A/N: Gilmore Girl fans, you ought to recognize this scenario! :)
The plan to never get married meant that Jane had never planned to have a bridal shower and certainly not a bachelorette party.
It had all happened so fast - the engagement, the emotions. Angela bursting into happy tears at the news, Tommy's joke that maybe someone would finally keep Jane in line, Korsak's approval of Casey as a man. Even Cavanaugh had found it in his heart to congratulate Jane on the news.
Notably, Maura's reaction was less thrilled.
And Jane had no idea what to do about it.
She wasn't sure how their relationship had quite reached this point, but ever since Casey's surgery, her friendship with Maura had felt distanced at best - until that one night at the Robber, when they were celebrating the close of a case with Korsak and Frost. They were seated next to each other in the booth, Maura laughing at Jane's jokes (which were actually funny for a change), and Jane saying over and over how much Maura's work had helped them solve the case.
Frost had gone to use the restroom and Korsak was up getting more drinks, and Jane had a spot of ketchup near her lip that had smudged off a french fry. Maura was looking at her and it took one sideways glance for Jane to see the seriousness in her expression and wonder what it was about.
"We make a pretty good team, don't we?" Jane said, mostly to break the silence.
Maura reached over, brushing the speck of ketchup away with her thumb. "We do, Jane." Her hushed tone got Jane to look back at her, and Maura wasn't sure why it was coming out like this, why it had only just dawned on her to say it now - seizing her chance while Casey was still away, still treating Jane like crap and Jane being too blind to see it. Was she too blind to see the chemistry between the two of them, here, and now, and always? Under the table, she'd reached for Jane's hand and Jane squeezed it back. "I love you."
It rolled off her tongue curiously, as if she were stating an objective fact, not the most emotionally honest and vulnerable thing she had ever said to someone.
Jane had opened her mouth to respond, and Maura wasn't sure she breathed in those few seconds where Jane's eyes seemed to truly search her face - really seeing her for the first time in weeks, maybe months. Did Jane even know what she was doing when she rubbed her thumb across the back of Maura's hand, their other fingers still interlocked?
"I love you, too, Maura. You know that, right?"
Maura's voice was caught in her throat; she had scooted a little closer to Jane, thinking they had all the time in the world to discuss this, remembering how untrue that was when Korsak came sliding back into the booth, oblivious to what he had just interrupted.
Jane was terrified by all the unknowns accompanying that exchange. Maura felt she couldn't have been more obvious in her intentions, and when Jane never brought it up again, Maura felt she had failed. Their interactions at work were awkward, and every time Jane realized they were alone - no lab techs scurrying around, no Frost or Korsak present - she would leave as quickly as possible. She found excuses to turn down Maura's invitations to lunch, dinner, a movie, coffee.
Casey was simple. He was easy. He was expected. He was everything Jane's family had wanted for her, and she had to believe that if things kept going as they did - if the long distance kept their interactions sporadic, if she could give him something to dream about and look forward to while he was away - then she could do it. She could marry him.
And here they were at a venue of Angela's choice, a karaoke bar that Jane had thought was a stupid idea but of course Angela and Angela's friends (and Lydia) were having quite a lot of fun with. A few women at BPD had been randomly invited by Angela, who couldn't get a guest list out of Jane, and nobody at the bar would've expected the sullen brunette was the one getting married as she stayed sober and only half-watched the other women sing.
"I'm only here because your mother cornered me."
Jane jumped and turned around to see Maura standing there, somber and dressed to kill.
"Is…that a new dress?" was all Jane could think to ask, ogling the tight blue fabric that hugged Maura's body in a way which managed to exude both class and an unbelievable amount of sex.
"Is that really all you can say to me?" Maura scoffed. "Ask if this is a new dress?"
"I… um…" Jane wasn't trying to be funny; she forced her eyes back up to Maura's. "I would have noticed if I'd seen you wear that before."
Her voice was honest, innocent. A little embarrassed. The lines in Maura's face softened just slightly.
"I don't want to be here," she said through her teeth.
"Why?"
"You know why."
Maura's tone was a mixture of accusation and pain, and Jane flinched at the unexpected brutality of it.
"Don't sit there and tell me you don't get this," she said thickly, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. "Your mother invited me, which means she hasn't noticed that you've been treating me about as nicely as Casey treats you, which is to say like a load of sh—"
"Whoa, Maura, what the hell is your problem?" Jane said, standing up off her bar stool.
"You know exactly what my problem is!" Maura hissed, giving Jane a light shove. "I don't know who are anymore! This willfully blind doormat? Since when have you ever needed things spelled out for you? You don't want to be here! Jane, you don't want this, I know you don't!" And her voice wasn't hopeful or desperate, it was pitying, knowing that Jane hated feeling vulnerable and hated feeling trapped, and likely hated that someone was out there who noticed the pain she was in and could catch her in her hypocrisy. "If this isn't what you want, there's still time to stop it. You're so brave in what you do, Jane. Extend that bravery past your professional life and—"
Jane was looking at the floor, anywhere but Maura's face. "No, Maura, I-I can't, I…"
"Jane, I can't. I can't be here anymore. I can't watch this happen to you anymore, I can't, I…"
Angela swooped in just then, putting an arm around Maura. "Well look who finally decided to join the party! Jane! Why do you look like such a Debbie Downer, huh?"
"It… because Maura said she wouldn't sing," Jane said half-heartedly.
Maura rolled her eyes and huffed, but Angela just laughed and squeezed Maura harder. "Oh, now, that won't do! That won't do at all, Dr. Isles! You're going next, okay?"
"Angela, please d—"
But Angela would not be deterred, and as Carla Tollucci was drunkenly finishing up "Love is a Battlefield," she dragged Maura up to the stage. Calra took her bows as everyone applauded, and Maura, flustered and trying to insist that she couldn't sing, was pushed in front of the microphone.
"Angela, please, I don't want to do this," Maura said quietly.
"Honey, don't be silly! This is all just good fun, I promise no one's gonna film you and put it on youtube. We'll all forget it in the morning, just play along!" Angela laughed. "I know you never were one for pop, uh, pop culture or anything …do you know any of these songs?"
Maura scanned the titles, knowing there was no way of getting out of this (for now Susie had gotten everyone chanting her name in anticipation) - but before she could pick something light and innocuous, she found something she knew. She found her last chance to get her point across.
The music started, and Maura's heartbeat was so loud, she could barely hear her own weak voice over it. If it hadn't been for the instrumentals that practically overpowered her hushed recitation of the words, Jane wasn't sure she'd even have been able to tell what was being sung.
"If I should stay…I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way."
Maura inhaled deeply and met Jane's eyes across the bar, and hard though she tried to sell it as a send-up, as something funny and friendly to the other members of the party, her sincerity was tangible as her voice got a little louder.
"And I…will always love you."
"Isn't that so sweet?" Angela whispered to Carla, giving her own best friend a hug.
"I will always love you…You, m-my darling…" Maura's breath hitched on the word, tears stinging her eyes as her heart beat raced on at freight speed. "You, mmmmm…"
(She didn't even hear the whistling and applause, and wouldn't have known what it was for anyway. Not her voice, which warbled along somewhat pathetically as she tried her best to keep going.)
"Bittersweet memories, that's all I'm taking with me. So good-bye!" Oh, she'd forgotten the verses of this song. She never would have chosen it if she had remembered the fact that it struck so closely to her thinly veiled intimation that she would leave Boston, that she couldn't watch Jane's transformation into Mrs. Jones any further. "Please don't cry" was a joke so funny she had to laugh a little, though Jane was sitting too much in the dark to be able to tell if the song was affecting her as much as it was Maura. "We both know I'm not what you—you need…"
Jane leaned against the bar, finally taking a swig of beer - wanting anything to take away from the salty taste in her mouth that was there courtesy of her tears.
It was too damn much this time around when Maura repeated the chorus, louder, as if emboldened by Jane's reaction.
Jane walked out, speaking to no one and looking at no one. And the party, with their eyes focused on Maura, might not have noticed if Maura hadn't gotten down to follow her out.
It took only a moment to find Jane, sitting against the wall in the alley outside the bar. At first Maura thought she was just stewing in silence, but she got closer and saw Jane's shoulders shaking, and after one heavy inhale, could hear the shuddering sobs coming out of Jane's mouth. She had heard the click-clack of Maura's heels down the pavement, and when they stopped, Jane looked up, and Maura didn't know what to say to that face. Jane was equally at a loss for words, even at a loss to label the emotions flooding through her.
"I'm not being facetious, Jane."
Standing over Jane, the only words coming to Maura's mind were the ones that had shown up on the screen before she departed the stage.
"I hope life treats you kind. And I hope you have all you dreamed of. And I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this…"
Her breath caught again, and in an instant Jane had vaulted herself to her feet. One hand latched immediately to Maura's waist, the other cradling the back of her neck, as if this was a position they had assumed countless times before. Maura had looked for the flash of the ring in the streetlight, not realizing it was currently sitting on the bar by Jane's glass.
Jane kissed her. And she didn't stop.
I wish you love.