Eddie's contemptuous look stuck with me as I slipped back across to my room. I'd contemplated going to him and explaining, but I just couldn't deal with one more tense conversation.

In my room I climbed back into bed, closing my eyes and remembering the feel of Dimitri's strong arms around me. I didn't know what to read into last night if anything. Was that his way of saying goodbye? Or maybe he was telling me it was going to be ok? I lay in bed for an hour and a half wondering what was going to happen today, and what the hell I was going to say to Eddie. I'm pretty sure I knew what he thought I'd been doing in Dimitri's room, even though he was wrong.

At 6.30 am I sat up and brushed my hair. If the next few hours were my last here, I wanted to leave a favorable impression with my love. I climbed out of bed, visited the bathroom, dressed carefully but not over the top and then tidied my room. Right on 7 am I picked up last night's dinner tray and made my way downstairs to what, no doubt, would be an awkward as hell breakfast.

Walking in and putting the tray down beside the sink, Meredith and Dimitri were already at the table. There was a platter of eggs and bacon in the middle, along with a pitcher of orange juice, toast, and spreads. I sat next to Meredith, diagonally across from Dimitri, and poured myself a drink.

"Morning Rose," Meredith said pleasantly. "Sleep well?"

I quickly gulped down my mouthful of juice.

"It took a while, but I did, eventually, thanks," I murmured, reaching across to grab some toast, and using the opportunity to sneak a look at Dimitri. His face was impassive, and he was pointedly not looking at me, but he seemed perhaps, a little less pissed off than yesterday.

We were spared the effort of making any more chit chat by Eddie's arrival. Plonking himself into the chair next but one to Dimitri, Eddie helped himself to breakfast and in an uncharacteristic display of poor humor said nothing to anyone.

The rest of breakfast was a silent affair. No one spoke, although Eddie didn't take his eyes off me, giving me a reproachful glare the entire time. After a while I kept my eyes focused on my plate. Between Eddie looking at me, and Dimitri not, it was a pretty dismal meal.

When everyone was done, Meredith stood and moved to the kitchen wall to check out my mother's master list of chores and tasks. Because the others were away, it would all need to be rejigged a bit.

"Would you rather do dishes and prepare lunch, or chop wood with Eddie?" Meredith asked, pretending the air wasn't thick with tension.

"I'll chop wood," I volunteered quickly, taking the more onerous of tasks. I didn't want to appear to be slacking off, and it would give me a chance to talk privately with Eddie.

"Eddie? Rose? Can I see you before you start?" Dimitri requested soberly. My Russian God led the way, Eddie and I trailing in his wake. Rather than stopping in the library, Dimitri continued through to Mom's study, gracefully folding himself to sit in the wingback chair behind the handsome mahogany desk.

I sat down on one of the upright chairs on the other side of the table, Eddie taking the one beside me. None of us wanted to be there, and it showed.

"I'm still trying to decide what to do about what happened yesterday," Dimitri admitted, his eyes trained somewhere above our heads and not making eye contact.

"I should report what happened to Guardian Hathaway, or even the Queen's Guard, yet I am not sure it's in anyone's best interests for me to do so."

I was squirming in my chair. It was the first indication that maybe, just maybe, Dimitri might not turn me in. Although that also depended on Eddie who was, understandably, not feeling particularly favorable to me right now.

"I need to know truthfully. Rose is there a chance you were observed?"

I took a deep breath and responded.

"I don't think so. I mean there's always a chance, but I wasn't in there long, and I didn't see anyone."

Technically it was the truth.

"Castile? You weren't in on this with Rose, were you?"

"Certainly not," Eddie said, giving Dimitri a decidedly unfriendly look. Again it was the truth, just not all of it. And apparently, I wasn't the only one who was in Eddie's bad books.

Dimitri looked tired.

"If I tell, Rose will be expelled and in all likelihood charged. The mission will be aborted, and the rest of us will receive black marks on our records, whether we knew about Rose's plans or not. If I don't tell and it gets out, it will be even worse but particularly for us three."

I was trying not to cry. I couldn't see Dimitri agreeing to keep this quiet. But it wasn't me my Russian God was staring at - it was Eddie. The two had their gazes locked, having a silent communication with their eyes. Finally, Eddie dropped his stare to the table.

"I saw nothing, and I'll tell no one," he said in a defeated tone. He turned to me, raising one finger and pointing it at me. "I'm only doing it for Mason," he said before standing to walk out. "It would have broken his heart to see you expelled before you could graduate."

With that, he walked from the room, and a moment later I could hear a rhythmic thump as he started chopping wood.

Dimitri had his eyes closed, and he was rubbing the bridge of his nose with his hand.

"You can go now, Rose," he said, not opening his eyes.

I wanted to ask him if everything was ok between him and me, but it wasn't the time. And if I was honest with myself, after hearing part of his call with Tasha, I was afraid what he might say. So I whispered a soft thank you and left the room, passing through the kitchen and mudroom to join Eddie out the back chopping wood.

I grabbed some logs and an ax, taking my place beside Eddie, splitting them into smaller chunks we could use in the fireplaces and the range. We stood in not so companionable silence, me waiting for him to make the first move. I knew from observing Mason and Eddie's spats over the years there'd be no getting Eddie to talk until he was ready.

"So you must have given Belikov one hell of a ride last night to make him break the rules and let you stay," Eddie said in a voice dripping with derision.

I knew it was what he'd think when he saw me exiting Dimitri's room this morning, but it still hurt to see him so readily believe that of me.

"I didn't do that," I said flatly, refusing to let him see how much his words had hurt me.

"No, of course you didn't," he mocked. "You just went in there to borrow a hair tie, didn't you?!"

I didn't say anything.

"Is that how you got back into the Academy? Did you sleep with the school board, too?! Or just let them feed on you?!"

My head snapped up, and Eddie instantly knew he'd crossed the line. One of the few people to know how Lissa had received blood while we were on the run, I didn't appreciate him throwing it back in my face.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, having the good grace to realize when he'd gone too far. "I just can't believe you'd sleep with an instructor to buy his silence."

"That wasn't what happened, Eddie," I said with a sigh.

"Then tell me what did," he demanded. "If I'm going to keep your secrets, I think I deserve to know the truth."

"You do," I said thoughtfully. "But you need to understand some of these secrets aren't just mine…"

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"It means there's stuff you don't know about. I'll tell you, but I'm trusting you."

Eddie shrugged. It didn't look like my words held much currency with him at the moment.

"I broke in to see if they had a copy of the registration of my birth. When I rang Court, they said the only people allowed to access the original papers were those who were signatories to it. In my case my mother, a doctor or nurse wherever I was born and the registrar. All I was entitled to see was the excerpt I'd been sent."

Eddie was surprised. My reason for doing what I did hadn't occurred to him.

"Alto said it's thought the Alchemists hold data on each of us. And it turns out they do. I searched their computer system, and they had my most recent St. Vlad's ID photo, my current whereabouts, and links to hundreds of documents and files about me or where I'm mentioned. I didn't have time to take a good look, but they had a copy of my registration of birth. It was a scanned version of the original paper form my mother must have filled out when I was born."

I pulled out my phone, swiping into the photo reel to show him the first picture I'd taken from the computer screen. The initial page of my birth registration.

Interested despite himself, Eddie gasped, "Was your father listed?"

"Yeah, he was," I said, my voice shaking a little. "I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I've got a name and some locations where I can start looking," I said emotionally. "My Mom refuses to tell me anything. She's a Guardian, and I could lose her at any time. I know it might be hard for you to understand, but this was my one shot at this. I just want to know," I said, trying to explain why I'd done what I had.

"I get that, but what about Belikov?" Eddie asked, coming back to the other issue. "Did you sleep with him last night?"

"Sleep and only sleep," I said. "Eddie? The thing no one knows is he and I are together. Or maybe were together."

"Together? As in an item?" His eyes looked as though they were about to bug out of his head. "Since when?!"

"Quite a while, but not long," I whispered paradoxically. My heart had been Dimitri's for what seemed like forever, yet we'd only been together a few short weeks.

"How?" Eddie queried, still gaping at me in surprise.

"It kind of started during our training sessions. I really liked him, but he gave me no hint he felt the same way. Then you know after the Equinox Dance when Victor kidnapped Liss? The charm on my necklace wasn't an attack charm. It was a lust charm."

"That's what Victor meant… In court when he talked about statutory rape? He was talking about you and Belikov?" Eddie was putting the pieces together, and I could see the wheels turning in his mind.

"Yeah, but we didn't have sex that night. We came really close, but Dimitri took the necklace off and threw it out the window. Things were weird between us after that, and we just kind of pretended nothing had happened, although a few days later he did tell me he had feelings for me too, but we could never be together."

"So what changed?"

"Christmas. Spokane. I tried to move on. I thought if I gave Mason a chance, maybe I could forget Dimitri, but I couldn't. Dimitri and I were closer after Spokane, but still not together."

Eddie's eyes were filled with the wordless question.

"It was the night of the attack on the campus," I said with a shiver. "You remember that stupid Mana group? They had Lissa and were torturing her. I could feel it through our bond, and it was horrible. I saw red. I just exploded! I tracked them down, and Zeklos was one of the ones hurting her. I went berserk, Eddie," I admitted, tears in my eyes. "I seriously could have killed him. Alberta was there and told Dimitri to take me away and get me under control. He locked me in a cabin on the edge of campus and tried to reason with me. Eventually, he got through to me by admitting how much he loved me. And that's when. Afterward, we were walking back to campus when we saw the first Strigoi. Dimitri fought it and sent me to raise the alarm, and you know the rest."

"So you're together now?"

"I don't know," I admitted, tears in my eyes. "Dimitri said we couldn't be physical again until after graduation, then he was planning to ask if he could be reallocated as Christian's Guardian so I could guard Lissa, and we could be together as a couple. But yesterday after you left, he told me how selfish and irresponsible I'd been, and asked how could I expect him to trust or love me after what I'd done. I knew Mom would throw me out as soon as she heard what I did, and I wanted a chance to say goodbye. So last night I went to his room to tell him I'm sorry and I love him. He didn't say anything, but he listened, and then he lifted the quilt for me to join him. He just held me and nothing more. He didn't say a word, and I slipped out this morning while he was still asleep which is when you saw me."

"You and the Russian God," Eddie breathed. "It's so obvious now you say it," he said with an apologetic smile. "Who else knows?"

"No one. Not even Lissa. And I'm not sure he loves me anymore," I said sadly. "He's so honorable and tries so hard to do the right thing. I've put him in a position where he has to go against everything he believes to protect me. He must hate me for it."

If things were tense when Mom, Stan, Elizaveta, Artyom, and Blake arrived back, they must have put it down to the aftermath of my fight with my mother. Mom evidently did because, after a nerve-racking lunch where no one said shit, she asked to see me in her study.

"Rosemarie? I'm sorry about what happened before I left. Showing the other girls moves and not inviting you was thoughtless. I'm sorry."

I wish I'd recorded it. My mother rarely apologized to anyone, let alone me!

I shrugged.

"What do you want me to say, Mom? I can't say it's ok because it's not. It hurt. Every time you tell a family story I don't know about, it hurts me. Every time a Novice talks about their family holidays or their trips home or Christmas traditions it stings. It's like they're all part of a completely different world; one I have no part in."

I didn't say it in anger. I was just saying how it was.

"Things weren't exactly easy for me either," my mother said, starting to get her back up.

"I never said they were," I sighed. "But I didn't find anyone to play momsy with to make you feel bad!"

"You did with Rhea Dragomir!" she shot back.

I stared at her aghast. I couldn't believe she'd gone there.

"I had absolutely no one, and you begrudge the pity Rhea had for a kid dumped at the academy and forgotten?"

My mother sat in her chair. The same one Dimitri had sat in hours ago, her lips obstinately closed.

"I'm sorry if Rhea's charity towards me offended you," I said, my voice shaking. "I assure you that was never my intention. I didn't realize that when you abandoned me, denying me your love and attention, you wanted everyone else to do the same! Well, you can comfort yourself that Rhea's dead, now. No competition from that quarter," I snapped, taking off up the stairs and slamming the door to my room.

I hated this place. I hated being here. I hated not knowing what was going on with Dimitri. I hated how stupid I'd been. But more than anything else, I hated my mother. I honestly wish I never had to see her again.

Lying on my bed, I pulled out my phone. I hadn't had the opportunity to go through the information I'd gathered on my ill-fated mission, but since I didn't want to see anyone, and apparently no one wanted to see me, now was as good a time as any to read up on where and who I'd come from.

The registration of my birth was fairly straightforward. It turns out I was born in Montpelier, Vermont. That was a surprise. I could honestly say I'd never heard my mother mention the city or the state. I was born at 11.02 pm and weighed just over seven pounds.

Swiping to the next page, I could see a tiny footprint inked in a purplish blue on the form. My foot as a baby, presumably! Further down there were my mother's details, and then further down again my father's name listed. I diligently read everything documented, smiling at this new information filling out my picture of where I came from.

The registration form finished, I flicked to the next image. The photo I'd taken of Ibrahim Mazur's screen. I enlarged the photo on the screen so I could look at the picture of my father. It had been small enough on the Alchemist's computer screen, so was blurry on my phone, yet I could see we were related. There were enough clues in his hair and colorings. And his eyes. I had my father's eyes.

I looked at the locations listed for him and punched each into a search engine. I wasn't able to find all of them, but I was able to google an address in Turkey and another in Russia. Using 'street view,' I checked out the buildings located there. Both were large, so I wondered whether maybe he lived there with others? Perhaps he had a family?

Beneath the addresses, there was a series of numbers. I looked at it for a moment before appreciating it was a telephone number. Plugging it into a search engine, I was able to ascertain it was a Russian cell number. My mother had said he was Turkish, but maybe he spent time in Russia? Or maybe someone at that number knew how to contact him?

I'd made too many rash, foolish decisions over the last few days to dive into another without due consideration. It honestly felt like my whole life was falling apart – did I really need to add to that?! As the only person who knew where things were at with me, maybe I'd talk it through with Eddie and see what he thought? I'd wanted to know who my father was, and I had a name and perhaps a number. Now the question is – was I brave enough to ring it?