupid kids movies you don't want to see. I go with you to her recitals and her T-ball games. I know her favorite color and her favorite TV show and I knew what she wanted for Christmas. I got so used to it, Maura, and I didn't even see at first the significance of you letting me do it. I feel like my life revolves around you both, because you're so important to me. There is nothing I'd rather do in my free time than be with you two.

"I hate having to go home. I hate going back to my crappy little apartment where it's just me and Jo Friday and all this stuff that doesn't mean anything. You and Lily are my home, and I hate that all I can do is dream about it. I dream about the most ridiculous, mundane things. And maybe you'll laugh or think it's dumb or creepy or weird, but I can't stop myself, I… I dream about Lily coming to us when she has a nightmare. I dream about being here with you for that. I dream about making bunny pancakes for you guys every morning you want them, not just the odd Saturday I come over. I dream about taking pictures of her with her prom date, and giving him a lecture about being good to her, and watching her graduate high school and college and grad school or whatever she wants to do. Because she's your daughter and that means she's going to be able to do or be anything she wants. And she wants you to be happy, Maura, and I'm afraid that when she's not a little girl anymore, she's going to see what I do right now. She's going to see that this set-up doesn't work anymore, and maybe I'm out of line, but…"

She trailed off when Maura slowly held up her hand. Maura inched her fingers towards Jane's mouth, tracing her thumb over Jane's lower lip before resting at her jaw. "Jane…?"

"I can't believe this," Jane whispered, and she was shuddering again. "This isn't supposed to happen."

"I know."

"He doesn't appreciate you. He does not deserve you." Now that she'd started, Jane was finding it hard to stop. These were thoughts and feelings that had been accumulating for years, long before she was sure they extended beyond loyal friendship, and now there seemed to be no stopping them: "I treasure you, Maura. I love my job and I love helping people, but there is nothing on this earth that brings me more joy or fulfillment than making you happy. Nothing. I get sick thinking of how Ian just takes you for granted, and I—I never would. I never do. You deserve someone who's going to show you the love and respect that's due. That isn't him. I know you know that, now. It's me. If we could just…"

Maura didn't have to say it. She didn't have to tell Jane how long she had dreamed about this very scenario. How many times she'd woken up in the middle of the night, wanting to cry into her pillow because she'd just left a hazy yet distinct world where Jane brought her flowers and kissed her and told her she loved her.

Ian was only one of many things they would have to work out. Maura didn't even want to think about how Angela would react, and she was sure Jane didn't, either.

That didn't stop her from lightly kissing Jane's jaw. She felt Jane's breath hitch, and Maura moved upwards, kissing her cheek, then the corner near her eye. Jane was looking at her in nervous awe, and Maura brought Jane's hand to her lips, kissing her palm and her knuckles and her wrist. As if, after expressing all these emotions and trailing her mouth elsewhere, the concept of adultery was exempt so long as their lips didn't meet.

But then they did, when Jane initiated it. They'd gone from this semi-embrace to Maura practically in her lap, and neither was quite sure how. Her fingers slid through Maura's silk-soft hair, her other hand resting at Maura's waist as Maura's own hands held Jane as close as possible. All around them there was a vague sense of softness, and every romantic cliche Jane had ever rolled her eyes at suddenly made sense. Her lips parted and she felt Maura's tongue slide briefly between them, giving Jane the option of furthering the kiss.

Although she felt stampeded with the desire to go further, Jane's logic kicked back in, and she wistfully broke it off. She could've sworn she felt a hole forming in her heart at the solemnity in Maura's expression, as if a close friend had just died.

This really made it feel like there was no going back. Ever.

"Jane," she whispered. "What happens now?"

"Well…" Jane started rubbing Maura's back, careful not to look away from her. "I hate to mention my mother at this point, but I feel like I've gotta tell you something she always said to us kids when we came to a major crossroads in our life."

"What?"

"It's very simple, but people don't often seem to think of it," Jane said. "You just… picture the two possible outcomes as well as you can. Envision what your life will be like, and how you'll feel. Sometimes it's easy; sometimes it takes a while to think about. And this should really all come from you, Maura, so don't sell yourself short and don't let me …I don't know, try and take advantage or anything. Just try to picture your life five, ten years from now—your life with Ian, or life with… someone else, maybe just yourself. How long can you keep up this charade? Or if you're worried about Lily and really want to make things work with Ian, I… I'd understand. But I couldn't do this," she said, waving a hand in the very little space between them. She shook her head as Maura teared up again. "I cannot do this if you're going to try staying with him."

There was another long silence before Maura answered. She rested her head gently on Jane's shoulder, tucking her legs up onto the couch, and she wrapped an arm around Jane's waist. Angela had lit a fire a short while ago, and it was only just starting to die out, its warmth stealing from the room. Jane tried not to think of how this had been another simple dream of hers: falling asleep in front of a fire with Maura.

"I'm going to call him tomorrow," she said, so faintly that Jane had to strain her ears. "We've …I think he knows I'm not happy, Jane."

Jane tensed and Maura sat bolt upright when a door banged open down the hall. Maura tried to stand up, but Jane instinctively held her back for protection, only to realize a second later that the footsteps scampering towards them belonged to a harmless six-year-old.

"Honey, what is it?" Maura asked as Lily cried "mommy" over and over again and jumped onto her lap on the couch.

"I had a bad dream," Lily sobbed, too frightened to be embarrassed of crying in front of Jane. "It was so scary!"

"Hey, Lily bear, you're okay now," Jane said, giving the girl's arm a light squeeze. "No one's gonna hurt you."

"It was a witch, and she looked like the one on the Weinbergs' front porch, and she wanted to eat me!"

Jane and Maura leaned down almost simultaneously to kiss Lily's head, and Jane couldn't help laughing a little. Maura smiled bracingly and put her hand over Jane's on Lily's back. "Honey, it was just a dream," she said. "You're all right."

"I don't wanna go back to bed," Lily cried, burrowing her head into Maura's side. "Please, mommy, don't make me go back to sleep! Please!"

"How about if you came and slept with me, hm?" Maura offered, kissing Lily's cheek.

"Really?"

"Of course."

That seemed to brighten Lily's mood considerably, and she scrambled back to her feet. Maura stood as well and took hold of her daughter's hand.

"Jane too?" Lily asked, reaching her other hand out for Jane.

The detective looked up at Maura, whose expression looked a little wary, a little amused. "If she wants," Maura said.

Jane returned her gaze to Lily, and after a moment's hesitation, took her hand and stood up next to her. "As you wish."

A/N: That wraps it up for this segment, I think. The rest of these truly will be oneshots. Thank you for reading!