Chapter 6:
Hey guys, thanks for the reviews. I'm going to try to get this story rolling, I feel like it's kind of been all over the place: p. I hope y'all like this chapter, and suggestions for the next chapter would be super helpful. I would also like to know if you guys want more dialogue, thoughts, or action in my story. How you guys would like this to be written will really help me decide how I want this story to develop. (:
Even though meeting Nate was an interesting twist in my day, I'm secretly dreading the girls' night with Pen, Emily, and Jayje. Their strong stances, empathizing natures, and compassion will drive me insane, because I know I can't hide the truth from them forever and that I can't hide forever, but I still want to.
Every day I have flashbacks. No one knows this, except me of course. I have learned to deal with it accordingly. The first one was when I was at Dave's house last night. Ever since then I've been able to predict when they will happen, and I just distance myself, often in my room.
These last three days have seemed like eternity. It was only three days ago when I last saw my mom alive. This small amount of time that has seemed like years have made me realize how long the rest of my life can be.
I feel so alone and pitied, like an old mutt in an animal shelter that no one wants to pick, because everyone wants the cute, fluffy puppies. No one wants baggage.
How I wish I wasn't the one to be pitied and abandoned. Every day I wish that god could have given me a different life.
When my mom was alive she was a strong believer in the lord. We would go to church every Sunday, and I would try to keep my heart in it, but it never seemed to work how I thought it should. Even though my mom and I tried to fight against the devil in our life, Christ never seemed to come and save us, and still hasn't yet.
Why has he chosen to place all the heavy burdens on me? I know this is selfish, but I feel so old and torn, when I look quite the opposite. I've looked after myself nearly all of my childhood due to mom's blind faith, and I can't look blindly in the other direction any longer. If god is so 'good' and so 'great', then why hasn't he saved me? Or killed me? Because by now, I'm probably too damaged to be saved, and no one wants damaged goods.
I sit in the workout room, silence floating around me. The silence is like a vacuum, sucking all of the emotions out of my body. Silence is my only companion in my troubled, lonely world. Although I want company, keeping to myself is better than loving and later being abandoned.
After a while of sitting on the workout bench, I hear footsteps paddle down the stairs. Knowing that it's probably time to leave the serenity of the quiet gym, I stand up and grab my bag, preparing myself to be exposed to the real world once more.
"Belllaaa—oh there you are, we've been looking for you," says JJ. "Been keeping busy down here?" she asks. I nod in return. "Well that's good; we're going to head off to Emily's apartment, so you should probably get ready to go." She smiles at me, showing her perfect smile. If only I looked like that. Maybe someone would have stuck around if I weren't so ugly.
I must have zoned about because when I make eye contact with her, she wears a worried expression on her face. "Oh, I'm fine, I was just thinking for a minute," I say, hoping to fool the profiler standing in front of me. Although she doesn't seem to believe me, she tugs down her teal buttoned-up blouse and gives her well-known media liaison smile. "Be ready in a few minutes," she says while climbing up the stairs once more.
About a minute after JJ leaves me alone in the BAU gym, I climb back up to the stairs and stand in the office area, waiting for Penelope, Jayje, and Emily to take me back to Emily's apartment. I take a deep breath as Penelope approaches me. This is going to be a long night.
"Hey sweet cheeks, ready to have our girls' night?" Pen asks. "It's going to be a blast," I say, trying to convince Penelope of my excitement. "You better," she winks, giving me her mischievous hacker grin.
Emily and Jayje approach us. "Let's get going. Bye boys, see you guys tomorrow," JJ hollers as she waves to Reid, Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi. "You guys get some sleep, you hear," Dave hints. "You know you guys have to work tomorrow." He glances at me. "As for you, you need to get some sleep; this past week has been hard for you. If I learn you aren't getting any sleep, I'm going to come over there and fix dinner for you again." I laugh, knowing it's an empty threat to keep my health in check. "Thanks Rossi," I reply with sarcasm as the girls and I walk out the front door of the BAU.
As we're driving to Emily's house, Garcia is explaining her date with her boyfriend, Kevin, to us. "Well, we went to this little Italian diner on the corner of main and 4th street, and it was so cute. He bought me my favorite flowers, lilacs; do any of you know how he knew that?" She gives a warning expression to Emily.
"I'm not saying anything, I have the right to remain silent," Emily says, using the law to make her sound even more like a smart ass. She grins, and everyone in the car bursts out laughing, even me.
"Well, I'm glad you're having fun Bella," Emily comments. I immediately freeze up, knowing they're about to pry into my personal life. "So who was that blonde kid down in the gym with you today? He was cuteee…."
"Ooooooh, details, details!" Garcia screams, wanting to get the goods on my personal life. Jayje gives me an assertive glance. "You know we're going to figure this out at some point, right?"
The trio stares at me until I show signs of defeat. After a few minutes, I can't stand the stares anymore. "Alright, ALRIGHT," I say with annoyance in my breath. "His name is Nate, he came down to the gym and started talking to me, but I think he kind of forgot his purpose for coming down there because he didn't do a single push-up," I answered, trying to avoid as many awkward and biased comments as I can.
"OOOH, HE LIKES YOU," Garcia squeals. "He likes her, he likes her, he likes her!" she exclaims to Emily. Emily and Jayje glance at me. "You know we're going to need more to go on than THAT," JJ says, perfectly knowing that I'm keeping information from them. "What did he look like," Emily pries.
"Well, he has sandy blonde hair, and moss green eyes unlike anything I've ever seen before. He's probably about 6'2 and he's very athletic looking and charming," I slur before realizing that I just sounded like a One Direction fan-girl. Shittt.
The girls make eye contact. "We're going to do some sleuthing around the BAU the next time we see him," Emily grins. I roll my eyes, while the blush on my cheeks starts to fade.
"What kind of food do you want, Bells?" Garcia asks, turning the steering wheel onto the freeway. "Umm, doesn't matter to me."
"Looks like we're getting burgers," Garcia says.
We pull into the In-n-Out drive thru and grab a couple of burgers and milkshakes before heading back to Emily's apartment. It takes a couple minutes, but just as the aroma of burgers starts to fill the car, we arrive at Emily's apartment. Garcia carries in the food while Emily opens the door. The rest of us follow them into Emily's well-kept apartment.
"Dang girl, this place is as neat as Spencer's place," JJ jokes. "You need to mess it up a bit. You need to relax." She plops down on the blue leather sofa. "Don't you have a life?"
"Jayje, remember, we're FBI agents; WE DON'T HAVE LIVES."
"Ha-ha, right."
As we're starting to eat our food, the phone rings. "I'll get it, it's probably Will," JJ suggests.
"Hello?"
"Yes, of course I can do that honey, I'll be home soon, buh-bye."
JJ hangs up the phone and heads back to the table. I can tell something's up by the look of concern on her face. "Will is out of town, and Henry is really sick, he needs me to take care of him, so I'm going to have to leave. He wanted to see his god-mother as well, so Garcia and I are going to have to take off. I'm so sorry Bella. It looks like we'll have to join you another time." She gives me a look of sincerity and I can tell that she really wanted to get to know me.
"It's alright, I completely understand. Your son needs his mother while he has one around," I comment uncomfortably. Out of my peripheral vision I see Emily shoot me a look of concern, but I choose to ignore it.
As Jayje and Garcia leave, they each give me a hug and tell me to have lots of fun. They slam the door in a hurry to try to get to Henry as fast as possible.
"Looks like it's just me and you kiddo," Emily says.
"Yup, just us."
Yay, one-on-one time with an FBI profiler; this is EXACTLY what I need right now.
I pick my food up from the kitchen table and start to eat. I can feel my stomach protesting, not wanting to digest the food I'm consuming. I can taste the grease smothering the bun and the mayonnaise plastered all over my burger. After a few minutes of eating and conversing with Emily, I feel the urge to vomit. Hold it down, Bella, hold it down.
Emily looks at me in concern. "You okay hun? You look kind of pale."
"Oh, I'm fine," I croak, trying to hold my food down inside my stomach. I take a sip of my coca cola. It's almost as if that sip of my drink was enough to make me burst. "I've got to use the restroom, can you excuse me," I say quickly, hoping that I can make it to Emily's bathroom.
She nods. "It's down that hall to the right," she points.
I nod in thanks as I rush to the toilet. I quickly slam and lock the door before losing my composure.
Sweat gathers on my forehead and my eyes water with tears. It's just too much to eat all of this food. Come on Bella, breathe. In…Out…In….Out.
Just as I think the bout of bloating is about to pass, I feel my stomach churn in protest to the digesting food. I know what I must do. I stick my finger down my throat, causing the contents of my burger to spill out into the toilet bowl. I can't stop myself. I no longer have to force myself. I keep on gagging and uncontrollably disposing my food into the toilet. I feel sick. No more food. Ever.
My breathing becomes rapid, and my head starts spinning. I keel over on my side and try to catch my breath. I need to get this taste out of my mouth. WHY WON'T IT COME OUT?
Oh no.
Flashback.
"OH, Izzy doesn't that feel so good?" he snickers.
"SAY YES."
He whips me across my back, leaving a huge red welt stinging on my skin. I curl into the fetal position while in unbearable pain.
"Oh, we're not finished yet."
He turns me over onto my back and forces himself into me. He pounds into my vagina repeatedly; eventually getting faster and faster. Tears flow down my face. Why won't he stop? Why won't he leave me alone? I'm only eleven, okay?
My body goes limp.
"I didn't say you could stop, BITCH."
I whimper.
He slaps me across the face and punches me in the eye. My eye is in so much pain that I think I'm going to go blind. I pray for help from god but it never works. I quietly sob as he violates me, whipping me and kicking me in every spot imaginable.
And for the finale, he picks up a piece of glass and glides it through my skin, inscribing a message on my stomach. The pain is so unbearable that I want to die.
"THERE." He says. "You have a constant reminder of what a little whore you are. Go, LOOK AT YOURSELF."
He walks out of the room.
I look at my stomach. Running vertically up my stomach is a message, which says 'YOU WANTED IT, YOU LITTLE WHORE.' I start to shake, uncontrollably sobbing, while blood from my wounds is staining my bed sheets.
I shake on the floor, completely unaware of the knocks on the door.
"Bella? Are you in there? It sounded like you were getting sick."
Completely absorbed in my flashback, I am unable to hear her.
"I'm coming in if you don't answer."
…..
….
…
…..
..
.
(Emily Point of View)
I storm into my bathroom and see vomit covering the toilet. "Jesus Christ, what has happened to you?" I mumble as I look at the scene before my eyes. I see Bella on the floor, shaking. "Bella, are you okay? Honey?"
I reach out my hand to touch her arm. When I touch her arm, she cringes, and crumbles into the fetal position.
She gives a blood-curling scream that I'm sure all the neighbors hear.
This has gone WAY too far already.
"Bella, BELLA, WAKE UP." I shake her. She finally responds, snapping out of her nightmare.
(Bella POV)
I finally snap out of my flashback and see Emily standing before me.
I'm done pretending. I give up. I can't pretend to be strong anymore.
Water pours out of my eyes like a waterfall. I give out wretched sobs and fall into Emily's grasp. I can't do this anymore. I just want to die.
(Emily POV)
I hold Bella in my arms. She is clutching my arms for dear life. I am scared for her; the girl must have had some serious trauma in her life to be this emotional.
I'm about to let my guard down when she mumbles, "I can't forget him. I can't forget him." She bursts into even more wretched sobs.
"Shh.. it's okay Bells, I'm here with you. We can talk about this later." She nods and crumples into my arms like she's about to disintegrate into dust.
Hey guys, hope you liked this chapter! I'm going to have next chapter continue on with the Emily-Bella bond. Emily is going to discover a secret of Bella's and will try to help her through it. I will try to update this story tomorrow! I'm looking forward to writing the next chapter. Leave me a review with your comments if you have time, I look forward to reading them.
Have a great day! XOXO.